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Birth of the Beast!
“You know what they say: ‘we can’t go on meeting like this’,” Beast says while standing in a darkened room encircled by candles. “So, since we announced that a new feature would replace me in Amazing Adventures—why am I here? I’m here because, simply, I couldn’t leave without telling you the full story—the story of how I began the long journey to becoming the baleful Beast that now crouches before you. It’s a strange saga, full of danger, delight, triumph and tragedy—and I want you to know it…”
But, the very beginnings saw a happier day… the day Norton McCoy married Edna Andrews.
Flashback…
Norton and Edna rush out of the wedding chapel and into their awaiting vehicle, which has been lovingly decorated with ribbons and a “JUST MARRIED” sign on its rear. While the crowd throws rice, a friend advises Edna to save the grains, for they may be all her cheapskate husband provides! Edna laughs and tells Norton he has some friend there. Norton laughs; he thought the heckler was one of Edna’s friends!
Later, Norton drives Edna to their new home in a sparsely populated neighborhood. It looks so desolate, Edna observes. Norton tells her to give it time; it’s a new town, built specifically for the power plant in which he’ll be working. That’s what really frightens her, Edna says. She doesn’t like the thought of her husband working around atomic energy. It’s so dangerous! Norton informs her they are not making bombs; it’s a peaceful application of atomic power. Nevertheless, Edna’s fears remain, as some say it is deadly material. As Norton carries his wife over the threshold of their new, suburban home, he tells her not to worry. The plant has all sorts of safety devices. He welcomes Mrs. McCoy to their new home. Her mind still on atomic power, she tells Norton she just hopes he’s right.
As it turns out, Hank McCoy’s father-to-be is just whistling in the dark, as shortly after that, whistle echoed terrifyingly. Norton bursts into his boss’s office one day with news of trouble in Section B. Mr. Marlin asks if it is the Breeder reactor, to which Norton responds it is. They rush to the control room, where Mr. Marlin asks how long the situation has been occurring. Too long, John answers, adding that he’s been trying to lower the carbon rods to quiet the pile—with no success. Marlin orders Norton to summon the chief electrical engineer and to clear the crew from the B-R observation deck. He decides to withhold a general public warning for twenty minutes to avoid creating unnecessary panic.
The electrical engineer arrives and delivers some bad news: the short circuit is not on the surface. It could take several hours to diagnose and repair! They don’t have that kind of time, Marlin realizes. Someone will have to enter the observation deck and lower the carbon rods manually! A fellow engineer points out that Marlin will not find many volunteers for that job. However, they need not even search, as Norton McCoy has already taken the task upon himself.
Marlin is shocked to discover McCoy inside the observation deck, already wearing a protective suit. He urges McCoy to exit the deck immediately; the suit isn’t radiation-proof! If it were, he would be immobile. If that’s the case, then Norton McCoy supposes he had better get started immediately. The sooner he finishes, the sooner they can go home! Resigning himself to the situation, Marlin begins issuing orders to his stubborn employee, the first of which is to lower the control rods—slowly. If he smashes them, they’re all dead. Norton tells him not to worry; he’ll set the rods down as gently as the top floor on a house of cards.
Norton McCoy soon discovers he’s handling something much heavier than playing cards. As hard as he tries, he can barely keep the operating wheel from spinning out of control. He has no choice in the matter; if he lets go, the carbon rods will crash! The other engineers watch anxiously as Norton nears the completion of the task. However, they wonder how much longer he can endure the strain. To make matters worse, the observation deck is now saturated with radiation. If they don’t retrieve McCoy soon, they worry he’ll be fried to a crisp.
Just then, Norton McCoy finishes the task and slumps over the wheel. His colleagues rejoice and, not wanting a dead hero, hurry to get him out of the observation deck as soon as possible. As they haul his limp body out of the room, one man opines that they do not make medals big enough for a man as heroic as Norton McCoy. The other man cynically suggests McCoy did it with the headlines and cash rewards in mind. His colleague counters that those who take the time to consider such rewards never have time to commit acts of heroism like McCoy’s.
Later, Edna McCoy visits her recovering husband in the hospital. He assures her he will return to work in a few months! Not at that plant, Edna states. She gives Norton an ultimatum: he can either find a new job or a new wife. She strikes a hard bargain, Norton says. She replies she only does so when dealing with a hard head.
The couple eventually finds a new town and a new job. Shortly thereafter, Edna visits the doctor to confirm a suspicion of hers: she’s going to have a baby! Norton considers this the best news of the century. The doctor, however, is less enthusiastic. He gravely informs Norton that his exposure to radiation may have strange genetic consequences on their child. Put simply, their child might not be normal. How horrible, Edna cries. Norton asks her not to worry. After all, their child may be better than normal!
When the child is born, the nurse in the delivery room confirms the boy is quite normal—except for his exceptionally large hands and feet. The doctor agrees. He wonders what else time will tell them about the baby.
Sometime later, Norton’s brother Bob visits the newborn, who holds his bottle between his big feet. “Look at that little devil! Fantastic the way he uses those big feet!” Uncle Bob observes. “Coochy-kitchy-coo!” Norton warns him that little baby Hank may not like that sort of talk. “Nonsense! All kids like coochy-kitchy-coo!” Uncle Bob says. To Bob’s surprise, baby Hank reaches up and punches him beneath the jaw. Although slightly shaken, Bob remarks that the baby may one day be a heavyweight champion and a field-goal kicker—perhaps both!
“Could be,” the happy parents say, not yet aware their child is destined for something far greater than that.
The years pass quickly for the boy who would one day be called the Beast. One day during Hank’s formative years, his Uncle Bob comes over and extends his arm for a handshake. Hank’s mother warns him to be gentle as he reaches out to shake it. Hank tries his best, but his grip still crushes his uncle’s hand. Edna scolds the naughty boy for not being careful, as she instructed. Hank coyly insists he was trying his best.
One day during Hank’s adolescence, while a freshman in high school, he and his classmate Jennifer cross the football field just as the team’s coach berates the players for their poor performance lately. They call themselves football players? He doubts they could catch a marble in a peach basket! Jennifer suggests to Hank that they leave before they get caught up in the coach’s fury. After all, the team lost its five most recent games. At least they’re consistent, Hank says.
Continuing his rant, the football coach bets he could pick a pint-sized freshman and make him a star on this crummy varsity squad. To demonstrate, he turns and singles out Hank as he passes and orders him to kick a football. Although Hank would rather not, the irate coach insists. With trepidation, Hank complies, and kicks the football with far more force than anyone expected. Now that’s a football player, the couch shouts.
To further test the boy’s limits, the coach runs several meters down the field and orders Hank to pass him the pigskin with all his might. Hank agrees to the task, but advises the athletic instructor to get a bit farther downfield; he has trouble controlling such short passes. The coach questions Hank’s definition of short, but a moment later, Hank drills the ball across the field and into his chest. As the momentum of it knocks him backward, Coach realizes that if he lives through this tryout, he may have the team’s new star player of the year!
Hank’s football prowess, which leads the team to six victories in a row, gains him the adoration of the town and the attention of the local media. His fans start calling him “The Boy with the Golden Arm”. During a sold-out game, a gang of robbers sneaks up on the box office, intent on stealing the $25,000 they estimate it contains. They thank Hank McCoy for attracting so paying fans to the games; if they had robbed this stadium the previous year, they doubt they would have made off with more than twelve cents!
As the thieves approach the ticket booth, the woman working inside asks how many tickets they would like. The masked bandits spray her with a knockout gas and tell her they would like to take everything. Before they can make off with the loot, however, the police arrive and block their escape route. Improvising, they change course and run through the stadium instead.
The frenzied chase winds up within the crowded sports palace. As the bandits leap over the railing onto the football turf, a cop swears he will open fire if they don’t halt. However, his fellow officer orders him to stand down; if he fires his gun, he may hit someone in the audience! Instead, they chase the thieves across the field. Because of the lead time the thieves have, the cops don’t stand a chance—especially when the thieves realize their pursuers cannot open fire. They’re home free—almost.
From across the field, Hank McCoy hopes that Lady Luck is among the pulsating patrons of the day’s game and kicks the football at the escaping criminals. Luck is on his side: the football connects with the lead thief’s head. Hank dispatches the other two bandits by hurling first his own helmet, then the helmet of one of his teammates. Both pieces of projectile headgear hit their targets square in their backs.
The police officers approach the downed criminals. To their horror, one of them sits up and produces a live grenade from inside his jacket. One more step and they’ll all get it, he says! The officers dare not call the bandit’s bluff. While the bandit tells the men that everyone will live if they just stay where they are, Hank sneaks around behind him, climbs the goalpost, and leaps unexpectedly onto the thief’s back. The force of his attack sends the criminal crashing to the ground—and the live grenade out of his hand. A nearby cameraman catches the entire scene on film. Not only did 15,000 of Hank’s fans just witness his daring capture, but so did five million TV viewers at home!
