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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - part 4
The story so far…Oh, Cheeze Whiz – where to start? Lets see, there is Walter Langkowski…and we know that before becoming a Nobel Prize winning scientist…he had gotten to college on a football scholarship and went on to play professionally before ultimately retiring to become a doctor who divided his time equally between cosmic and gamma ray research…which ultimately led to him experimenting on himself in the isolation of the North Pole…which resulted in the quasi-mutation of his cellular structure that gave birth to the hero known as Sasquatch.
Then there is Zuzha Yu, the long abandoned daughter of the original Puck who has no knowledge that her father was forced to – oh, wait. This is going back to far isn't it? You don’t want to read all this stuff about the individual characters’ origins. You’re reading this page to find out what you missed from the beginning of this particular series right? Sorry.
In that case, the original members of The Uncanny Alpha Flight were investigating something to do with the long dead star-spanning Plodex race of planet-dominators when they disappeared, forcing lone team member Sasquatch to “recruit” a handful of newbies for the purpose of rescuing the first team.
Guess this means we wont be learning anything about the smiling woman in the tattered black and white photograph, or why Yukon Jack is bleeding and has a huge blade sticking out of his chest. And then there is the image of a young Rutherford Princeton, decked out in old-school police gear and holding a machine gun. And what’s with the white flying horse, who some hot dude is climbing on to? Oh well.
Riding his flying horse Thunder over the Arctic, Lou Sadler, the handsome young man who also goes by the name “Major Mapleleaf” is telling a story to his fellow “All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight” member, Yukotujakzurjimozoata, or for short “Yukon Jack”… and says ‘He was a hero. Pure and simple. He was the greatest living legend of World War II…Major Mapleleaf…or as we called him around the old homestead, Dad’.
(Flashback, sometime after Major Mapleleaf I retired, but before Alpha Flight (first series) #106)
Two young blond boys are rummaging through the attic of their home, and have come across some of their father’s old gear. The older boy opens a suitcase and declares that their father was the most amazing super hero ever and bets that he could have kicked Captain America’s wings right off his head without even trying. ‘Not that he’d want to,’ says the younger boy who is reading an old paper, with the headline “Invaders, eh!” and a picture of Major Mapleleaf with three of the Invaders, Captain America, the original Human Torch and the Sub-Mariner. The younger boy reads the paper and points out that their father helped out the Invaders more times than people know.
The younger boy starts to wonder why their father stopped being a super hero, when Michael pulls out of the suitcase Major Mapleleaf’s hat. The younger boy smiles and Michael puts the hat on his brother’s head, declaring ‘Look out, Hitler – here he comes, Major Mapleleaf!’ The younger brother plays along and standing staunchly with his hands on his hips and says ‘God bless America – all of America’. There is no way two boys could have been prouder of their father.
At that moment, someone else enters the attack – and smacks the younger brother from behind, knocking him to the ground. The boys’ father was a humble and quiet man. Michael looks at his brother before apologizing to their father, and declaring that it was his fault. The younger brother wearily calling his father “Sir” informs him that they were just looking for their baseball gear.
Once the original Major Mapleleaf had retired he dedicated his life to his family, and raising his boys. He was not the type of man to live in the past and bask in the sunlight of his former glory. The unkempt Louis Sadler stands ominously in the doorway as he asks his sons ‘How many times have I told you not to come up here, not to rifle through my personal belongings?’
Sadler tells Michael to wait downstairs. Michael starts to protest and tugs at his fathers’ vest, but Sadler declares that he wants to talk to Edmond about having respect for other people’s privacy. Michael continues to protest, but Sadler tells him to leave. Louis Sadler had decided many years ago that he was going to be there for his sons – he was a role model. Imagine what it must have been like to grow up with an actual icon. Sadler picks up his hat and asks his youngest son – Edmond – if he thinks the hat is a toy. The young boy begins to cry, as he meekly replies ‘No, Sir’.
Living with Louis Sadler was like living with the divine – a compassionate stalwart who had guided and entire nation through the darkest of decades. Sadler closes his eyes and tells his son that the hat is a symbol and it should be honored. Still crying, the frightened boy sobs that he does honor it, before his father begins to beat him.
(Present)
The young Major Mapleleaf, after finishing his story, asks his companion ‘how can you not love a man like that?’ Yukon Jack cuts the handsome RCMP officer off by asking him if he ever shuts up. “Lou” smiles and tells Yukon Jack not to be such a ‘grumpy puss’, as they have been flying for nearly two hours now and he has run out of campfire songs. Lou reminds Yukon Jack that he has told him his origin, so it is only fair if he tells him his.
Yukotujakzurjimozoata glances sideways and frowns, while remembering some recent event, and he sees himself covered in blood – but informs Lou that he has no origin, for he was born into royalty and beloved by a nation, ‘Alas, I have nothing to share with thee. Sorry’. Lou glances at his companion out of the corner of his eye and gives a somewhat unconvinced ‘Hmp, okay’.
Yukon Jack says ‘Mayhap we shouldst focus’ on the matter at hand, and concentrate on the task of using the Plodex nation-spanning ship to locate and liberate any surviving members of Alpha Flight. Lou smiles and tells Yukotujakzurjimozoata that it is so cool the way he can use “Mayhap” in a sentence.
Thunder the flying horse begins to descend and Yukon Jack asks why. Lou tells him that Thunder is responding to the coordinates of the Plodex entry portal that he whispered to him earlier, and as they approach a small shack, Lou declares that this is the place. ‘Serious?’ Yukon Jack asks, somewhat doubtful.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, specifically Calgary, which some scholars insist is Canadian for “Strip Mall”. Walking out of a public bathroom, the young bartender-cum-super heroine, Zuzha “Puck” Yu…umm…concludes her business…. She wonders why she is so nervous about her debut as a super hero, for it is not as if she hasn’t known since before she was born that she has “powers” she is not supposed to. ‘I mean, how many other little girls spoke from the womb?’
Zuzha walks through a mall, reminding herself that if Sasquatch hadn’t promised to tell her his theory as to how she got her special powers – her train of thought is stopped when she approaches a crowd in an arcade, who are cheering on someone playing one of the games. ‘Go, Tig!’,  ‘Wild!’, ‘Busta`move!’ ‘Dance, dude, dance!’ ‘Wha`s that called, the “Orange Crush”?’ ‘Why ain’t he a mutant? Because mutants are blue…duh!’
Zuzha starts to make her way through the crowd: ‘Excuse me – but not by much’ and the comments continue to pass – ‘Alpha Flight rocks!’ ‘Talk about cutting a rug’. Someone calls Zuzha a “Jerk” as she pushes past him, and she reaches the front of the crowd – where Doctor Walter Langkowski, a.k.a. Sasquatch, founding member of Alpha Flight, is playing on a dance machine. ‘Hm, intriguing’ he remarks, as the surprised Zuzha tells Walt that she agreed to help him locate the original members of Alpha Flight, ‘not Beta test some new video game’. Sasquatch sees Zuzha and grabs her by the wrist, telling her she has perfect timing, and he pulls her behind him as he races from the arcade, leaving the crowd staring at the game.
Way up at the top of the country – Actually, more like the top of the world, The ninety-six year old Rutherford Princeton carries in his arms, the anarchist herself – Nemesis – and is suggesting some codenames for himself. ‘Captain Tomorrow? Justice Man? The Flying Fossil? Old Man (<Old Man is a registered trademark)?’. Nemesis says ‘No’ to all the suggestions. The old man calls Nemesis “child” and tells her that if someone told him last week he would be flying over the North Pole carrying an anarchist assassin while trying to come up with a super hero name for himself, he would have said they were crazy. ‘Then again’, he adds ‘Last week I was still comatose – so I probably wouldn't have been saying anything at all’.
Nemesis tells Rutherford that it just goes to show – life is made up of a series of little surprises. With that she jumps from the old man’s arms, and he flies after her as she seems to plummet to the icy landscape below - only for the blood and ebony clad woman to stop in the middle of the air, and hover above the ground. Rutherford has caught up to her and asks her why she never told him she could fly on her own. ‘You never asked’ Nemesis replies matter-of-factly. ‘There is something seriously wrong with you, young woman’ Rutherford mutters.
Back in the woods, Lou and Yukon have entered the shack and climbed down a ladder, which leads into the Plodex complex. Major Mapleleaf frowns and declares that he doesn’t mean to be a “gloomy gus” but that he is disappointed, for he assumed any Plodex headquarters would be a little more impressive. ‘’  says Yukon Jack before Lou remarks ‘then again, I cant make out a thing in this darkness, can you?’ ‘Nay’ replies Yukon. Lou tells Yukon to wait where he is, while he goes back up to Thunder and gets a flashlight from his saddlebag. ‘Nay, again’ replies Yukotujakzurjimozoata, ‘that will not be necessary’.
With that, Yukon Jack extends his hand and creates a glow in the dark tunnel. ‘WOW!’ exclaims Lou, to which Yukon Jack asks him if it is really that fascinating that he can generate his own light source, after all, he is heir to a nation. However, Lou meant “wow”, as in ‘Wow, the Plodex must have come through here’, and looking at the damage in the tunnel, the loincloth wearing Yukon replies ‘Verily’.
Elsewhere, Sasquatch slides down some sort of guttering in another part of the Plodex headquarters, and lands in a small lake of mud. It is just as he theorized, the Plodex entrance system has adapted over the years to best hide itself from unwanted intruders. ‘That dance-centric video game was only the latest example of –’ Walt cant finish his sentence, for a scream marks the arrival of the new Puck sliding down the chute, and Walt catches her in his big furry arms.
Sasquatch puts Zuzha down in the mud and she tells him that she has had enough, for first she was tricked into coming along on this little “mission” with the arm-wrestling game, and now she thinks Walt is trying to humiliate her at every turn. Zuzha turns her back to Walt and tells him that she doesn’t need this and that she has a ‘bar full of stupid drunks’ back in Montreal.
Walter ignores Zuzha and declares that the Plodex defense system operates on something akin to quantum-nano technology, that located with the bacteria of the mud, the anthropomorphic possibilities, once docked to an existing genetic template are virtually incalculable. As mud-mixed Plodex creatures emerge from the mud Puck says ‘You think, eh?’
Back on the top of the world, the anarchist and the old man come across a city! ‘Shut my mouth!’ remarks Rutherford, to which Nemesis snaps ‘We can only hope’. Rutherford tells Nemesis to come on, as this place is a page right out of his life, when he was a Canadian cop on loan to the Chicago police department during something called “Prohibition”. Realizing what era this city seems to be from, Nemesis reveals that she is more than passingly familiar with the era and tells the old man to stop calling her “Child”, for it is neither accurate, nor endearing.
Two people approach Rutherford, a fat old man reveals that Rutherford Princeton is “the third” and declares that on behalf of the people of Chicago of the state of Illinois welcomes him home. Rutherford tells the Mayor that it certainly feels like home. A blonde woman tells Rutherford that she is so happy to see that he is okay, and starts to say ‘As you can imagine, when we heard what happened, dar-’ she never finishes the sentence, for Nemesis slices the woman with her sword.