The officers rush over to Hank and thank him profusely for his help. They ask if they can do anything to repay him. They can start by disposing of the live grenade, Hank says.
Meanwhile, at that same moment, a man dressed in a Spanish Conquistador outfit watches the scene play out on his TV set. He asks his subordinate if he, too, saw the feat the amazing lad performed He did. The Conquistador announces that it must be fate; he now knows the final tool he needs for his onslaught. Never before did he hope to find this young gem, who will now make him the master of all!
That night, as Hank wends his way home from the gay victory celebration, El Conquistador and his men ambush him in an alley near a construction site. They find the conditions perfect for the trial they want to run. Once Hank wanders about halfway down the confined alley, one of the men starts up his dump-truck and hits the gas. The truck roars to life and charges at the trapped Hank McCoy. “Watch it! Have you gone stark raving non-compus-mentus?” Hank shouts. With nowhere else to go, Hank jumps straight up into the air. He clears the top of the truck, repels off a brick wall and vaults himself across the alley and into the submerged construction site. Fortunately, he manages his trajectory and bounces off the top of a large industrial crane. Although it’s not the world’s best trampoline, beggars can’t be choosers, he says.
El Conquistador has seen enough. The boy has more than surpassed his expectations. With the trial over, he commands his men to commence Operation Snare—and to bring him the boy instantly. The men take action right away. They accost Hank on the grass near the construction site and attempt to ensnare him in a net.
Hank, however, eludes them, thanks to his extraordinary agility. “For the love of Pliny! It seems there’s more danger afoot than a mere runaway truck,” Hank says as the net falls, “—like these two errant birdnappers who seem to have mistaken me for an oriole!” The two men collide after Hank jumps out of their way. Regardless, they grab him by the ankles and try to drag him into captivity—after complimenting his impressive, if unsuccessful, attempt at a getaway. Hank plunges his fingers into the dirt to resist their pull. “Anybody ever tell you that you have a talent for denoting the obvious?” Hank asks them. He flips around, pulls their legs inward and brings them to the ground. They must also have a talent for computing their poultry before they’ve been fully incubated, he adds.
With his men defeated, El Conquistador decides to face young Hank himself. He arrives on the scene and commends Hank for defeating the best of his most trusted men. However, he came to demonstrate to Hank that even he is no match for El Conquistador! He draws his sword and, to Hank’s surprise, the gleaming blade converts into a three-pronged weapon that sends a surge of electricity through the young mutant’s body.
Later, outside Hank’s home, a silent figure waits patiently for some sign of life. Stealthily, he begins to advance. Inside the house, he finds the McCoy dinner table freshly set and signs of a struggle. It’s enough to raise alarms in his head. He turns around, heads out the door and generates an ice-slide to carry him home. When Professor Xavier dispatched Iceman to this location to investigate a new mutant signature on Cerebro, he probably didn’t realize he was sending him into the thick of a first-class mystery!
Iceman returns home and reports the strange scene to Cyclops, Angel and Professor X.  Xavier realizes someone else must have detected the power within this new mutant—but who, and how? He decides to take a more direct role in this enigma.
Angel and Iceman discuss the disappearance of their new, potential teammate. Cyclops asks his teammates to be quiet; Professor X is receiving some kind of cerebral signal and needs to concentrate. It may be that Hank McCoy kid, Cyke says. Professor X confirms that it is—and that Hank is in trouble. It has something to do with the boy’s parents, he says. If he could pull a sharp directional indication, he could send the X-Men to the boy’s location—but the signal is too weak. Fortunately, he has been working on an electronic brain wave detector far more sensitive than his own natural abilities. However, it’s still top-secret. He asks his three X-Men to remain behind while he uses the machine in private. Upon hearing of this robot brain-picker, Iceman asks if anything is sacred anymore.
Professor X enters the private chamber of his invention, which he calls Cerebro. Although in its crude, early stages, it does work; it’s even picking up a mutant brain pattern matching the description of McCoy’s. Professor X sends out a telepathic alert to his team that he has located the boy. They are to prepare for immediate action.
However, it may be too late for the X-Men to help, for elsewhere, El Conquistador presents Hank with an ultimatum: cooperate, or watch his captive parents die! El Conquistador outlines the treacherous task Hank McCoy must perform. He knows Hank will learn it quickly, as his decision to join El Conquistador already proved he was wise beyond his years! Hank disagrees; all that proves is El Conquistador has a hammer looming over his cranium.
Outside the laboratory housing the object of El Conquistador’s desire, two government soldiers chit-chat as they stand guard. The lower-ranking of the two asks his superior officer why this ordinary laboratory suddenly needs military protection. His superior explains they have constructed an experimental nuclear reactor for which many folks would trade an eye. However, no man will ever make it inside, he says.
His statement would hold true, were it not for the mutant Hank McCoy. Hank bounds over the barbed wire fence and scales one of the walls of the building. This particular wall has no windows lower than twenty feet, hence the reason it is not guarded. However, to a boy like Hank, who can climb walls with the finesse of an ape, this poses no problem; in fact, it’s why El Conquistador chose him. He makes it to the window and slips inside, finding himself in the room housing the nuclear reactor. All he has to do to free his parents is steal it for El Conquistador—who would then have more power than Ivan the Terrible. Hank realizes he will be the one granting him this power.
Nevertheless, he moves toward the portable nuclear reactor and carefully lifts it from its position. He does so noiselessly, so as not to trip any sonic sensors. Unfortunately, the device also has a motion sensory detection system. The alarms sound once Hank lifts it from its dais, and a pair of guards bursts into the room and orders Hank to halt under threat of death. They mean business! Must be under special orders, Hank thinks. But I’m under special orders too—to save my folks!
With few options, Hank, reactor in hand, lunges at one of the men, ricochets off him and into the other, and then lets his momentum carry him out the door. As he escapes, he begs his pardon; this crude and inhospitable manner of his is neither voluntary nor in true character! As he continues his getaway, the downed guards continue to fire at him. It appears they haven’t the slightest concern for any extenuating circumstances that may have compelled him to commit this criminal act, Hank thinks.
He arrives at the tall, barbed-wire fence and readies to clear it once again. Before he can however, a truck overtakes him, intent on cutting off his escape. The driver of the truck interposes himself between Hank and the fence. The driver figures it wrong, though; Hank merely uses the truck as a platform to clear the wall with even more relative ease. Dumbfounded, the two soldiers in the truck watch as Hank escapes. They may have seen it, but they refuse to believe it.
Hank returns to El Conquistador and presents him with the stolen nuclear reactor. El Conquistador rejoices; with this source of endless power, he is indomitable! Hank asks if he could cool his rapturous maunderings long enough to release his parents, as per their mutual agreement. “Shut your mouth, boy!” El Conquistador shouts. He backhands Hank across the face. “Your parents will remain where they are—indefinitely—as hostages against your rebellious spirit,” El Conquistador adds, “until you are of no further use to me!”
As the dawn deadline of El Conquistador’s machinations ticks closer, giant power transmitters silently await the moment when they will threaten every world capital with destruction. Fortunately, Hank regains consciousness in time to overhear El Conquistador discussing his plans for world domination by way of the stolen energy transmitter. They’re so busy gloating over their impending victory that Hank may just be able to sneak up behind them and tear the transmitters apart with his bare hands.
Chico spots Hank as he gathers himself and darts across the chamber floor. The boy will ruin everything, Chico shouts! Hank charges at El Conquistador, but the villain blocks the attack with his electronically boosted shield, which he claims can repel the force of a ten-ton truck! Additionally, El Conquistador’s mastery of electronics has afforded him a three-pronged sword that sends over 5,000 volts of pure electricity at its targets.
Hank has felt the sting of this weapon before—and almost does once again. However, he springs out of the way in time. El Conquistador praises his evasion, but asks the boy how long he thinks he can outrun pure electricity. Hank tries his best. Bouncing around the room, he heads for an exit and bounds into the hallway, the electricity hot on his heels. Out of the corner of his eye, he spies Chico escaping through a sliding door. If Hank can make it to the door in time, he thinks he can escape alongside El Conquistador’s fleeing toady. However, he is a moment too late; the door slams shut in his face.
Rejoicing, El Conquistador raises his kinetic trident and levels it at Hank—for the final time. Before he can deliver the coup de grace, however, a blast on par with a localized atomic bomb rips the three-inch-thick steel door of the chamber asunder. El Conquistador can only look in shock and guess as to what object could wield such force. To his surprise, the culprit is a young, teenage boy bearing a red visor across his eyes.
“Looks like I overestimated the amount of optic energy I’d need to blow that door off its hinges!” the X-Man Cyclops says as he enters. His winged teammate Angel advises him to conserve the power of his optic blasts; they’re going to need it when they take on their electric-wielding madman of a foe. Boy, does he mean it, Iceman adds as he gets a look at the elaborate interior of the chamber. Iceman, the youngest of the three X-Men, is about to question the sanity of any man who would inhabit such a fortress when something in the room grabs his attention: the injured body of a young boy about their age lying on the floor. Assuming he’s the kid they’re after, Iceman speeds across the room to help him.
At the other end of the room, Chico opens a hidden door and brings in a batch of armed reinforcements. He orders them to shoot down the invaders threatening their master, El Conquistador. They open fire, but Iceman manages to construct a think wall in time to halt the progress of the bullets. He fears it may not hold for long. Angel suggests they not look a gift horse in the mouth; the wall is at least keeping them alive.
Elsewhere in the room, Hank springs into action, knocking out the first wave of armed guards in a flurry of fists and feet. Although he knows nothing about the three mysterious teenagers who just arrived, it is patently clear they have come to effectuate his release! What else could he do but join them in the frenzied fray?
“You never use a small word when a big one will do, eh, kid?” Angel asks as he dive-bombs a soldier. “That’s okay—your fists are even bigger than your mouth!” Hank claims he hasn’t seen anything until he’s seen his pedal extremities at work; one might say they’re the kicker!
For the grand finale, Iceman encloses the rest of the guards in a curtain of ice. As he looks at the block of immobilized misfits, he wonders aloud the current going price of fresh, frozen finks. Cyclops, meanwhile, commends his teammate’s efficient wrap-up. This may be the fastest they’ve ever completed an assignment, he adds. Angel agrees, hoping they set a new record in the professor’s notebook. Hank, however, advises they not count their roasted pheasants before they’re under glass; don’t they hear that whirring screech? It spells trouble!
Hank McCoy has never been more right in his young years—for the sun is rising, and bringing incredible energy with it! In the citadel’s control room, El Conquistador rejoices as he monitors the surplus of incoming energy. He now has more power than any man has ever held at his fingertips, he gloats! The invading fools are too late to save the world from its first-warning cataclysm!
The X-Men watch in horror. He’s about to press the doomsday button, Angel shouts! They’re about to attack when a voice in their head commands them to flee the premises at once.
El Conquistador, meanwhile, finds himself overwhelmed with incoming energy. Instead of traveling into his transmitters, he’s horrified to discover it flowing directly into his body! He lets out an anguished cry as the entire building erupts in a fireball of pent-up energy.
Outside the castle, the X-Men rendezvous with Professor X, who arrives on the scene in his car. He explains to them that the explosion was his doing; he used his telekinetic powers to alter the circuits of El Conquistador’s machinery. Realizing the new mutant is not with them, Professor X asks what happened to the boy. Iceman, pointing up the hill, directs their attention to three figures fleeing the explosion. He must have stayed behind to find and free his folks, Iceman presumes. What spunk!
Later, at the McCoy home, the X-Men stand alongside their new teammate, Hank McCoy. All of them now wear the blue and black disguises denoting Professor Xavier’s X-Men. Cyclops explains to Hank that the professor dropped an amazing radio blanket over Hank’s hometown that erased anyone’s memory of his amazing powers! “So none are cognizant of the fact that there was once a boy called Beast!” Hank says. “Too bad—I was becoming fond of that name!”
Worry not, Professor X tells him; he can retain it as a member of the X-Men! “Welcome to the club, Beast!”
With the later addition of Marvel Girl, that club became the most unusual fighting team of all time. And they fought the most unusual villains ever seen, including the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, led by Magneto!
End flashback…
“Yes, that’s the way it was,” Beast says, resuming his soliloquy. “But that big-worded, pleasantly ugly Beast is no more, because I dared to trifle with unknown forces… and I became a monster.” Looking forlorn, Beast turns and walks toward the darkness. “Well, that’s all I had to say. I’ll go now… but I’ll be back when you least expect me. So long, folks,” he says as the shadows envelope him. “It’s been fun!”


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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
The Crossing Guard
Years ago Apocalypse conquered America and ever since, this world and time has gone mad. Mutants rose to rule and humans are the underclass, only a few humans were able to escape to Europe and Asia, the rest remained trapped and here they get used in the work camps or breeding pens. While in Booth Bay Harbor in Maine slim hope remains for the thousands of travelers that have made their way here. They hope that the Human High Council in Eurasia has figured out a way to save them and take them away from this hell that they are forced to call home. A little boy named Jeremy Graves walks with his family. A mysterious stranger in a black robe asks his daddy if they expect to be rescued, but the father tries not to say too much - in this day and age one can not be too careful whom you speak to, because Apocalypse has ears and eyes everywhere. Though the little boy Jeremy is willing to talk and tells the stranger everything she wants to know. She promises to the boy that they will all make it to Eurasia safely and then she walks away to return to her group.
She is haunted by the look of innocence in the boy’s eyes and she wonders, why if birth and death do not distinguish from mutant and human, why should she. When she gets closer to the group she came from though she whispers a prayer of forgiveness because of her blasphemous thoughts. She lifts the hood of her robe, revealing a pale blue face framed by white hair. Sister Carlysle is from a group called the Brotherhood, the strong arm of the Madri who are also serving Apocalypse. Sister Carlysle reports to Cardinal Madri what she has found, about how the humans have hope in escaping to Eurasia. The Madri comments to Sister Carlyle that the Homo Superiors will always crush the hope of the puny flatscans. He tells her that they had best deal with the latest affront to Apocalypse’s plans and crush the human’s hopes and let them fall into the “Abyss” where they belong.
At the former Xavier Estate in what remains of Westchester County, New York, Bishop stands on the grounds of the estate. He is wondering to himself, about why for the last twenty years he has wondered this land only to end up here and why does he feel like he has come full circle? Also why does he recognize these X-Men and why does he know that these X-Men are not like any X-Men he has seen before. Pondering these questions, Bishop walks onto another part of the estate where Quicksilver’s team of the X-Men is training against a holo-construct that Dazzler has created, a Sentinel.
The X-Men are on their third practice with the Sentinel, trying to make themselves become faster at planting a device in the Sentinel to make it think that the X-Men are ally mutants, so as to not allow the Sentinels to attack them. Exodus opens a hole in the robot and Quicksilver races in to plant the device. After finishing the exercise Quicksilver asks the guardian robot of young Charles Lehnsherr named Nanny to evaluate their performance. It tells him that he was too slow, and if they expect to beat the Sentinels he will have to be seventy-two meters closer to the Sentinel when Exodus opens the area to the Sentinels Terminal Core. As Dazzler lights up a cigarette and Nanny chides her for doing so, Dazzler comments on how if Quicksilver will be that close to the Sentinels he might be in mortal danger. Quicksilver agrees, but it is too late for a change of plans, and as Exodus removes the cigarette from Dazzler’s mouth, commenting on how it makes her breath smell like garbage, everyone discusses the irony of fighting the Sentinels. When both them and the robots (sent by Eurasia’s Human Council) are both trying to help the humans.
Dazzler, disgusted by Exodus’ actions, tells him that he will not find out about her breath tonight. Banshee frustrated, talks about how times like these makes him miss his retirement from the X-Men, and makes him wonder why he came back. With that said, Iceman notices that the Sentinel is still active, but before anyone has time to respond Magneto comes in and destroys the machine and chides the team for not noticing the opponent that was not yet totally defeated. As Magneto wonders what they are, if they are not fools for keeping going with their fight, Bishop talks for the firs time in days and he tells Magneto that they are “dreamers”. Dazzler apologizes for the trick with the Sentinel, explaining that Magneto had ordered her to keep the hologram active, as he wants the X-Men to be on their toes.