Blood splatters across Rutherford and he asks Nemesis (calling her “child” still) why she did something like that. Nemesis informs him that the entire tableaux is constructed of illusions, and it is just an elaborate defense system created by the Plodex to lull intruders into a false sense of security. Rutherford sees the device that was used to create the illusion and says ‘Again. Shut my mouth’.
Back in the Plodex compound Major Mapleleaf and Yukon Jack are engaged in battle with small yellow creatures. ‘Will the humiliation never cease?’ asks Yukon as he plows through the creatures. Major Mapleleaf easily fights off the creatures while remarking that there is certainly a lot of them, however based on what Doctor Langkowski said about the threat posed by the Plodex’s living defense system… ‘I guess I was expecting something a little…I don’t know, taller?’.
Soon, Yukon and Lou are tied up and surrounded by the small creatures, who have brought the heroes to their master. Yukon Jack asks Lou if he could not have simple said “Duck”, to which Major Mapleleaf replies that it is not fair he gets all of the blame, as he is not the one with sixteen syllables in his first name. Sitting on a throne, a green-clad man asks if this is what it has come to – the Fantastic Four fear the might of the Mole Man so much, that they are reduced to sending spies against him in search of a weakness.
The elderly villain boasts that they are fools to think they can stand against an entire army of Moloids. Major Mapleleaf informs the Mole Man that he and Yukon Jack are not associated with the Fantastic Four, and that they are actually Canadian, and trying to track down the Plodex. ‘The Plodex, you say?’ asks the Mole Man, before looking quite upset and apologizing to the men, before letting them free.
Yukon Jack walks in front of Lou through a dark tunnel, and Lou declares that considering that was their first encounter with a super-villain, he thinks things went ‘pretty okey dokey – don’t you?’ ‘Frankly I was a bit underwhelmed’ replies the handsome jungle man.
Zuzha walks beside Sasquatch and tells him that she doesn’t care if the costume is made of “unstable molecules”, as she still feels unclean. Sasquatch tells her that if it means anything to her, he thinks her performance in defeating those creatures was exemplary. Zuzha is quite surprised.
Nemesis walks behind Rutherford and tells him to ‘shush’ and asks him if he hears something. Rutherford asks if it sounds like talking.
‘Oh, geeze!’ cries Sasquatch – and Major Mapleleaf – and Nemesis – and Puck – and Yukon Jack – and Rutherford – everyone walks into the same room…but from different angles…!
Next Issue: Have you seen this hoser? (He’s a funky looking yellowish-greenish Plodex dude in blue and white togs).


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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - part 5
The story so far… The reviews are out and the sales are in…and the ALL-NEW, ALL-DIFFERENT ALPHA FLIGHT is here to stay! Woo hoo! Oh, sure, some of the reviews were “It’s too different!” or “It’s not the same!” or “It’s too funny!” or “It’s not funny enough” or “Blah Blah Blah” or “Wah Wah Wah”…but the REAL critics – the fans – are having at least as much fun as we are! Comic shops across two continents, and message boards across the Etherest are abuzz! From Montreal to Minneapolis, from Toronto to Toledo, fans ask, “What are Yukon’s powers?”… “How is Zuzha going to react when she learns Puck is her father?"… “Mapleleaf IS getting a name change right?” (NO!) “Is this the same Nemesis we’ve loved to hate and hated to love?”… “When are you going to de-age Centennial like we all know you’re going to do eventually?” And of course, the inevitable flood of questions dealing with everyone’s particular original ALPHA FLIGHT members! Keep reading over the coming months and this and many other questions will be answered! THE STORY SO FAR?…WE HAVE YET TO BEGIN TO FLIGHT!
The Arctic Circle, deep within the vast alien Plodex ship, where Doctor Walter Langkowski a.k.a. the furry behemoth Sasquatch and his “All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight” have come to rescue the original Alphans. After splitting into groups of two, Sasquatch and his oddball team have all met up in the same part of the ship … sort of. The ninety-seven year old Rutherford Princeton the Third a.k.a. Centennial tells the mysterious Nemesis that he can hear the others, but not see them, ‘Like we’re all here but we’re not?’ Nemesis informs the elderly man that it is called ‘Trans-spatial displacement,’ adding that in some alternate realities it is a common means of defense.
‘Kind of neat, no?’ the plucky Lou Sadler a.k.a. the new Major Mapleleaf says to his aloof partner, Yukotujakzurjimozoata a.k.a. Yukon Jack. ‘“Neat?” What means “Neat”?’ the prince of a hidden nation replies.
The feisty Zuzha Yu, a.k.a. the new Puck asks Sasquatch, if what happened was even though they approached the Plodex ship from three different locations in teams of two, starting at the farthest points of the Great North, they all somehow ended up at the same place, even though they’re not really in the same place at all. ‘Basically,’ replies Walt. ‘And who says being a super hero is any harder than being a bartender eh?’ Zuzha remarks.
‘Check please!’ declares Sasquatch, to which Zuzha asks what he is talking about. Standing in between the two mighty pillars in the room, Walt exclaims that he is so tired of being yanked around by this ship. ‘The X-Men have Magneto, the Avengers have the Red Skull, and we fight a three-thousand year old ship!?’ He smashes the pillars, forcing Zuzha to dodge the falling debris as she mockingly asks the founding Alphan if he feels strongly about this.
Walt’s actions cause the same effects in the “other” parts of the room too, as Nemesis, Centennial, Major Mapleleaf and Yukon Jack all find themselves falling through the floor, along with the roof. . Dust fills the room, and as it clears it reveals the Alphans, all fallen on top of one another. ‘Life was less chaotic when I was an Anarchist’ exclaims Nemesis. ‘Oops! Pardon me ma’am,’ blushes Major Mapleleaf, who has landed on Nemesis. Rutherford tells the others that if he has broken his hip, then there will be heck to pay.
At the bottom of the pile of Alphans, Sasquatch mumbles ‘that worked out better than it had a right to’. Zuzha turns to Sasquatch and reveals to him that when she first met him she thought he was ‘a bit of a flake, eh?’ But now she thinks he is clearly a lot smarter than he looks. Brushing dirt off of himself, Rutherford tells Zuzha that Sasquatch looks like a throw-rug and asks how smart he has to be. Annoyed, Yukon Jack wishes they would all concentrate upon the task at hand – ‘The location of those thou call Alpha Flight!’
Worriedly, Major Mapleleaf looks at something, and suggests to his companions that they look too. Turning, everyone else sees what Mapleleaf does. ‘It’s Alpha flight! My Alpha Flight! I mean the one I used to – oh, what’s the use?’ mumbles Sasquatch. Strung up in high-tech technologies are Canada’s premiere super heroes: James MacDonald and Heather McNeil Hudson a.k.a. Guardian and Vindicator respectively, Narya a.k.a. Snowbird, Eugene Milton Judd a.k.a. the original Puck, Michael Twoyoungmen a.k.a. Shaman and Chuck Moss, a.k.a. Earthmover.
Nemesis reminds Sasquatch that she has been to Hell and back – twice – and even that didn’t look this bad. ‘I guess it’s too late to turn back, eh?’ asks Zuzha. Yukon Jack tells the ‘womangirl’ that he was pondering the same thing. Rutherford tells his companions that all things considered, he would rather be back in the day room watching “The View”. ‘Chin up people!’ smiles Major Mapleleaf who tells his companions that his dad always used to say “When you feel most like a sap, that’s the time to make syrup!”
Looking at the classic Alphans and the recent recruit, Earthmover, Zuzha guesses that what they are going through must hurt. ‘Dr. Sasquatch, sir? By your command?’ asks Mapleleaf. Sasquatch narrows his eyes and tells Mapleleaf to cut them down – now – when suddenly, an electromagnetic blast knocks Walt over. Rutherford rushes over to him and asks if he is okay, and Lou asks what hit him. Sasquatch gathers himself as he declares he recognizes that energy signature – but before he can reveal whose it belongs to, Guardian stands before them and reveals himself.
Guardian tells Walt that he and his friends did an excellent job of liberating him and the others from the clutches of the Plodex hatchery. All of Sasquatch’s Alpha Flight look extremely puzzled, and motioning towards the Guardian strung up to the wall, Zuzha asks who he is supposed to be if this is the real Guardian in front of them. Sasquatch tells James that they didn’t to anything, but Guardian reveals that their multi-assault on this complex forced the installation to free them from their imprisonment. He declares that those unfortunate “Alpha Flight” entities strung up behind them are only Plodex constructs, templates for the 100,00 eggs waiting to be imprinted with their genetic codes.
“Our?” asks Walt. Smiling, Guardian declares ‘Yes! Alpha Flight’s!’ and behind him appear his five teammates. Heather tells Walt that he did good, and Shaman tells them that they all did, and asks them to lead him and the others away from this evil place. Taking Heather’s hand, Rutherford tells her it would be his pleasure. Nemesis folds her arms crossly, but Heather accepts his offer. Walking up to Snowbird, Yukotujakzurjimozoata says ‘Greetings, Lady, I am a God amongst men’. ‘Sure you are,’ replies Snowbird unimpressed.
Major Mapleleaf smiles and sheepishly asks Dr. Hudson if he wouldn't mind an signing an autograph for him. Mac replies ‘sure’ and asks who he should make it out to. ‘Major Mapleleaf,’ replies the handsome RCMP officer – to which Mac replies ‘seriously?’ The original Puck stands on a rock, so is eye-level to the new Puck and he asks ‘Hmph, what are we going to do with thirteen Alphans, eh?’ ‘Are you making fun of me, eh?’ asks Zuzha. ‘Eh?’ replies Judd.
Heather starts to say that they will certainly find some use for everyone, when she is stabbed in the back – by Nemesis! Rutherford is surprised by his companion’s actions, but as Vindicator falls to the ground, Nemesis says ‘Intriguing, no?’ Sasquatch replies ‘to say the least,’ and declares that the nano-technology in Nemesis’ system should prevent her from acting against any members of Alpha Flight. ‘Ipso facto –’ says Walt, when suddenly, Guardian blasts Nemesis back with an electromagnetic pulse, informing her that she just killed his wife and that this blast is the least of all she deserves.
Whispering to Zuzha, Major Mapleleaf asks if they are not the original Alphans, to which Zuzha sarcastically replies ‘Wow, you’re smart’. Rutherford announces he is going to check on Nemesis, but Sasquatch says ‘Belay that Mr. Princeton,’ for their priority at the moment is to ‘take these posers down – hard’.
‘We are Plodex!’ declares “Guardian” and informs the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight that even without the powers of their host bodies they are notoriously difficult to kill. ‘You’ll excuse us for trying though’ remarks Centennial as the impostor Heather Hudson joins her fellow Plodex. Sasquatch tells his team to grab a sparing partner and start wailing on them, as Yukotujakzurjimozoata asks if this is how things are done in the “Civilized world”. The impostor Judd tells the All-New, All-Different Alphans that once they are captured and placed in the transubstiator all their powers, abilities and memories will be available to create templates from their genetic structures. ‘Pretty cool, eh?’