Holding little Charles, the son of Rogue and Magneto, Bishop continues about how they must keep preparing for what is to come. Iceman, fed up, asks Bishop how he can just show up, dangle some carrots in their faces and expect them to just feel better because he says so. Magneto interrupts Iceman’s arguing and tells Iceman that Bishop is not to blame. Even Magneto himself can sense that something is driving Bishop to warn them and he believes Bishop when he says that he does not know why he is being driven. Dazzler, lighting another cigarette with Exodus’ chiding stare still on her, asks Magneto why they keep fighting, because their fighting will be pointless if everyone else succeeds? Magneto states that until Destiny confirms Bishop’s story and they can be certain of there being a better world than this one, they will keep fighting the good fight and never try to give up. Magneto, getting straight to the point, tells the team that Nanny has downloaded all their bio-signatures into a disk to be planted into one of the Sentinels when they arrive to escort the humans from Maine to Eurasia. Iceman, floating in the air, tells the team to prepare themselves because since Rogue’s team took their only shuttle he will have to use his Moisture Molecular Inversion to transport the team to Maine. Banshee, who is the second in command of the team, tells Iceman that his Inversion trick taxes them too much so they need to think of another option. He suggests that those able to fly carry the others ones, but Magneto says that would leave the team exhausted as well. Instead Magneto informs Exodus of his, as of yet dormant power to transport, and that if he only thinks of transporting the team to Maine he will be able to. After the team is transported away, Magneto comments to Bishop that the reason he has tried for so long to keep Exodus from discovering his true potential is that he thinks Exodus could be easily corrupted.
The team materializes in Maine and relieved they are still in one piece, the X-Men set out to the camp to try to mingle themselves with the humans there. Later that evening Jeremy Graves runs through the camp playing a game of tag with other kids in their group. Jeremy, laughing and having fun, accidentally runs right into Quicksilver, who tells him to be more careful where he is running and walks off. As Quicksilver meets the rest of his team, he wonders about what it would be like to have a son of his own. He thinks of Bishop and what he has told them, and he becomes grateful that he has not been unfortunate enough to bring a child into this God forsaken world. The others brief him on what they have heard about how the groups of humans are extremely hopeful of being rescued. Banshee, looking off in the distance, tells the team that if Storm is not successful none of the humans will have a chance to be saved.
Meanwhile Storm is flying near the border defense shields off the coast of Newfoundland where the Sentinels are planning to break through. She is flying very low to avoid being spotted from the base, and creates a lighting storm scrambling the stations sensors to hide the Sentinels approach. Inside the watchtower the soldiers guarding the facility call from communication system to communication system trying to see if anyone has visual of any approaching enemy. One group says they only see clouds - too late though they realize the clouds are actually Sentinels and they destroy the watchtower and everyone in it before they can alert any reinforcements. Outside, Storm watches the massive army of Sentinels fly over her and thanks God that she is hidden from their detection devices by her electro-magnetic storm.
Back on the coastline the humans await their rescuers and pray. Jeremy Graves hears the coming thunder of noise and getting excited he decides to run up the hill to get a better view. Jeremy gets out of his parents‘ sight though and suddenly black tentacles come out of one of the bushes and swallow him into darkness.
Upon the Sentinels‘ arrival, the crowd is unsure what to make of the huge robots. Not knowing that the Sentinels have been sent to help by Eurasia’s Human High Council, they panic and run away thinking they are being attacked. The Sentinels scan the presence of mutants, and soon become aware of the forms of Jean Grey and Weapon X, two allies of the Human Council. However checking their databanks, the robot find that the two mutants are currently in England, so they can’t be here too.
Turns out that Jean and Logan are actually light-constructs that Dazzler has created to fool the Sentinels, giving Exodus enough time to blast open one of the Sentinels and Quicksilver time to plant the disk with the over ride virus in it‘s system. At the same time, Iceman has corralled the humans within his ice wall, and tells the team that Storm has signaled him and told him that a massive transport behind the Sentinels is on the way to help in the rescue efforts.
With the virus active, the Sentinels state that the registered mutant signatures have been classified as allies and the X-Men breath a sigh of relief. Iceman begins to take down the ice wall he has formed, when the Sentinels begin talking about enemy mutant activity being spotted and one of the Sentinels fires a laser blast at Iceman, totally obliterating his ice form. The rest of the X-Men stand in shock watching as one of their teammates is blown apart. Exodus reminds the team though that Iceman has the ability to pull himself back together again. As their shock transfers over to confusion because they wonder why they planted the disk and it did not work. Quicksilver tells the team that the program did work and Banshee worries out loud that if the disk worked then who are the mutants the Sentinels mentioned as safe-scanned?
Appearing out of no where in front of the team the Brotherhood comes into view and Brother Jeffries tells the X-Men that he cyberscrambled the data on the disk, so that the Sentinels now consider the Brotherhood as allies and the X-Men as enemies. Arclight, the Brotherhood’s leader requests that the X-Men surrender or suffer “extreme prejudice”!


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The Quest for Nightcrawler, part 2
They came across the black chasm, though they had no idea what lay in wait on the other side. If they had, would they still have come? Would they still have risked so much? They were legendary heroes, one and all, they did not hesitate when it came to risking their lives. But this was different. Here their lives meant nothing. Here it was all eternity on the line. ‘Please… don’t let me have doomed my friends to share my fate. Don’t let me be the man who damned the X-Men’.
There is a BAMF, and Ororo “Storm” Munroe, Bobby “Iceman” Drake, and the newest member of the X-Men, Angelica “Firestar” Jones, find themselves dropped in a strange landscape. ‘What just happened? And ah man, why is it so hot in here?’ Bobby asks. Storm reminds him that the Bamfs pulled them into their machine, which appears to have teleported them somewhere. ‘Somewhere very strange’ she admits. Firestar asks where the other X-Men went, and enquires as to the strange smell. Bobby coughs and asks Storm if she can whip up some wind to clear the smoke out so they can get a look around. ‘And maybe a nice freezing rain while you’re at it? It is insanely hot in here, right? Storm?’ Bobby calls out, but the confused Storm looks at her hands and reports that she cannot - that her powers are gone, as if there is no weather here at all.
‘Um, guys… is that a river of blood?’ Firestar asks. ‘What kind of place has a giant river of blood?’ she wonders, before asking if either of them hear screaming. ‘Goddess help us… I know where we are’ Storm utters. Steam rises from Bobby as he reports that he is melting like crazy, and that he doesn’t think he can stand much more of this. ‘I mean, seriously, is it just me or is this place not as hot as…’ his voice trails off, as the trio of powerful mutants see a sprawling fortress before them, with flames and smoke billowing upwards and a large horde of demons in front of it. ‘Okay, I should not have illegally downloaded all those songs. I see that now’ Bobby jokes. Firestar remarks that this can’t be the Hell, that it has to be some sort of trick by Mysterio or Arcade. ‘Oh, God, I’ve been an X-Man for less than a day and I’m already in Hell’ she gasps. Storm tells Bobby and Firestar to stay close and keep the river at their backs. ‘No matter what happens don’t let them get behind you’.
‘You’re kidding, right? Look at all those things, Ororo. It’s like Black Friday at the world’s weirdest Wal-Mart’ Iceman exclaims. ‘And your powers don’t work, and I’m melting, and Firestar’s about to have a heart attack. We’ve gotta get outta here’ Bobby adds. Storm reminds him that there is nowhere to run, that they have to make their stand together, right here, right now. ‘The Avengers had a nice butler that made us pancakes’ Angelica utters. A large pirate ship floats up behind the X-Men on the river of blood, as Storm tells the others to stand strong and hold nothing back - to fight like they have never fought before. ‘My right eye just melted shy. And I love you guys, just so you know’ Bobby utters, his body indeed melting. ‘Really?’ Firstar asks. ‘Here they come’ Storm points out, as the demon horde growl and start to charge towards the mutants - and rush right on past them. ‘Huh? They’re rushing right past us…?’ Firestar asks, confused, while cannons from the pirate ship blast down into the horde. ‘Where’d that ship come from?’ Bobby asks.
Suddenly, the strange looking pirates onboard the ship teleport via bamf-method down to the ground. ‘Demons and bamfing pirates. All fighting each other. They don’t even notice we’re here. How rude!’ Iceman exclaims, while Firestar asks if they shouldn’t take this opportunity to get the hell out of Hell? But Storm tells the others that this is still their fight - that they wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. She adds that they must find the rest of the X-Men. ‘Okay, but which of these guys are we even supposed to fight?’ Firestar asks. ‘Death to yer mother, ya bug-faced Hell-scum!’ one of the pirates booms, approaching the demons. ‘Death to the dogs of Azazel!’ a winged demon shouts back. Storm is between the two, and she shoves her elbows into their faces. One of them drops a mace-like weapon, and Storm picks it up. ‘We’re in Hell. We fight them all’ she tells Bobby and Firestar, raising the mace into the air, while Iceman unleashes a beam of ice, and Firestar starts throwing her microwave blasts about.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the afterlife, a haggard old man lights a cannon on the edge of yet another pirate ship. ‘Be glad you’re already dead, ya stinking harp pluckers! All we’ve come for is your raggedy little souls!’ he shouts out, before calls out to the landing party and instructing them to grab a Bamf and be ready to move. ‘If we don’t come back loaded with booty, Azazel is gonna have our hides! So after the next cannon shot you’ll all go down and…’ his voice trails off when he realizes that something has sped past the cannon and knocked it so that it is now pointing into the ship. ‘Ah hell. And I was having such fun’ the old pirate mutters, before the cannon explodes. At the same time, the X-Man called Northstar a.k.a. Jean-Paul Beaubier flies across the ship, hitting several pirates, he knocks them over. ‘I’ll be honest, guys, I have no idea who you are or even where I am right now. But flying pirates? C’mon, that’s too tempting an offer to pass up’ he tells them, adding that he has dreamed about fighting flying pirates since he was nine.