‘Y’know, for a little alien, you’ve got a big mouth’ Zuzha tells him. Major Mapleleaf takes on the fake Heather Hudson as her fake husband takes to the air against Centennial. The false Guardian informs Rutherford that even though he is the first in an overwhelmingly large army of genetically superior warriors intent on the subjugation and ultimate decimation of the entire human race … the genetic imprinting of human nature on his DNA makes it difficult for him to strike an elderly man such as he. Rutherford doesn’t hesitate and smashes the fake Mac in the face, before telling him to get over himself.
The fake Heather lies on the ground as Major Mapleleaf declares that he really, really hopes these are not the members of the original Alpha Flight, for it would look very bad on his permanent record if they were. Zuzha kicks the fake Judd and asks him if he has all the memories of his host’s floating in his head if he could solve a mystery for her. ‘Maybe,’ the fake Judd replies, to which she asks ‘why “Puck”?’ The phony Puck declares it is because Eugene Judd is a big hockey fan, and shouts ‘Go, Oilers!’ as he strikes the young Puck.
As she blocks his next attack, Zuzha exclaims that she always read about the real Judd in The Star and assumed he was named after the sprite from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. The fake Judd replies ‘Nope. Small. Fast. Tough. Like a hockey puck’. Preparing herself for another attack, Zuzha replies it is good to know, for maybe she will name herself after the Shakespeare Puck. ‘I can’t imagine he’d mind,’ says the fake Puck, to which Zuzha kicks him and declares she was not asking for permission.
Centennial declares that he thinks now would be a good time for him to go check on Nemesis adding that she may be the Living Spirit of Retribution,, but she has got gumption. Sasquatch tells Rutherford that if it is any consolation, as he himself has smacked Nemesis around a few times, he can tell him that she can take care of herself.
Elsewhere, Nemesis comes to in a damaged, water-logged part of the Plodex ship, and seeing her sword out of her grasp, she knows it is bad, for without her sword within her grasp she is paralyzed. Her head sinks into the water – but she is strong and defiant. She thrusts a hand out towards her sword, exclaiming that she has not struggled and endured one hundred years of pain to die here such an ignoble death. The sword is suddenly pulled from the rock it is stuck in – by a greenish-yellow webbed hand. And as Nemesis looks up from the water, she sees a young Plodex staring down at her – and handing her the sword.
As the fake Shaman casts various spells on Yukon Jack, he finds the handsome Alphan to be quite resistant and asks how much one human can endure. ‘Whoever said I was human?’ snarls Yukon Jack before ramming his knife into the old Shaman. ‘Brrr…’ remarks Major Mapleleaf. ‘What he said,’ declares Zuzha as the two watch their teammate. Yukon Jack tells them that they are certainly thin-skinned, when he turns upon seeing the false Snowbird, in her ookpik form screech down towards him.
Yukon Jack turns his face, but lets the Arctic owl dig her claws into him as he exclaims he ‘cans’t raise arms’ against a beast of the land. ‘Here! Allow me!’ declares Sasquatch as he grabs the owl in his hands and crushes her – sending feathers flying everywhere. ‘A multitude of “thank you’s,”’ says Yukon Jack as Sasquatch looks at him frowning mocking “cans’t raise arms”. Major Mapleleaf begins to sneeze as the feathers float around him as Zuzha asks if she is the only one who feels something moving beneath them.
‘Yes, ma’am, that’d be the floor,’ declares Lou as the floor separates beneath them, causing him to be knocked off balance and almost fall down, but Rutherford grabs him. Sasquatch suggests that it is another automated defense system, forcing them into a smaller area in which to attack them. Yukon Jack declares that it seems as though the Plodex are running out of tricks, but as everyone looks below them from their platform, they see a literal sea of Plodex eggs. ‘This could be a problem,’ whispers Zuzha. ‘Ulp’ mumbles Major Mapleleaf. ‘“Ulp” indeed,’ remarks Yukon Jack, as Sasquatch tells them not to move. While up above the five heroes, the beautiful Snowbird hangs, and suddenly the restraints cuffing her hands break open.
Chapter Next: Alpha Daycare! (sort of) (but not really) (but sort of!)


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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - conclusion
Deep within the labyrinthine catacombs of the three-thousand-year-old Plodex mother ship (How’s that for an opening line!)…The wounded Nemesis lies in a puddle and looks up to the young Plodex that has taken her sword. She tells the creature to slay her if it must - if it dares -but asks it not to taunt her. She tells the yellowish-greenish creature to be done or be gone. ‘B’don, b’gone, b‘don, b’gone’ the young alien says as it smiles and hands Nemesis’ sword to her.
Nemesis stands up and looks at the young Plodex, declaring that she supposes it is waiting for her to say “thank you” for not slaying her. She tells it not to waste it’s breath, revealing that it has been quite some time since anyone has - The young Plodex turns from Nemesis, repeating ‘b‘done, b’gone’ over and over again while laughing. ‘Is it any wonder I never had children?’ Nemesis asks, before adding that the curse of her Onyx Blade is almost a child and following the young Plodex.
Meanwhile, not far away, the rest of Nemesis’ team - Sasquatch, Major Mapleleaf, Yukon Jack, Centennial and the new Puck stand on a small platform with the captive Original Alpha Flight - Guardian, Vindicator, Snowbird, Shaman, the old Puck and Earthmover. ‘Um, okay, now what?’ asks Zuzha Yu, the plucky young Puck as the handsome Lou Sadler a.k.a. Major Mapleleaf motions to the literal sea of Plodex eggs surrounding them, asking Sasquatch what it is they should do.
Doctor Walter Langkowski, a.k.a. Sasquatch declares that it seems apparent that the biocentric transubstantiation matrix code is drawing from the bound members of the original Alpha Flight for their genetic codes. He continues, pointing out that his teammate’s genetic codes are then being downloaded directly into the dormant dionucleic substrata genes of the Plodex embryos in the nest. He reminds his current teammates that he and the Original Alphans were assured the nest was destroyed nearly three thousand years ago. ‘Which I can conclude means one shouldn’t believe everything one hears’.
Sasquatch declares that his main point is that if they do not stop this from happening right now, then the Alpha Flight templates they fought moments ago will seem like toy soldiers compared to the one hundred thousand weapons of mass destruction that will be unleashed upon an otherwise defenseless world populace. He reminds everyone that the Plodex have a millennium or two of experience with adapting and standing over the body of the fake Shaman he fought moments ago, he points out that the Alpha Flight wannabes they just fought were only templates, but doesn’t believe they will be so lucky a second time.
He turns to the contraption keeping his teammates prisoner and declares that in order to save them, the world at large and the universe itself should the long-dead Plodex start breeding again…’We have no choice but to destroy these eggs before it is too late!’ Before he can act however, someone tugs at his fur and declares that they cannot allow him to do that. Sasquatch asks Mapleleaf what he is talking about, but Mapleleaf tells Sasquatch that it is he who is talking about murder, pointing out that moreover the murder of a hundred thousand infants while they are still in the womb.  Declaring his position, Major Mapleleaf proclaims he cannot be a party to that nor can he allow it.
Sasquatch asks Lou if he listened to a single thing he has said about the Plodex as the ruggedly handsome Yukotujakzurjimozoata tells Mapleleaf not to be an idiot and points out that the Plodex chose to live by the sword and shall therefore die by the sword. Major Mapleleaf tells Yukon Jack that he is incorrect and declares that these Plodex have not even been born yet, so they have made no choice what so ever. He asks who is to say that with the proper nurturing they couldn’t be a tremendous boon to the world. He points out that if they kill the Plodex then they are taking away even the possibility of their choice.
Sasquatch tells Mapleleaf that his opinions are duly noted, adding that if they were not discussing the resultant genocide of the entire human race then he would say Lou’s argument is admirable, but he tells him to step aside. Lou holds his hands up and repeats ‘no’. The elderly mutant Rutherford Princeton the third, aptly codenamed “Centennial” tells the boys to calm down and points out that they have a common enemy the need to be dealing with. He exclaims that the last thing they need to do is to start fighting each other.
Rutherford asks the Major if there is any possibility that during the battle he was cut by ‘one of them Plodex things?’ and suggests that they may have somehow screwed up his mind into making him defend them. Lou snaps back that there is nothing wrong with the way he is thinking. ‘Enough prattle!’ exclaims Yukon Jack, who reminds everyone that he is the leader of his own race and will not gamble on Mapleleaf’s fantasy of a utopian society. With his large and deadly knife ready to strike he rushes towards Major Mapleleaf, declaring that this is a war and in war, blood - sometimes “innocent” blood is spilled.
‘Sorry kiddies! But I tend to agree with the boy scout here!’ declares Puck as she leaps over Sasquatch and snatches Yukon’s knife out of his hand. ‘Why is it you never read about this sort of thing happening with the Avengers?’ frowns Centennial. Rutherford informs his young companions that he was forty-three years old when America made the decision to drop one of two atom bombs in an effort to stop World War II. He declares that he understood why they did it, but points out that understanding and accepting are two different things.
Centennial apologizes to Doctor Langkowski and declares that he sides with the kids on this one. Pointing out that ‘if we don’t believe that where there is life there is hope, then I reckon we don’t believe in anything’. Sasquatch and Yukon Jack stand against Mapleleaf, Centennial and Puck, as Walt apologizes that it has to come to this - ‘but this conversation is overrrrr…now!’
Elsewhere, Nemesis catches up the young Plodex, telling it that she grows weary of the chase. She declares that since the nano-technology coursing through her system does not prevent her from killing aliens she has no choice but to - suddenly, the young Plodex’s webbed hand touches a panel, clicking open a large hidden room. ‘Oh my’ exclaims Nemesis as she looks in at the various forms of Plodex spaceship kept inside the room. ‘Wow’. ‘Wow!’ repeats the young Plodex.
Sasquatch and the rest of the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight have now engaged in physical battle with each other, everyone on Sasquatch‘s back as he is forced to the ground. ‘Stand down!’ ‘I will not!’ ‘This is madness!’ ‘We’re wasting time here!’ ‘Violence isn’t the answer!’ ‘Then what is?’ ‘Off my back!’ ‘That hurts!’ ‘‘ says someone dressed in red and white who now stands before Sasquatch. ‘Walter, what are you doing?’
‘Kids, eh?’ mutters Eugene Milton Judd - the original Puck - as he stands in between James MacDonald Hudson and Heather McNeil Hudson, a.k.a. Guardian and Vindicator respectively. The beautiful goddess Narya a.k.a. Snowbird, Dr. Michael Twoyoungmen codenamed Shaman and his protégé Chuck Moss a.k.a. Earthmover have also been freed. Sasquatch leaps up off the ground, knocking the All-New All-Different Alpha Flight off his back as he exclaims ‘Mac! Heather! Judd! Kid whose name I keep forgetting! You’re alive!’ ‘Watch my hip!’ cries Centennial.
You really have to see this to understand, but the next two pages have the faces of various Alpha Flight members along the edges of the actual panels, talking…
Sasquatch tells his original teammates that he is sorry, but that when the Plodex ship took them hostage he felt the best way to free them all was by forming this new team. ‘It was an honor!’ exclaims Major Mapleleaf. ‘Pfft’ mutters Nemesis - who shouldn’t even be there - well, she’s not really, and she is quickly gone in the next panel -. ‘I lost a bet’ mumbles Zuzha. ‘Psst! Kids! Floating heads denote flashbacks! Shut up!’ whispers Centennial. ‘The Ancient One is right’ mutters Yukotujakzurjimozoata.