Northstar is the fastest of the X-Men, and one of the most daring. When the heroes came rushing in, he was no doubt the one who hesitated the least - which makes him the first to realize the true nature of the foe they face. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve got a captain with a hook for a hand, do you? No? Too much to ask?’ Jean-Paul calls out to the pirates as he knocks more of them over. He grabs a sword, and hovering off the ship, fights one of the pirates, telling them that he will make do. ‘They’ve got a captain all right, boy. Captain Jack is the name, but don’t use hooks. Only knives’ a voice calls out, and Northstar starts to despair. ‘They’re all I’ve ever needed. Just ask the ladies of Whitechapel’ Captain Jack remarks, before opening his jacket, energy billows forth, and Northstar is flung backwards.
The landing party grab their Bamfs and are teleported down to the pristine landscape below. ‘Admiral Azazel be needing souls, boys! So let’s fill the hold with all we can grab!’ one of the pirates calls out. They start chasing the people below who wear white robes trimmed with gold. ‘Look at ‘em. Must’a been some boring life these people lived to deserve a forever like this’ one of the pirates remarks, while telling the red-haired woman he is chasing not to worry, as their eternity is about to get a whole lot more exciting. ‘How’s this for excitement, Bub?’ Wolverine a.k.a. Logan asks as he comes between the pirate and the woman. Wolverine is a walking contradiction - a simple man trapped inside an enigma. But right now, his fists smack the pirate over, before he engages more of them in combat, while the red-haired woman watches and smiles. ‘Thank you. You saved my eternal soul. Though I must say… you’re the strangest-looking angel I’ve ever seen’ she tells him.
Wolverine replies that he has been called a lot of things over the years, but that this is his first time being called an angel. He then asks what this place is. ‘You…really don’t know?’ the woman replies, before revealing that they are on the other side of the morning - in the golden fields of Elysium. ‘Where’s that then? Acapulco?’ Wolverine asks as he slashes his way through a pirate. ‘No, my friends, you’re in -’ the woman begins, before a cannonball lands amongst them, sending Wolverine careening through the air. He steadies himself quickly, and looks up at the pirate ship. ‘Damn cannons. I gotta get up to that ship somehow’ he remarks. Suddenly, four Bamfs appear around him, and drop a net over him, then teleport him onto the pirate ship. ‘Must be my lucky day’ Wolverine remarks as he slices the net open with ease, startling some of the red Bamfs.
Northstar has gathered himself, and darts about with the sword, battling pirates, while some pirates set upon Wolverine with their swords. ‘Bamfs. Demon pirates with swords. If I didn’t know better I’d swear this had something to do with -’ Wolverine begins, before Captain Jack appears before him. ‘Nice knives. Mine are bigger’ the ghoul-like captain calls out. ‘Oh yeah, did you meet this guy yet? Sergeant Snikt, meet Captain Stabby Pants’ Northstar jokes. Captain Jack realizes that Wolverine and Northstar aren’t dead yet, and tells them that he can smell the stink of life on them. ‘Well…we’ll see what we can do about that’ he decides. His knives clang against Wolverine’s claws, ‘Nice fresh souls. Azazel will be pleased’ he remarks. ‘Azazel?’ Wolverine asks. ‘That ain’t a name I expected to ever hear again’ Wolverine declares as he slashes towards Captain Jack, who floats backwards. ‘Azazel? That guy is your boss? Seriously?’ Northstar asks, before bursting into a fit of laughter as he hovers upside down in the air.
‘Yes, they all laughed in Hell as well, when he first came raiding. Go see if they’re laughing now’ Captain Jack calls out. He tells the X-Men that if they are lucky, Azazel might transform them like he did to him. ‘I’ll transform ya myself if you hold real still’ Wolverine snarls, before Captain Jack remarks that if they are friends of the blue elf, then he would expect a different sort of fate for them. Wolverine is furious: ‘The blue elf? What do you know about the blue elf?’ he demands. ‘I know he’s dead and gone’ Captain Jack replies, shoving his knife into Wolverine, who falls back onto the pirate ship’s plank. ‘And now my sweet little Mary… so are you’ Captain Jack calls out, as Wolverine backs up further on the plank.
Meantime, along the banks of the River Styx, Iceman looks anguished as he continues to battle in the hot temperature, while Firestar flits about, attacking the demons. Storm finds herself set upon by several demons, as one of them points out that she has no wind down here to fly away on. ‘No lightning bolts to throw around. What good is a weather witch when there isn’t any weather?’ he asks. When she was a girl, the people of the Serengeti worshiped Ororo as a goddess. They were wrong - she was only a young mutant learning to control her powers. It is only now that she has become a goddess. Still holding the mace weapon, Storm finds herself surrounded, so she uses it, smacking one of them in the face so hard that the demon’s eye pops out. She stands up, and calls out ‘Send more demons if you’ve got them! I’ve finished with these!’
Suddenly, Storm gasps ‘No...’ as several red Bamfs appear above her and drop a net on her, then quickly teleport her onto the pirate ship. ‘Well now. Ain’t this here a purty one’ someone calls out. Storm moans as she pounds the mace into the gun-slinging pirate who resembles part demon part cowboy. ‘Heh. Feisty, too. That’s alright. The boss man likes ‘em good and feisty’ the pirate calls out. He grabs Storm by her neck and holds her into the air, ‘Hell, reckon I do too’ he admits before introducing himself as Captain Kid, but tells Storm that she can call him Billy. He tells the other pirates to lift the anchor so they can take these treasures back to Azazel. He calls out to the regulators, telling them to move out.
Down below, Iceman has transformed into a large ice monster, as Firestar alerts him to the fact that the pirates have taken Storm. ‘What?’ Bobby calls out. ‘They’ve got her on that pirate ship! And it’s sailing away! I’m going after them!’ Firestar calls out as she darts by. ‘Angelica, wait!’ Iceman declares. ‘Where you going, firefly?’ a demon asks as several surround her. ‘Yeah, we haven’t show you our fire yet!’ the second declares. Firestar shouts at them and tells them to get off her. ‘Angelica!’ Iceman exclaims, when suddenly, he screams as a demon bites part of his hand. ‘Look at him. The ice cream boy is melting!’ the demon jokes, while another exclaims ‘I wanna eat his face!’ At the same moment, Firestar is closed in upon by the demons.
Back in Elysium, ‘Don’t be alarmed now. Just listen carefully. Whatever happens next…don’t let go. Don’t fall’ a voice calls out. Wolverine hangs onto the edge of the plank. Captain Jack’s knives thrown at the edge of it. ‘Don’t fall, do you hear me, Logan?’ the voice adds. ‘Who said that? Who the hell’s in my head?’ Wolverine snarls. ‘Who I am doesn’t matter for now. I’m just trying to keep you from falling’ the voice explains, adding that in a few moments, Wolverine is going to want to fall. ‘What happens in a few minutes?’ Wolverine asks as he climbs back onto the plank, as Captain Jack stands over him. ‘You figure out where you are’ the voice responds. ‘Then just tell me. Where the hell am I?’ Wolverine asks. ‘Not in Hell…’ the voice tells him. ‘Thank goodness for that, at least’ Wolverine mutters.
But, in Hell, Bobby melts down back to his default size, ‘so this…this is really Hell, huh? I thought it’d be hotter’ he admits. Bobby is the X-Man you want by your side when you need a good laugh - or when Hell needs freezing over, which is what he does, as he unleashes massive amounts of ice, literally freezing Hell - and the demons, too.’Bobby…oh, my God. Look at what you did. This is incredible’ Angelica utters as she walks over to him. ‘I don’t feel so good, Professor. My mouth tastes like yellow snow. May I be excused for a moment?’ Bobby utters, before collapsing in front of a shocked Firestar. She reaches down for him, while alerting him to the fact that the ice is starting to melt. And, the pirate ship continues to float away on the river of blood.