Heather asks Walter if he is serious (as Nemesis is pulled back to the part of the compound she is actually supposed to be in) and asks him why he didn’t think to just call the Avengers, but is just relieved that the battle of a few minutes ago liberated them from their restraining devices.
‘Yes…an odd thing about that device’ remarks Mac as he reveals that while they were in its thrall, they all experienced several thousand years of the Plodex’s pan-galactic history. ‘Essentially, it was a collective genetic memory. We…bonded with them’.
Scowling, Yukon Jack says ‘Quite the affront, that’ before informing the classic Alphans that they will be glad to know the Orange one and he were in the process of smiting the ship and its cargo, ‘lest the entire world doth crumble before this alien onslaught’.
Shaman has important information to reveal however, and informs the All-New All-Different Alpha Flight that he and the others also learned that the once-destroyed Plodex home world has repaired itself over the past thousand years.
Unemotionally, Snowbird informs the newcomers that she and her teammates
discussed it amongst themselves and have decided that the yet-to-be-born lives of the next generation of Plodex deserve at least the opportunity to return to their world and try again.
‘Yeah, it ain’t like the lot of us didn’t come with a lot of baggage eh?’ exclaims Puck as the younger Puck whispers to Major Mapleleaf ‘Am I like the only person here who cant do the “floating head” thing? Mapleleaf (who by then by along with Centennial  got to do the “floating head” thing earlier in the issue), frowns at Zuzha and tells her that ‘It’s a convention of the genre - shh!’
‘You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! Exclaims Sasquatch who tells Mac and Heather that they are obviously talking about escorting the eggs back across the universe and trying to start from scratch, ‘minus the propensity for genocide? Okay!’ ‘Rassem frassum’ mutters Yukon Jack under his breath.
Mac exclaims that all they need now is a means to transport the eggs to the Plodex home world. Heather points out that they also need to bring their own child with them. ‘Of course, Heather’. Suddenly, Nemesis appears on a ledge and exclaims that she has the solution and chucks down a set of keys to Guardian, who smiles.
Soon, the Uncanny Alpha Flight loads the Plodex eggs onto one of the ships that Nemesis found as Mapleleaf plays with the Plodex child that has been hanging around with his anarchist teammate. Mac thanks Walter for everything and tells him that they will be back. Walt tells his friend to take his time before motioning to his All-New All-Different Alpha Flight and telling Mac that while they may not look like much, they are good people and will keep the country safe in his absence.
As the Originals leave, Zuzha asks if they are not forgetting someone. Looking down at the young Plodex, Mapleleaf declares that they are not and points out that the little fella was born here and for all intents and purposes she is a Canadian citizen. ‘Itizen. Itizen’. shouts the young Plodex. Nemesis somewhat uncomfortably says ‘His…her…um, ist gender orientation certainly seems vague at this point’.
Away from the others, Yukon Jack watches Centennial use his newfound heat vision powers inscribe something on the front of another, smaller, Plodex ship and asks him about the heat vision. ‘Who knew?’ mumbles Rutherford before Yukon asks him if he is not going to join the team full time. ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world’ replies Rutherford and asks Yukon what he is going to do. ‘Sigh’ is all Yukon can say.
Lou and Zuzha walk up to Sasquatch and Lou tells him that while he does not regret his stance, he appreciates the need for order in the ranks and therefore understands if Walt is going to withdraw his offers of membership. ‘What he said’ mutters Zuzha. Sasquatch frowns says to Lou ‘At ease soldier’ before declaring that without a free and open exchange of ideas, they are nothing. ‘What do you say, gang? Who wants to save the world?’
Sasquatch, with the new Puck beside him pilots the team’s small craft, with a maple leaf inscribed on the front, courtesy of Princeton’s new power. Centennial flies beside the ship and tells Yukotujakzurjimozoata that it wouldn’t hurt to smile once in a while. ‘Silence’ is all the handsome hero replies. As Major Mapleleaf’s horse, Thunder, flies behind the ship, Lou smiles as the young Plodex points at Nemesis who is flying alongside the ship and cries ‘Nem’sis…Nem’sis!’
Who - ?
What - ?
Nearby, someone is watching the All-New All-Different Alphans as they take their leave…and laughs. ’Heh heh heh…’.


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Waxing Poetic - part 1
They are Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, banded together to defend the world from…okay, that’s not true. They are six of Canada’s handful of super heroes who do their best to protect their rounded corner of the world! They are…the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight!

Inside the spaceship of the deadly alien race known as the Plodex, founding Alphan and leader of this rag-tag group of Alphans, Doctor Walter Langkowski, better known as Sasquatch, reaches for the Plodex ship’s self destruct button and tells his team to ‘…um…run!’ ‘Or not, Walter!’ exclaims the red and black clad anarchist known as Nemesis as she waves her ebony blade in front of Sasquatch’s hand before he presses the self-destruct button.
The rugged Alphan code named Yukon Jack - his real name is Yukotujakzurjimozoata - tells Nemesis that she is mad, but coming to her defence is the handsome Major Mapleleaf, a.k.a. Lou Sadler who declares that „mad“ is too strong a word, but that it is not very team like. Zuzha „Puck“ Yu reminds her teammates that this ship was the way the Plodex were going to take over the world, and points out that that is more than reason enough to destroy it once and for all. Hovering above his teammates is the ninety-six year old Rutherford “Centennial“ Princeton, agrees with Zuzha, but suggests that Nemesis must have had her reasons for stopping Sasquatch and therefore there is no harm in hearing her out.
‘Yes Nemesis, please do. Enlighten us,’ Sasquatch sarcastically remarks. With her mouth showing through her torn mask, Nemesis informs her teammates that in designing this ship for world domination, the Plodex used an interspatial technology that allows for instantaneous cross-continental teleportation. She declares that from the central hub of the compound, any one of them step from one side of the country to the other, simply by opening a door. She points out that if they are going to be Canada’s new team of super heroes, it makes sense for them to capitalize on the alien technology and use it to their advantage. ’Eminently logical, I’ll give you that,’ remarks Sasquatch.
Mapleleaf steps up and tells Nemesis that as enticing as it seems, and as much of an honor as it has been serving with them all, he has responsibilities with the Canadian Royal Mounted Police that he cannot shirk. Zuzha smiles and says to Walt  ‘bet notwithstanding,’ before asking how many times a year does an average super villain attack Canada. She points out that she would have taken full advantage had she won her bet with Sasquatch. ‘Bet? What bet?’
‘A pox on all thine heads!’ exclaims Yukon Jack before asking the others if they think he could serve with ones such as themselves, and declaring that he is much too busy to attend to affairs of state than to embrace such folly as to join a team of super heroes. Sasquatch announces that he is all for keeping some semblance of Alpha Flight together, but that it has only been recently that he has been able to spend time with his first love, which is science. He admits that he didn’t think anyone was thinking of ‘this super-hero thing’ as full time.
Always the voice of reason, Centennial tells everyone that it is not as if they need to make any life-changing decisions anymore, for they have all been through enough in the last twenty-four hours, and suggests they take a few hours to sleep on it. A moments silence, before in their typical tones, Walt, Lou, Yukon and Puck all agree. Sasquatch points the way to the central hub, as he admits that his Plodese is a tad rusty, but if he has read the instructions carefully, then they should all be at their respective homes before they know it!
A door begins to creak open in the side of a building, as Zuzha declares she doesn’t think this is going to work, but ever the optimist, Major Mapleleaf points out that Doctor Langkowski is smart, so if he says they are going to Montreal, ‘then Montreal it is!’ Walking into open space, Lou and Zuzha are surrounded by the busy Montreal shopping district, and Zuzha mumbles that this is going to take some time to get used to.
Lou turns to Zuzha and hesitantly tells her that it has been a pleasure, ‘except for, you know, that part where we almost got killed’, but that he has some “business“ in the city. ‘So I guess…I’ll be on my way. Unless, you…uh…’ his voice nervously trails off, before the plucky Zuzha grabs the collar of his outfit and tells him that she was an orphan and therefore has father issues that she may never get around to dealing with, so if he wants to spend the night with her, then she might just say yes. ‘Major Mapleleaf gasps in horror, to which Zuzha tells him is ‘too cute’ and begins dragging him towards a bar, telling him they can talk about it over a drink. He is speechless, so she tells him to breathe.
Meanwhile, in the wilds of Western Canada, an ancient civilization known as Kemteron exists - the kingdom of which Yukotujakzurjimozoata is heir to the throne. A door opens in the middle of a large tree trunk, and as the handsome hero steps out - he falls from a great height into a puddle of mud. Annoyed, Yukon Jack is convinced that Walter did that on purpose, when suddenly, he is startled by the sound of happy children, running through the forest laughing. Shocked, Yukon wonders what it is that could have brought glee into the hearts of the young ones - ’Unsanctioned glee that is’.
He brushes the mud off him as he makes his way to the center of the kingdom, mumbling that he has been gone for ’a handful of fortnights’ and that his entire kingdom has gone wild. Stepping into the main area, he sees the people of Kemteron celebrating, firing canons and shouting things like ’Oh happy day!’ ’Heck, I thought he’d never leave!’ Yukon wonders what kind of celebration it is, especially one that the crowned prince was not invited to.
Elsewhere, ‘Home again, home again, jiggety-jig…’ laughs Rutherford Princeton as he steps into a run down old house, looking around, he thinks it is granted that he spent the last two decades in a coma in the nursing home, which was nice enough, from what he could tell. Stepping out into the street however, Rutherford looks around at the derelict neighborhood and wonders what that saying is about not being able to go home again.
Once upon a time, these streets were the fashionable section of Eden Rock, and while time has been relatively kind to Princeton, the same can not be said about his ancestral home. From the porch of another home, a thug tells Centennial to move along, for there isn’t anything for him to see around here. ’You’d be surprised,’ snarls Rutherford, narrowing his eyes.
Meanwhile, a very drunk, almost incomprehensible Lou Sadler tells Zuzha that she doesn’t know what it is like - ’What’s that? Getting drunk on half a pint?’ Zuzha asks half-mockingly. Mapleleaf, replies ’growing up in the shadow of a great man’, referring of course to his WWII legend father the original Major Mapleleaf. ’More than a man! A national treasure!’ Looking  bemused at Lou, Zuzha tells him one thing - ’Get over yourself! More people know Pink Pearl the Circus Girl than who your father was! He’s about as much a hero as my father is!’
Lou turns to Zuzha and apologizes for being rude before asking her who her father is. Zuzha replies ‘Not a clue, eh?’, revealing that she never met the man, that all she knows is he is a loser for missing out on raising her. Wiping a tear away as they leave the bar, Major Mapleleaf exclaims that it is the saddest thing he has ever heard. Jokingly calling him “Captain Canuck“, - to which Lou quickly reminds Zuzha his name is Major Mapleleaf - Zuzha tells him he is in desperate need of fresh air. ‘I love air!’ exclaims Lou.
And somewhere else, elsewhere, Sasquatch asks Nemesis if he looks stupid. ‘Yes,’ the unemotional woman replies, before saying ‘But, I am the living embodiment of retribution. Everyone looks stupid to me’. Transforming back into his human form, the handsome Doctor Walter Langkowski tells Nemesis he bets she is now proposing that he removes her inhibitor device and allow her to join Alpha Flight of her own free will. Nemesis promises to refrain from killing anyone, to which Walt asks her to be clear: ‘you mean “any member of the team“’.
Turning slightly towards him, Nemesis tells Walt that she means exactly what she said - that she will refrain from killing anyone period. Putting on his glasses, Walt asks Nemesis what it is that she gets out of this. Nemesis replies that her reasons are her own, but reveals to Walt that though she is long-lived, she is not an immortal. She adds that as her time here on Earth comes to an end, there is a matter to which she must attend.
Walt understands that Nemesis cannot do that from prison, but reminds her that he gave his word to Department H that he would return her to the authorities immediately after the mission. Walt begins to ask Nemesis how it is he can be sure she is being sincere, when he turns around, he gapes in shock - for Nemesis has taken her mask off, revealing an attractive young blonde woman, who with a genuine need in her eyes declares ‘I will say this once and never again. Please’. Walt rubs his head, sighs, and mumbles that if he were Guardian and she Wolverine then it would be a whole lot easier.
Back in Montreal, Mapleleaf and Zuzha walk side by side and Lou apologizes for earlier, pointing out that he doesn’t have a lot of experience with drinking. Zuzha tells him not to worry and declares that she remembers her first bear. Lou asks if she could tell, to which she replies she was joking and reminds him that she is surrounded by ‘hard-core drunk losers every night of the week’ and admitting that she finds him charming.
‘Holey moley!’ exclaims the flabbergasted Lou, not because of the compliment Zuzha gave him, but because standing before them on the footpath are Mr. Fantastic and the Thing ‘of North America’s Fantastic Four!’ ‘You know these, um, guys?’ asks Zuzha, to which Mapleleaf replies ‘No, not personally’. When the awe-struck young hero receives no reply from the Fantastic Four members, he tells them that he doesn’t mean to be presumptuous, ‘but professional super heroic courtesy would dictate a “hello“ at the very least’.
Zuzha smiles and tells Lou not to take it personally, before pointing him to Madame Trudeau’s Museum De’Wax. Lou reads the signage: ”Major American Super Heroes and the World that Worships them“? ‘Wow’. Zuzha grabs his hand and pulls him towards the ticket booth. When Lou asks where they are going, she points out that they are open until 3am. She begins talking to the woman at the ticket booth, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… as Major Mapleleaf looks down at Zuzha’s hand holding onto his - ‘By the Great White North!’ he thinks. ‘She’s…she’s touching me!’
Inside the museum, Zuzha looks at a statue of former Alphan Wolverine, with claws outstretched and ready to pounce, she mocks him: ‘oooo, scary cat man. You frighten me!’ Looking up at members of the Uncanny X-Men, Lou exclaims that he wonders if they do become members of Alpha Flight, if they will ever be introduced to the real heroes. ‘I wonder if…anyone cares!’ Zuzha mocks. Lou points out that national affiliation not withstanding, the X-Men have saved the world dozens of times, and it would be an honor to meet them. He tells Zuzha that she has to admit, but Zuzha replies that she admits nothing, for it is part of her charm.
Nearby, a mysterious man cries ‘Fools!’ and declares that soon, all who are flesh and blood will fall before the might of…the Manimator!
Back in the woods, seeing his subjects throwing dirt and toilet tissue all over a giant statue of himself during their celebration, Yukon Jack suddenly realizes that the cause of their celebration is his own absence. With that, he walks solemnly away from his home. Little does he know, he is being watched by the small alien Plodex creature that recently attached itself to the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight.
After finishing at the museum, Lou asks Zuzha if it is too late to grab a bite to eat, and suggests that their must be an Ihop open still. Zuzha tells Mapleleaf that he does not have to spend his money on her, and suggests they go back to her place where he can attack her like a wild  - ‘horse?’ asks Zuzha when she sees Mapleleaf’s horse tied to a parking meter. Lou greets his faithful steed, to which Zuzha tells him she thought he left it back at Walter’s before they entered the Plodex ship, and asks him how Thunder knew they were here.
‘Hence “Faithful Steed“’ remarks Major Mapleleaf before asking Zuzha where she wants to go, and hoisting her onto the horse. As the flying horse darts across the Montreal airspace, Zuzha exclaims ‘This is wild, eh? Note to self: Buy flying horse!’ Lou informs Zuzha that he doesn’t own Thunder, as they are more like partners, and hang out together because the like each other.
Zuzha replies that she doesn’t blame the horse, and tells Lou that he may be a big red square, but that he is surprisingly likeable. ‘Kiss me!’ she says, and Lou turns to her. ‘Kiss? You?’ He leans into her, their lips about to lock, when suddenly, Zuzha pulls away from the puckered-up Major Mapleleaf, and says ‘eh?’ when she sees Storm, Thor and the Human Torch flying towards them, looking very angry.


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Waxing Poetic - part 2
They may be new to working as a team against the greatest threats that face their nation - but their hearts are in the right place! (Mostly!) They are…Alpha Flight! Dr. Walter Langkowski, furry on the outside, genius on the inside: Sasquatch! Zuzha Yu, as hot as she is tough: Puck. Yukotujakzurjimozoata, arrogant poopyhead: Yukon Jack! Lou Sadler, all around nice guy: Major Mapleleaf. [Censored], bad and drawn that way: Nemesis. Rutherford Princeton, only getting better with age: Centennial!
Eden Rock, Canada. A man bangs at the door. Someone opens a small flap to see who it is, and upon seeing Gunther, he asks him why he is knocking, as he lives here. Gunther mumbles some words, that the other man does not understand and asks him if he has to use the bathroom. Suddenly reinforced metal door comes off its hinges, ‘He said: open the door!’ someone shouts. Everyone inside the house is sitting around in squalor, and people think that a rival drug gang has started up. A man called Blaque takes charge, declaring that no one makes a move on his crib. ‘That’s certainly one way of looking at it’ proclaims Rutherford „Centennial“ Princeton the third, of the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight as he enters the room.
Meanwhile, in Montreal, Lou Sadler and Zuzha Yu, a.k.a. Major Mapleleaf and the new Puck respectively are riding Mapleleaf’s flying horse, Thunder, when they are attacked by Thor, Storm and the Human Torch…or not. ‘This is crazy!’ exclaims Zuzha, reminding her handsome teammate that a moment ago these „heroes“ were just wax statues in a storefront museum, but now they are trying to kill them using the super powers of the people the statues were constructed to resemble. ‘Wow, you really do have that expository dialogue down pat’. Lou compliments Zuzha, before telling her to ‘Hold on tight,’ as Thunder does a nose dive towards the street below. As they land, Mapleleaf drops Zuzha off the horse, telling her that he just wanted her out of the line of fire and that she shall be safe here.
Looking around, seeing other statues of heroes come to life, Zuzha looks at Lou and says ‘Uh, not to complain, but t doesn’t feel particularly safe here, eh?’ Mapleleaf salutes as he exclaims ‘Away my trusted steed! Bring help! And Thunder flies off, leaving a disbelieving Zuzha to ask Lou if this is his plan, to get his horse to pull a Lassie and tell the others that the two of them are trapped in a well. ‘Um…Thunder cant talk!’ Mapleleaf replies.
. At the Plodex base in the Arctic Circle, Yukon Jack sits solemnly in a chair and calls his people jerks, for he is not out of the door five minutes and his people are comporting themselves as savages. ‘Who doth need them?’ he asks nobody, unaware that he is being watched by the young Plodex child that Alpha Flight rescued recently. Suddenly, ‘By the multi-hued illumination of the Aurora Borealis!’ Yukon Jack asks, leaping out of his chair, armed with his deadly knife, ‘who wouldst dare to ambush my sacred self?’ Yukon Jack sees who has come up behind him and says ‘Oh. Thunder isn’t it? How might I assist thee?’
Back in Montreal, Zuzha has engaged the wax statues in combat, as she cartwheels and flips herself around the place she says ‘Funny how life changes on a dime, eh? Last week my biggest problem in life, was having to break up the occasional bar fight. If there was anyone less suited to the life of a super hero, that’d be me’. Lying on the ground with the Thing pressing down on him, Mapleleaf calls to Zuzha, telling her that he has faith in her. Suddenly the wax statue of the Thing comes apart, splattering wax all over Lou. ‘Really?’ asks Zuzha in reply to what Lou just said to her. ‘Truly, and thank you,’ says Lou.
As Zuzha helps him up off the ground she asks him why he didn’t use his biocentric power blast to save himself. Mapleleaf mutters that he didn’t think of that at the moment, but the subject gets changed when Zuzha sees the wax statue of the Thing reforming. ‘This is bad!’ they both exclaim as a statue of Colossus comes up behind them, only for Yukon Jack to leap at the wax statue. His teammates are surprised to see him. ‘Score one for Thunder!’ exclaims Zuzha as Lou asks Yukon Jack what of his responsibility to his people. Yukon Jack smashes the wax Colossus as he exclaims he cannot babysit them forever, as eventually they will have to learn to get by without him. Looking around, Zuzha decides that there is no way the wax figures just got up and decided to go on a super powered bender themselves. She thinks someone must be controlling them, someone nearby.
Meanwhile, at Department H headquarters. Walter Langkowski stands before Agent Skimmer, who asks Walter what it is he is exactly saying. ‘I’m not sure where you lost me,’ Walter says, annoyed, telling Skimmer that he knows he said he would bring Nemesis back to Department H custody, but that there has been a change on plans. ‘She’ll be staying with me’. ‘Listen to me, you hyperthyroidial misanthropic moron,’ Skimmer says, pointing a pen at Walt and telling him he doesn’t care how many degrees he has or how many Nobel Prizes he has on his mantel, and that he cares even less how many times he and his little Alpha Flight buddies have „saved the world“, but that he doesn’t come and tell Department H what to do unless he wants to wind up an orange throw rug lining the bottom of Nemesis’ cell.
‘I’m sorry, you were saying?’ asks Walter sarcastically as he transforms himself into Sasquatch and holds Skimmer upside down by his leg. Skimmer cries out in fear, as Walt tells him to listen, and reveals to him that he has never gotten the whole Department H thing, as they always seemed like a bunch of cloak-and-dagger types who were long on intrigue and short on substance and moral fortitude. ‘So let me be clear about this: This version of Alpha Flight isn’t going to trade its soul for a bunch of government I.D. badges, a third rate Quinjet and handicap parking passes‘.
Walt tells Skimmer to stay out of Alpha Flight’s way, and maybe - just maybe - they will leave Department H alone. ‘But no promises’. From the side of the office, Nemesis informs Sasquatch that it would seem ‘Your big red boy scout’ is in need of their assistance, motioning to the horse that has entered the room. ‘Great’ mutters Walt before telling Nemesis he will be right there, while wondering why Alpha Flight couldn’t have a „bat signal“ or a powerful telepath to summon them in times of great danger. ‘We get a flying horse?’ .