‘Have you figured out where you are yet?’ the voice asks Wolverine. Logan stands his ground against Captain Jack and replies that he is about to walk the plank if they don’t get out of his head and leave him alone. ‘You need to understand what you’re facing here’ the voice explains. ‘You hear voices too. What do yours tell you to do? Mine said to put her heart in the fire’ Captain Jack remarks to Wolverine. ‘Logan, listen to me carefully…’ the voice begins. ‘Listen to who? Who the hell are you?’ Wolverine calls out as his claws clang against Captain Jack’s dagger. ‘Someone who only wants to help. As they helped you many times before’ Charles Xavier declares as he appears in a white robe before Wolverine. ‘Professor X? But…you’re dead’ Wolverine points out. The Professor tells Wolverine to listen to him, informing him that he must find Kurt, that Kurt has gone after his father, but Wolverine must find him before Azazel does. ‘Kurt? Kurt’s dead too. So that means…that means this is…’ Wolverine’s voice trails off as he stands on the edge of the plank. ‘You’re in Heaven, Logan. A place you never thought you’d see. Now whatever you do, don’t -’ the Professor begins, before shouting ‘LOGAN!’ as Wolverine is knocked off the plank by Captain Jack, and he begins to free fall through the air.
In Hell, the demons start to break through the ice. ‘Stay with me, Bobby. I’ll get us out of here’ Firestar assures the unconscious Iceman as she flies across the melting landscape. She is the newest X-Man, the one with the most to prove - but not to someone. The X-Men came across the void when someone needed them. They couldn’t ask for anything more. Storm is unconscious, tied to a mast of the pirate ship in Hell, while Wolverine continues to free fall from Heaven. The pirate ship in Hell slowly emerges from a cave. ‘Now it’s just up to me to see they make it back. With their lives…’ someone thinks to themselves. Perched on some rocks near the cave, a voice calls out ‘That’s one of Azazel’s, all right. Sailing out of Hell. Ripe for the taking’.
In Heaven, Northstar flies downwards at incredible speed to catch up with Wolverine, while Firestar has had to stop flying. Iceman lies at her feet while the demons close in. She holds them back with blasts of microwave energy. ‘And as for me, who cares what happens?’ Either way, I know I’m lost. I’m not the hero in this story. I’m just a dead man without a home. Just a captain in need of a ship’. Kurt “Nightcrawler” Wagner gazes out from the rocks towards the pirate ship floating out of Hell. Several blue Bamfs are with him. ‘All right, boys. Now comes the fun part’ Kurt tells them….


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The Quest for Nightcrawler, part 3
‘Did I not promise you adventure?’ Azazel, dressed like a pirate, grins, holding a glass of wine in one hand. Red Bamfs sit on his shoulders, while an assortment of demonic pirates are gathered around him. ‘Did I not swear that you would sail the seas of the Hereafter as conquerors? That angels and demons alike would live in fear of our flag? Did I not promise you plunder? And the power that comes with it?’ he asks the pirates, telling them to look around, as these things their admiral has delivered. ‘Has he not?’ Azazel asks them. The demon pirates raise their drinks of beer and their swords, as Azazel reminds them that yesterday they were one of the damned in perdition or the lost in purgatory or the bored senseless in paradise. ‘Today you are free souls once again! Today you are the greatest pirates the Afterlife has ever known!’
Azazel continues, telling the pirates that tomorrow they will be lords of an all-new Hell. ‘You’ll be kings of your very own Heaven’ he adds. ‘All hail Azazel!’ one of the demon pirates exclaims, their ship floating on the great frozen Sea of Oblivion, far beyond the realm of the flesh.
Azazel frowns and crushes his wine glass, declaring that there is still much work to be done. ‘Our fleet must grow and grow, until our ships control every port of the dead. Our coffers must swell with even more pillaged souls. And our enemies…our enemies must learn that even death will not save them from our fury’ he announces. Suddenly, there is a BAMF in the air above the ship. ‘Speaking of enemies’ Azazel mutters, turning to the teleport signal, as someone emerges from it, and falls into the frozen sea around the ship.
It is Dr Henry McCoy a.k.a. the Beast, who starts to use his claws to climb up the side of the ship. He is cold and wet, and mutters that he needs coffee. ‘You hear that, boys? Our would-be stowaway here doesn’t seem to care for the waters of purgatory’ Azazel mocks. Two of the pirates are waiting for the Beast as he reaches the top of the ship. ‘Make sure to throw him back in…once you’ve made him eat his own guts’ Azazel instructs them. ‘Oh my stars and garters…’ the Beast utters, before suddenly leaping forward, knocking the two pirates down with ease. ‘You have my gratitude, gentlemen. Nothing quite like the threat of vivisection to get the old blood flowing again’ he tells them.
The Beast is the only known mutant who can use his feet to do a Rubik’s Cube or to beat someone senseless - maybe even both at the same time, as he flips through the air, taking out more of the pirates. Azazel teleports, and the Beast states ‘That, I do believe, was a “Bamf”. Made by a red-skinned teleporter with a prehensile tail. Oh, dear. I fear this can only mean one thing’.
Azazel teleports once more, appearing in front of the Beast, ‘It means you X-Men are in waaay over your heads this time’ he warns the Beast, slashing his sword into the hero’s arm. The Beast leaps backwards, dodging another attack. ‘Azazel, I presume. The would-be devil who claims to be Nightcrawler’s father’. “Claims”? Azazel asks. ‘Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance?’ he declares, but the Beast tells him that he is nothing like the friend he once knew - he can see that quite clearly. ‘And you’re an X-Man if I’ve ever seen one. What do they call you then? Mr Monkey Face? Captain Gorilla Beard?’ Azazel mocks. ‘They call me Dr McCoy!’ the Beast retorts. High up on the ship’s mast, he kicks Azazel off of it - but he teleports up higher. ‘I call you slow!’ Azazel taunts.
The Beast leaps higher, flipping himself backwards to reach Azazel, who adds that the Beast is a fool for thinking he could face him here, in his element. ‘Perhaps I would agree, if I had any inkling of where “here” actually was’ the Beast responds. Azazel tells the Beast not to worry, assuring him that oncer his pets have tired of savaging his carcass and tossed it into the frozen sea, he will have an eternity in which to figure it out. Hanging upside down by some ropes, the Beast states that judging by the atmospheric conditions, the temperature of the water, and Azazel’s usual modus operandi, he presumes he will attempt to convince him that this is actually the spiritual realm of purgatory where dead souls are said to languish in limbo for untold centuries - and not simple some random, alternate dimension where he has managed to pretend to be someone of importance.
‘Get up there! Get after him, you dogs! Load up that cannon!’ Azazel bellows at the pirates. Azazel teleports closer to the Beast who is swinging on some ropes and tells him ‘You presume I care what you think, Doctor. You presume too much’. ‘I do, but I’m trying to cut down’ the Beast responds, while Azazel tells him to believe whatever he likes then - while it is still within his power to do so. The Beast drops down onto another mast, and asks Azazel if he really thinks he is going to invade the Earth with pirate ships, telling him that it sounds rather sad and pathetic - even for him. Azazel teleports onto the mast and replies ‘Invade Earth? Oh no, Doctor. Since my last defeat, I’ve moved on from such a short-sighed goal. Who cares about a mudball with a few paltry billion souls on it, when I can simply carve out my own corner of the realm of the dead…and have the souls come to me. By the trillions’ he reveals, using his sword to slice off the part of the mast that the Beast is on.
The Beast swings on the ropes he is holding, announcing that he never though someone could make Hell sound worse. ‘But congratulations, you just did’ he tells Azazel, while pardoning himself as he bounces against one of the pirates, knocking him off the mast, and telling them to mind the fur. Hank then dodges a cannon ball which is fired his way. ‘I say! Are cannons really necessary? I’m only a science teacher!’ he exclaims, landing on another mast. Azazel teleports, then re-appears above the Beast, who asks ‘Conquering the Afterlife, huh? I suppose when it comes to a god complex, you believe in going all the way, Az’. At the same level, they engage in physical combat, ‘All the way indeed. Here inthis world, souls are the most valuable commodity there is. And my coffers are overflowing’ Azazel boasts.
The Beast reaches for Azazel’s sword as the demon declares ‘The more souls, the more power…the more like God one becomes’, and he tells Hank that he may begin praying to his new god now. ‘No thanks. Bit of an agnostic myself. Never had much use for prayer. Now math on the other hand…’ the Beast replies, taking Azazel’s sword by his foot, he uses his other foot to push Azazel backwards, and somersaults off the mast. Muttering some equation, the Beast drops to the ship proper, ‘Right about here’ he decides, punching one of the masts in half, ‘And that should do it’ he declares, cart wheeling out of the way as ropes all around the ship are flung together, and a large piece of cloth rises from the boat, trapping many of the demon pirates in it. ‘Math, 1. New God, 0’ Hank grins, as the pirates struggle to break free. ‘You do realize it’s not just God I’m taking over for, Doctor’ Azazel calls out as one of the red Bamfs teleport over Azazel, who throws his other sword to it - and the red Bamf teleports behind the Beast - shoving the sword into his back.
Azazel teleports in front of the Beast, and kicks him, hard and with so much force that he sends the mutant hero careening off the ship and back into the freezing waters below. ‘I’m the new Devil as well. Heh. Agnostic overboard’ Azazel grins, pleased with himself. With the sword still lodged in the Beast’s back, he sinks in the water. Spirits swim around him.
Back on the ship, Azazel orders one of the pirates to clean the mess up and get back to fishing the waters. ‘Aye aye, Admiral’ the pirate replies, while Azazel remarks that the Bamfs tell him his son has fled from Heaven - and no doubt he is responsible for these X-Men being here. ‘Find Nightcrawler. And bring him to me in one piece’ Azazel shouts, adding ‘As for his X-Men…feel free to leave them in as many pieces as you like’. He then hands the ship over to Captain Caligula, as he teleports away. ‘All right, you dogs! You heard the Admiral! Look alive out there! Let’s cast those nets and get to hauling souls!’ Captain Caligula orders, warning the others that if they can’t pull their weight around here, they are liable to wake the beast within him. And at that moment, the Beast’s hand emerges from the water as he sinks his claws into the side of the pirate ship.
Elsewhere, on the Sea of Suffering: ‘Gaahh! Enough of this! Let’s just kill her!’ a pirate calls out as several of them on this other pirate ship have captured Ororo “Storm” Munroe. ‘What’s the ruckus, boys?’ Captain Kid inquires as he goes over to them. One of the pirates explains that this is the fourth time she has broken free, that ropes, chains, nothing they have got on the ship can hold her. ‘She tore off four of my nipples!’ one of the demon pirates groans, while another complains that she broke both of his noses. ‘Is that right?’ Captain Kid asks, putting a hand on Storm’s face. Storm glances sideways, while the Captain remarks that it would be a shame to kill her - as it is kinda nice having a warm body on board. ‘Just cut off her hands. That oughta slow her down’ the Captain informs one of the demon pirates, who replies ‘Aye aye, Captain’. Two other demon pirates hold Storm over a barrel, and the one with the knife tells them to hold her still. Storm struggles under their grasp, when suddenly one of the pirates on the look out atop the mast calls out ‘Captain!’
‘Captain, I seen something! Out along the coast! Puffs of smoke it looked like! I think it might’ve been -’ the pirate calls down, while on the ship, Captain Kid asks ‘What’s that? What’s he saying up there?’ Another pirate calls out to him: ‘Lookout! What’d you say?’, but they can no longer see him - he has vanished from his position. ‘To hell with it. Let’s finish what we started’ the pirate with the knife suggests, only to discover that his knife has been snatched out of his hands.
Storm looks up, wide-eyed, when she hears a BAMF. ‘Blessed Goddess…’ she whispers, for on the pirate ship wheel, Kurt “Nightcrawler” Wagner has materialized, accompanied by several blue Bamfs. ‘I hereby claim this ship in the name of the X-Men. Anyone who objects… pick up a sword and step forward’ Nightcrawler declares.
The pirates move towards Nightcrawler, while the Bamfs teleport away - and land on some of the pirates, including the ones holding Storm down. ‘Okay then. Perhaps you could all form a nice orderly line…’ Nightcrawler suggests. ‘It’s da Nightcrawler! It’s Azazel’s -’ one of the pirates begins, before he is teleported off the ship and dropped into the water by one of the Bamfs. Captain Kid grabs Storm, ‘Where do you think you’re going, girl? This is my ship and nobody -’ he begins, until one of the Bamfs teleports Storm away, replacing her with one of the pirates. ‘Captain… why you… choking me?’ the pirate asks, finding Captain Kid’s hand around his throat. ‘Damned teleporters. Find them!’ Captain Kid orders.
But Nightcrawler has teleported up to the lookout, with Storm. ‘Kurt. Please be real. Please tell me you’re truly here’ Storm utters. ‘I’m here, Ororo. Still dead. But I’m here’ Kurt assures his friend. ‘Dead. But… I can feel you’ Storm points out, adding that she doesn’t care what happens - she is not leaving this place without him. ‘It doesn’t matter what happens to me. That’s not why you’re here’ Kurt smiles. Storm tells him that he has no idea how much they have missed him. ‘No one more so than -’ she begins, but Kurt interrupts her, ‘Please…can we not do this right now? I can’t fight pirates if I’m crying’ he points out, before adding ‘Speaking of fighting pirates…’ as he hands Storm one of his swords. ‘Swords, pirate ships, Bamfs…this is what it’s like to be you for a day, isn’t it?’ Storm asks. ‘More or less. What do you think?’ Kurt replies. ‘I think I could learn to like it’ Storm tells him. Kurt pulls Storm close - their lips barely an inch apart. ‘I knew I was right to fall madly in love with you all those years ago’ Kurt utters. ‘Shall we, my lady?’ he asks. ‘Lead the way’ Ororo tells him, before he teleports them off the lookout…
…and out over the ship. The drop down into the frenzy of pirates below, Storm slices her sword through them, while Kurt leaps over them, kicking one in the face with his foot.
Flashback:
‘So I hear you’re thinking of leaving?’ Kurt asks Storm as they sit on the roof of the Xavier Mansion under a starry sky. ‘Yes. I am afraid so’ Storm responds, adding that it is nothing personal, but that she misses her home. ‘I don’t belong here at Xavier’s with these other mutants. I miss the Serengeti. I miss flying free’ she admits. Kurt assures Storm that he understands - as he actually misses the circus. ‘And that Wolverine person scares me immensely’ he confesses, before asking Ororo if he can show her something before she goes. They go inside, and Kurt opens the door to the attic, explaining that he got permission from the Professor to fix up some space that wasn’t being used. ‘I know it’s not much, but… what do you think? Could you make a home from this? For perhaps a little while longer at least?’ Kurt smiles, as Storm looks around the room, filled with plants. ‘Ororo? Are you crying? Or is it raining in here?’ Kurt asks. ‘Both. Now come over here and let me kiss you’ Storm grins. Kurt asks her if this means she is not leaving, to which Storm tells him there is one condition - he must stay here with her forever.
Present:
‘Claim my ship, huh?’ Captain Kid calls out. ‘That’ll be a cold day in hell’ he snarls, aiming his guns at Nightcrawler. Storm calls out to Kurt, who quickly teleports in a series of rapid-fire jumps, dodging all of the bullets. ‘Nobody’s claiming my ship while I’m still standing on it!’ Captain Kid announces - but suddenly, this ship collides with another, and Captain Kid falls off the edge, over into the water. ‘What hit us?’ Storm asks. ‘Another ship, it would appear. That means more pirates’ Kurt points out. ‘Hood. We were starting to run low’ Storm jokes, while Kurt tells her that she is beautiful, and warns her to be ready - be ready for anything. One of the pirates on the other ship cries out, ‘Keep him away! Send me back to hell if you want, just don’t make me fight him anymore!’
‘Fight who? What is…’ Kurt begins, as the Beast roars and lumbers onto the second ship, sword still in his back. Nightcrawler sees the smartest, most caring and compassionate mutant he knows - but even more so than Wolverine, the Beast would be the last mutant in the world Kurt would want to run up against in a dark alley once he had been pushed too far. ‘Henry! You change faces more than anyone I know. But that must be you. Come over here and give me a hug, you big blue… Henry?’ Kurt calls out, but the Beast just lurches forward and growls!


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The Quest for Nightcrawler, part 4
Wolverine a.k.a. Logan trudges through a frozen wasteland. He fell there. A fall like that would drive most men mad. But Wolverine is not most men. He had fallen before. He had been freezing cold before. He knew the only thing to do was walk and keep walking until you couldn’t walk anymore. It was the glimpse of Heaven before he fell. The one he couldn’t get out of his head. More than the fall or the cold… that was the thing that was liable to break him.
Suddenly, ahead of him in the snow, Jean-Paul “Northstar” Beaubier lands with a FUMP. Northstar calls out to his teammate, telling him that he flew in every direction, as a far as he could - and there is nothing. Only more of this. ‘I could try flying straight back up, but as long as it took us to fall…’ Jean-Paul suggests.