Back in Montreal, Mapleleaf runs from the flame-throwing statue of the Human Torch, remembering that his dad used to work side by side with the Original Human Torch of the Invaders. He thinks he should have paid closer attention when his father was bouncing him on his knee. Trapped in the fist of the wax state of the Hulk, Zuzha calls for help. Mapleleaf runs under the Hulk and asks Zuzha if she is okay. Zuzha tells Lou that she doesn’t want to appear ungrateful as she asks him if this is his idea of a rescue. The Human Torch throws flame at the Hulk, causing him to release Zuzha. ‘How’s that?’ Lou asks. ‘Better’ replies Zuzha as she strokes Lou’s face, joking that she is sure he learned how to start fires in Mountie school and asking him if he learned how to put them out.
‘Allow me!’ declares Sasquatch as he claps his hands together, creating a seismic shock and knocking the Human Torch out. ‘Splendid that you’ve joined us!’ declares Lou. Sasquatch pulls on the hair of the wax Thor while telling Lou and Zuzha to get some lift, an aerial view to find out who is controlling the ‘super powered crayons’ so they can shut him down. ‘We’re on it, sir!’ exclaims Lou as he climbs up the side of an upturned bus. As Zuzha uses her acrobatic skills to leap up onto a building, she wonders why Mapleleaf doesn’t fly up. Sasquatch grabs Thor’s hammer off him and starts pummelling him with it.
Back in Eden Rock, people run from the house, others are thrown from it by Rutherford who tells them to stay out. Centennial pulls the man called Blaque from the house by his ear, informing him that before he went into a coma, he was a toddler, barely walking, all full of hope and promise. ‘Now look at you!’ he says, before informing him that he is ashamed to call him his great-grandson. Blaque struggles as he tells his great-grandfather that he obviously doesn’t get it, that the man is trying to crush them and this is how they revolt. ‘You’re revolting all right!’ shouts Rutherford as he slaps his great grandson to the ground. He exclaims that he has been out of it for two decades but that people are still using the same excuses to keep from doing what a man is supposed to do. ‘The only thing holding you back from anything, Malcolm, is you’.
On the ground, Malcolm declares that his name is “Blaque X“ and that Malcolm is the name the Man gave him to keep him down’. ‘Malcolm was the name my granddaughter gave you, you clown!’ Rutherford tells Malcolm, before picking him up and telling him they obviously have a failure to communicate, so he will keep it simple. ‘This is my house,’ Rutherford informs Malcolm that he will be back in a few hours and when he does he expects it to start looking like a home. He informs him that if he wants to stay here, he stays by his rules. ‘Yes, sir,’ Malcolm replies, quite frightened by his great-grandfather. When he asks Centennial where he is going, Rutherford looks at a horse and informs him that some friends could use a hand.
Moments later, Alpha Flight has engaged in battle with the wax statues, while a man in a trench coat stands behind a tree and watches them. He wonders were these super powered defenders come from, as he only has so much of that super mutated meteor wax at his disposal. ‘Though it matters not, those fools! Fools!’ He boasts that nothing will stop Laurent Levessaur from teaching his fellow Canadian citizens the folly of idolizing the American neighbors to the South. Someone taps the Manimator on his shoulder and he looks around to see Puck, hands on hips standing before him.
The Manimator asks Zuzha how she knew it was him, to which she points out that he was the only person not running away, and that no one else is shouting “Fools! Fools!“ under their breath. Laurent tells Zuzha that she doesn’t understand, that he is the Manimator! He informs her that he is using space wax which fell into his backyard to fashion a legion of indestructible American icons in order to beat a sense of National Pride into his fellow countrymen, content to subjugate Canadian culture to the societal succubi to the South.
Zuzha asks him if murdering people is the best way he could think of doing this with his “super powers“. ‘And you better get that monologue fetish looked at, you’re worse than I am!’ she adds before calling him an ‘idiot’ and knocking him out with one punch. With that, all the wax statue freeze in place. ‘Just plain ol` wax statues now!’ Centennial pints out. ‘Verily…now what?’ asks Yukon Jack. ‘Now breakfast!’ Rutherford replies.
Later, at Centennial’s home, Alpha Flight are relaxing in his kitchen. Sasquatch tells Rutherford that his eggs are ready, as Yukon Jack holds his knife out before a large stack of pancakes. ‘Ye there fella, can I offer you a hand?’ Major Mapleleaf asks Malcolm who is sweeping the floor. Malcolm looks at Mapleleaf like he is na idiot or something, as Centennial tells Lou that the boy is fine. Lou and Zuzha then look out the window to where Thunder is grazing, and Zuzha asks Lou if it is the horse. ‘It’s the horse who has the super powers. Thunder, not you’. Lou goes wide-eyed at this suggestion, but Zuzha tells him she will not tell a soul. ‘Ha! Good one!’ says Lou as he taps Zuzha on the arm.
‘So…what do you say?’ asks Walt as he dishes up Centennial’s eggs. ‘Much obliged’ the elderly Alphan replies. Walt corrects him, explaining that he means about Alpha Flight. Rutherford tells Walt that he gave up trying to figure things out about the time Orville and Wilbur took to the air. ‘Way I see it, all things are possible’.
On the roof of Centennial’s home, Nemesis sits, and sits. Rutherford comes onto the roof, telling Nemesis that breakfast is served and holds up a plate of food for her. ‘I am the living embodiment of the spirit of retribution, Rutherford. I do not require food’. Rutherford, who has been slowly building up a rapport with Nemesis tells her he wasn’t asking if she had to eat, but if she wanted to. He puts the food down beside her and leaves her alone again. Nemesis picks up the food.
Elsewhere, in the sprawling nation of Canada, in an anonymous apartment, a man named Gardner Monroe is about to confront his past, and his future. At once. The former actor gets out of bed, and as he enters his bathroom exclaims ‘No…No! P-Please…No!’ as hanging up on the shower rail is the black and white costume he wore when he was associated with Alpha Flight, and known as Flashback!
Next issue: The All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight begins the four-part epic: „Days of Future Present, Past Participle“ And the Alphaverse will never be the same ! No, really! We mean it! See, that’s the problem with comics these days, everyone believes they’ve seen it all…! But they haven’t!


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Days Of Future Present: Past Participle - part 1
They are Canada’s Greatest Super Heroes (well, at least their newest!) who have come together to defend their country from threats great and small, domestic, foreign, supernatural, intergalactic, transchronological and every once and a while, pan-dimensional!
They are: Sasquatch; Dr. Walter Langkowski; Gridiron PhD!  Yukon Jack; Yukotujakzurjimozoata; Heir to the throne of an ancient civilization! Centennial; Rutherford Princeton; invincible retiree! Nemesis; She’s not saying her real name, being the Living Embodiment of Retribution and all! Puck; Zuzha Yu, bartender-cum-irresistible force! Major Mapleleaf; Lou Sadler, Royal Canadian Mountie!
Currently, the All-New, all-Different Alpha Flight are engaged in battle with Japan’s Greatest Super Heroes, um, well, sort of. Hiro Takachiho: Pint-sized leader! GoGo Tomago; um, that’s her real name, she’s really powerful! Sunpyre; Leyu Yoshida; she of the atomic flame! Honey Lemon; creator of the Nano-Purse! Baymax; big robot thingie - can’t you tell?! The Ebon Samurai; Brrr!

At a public park, somewhere in Canada, GoGo Tomago pulses towards the aged Rutherford Princeton, who is knocked through a picnic table, and tells the young woman that if he breaks a hip on account of her, then he is going to forget he is a gentleman. The Japanese mutant calls Centennial “Ancient One“ and tells him to not hold back because of his antiquated and sexist notions of chivalry, adding that she is more prepared to accept anything he can dish out. GoGo then finds herself flung backwards by Centennial’s incredible strength as he remarks ‘“Ancient One“ my brown bottom!’
As Nemesis engages in a sword fight with the Ebon Samurai, The handsome Major Mapleleaf asks Centennial if GoGo is going to be all right, when the pretty Honey Lemon comes up behind him, and as anime creatures leap out of her Nano-Purse, she tells Lou to concentrate on the matter at hand. The rugged Yukon Jack picks the young Hiro up by the collar of his shirt and asks him if he is seriously the leader of his team, to which a very unimpressed Hiro informs Yukon that he has three - two seconds to out him down, or he will see how serious he is. Yukon Jack only lets go of Hiro when he finds himself electrocuted. ‘Jerk,’ mutters Hiro.
Meanwhile, as a crowd gathers around the picnic area to watch the battle between the two teams of heroes, Sasquatch finds himself pushed to the ground, with his match-in-size, Baymax looming over him, and asking Walt if he has never read “The Art of War“. In the air, Leyu “Sunpyre“ Yoshida, the believed-to-be-dead sister of former Big Hero Six member and Alpha Flight ally Sunfire throws about her mutant flame powers, telling the new Puck to hold still. As Zuzha uses her acrobatic skills to jump around the picnic site, she shouts ‘Right. So you can turn me into a “to go“ order of friend shrimp, eh? Thanks not!’
In amongst the crowd of onlookers is man with black hair and a grey stripe running through it…uh-oh! Who’s This? As if Alpha Flight doesn’t have its hands full already!
The Ebon Samurai soon finds a large melon smashed against his face. ‘A melon? Really?’ he asks Nemesis who as she flips herself up and out from under his power tells him to consider himself lucky, as she made a pledge to Sasquatch that she will not take lives as a matter of course. Hiro stands over the dazed and fallen body of Yukon Jack as he tells Honey Lemon and Baymax to stop wasting time, as they need to take the newbies down.
Honey Lemon smiles as she stands over Major Mapleleaf as the cute anime creatures unsheathe deadly claws and jagged teeth and begin to munch their way through Lou’s costume. ‘Really Miss...err…Lemon…’ Lou begins as he tells Honey Lemon that as a duly appointed member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the wilful and wanton destruction of his uniform constitutes as a crime against a national landmark. Referring to the possibility of seeing Lou naked, Honey Lemon declares ‘That remains to be seen, hm?’
Zuzha runs up to the man she has a crush on and asks her if she doesn’t have enough men in her own country to hit on, so she has to come and pick up on one of hers. Honey Lemon is knocked out as Sunpyre flies up behind Zuzha, exclaiming ‘My beloved’ only to be thrown against a tree by Centennial, who in reply to her comment declares that he is not going to ask. Mapleleaf stands up, his costume torn and revealing much of his body,. He declares that this is humiliating. ‘Maybe not as humiliating as you think, eh?’ exclaims Zuzha as she checks him out.
Baymax leans down on Sasquatch and tells him that for a beast about to have his head handed to him, he seems in surprisingly good spirits. Smiling, Sasquatch tells Baymax that sometimes it is not the beast you need to worry about, but the man, and transforms back into his human form, revealing a geyser that was hidden by Sasquatch’s larger body. Noticing the geyser, Baymax asks if this is going to sting before being covered in the steam as Walt gets up and in answer to Baymax’s question says ‘lots’.
As Sasquatch joins his team he tells the Alphans to stand down, as everything is fine and Alpha observe as all of Big Hero six begin to come round. Zuzha asks the Japanese Heroes if they are okay as Yukon Jack asks them if they have come to their senses. ‘What? How did -? Canada?’ mumbles the Ebon Samurai as Sasquatch holds up a small device and informs Hiro that someone must have placed it inside of them, and used it to mind control Big Hero Six into attacking Alpha Flight. Hiro declares that this is fascinating and tells Langkowski that with his permission he will examine it as soon as his team returns to Japan. Walt begins to tells Hiro that he is welcome to, when someone makes their way through the crowd, calling to Sasquatch and telling him that he needs his help.
‘FLASHBACK???’ cries Sasquatch as the white and black clad man emerges from the crowd. Yukon Jack asks Sasquatch if he knows this man, as Gardner Monroe splutters ‘P-please, y-you’re my only hope…only hope’.
Soon, at what must be the coolest headquarters on the planet…(if you take into account Alpha Flight commandeered the country-spanning alien ship originally designed to dominate all life on planet Earth! Like you see that every day in the X-Men? I don’t think so!)
Behind a screen, Mapleleaf declares that this feels wrong, as the role of Major Mapleleaf is steeped in tradition, he tells Zuzha, adding that he represents a standard that people can get behind. ‘Emphasis on behind, eh?’ remarks Zuzha as she checks out Mapleleaf’s butt while he gets changed. Emerging from behind the screen, Lou stands in his new modified costume, exclaiming that it does look snappish, but he thinks his father might not approve of him updating the uniform. Eye’s still fixated on Mapleleaf’s butt, Zuzha tells Lou that his father doesn’t have to wear it, and asks him to trust her when she tells him he looks great.
Looking over his shoulder to the new maple leaf printed on his back, Lou supposes that it wouldn’t hurt for him to wear it for a little while, as Zuzha…eyes now fixated at his crotch reminds him that it is made of unstable molecules, so a ‘toss in Langkowski’s quantum washing machine and you’ll look you old self’. Zuzha then tells Lou that if he doesn’t like it, he can trust her when she says she will be the first one to get him out of it.
Soon, Lou and Zuzha enter the meeting room where the rest of the team and Flashback are seated around a large conference table. Everyone stares at Mapleleaf’s new costume, and Yukon Jack jokingly asks him if he was ill served by his tailors. Lou replies that it was a gift as Zuzha points out to Yukon that he is wearing fur “depends“. Centennial asks what everyone’s obsession about Mapleleaf’s is and declares ‘We’re Canadian, okay. We get it’.
Sasquatch asks Mapleleaf and Zuzha to take a seat and introduces everyone to their guest - Gardner Monroe a.k.a. “Flashback“. Walt informs everyone that Flashback possesses the ability to temporarily summon future versions of himself into the present, adding that he is formerly of the team Omega Flight, and prior to that an affiliate of the original Alpha Flight. ‘“Omega“? Seriously?’ asks Centennial as Yukon Jack asks how many Flight’s there be.
Sasquatch declares that there is currently just one, but that years ago, under the evil auspices of a Roxxon employee known as Jerry Jaxon, Guardian was lured to the United States where he ultimately summoned Alpha Flight into pitched battle with its opposite number, a team of mostly mind controlled members of Beta and Gamma Flight’s. Frowning, Gardner admits he is sorry for ever joining Omega Flight, because not long after that, he watched one of his future selves get killed.
Flashback asks the Alphans if they can imagine knowing the exact moment and circumstance of their death - to have witnessed it with their own eyes. ‘Not a real life motivator, let me tell you’.
(Flashback - sometime after Alpha Flight (first series) #28)
One night, it occurred to him as he sat at the end of a dock as the sun set on the horizon, that since he was killed in his costume, if he never wore the costume again, then he wouldn’t be killed. He burned it on the edge of the dock.
(Flashback, circa Alpha Flight (third series) #8)
Since swearing off ever becoming Flashback again, Gardner felt that he was safe, that he had escaped his destiny. He was fine for several years, until yesterday morning - when he woke up, and in his bathroom, hanging on the shower rail was his Flashback costume.
(present)
The former actor declares that apparently the universe is not so easily thwarted, and that no matter what he does he keeps winding up in the negative Flashback costume. He fears that his past self is about to summon his future self to his past self’s present - where he is going to witness his death in the past.
‘Lord, I’m getting a headache just hearing about this!’ mutters Centennial with his head in his hands. Nemesis declares that she also doesn’t appreciate where this is going, as Mapleleaf examines the notes he has been taking: ‘Okay, wait, wait, I think I got it. „Present Future Self summoned by Past…“ Yes, I think…hold on. Hmm’.
‘DEAR HEAVENS MAN! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! YOU’VE GOT TO GET THE REAL ALPHA FLIGHT TO GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP ME FROM BEING KILLED!’ screams Flashback as he tugs on Sasquatch’s fur. ‘Um, this is the “real“ Alpha Flight’ replies Walter, before telling Gardner that if it even were scientifically possible to travel time, it would not be prudent, as manipulating the time/space continuum is a dangerous proposition. Walt reminds Gardner that the truth of the matter is that he has already died in the past before he even arrived here - but before he can continue, Flashback cuts him off, voice raised again as he points out he hasn’t died, as he is right here, right now.
Flashback exclaims that it is not like they are going back in time to change something that already happened, adding that if they don’t go back it makes them accomplices in his murder. Sasquatch frowns, telling Gardner that he makes an intriguing point, but informing him that they cannot go back in time - literally - as they are Alpha Flight, not the Fantastic Four, meaning they don’t do the whole “time travel“ thing as they do not have those kinds of resources.
Nemesis declares that it is not necessarily true, as her blade is magical - ‘Magic trumps science’. Nemesis tells everyone that as much as she is loath to admit it, Scell and she can arrange it. ‘You, um, named you blade?’ asks Zuzha, amused. Contemplative, Sasquatch supposes that if they were to prevent Omega Flight from ever confronting Alpha Flight, they could prevent the death of James MacDonald Hudson, the original Guardian. He exclaims that it could be a win-win for everyone.
‘Sort of…um…not killing two birds with one stone?’ asks Lou. ‘If I only knew then what I know now…’ mutters Centennial as Zuzha asks ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’. ‘Okay!’ declares Nemesis before shoving her sword into Flashback, telling her team not to say she didn’t warn them. Sasquatch quickly shoves Nemesis against a wall and reminds her they agreed to save him, ‘and you go and kill him?’ ‘Bunny. Fluffy bunny’ mutters the dazed Nemesis. Before telling Sasquatch to put him down and telling him that he knows her blade is enchanted.
Nemesis reveals that the only way her blade can reach the destination in the past is with the blood of someone who had been there. Sasquatch asks if the operation is a success with the patient’s death. Nemesis replies that it is not, and reveals that one of them has to travel into the past and prevent James MacDonald Hudson from taking his job at Roxxon in New York, meaning he will never meet Omega Flight and Flashback will never have to summon his future self and get murdered. ‘So technically I didn’t kill anyone - technically’.
Centennial exclaims that this is making less sense by the moment as Major Mapleleaf salutes Sasquatch and reminds everyone that James MacDonald Hudson had an office in the Parliament Building before his departure, and declares that since he was practically raised in those hallowed halls, he volunteers for the assignment, ‘Sir!’. Walt tells Lou to lose the “sir“ and tells him that he thinks he is the best candidate, but before he can finish his sentence, Nemesis rushes up to him and slices into him, telling him that it only hurts for a moment.
Zuzha leaps onto Nemesis ‘You lying psychotic dead nothing faced witch!’ she screams as she pulls her arm around Nemesis, who tells Zuzha to unhand her, or else she will remove her hands herself - at the wrist. Sasquatch separates the women. ‘Bring it on you frigid Gwyneth wannabe!’ shouts Zuzha, as Sasquatch declares that this is accomplishing nothing. ‘Nope, nothing’ remarks Rutherford as he checks Mapleleaf for a heartbeat. ‘Yum, that be something thou dost not see every day!’ exclaims Yukon Jack.
Sasquatch tells Nemesis that she cannot simply go about killing anyone who suits her. ‘Least of all the hottest member of the team!’ snaps Zuzha. Nemesis sighs before asking why it is that this is so hard for mortals to grasp. She declares that if they stop Flashback from dying, he doesn’t come to them for help, meaning she doesn’t kill him and is therefore not required to send Mapleleaf back in time to stop Hudson from going to New York. ‘Honestly! Maybe it would help if I wrote this down or something!’
Elsewhere…sort of…Major Mapleleaf stands over a grovelling man and asks him how many times he has to tell him not to haunt his childhood memories. ‘Talk about arrested development!’ Kneeling before Lou is his father, Louis Sadler, who tells his son that he is sorry. Nemesis walks up behind Mapleleaf, who turns around and asks her what she is doing here - and where here is. Lou then asks Nemesis how it is she has figured out that his greatest fear is that someone will learn that his father, the “hero“ was actually just a bitter old drunk. ‘Ha ha! I’m out of here!’ exclaims the original Mapleleaf as he runs away from his son.
Nemesis puts a hand on Mapleleaf’s face and tells him to rest easy, and reveals that this is a weigh station, somewhere between life and death. She informs Lou that once the time travel problem is solved, this will never have happened, no one will ever know what happened here. Lou solemnly replies ‘Oh, okay’, as Nemesis says to herself ‘No one, but me’.
Soon… Or simultaneously…(who can keep track?) Major Mapleleaf arrives in the past. ‘Wow!’ says Lou as he looks at Parliament Building. Walking up the steps he reminds himself that this is his first solo assignment and tells himself not to fudge it up. He walks down a corridor, knowing that #627 is the office and work space laboratory of Dr. James MacDonald Hudson. Lou opens the door, ‘As I live and breathe! It’s you!’ exclaims Lou. Mac looks at Mapleleaf and tells him that he doesn’t have a lot of time to talk right now.
Seeing that Mac is packing his office up, Mapleleaf informs the handsome scientist that he knows all that, which is why he is here. Lou then begins the tale, informing Mac that Dr. Langkowski dispatched him here from the future in order that he might be able to convince him not to leave for New York where he is about to start what he believes to be a legitimate job with the Roxxon Corporation, but it is actually a trap set for him by his former employer, Jerry Jaxon, which will end up in his death when the power pod explodes on the Guardian suit.
Mac looks at Mapleleaf bewildered and asks him how he knew that he was leaving for the States, or that Roxxon made him the surprise offer…Mac then realizes that Mapleleaf is indeed from the future. Lou asks Mac if he wont go to New York after all, and he and Mac shake hands as Mac admits that deep down he always felt the offer was a little sudden, and informs him he will not go to the States. Mac asks Mapleleaf what his name is, and Lou introduces himself as “Lou Sadler Junior“ as he declares he is glad to help and tells Mac to have a pleasant life.
Leaving Parliament Building, Major Mapleleaf thinks to himself that it went easier than he thought it would and wonders how long he has to wait until he disappears, on account he was never sent back here in the first place. ‘Math is hard!’
In the future / now: Walt has been drawing on a white board as he tells Centennial it is a rather simple equation, as Rutherford, sitting by the covered bodies of Flashback and Mapleleaf tells Walt that it may be a simple equation scientifically, but reminds Walt that he used magic. Sitting up on some equipment is the young Plodex alien that has been following Alpha around since they rescued him, but no one seems to be taking much notice of him. Zuzha folds her arms and growls at Nemesis who snaps back ‘Yeah, I’m shaking’.
Yukotujakzurjimozoata walks up to Zuzha and calling her “womangirl“ tells her he wants a word with her, and reveals that in recent days he has spied that she possesses enough of the finer qualities of womanhood. Zuzha just cracks up laughing and tells Yukon Jack that he almost had her going. ‘Yuk, eh!’ she adds as Yukon Jack looks on, rather forlorn.
Suddenly, a loud rumbling occurs, and Walt declares that it sounds like a bionantachian E.M pulse. ‘Aye?’ ‘Eh?’ ‘You’re kidding right?’ ‘Oy’. Remark the Alphans before they follow Walt outside into the snow - where flying towards Alpha Flight and their new headquarters are dozens of Box robots. Everyone looks on nervously as the robots approach, as Nemesis says ‘Three words: Told. You. So.’
Next Issue: Things get even crazier! More Time Travel! More People Dying! THE ORIGINAL ALPHA FLIGHT! Oh yeah - and the end of the world as we know it! Hoo Hah!


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Days Of Future Present, Past Participle - part 2
Sasquatch! Yukon Jack! Centennial! Nemesis! Puck! Major Mapleleaf! Now and forever, they are the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight! When a former  foe convinced them to travel back in time to prevent his death, Canada’s premiere super hero team embarked on a trip to the past - unaware of the profound effect it would have on their present!
At Alpha Flight’s headquarters in the Arctic Circle, the young Plodex known as Mar, at this delicate age is neither male or female. It has yet to be genetically imprinted with a gender. Hanging upside down from the ceiling and watching the proceedings outside, Mar believes it has everything figured out. And like most children its age…it couldn’t be any wronger! In Mar’s defense, none of this particular timeline existed until a moment ago…. err…a moment and about five years ago!
‘This is crazy!’ declares Zuzha “Puck” Yu as she bounces from one Box robot to another. The ruggedly handsome Yukotujakzurjimozoata states, as he rips off the head to a Box robot that his wife speaks the truth. As the aged and aptly named “Centennial” a.k.a. Rutherford Princeton battles the robots too, the mysterious Nemesis slices her way through them with her sword and calls to Alpha Flight’s leader, Walter “Sasquatch” Langkowski who stands in the middle of the battlefield and tells him to snap out of whatever mathematical equation that he is dong and focus!
Zuzha begins to say that she hates to agree with Nemesis, when suddenly she is knocked over by one of the Box robots. ’Wife! Art though well?’ asks Yukon Jack as he rushes over to his fallen teammate. ’I art well. But I artn’t your wife, Yuke,’ Zuzha mumbles in reply. Suddenly, Yukon Jack’s teammates turn to him in shock as the bone carvings that are on his body come off, and begin to fly around the area - shredding their way through all the Box robots. ‘By the ebon goddess of purgatory!’ ‘What in Sam hill?’ ‘Eh?’ ‘Ha! I knew it!’
The All-New All-Different Alpha Flight haven’t been together very long. There was that battle with the Plodex ship, then the wax figures come dangerously to life. Conflict fraught with danger, to be certain, but nothing has gotten the Turpalurpalurpa’todian known as Yukotujakzurjimozoata as emotionally engaged, as seeing his newly beloved betrothed in mortal danger! The end result of hic cutting loose with all his power is a sight to behold!
As the crow flies… sometime later back inside their headquarters, the five Alphans sit around a table, where the bodies of Major Mapleleaf and Flashback lay covered on the table. The handsome Walter Langkowski informs his team that he has surfed the television channels, and has compiled recordings on what has happened since they sent Mapleleaf back in time to stop Hudson from going to New York.
(On view screen / Flashback of what happened when the Time Stream diverged before Alpha Flight (first series) #12)
“On tonight’s episode: Boxed In: The Fate of Canada!” “Apparently, the hatred that burned within the breast of America’s Roxxon Corporation’s Jerry Jaxon for Dr. James MacDonald Hudson was enough to alter the destiny of his entire Canadian homeland!” “The two men were once close, Dr. Hudson was a scientist, while Jaxon was the bureaucrat who kept the doctor in government grants. But at some point Hudson resigned his position with the government and ultimately dedicated himself to teaching - severing all ties with Jaxon and an otherwise clandestine operation known as Department H”
“After a tragic accident left him crippled (rumors persist to this day that his injuries somehow involved Hudson), Jaxon came to the States. Jaxon once publicly admitted that the entire reason he even took the job as Roxxon C.E.O. was so he’d be able to exact revenge against Hudson’s slight. But the scientist thwarted the business man, and Hudson turned down a job offer from Roxxon. The doctor never set foot on American soil”.
“Unable to exact his long-desired vengeance, Jaxon didn’t have much else to do with his time. So he turned his attention to his greatest patent - the Box! (Though it is rumored he stole the design from a Canadian known as Roger Bochs)”.
“Ironically, the first public act performed by the Boxes was defending America from a threat of an invading Canadians known as Omega Flight - Diamond Lil, Flashback, Smart Alec and Wildchild! (“An invading threat of Canadians” is more dangerous than it sounds!) He dealt with them harshly, and in the case of the man known as Flashback, permanently”.
“What no one suspected at the time…was that each and every Box was controlled by the thoughts of one man - an already unstable man driven insane by the enormity of the task he had set for himself. Unfortunately for all of Earth, though Jaxon’s mind eventually shut down…his creations did not”.
“Imagine the most powerful, inexhaustible, indestructible army in the world, completely focused on the revenge of one mad man. It wasn’t a fair fight. Wolverine…Captain America…Scarlet Witch…Dr. Strange…. Once America fell, it took about a week before all of Canada was laid waste - “
(Present)
Sasquatch turns the recording off, as the unimpressed Alphans listen as he declares ‘now that we know the result of the outcome variables as they pertain to the functionary base reliants established across the Gruenwaldian laws of time travel…it is clear we need to convince Mac to go to America after all, but just to take the initiative in his battle against Omega Flight…particularly in light of the revelation that Box was Jaxon’.
‘This is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard in my whole life!’ exclaims Rutherford as he slaps his forehead, adding that he has led a pretty long life. Sasquatch begins to tell Rutherford that there is no need for him to volunteer, but Centennial cuts in, declaring that there is, as, motioning towards Zuzha, he exclaims that she isn’t going anywhere shaking like that. ‘I’m not shaking…much!’ mumbles Zuzha before Rutherford motions to Yukon Jack and declares that “Mr. Holier Than Thou” would stick out like a sore thumb, which leaves him.
He begins to say that there is no way he is being stabbed with Nemesis’ sword, when Nemesis comes up behind him and exclaims ‘Were there another way…’ As the sword cuts into the aged Alphans back, Walt tells Nemesis that she has to stop doing that. Nemesis reminds her teammates that her blade needs to sup upon the life’s blood of whosoever she is magically dispatching across time and space, but that the successful resolution of the endeavor, no matter how ill-advised, will negate any deaths which have occurred.
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, eh…we got it already! Doesn’t mean we have to like it, eh?’ mutters Zuzha. ‘Not at all, child, not at all’ whispers Nemesis as she holds onto Centennial’s body, and counts as he passes away….
At that moment…in the weigh station between “here and there” and “life and death”. Centennial, dressed in a white suit stands in the middle of a 1920’s downtown area, where everyone seems to know him, and greets him kindly. Suddenly he appears much younger, and turning around he sees his home. He is greeted by Chaimes, his butler. Rutherford exclaims that it is nice to be home, and as he enters his home, Chaimes informs him that she will be waiting. Rutherford asks if it is his mother, Agnes, and exclaims that he wasn’t expecting her home for another week.
Suddenly, Rutherford stops as a beautiful young woman turns around and says ‘Hello, Rudy’. ‘Amelia?’ gasps Rutherford, when suddenly the beautiful woman is replaced by Nemesis. Centennial tells his teammate that she doesn’t understand, and asks her how she could have known that Amelia is the only thing he has ever truly loved in his life. ‘My biggest loss, my gravest mistake’. Nemesis replies that there is only one way she could have known, and removes her mask - where beneath is the face of the beautiful young woman…Amelia. Rutherford returns to his true aged form, and they kiss.
Rutherford tells Amelia that after she left that night, her body was never found. Nemesis reminds him that he had a burial for her anyway, and on her tombstone he had written “Love, like vengeance, is eternal”. Rutherford begins to tell Amelia he is so sorry for…but then he stops, as he figures out that Nemesis is only revealing herself to him now, because he wont remember any of this once he gets back to life. Nemesis averts her eyes, Rutherford asks her to remind him, ‘remind me, Amelia, please!’ but Nemesis says ‘No, my love. That can never be. Never’.
Meanwhile…in the past… ‘Math is hard’ mutters the handsome Lou Sadler a.k.a. the new Major Mapleleaf when Centennial comes up behind him and tells him that he doesn’t know the half of it. Lou smiles and tells his elderly teammate that he is happy to see him, asking if he came all this way to the past to bring him back to the future. ‘Not hardly son, not hardly!’ declares Rutherford as he turns Lou around and tells him to listen up, as he explains what has happened since they changed the past.
The two Alphans go into the office of James MacDonald Hudson, who rattles off a long winded speech about understanding why he has to go to New York this time, but what not to do. ‘Yes sir, you got it!’ ‘Sounds good to me!’ Mac thanks Lou and Rutherford and asks them to say ‘thankyou’ to Walter when they see him. As Mapleleaf and Centennial walk outside of Parliament Hill, Lou declares that this doesn’t feel right, and asks if they should be gone by now. ‘Like I know?’ replies Rutherford.
Whenever: Walt stands inside Alpha’s base, drawing an equation on the board, while exclaiming that it is interesting how the battle rages on outside, and that even allowing for temporal drag, Centennial should be back. ‘Excuse us, eh? We could use a hand out here! A big furry orange hand!’ Yukon Jack tells his beloved that she is wasting her time, to which Nemesis says ‘Your husband is right’ before stabbing her sword through one of the Box robots. Zuzha begins to say that she is afraid for both of them if they call Yukon Jack her husband one more time - suddenly it begins to rain.
‘We did it eh?’ asks Zuzha as the Boxes turn into rain. But as the rain burns holes in the snow, everyone runs towards the base, ‘Too bad for us, its acid rain!’ Walt asks Nemesis if she is okay, to which the Anti-Christ asks him why he asks, as some of her mask is burnt away. Zuzha and Yukon Jack slam the door closed behind them. Walt informs his teammates that it appears that what has transpired in the recent past, might have made things worse instead of better! ‘You think, eh?’ asks Zuzha as the acid rain continues to poor down.
Next Issue: Ya think robots turning into rain is crazy? You ain’t seen nothing yet! Next issue promises even more time travel, stabbings and mayhem! It all happens thirty days in the future, so don’t miss a single minute of it!