 ‘We keep walking’ Wolverine tells his friend. ‘Until what? Until we both freeze solid?’ Jean-Paul demands, getting up out of the snow. ‘Until we find him. Until we find Kurt’ Logan explains, as both Canadian mutants trudge onwards.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Hell: ‘Too many. There are too damn many!’ Angelica “Firestar” Jones, newest member of the X-Men, thinks to herself as she blasts demons with bursts of microwave energy in both directions, while Bobby “Iceman” Drake turns to slush at her feet. She knows he will be dead in minutes, if he isn’t already. Angelica wonders if she should put Bobby out of his misery, before the demons take her out. But she frowns, and realizes that Bobby wouldn’t give up on her like that. ‘He gave his all to try and save me. He froze this whole place over’ she reminds herself. Angelica grits her teeth: ‘If Iceman can freeze Hell, then by God… FIRESTAR can make it burn!’ she thinks to herself with urgency. She flies upwards and releases an enormous amount of energy, pouring it over the demons ina spectacular display.
Also meanwhile, aboard a pirate ship, Henry McCoy a.k.a. the Beast has a sword embedded in his back. He lunge and growls at Kurt “Nightcrawler” Wagner, pushing him back. ‘Henry. I’ve missed you as well, old friend’ Kurt smiles.
Another pirate ship has started to sink after crashing into this one, and the Beast growls once more, so Nightcrawler kicks the larger blue mutant off of him. ‘Kurt. There’s a sword in his back! He’s been driven out of his mind!’ Ororo “Storm” Munroe declares. ‘Nonsense!’ Kurt responds, pointing out that when one has as much mind as Dr Henry McCoy, there is little chance you could ever run out. Kurt explains that Henry is merely disorientated is all. He tells his friend that it is time to calm down, as he is among friends again. ‘We’re only here to -’ Kurt begins, but the Beast bounds against the ship’s mast, then leaps towards Kurt, who quickly teleports out of harm’s way, then re-appears behind Henry, ‘You may not be able to kill me since I’m already dead. But that doesn’t mean I want to spend eternity ripped full of holes’ Kurt frowns, telling Henry that he is sorry, but that this is for his own good. ‘Do not try to vomit on me’ Kurt adds.
Kurt grabs the Beast, and makes a quick series of rapid teleports, until eventually, the Beast grabs Kurt by his head during one reappearance. He growls again, while Kurt mutters ‘He did vomit on me. It seems to have made him angrier’. They fall to the ship’s deck, and Storm calls out to her friend: ‘Henry! Stop this before you -’ she begins, but the Beast kicks her back. Despite being strangled by the Beast, Nightcrawler manages to tell his friend that he knows he is in there somewhere, that he knows he doesn’t really want to hurt him. ‘Do me a favor and remember that, okay?’ Kurt asks. The Beast looks angry still, while Kurt utters ‘Remember… something’ as he gasps for breath.
Flashback:
‘You sure you guys don’t wanna come with us?’ someone asks Nightcrawler and the Beast, as they, Wolverine, Storm, Scott “Cyclops” Summers and Jean Grey stand in the foyer of the Xavier Mansion. Storm tells Henry and Kurt that they are just going to Harry’s Hideaway for a few drinks. ‘Wolverine even promised not to start another bar fight’ she adds. ‘We’ll see’ Logan remarks. Kurt tells the others to go and have a lovely evening, as he will be fine, there is an Errol Flynn marathon on cable. Henry explains that he has to get back to the Avengers soon, before Jean tells them that it is alright, that she knows why they don’t want to come. ‘You do?’ Kurt asks. ‘Yes. But no matter how people may stare… I hope you both know just how beautiful you truly are’ she tells them. Kurt and Henry smile. ‘Oh believe me. We do. Now have a good night’ Henry tells his friends.
Shortly, Kurt is leaping through rings of fire, while Henry hangs from some cables and plays a game of chess. ‘I thought they would never leave. Obstacle chess, round give. This time you’re going down, McCoy. I hope you brought a nice suit to wear to church with me in the morning’ Kurt calls out. ‘I think not, Wagner. I think you’ll be doing my laundry for another month’ Henry replies, before announcing ‘Checkmate!’ and Kurt exclaims ‘Verdammt!’
Present:
‘Checkmate. Kurt…?’ the Beast, wide-eyed, utters, horrified. ‘Henry. You’re choking me’ Kurt gasps. ‘GAAGH!’ the Beast exclaims, pulling away from Kurt as Storm pulls the sword from his back. The Beast grins, ‘KURT! Oh my stars and garters!’ he declares, wrapping his arms around his friend, who smile back, and utters ‘You’re still…choking me’. They get to their feet, and the Beast wipes a tear from his eyes, telling Kurt that he doesn’t know what came over him, and that he cannot believe this. ‘You look good, Henry. I like the new face. Do you think you might stick with this one for more than a few months?’ he asks. ‘Now that you’ve come back to life, do you think you might refrain from dying again?’ the Beast responds. ‘Henry…’ Kurt begins, until Storm interrupts, telling her friends that they can catch up while they are sailing. ‘The ship is ours’ she reports.
‘Indeed it is. And we haven’t a moment to spare. We must find the rest of the X-Men before my father does’ Kurt announces. ‘Bamf?’ one of the blue Bamfs asks, dropping down in front of Kurt, handing him a pirate’s hat. ‘Ah, thank you, little one’ Kurt smiles, before telling Storm and Henry that he hopes they have been studying their sailor’s knots. ‘The Bamfs…you sent them to the school, didn’t you? Did you tell them to steal my coffee maker?’ the Beast asks. Kurt replies that he told them to bring him, but now he fears their friends are the ones in need of it. Kurt takes the wheel of the pirate ship: ‘So weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen, my crew. And prepare for rough seas. We’ve XZ-Men to rescue. And if need be…we’ll sail right into Hel itself!’ he boasts, as the pirate ship starts to sail away, the other one almost completely sunken.
‘AHHH! My face is melting! Quick, freeze my eyeballs before I…’ Iceman shouts as he sits up, only to discover that he is not melting anymore. ‘That’s good. Not melting is good’ Bobby utters, before asking if this means he is already dead. ‘How do I know I’m not dead?’ he wonders, adding that he needs to pee. ‘Do dead men need to pee?’ he enquires, supposing that could be his hell - always having to pee. Bobby looks up and notices several pairs of yellow eyes gazing back at him. ‘Um, hello? Does anybody here know if I’m dead? Or if I’m about to be?’ he asks. ‘You’re not dead, Bobby Drake’ a voice calls out. Bobby looks up and sees Firestar standing over him. ‘Because if you’re dead, then I’m dead. And there’s no way I’m dead. Trust me, right now…I feel more alive than ever’ Firestar exclaims, with one of the Bamfs sitting on her shoulders, she thinks to herself ‘I just set Hell on fire. Please, let me be an X-Man forever’.
‘Angelica! Way to go, new girl. You saved us. You got us out of Hell’ Bobby remarks, standing up. ‘Well…’ Angelica begins, as Bobby asks ‘Wait, we’re not still in Hell, are we? Please let us not be in Hell. My eyeballs just got unmelted’ Bobby declares.
Angelica tells him that she doesn’t think they are in Hell, but that she didn’t get them out. ‘They did’ she announces, referring to the many, many Bamfs that have gathered around them in the dark caverns, illuminated only by a small burst of energy from Firestar. ‘Whoa. Okay, I don’t have to pee anymore’ Bobby announces as he looks at all the Bamfs. Angelica tells him not to worry, that they won’t hurt them, as they saved them. ‘I was…setting Hell on fire when a couple of these little guys popped up out of nowhere and just…bamfed us away’ Angelica reveals.
Angelica continues, remarking that she isn’t sure, but that she thinks they are somewhere on the outskirts of Hell - that she thinks this is where the Bamfs live. ‘I don’t suppose you speak Bamf, do you?’ she ass Bobby. ‘All I’ve ever heard them say…is “Bamf” and sometimes “Whiskey”’ Bobby explains. ‘Whiskey?’ one of the Bamfs calls out. Bobby remarks that if this is really where they are from, then maybe they can figure out once and for all just what the heck is going on with these things. ‘What are they and why they built the machine that brought us here. And why they were ever in the Jean Grey School in the first place’ Bobby states, peering through a hole in the cavern wall. He suggests to Angelica that they spread out and look for clues. ‘Like cave paintings. Or maybe a magic sword. There’s almost always a magic sword’.
‘You’ve been out for a while, Bobby. And I haven’t seen anything here but Bamfs and more -’ Angelica begins when suddenly, there is a BAMF and Nightcrawler teleports before them. ‘Thank Heavens you’re both alive. You are alive, aren’t you? Around here it’s sometimes hard to tell’ Nightcrawler smiles. ‘Ha haaa! Us alive? I can’t believe you’re alive, Kurt!’ Bobby exclaims, throwing his arms around his friend. ‘Still dead, actually, but it’s great to see you as well, Bobby’ Nightcrawler replies, adding ‘I think you’re giving me frostbite’. ‘Hi, I’m…’ Angelica begins to introduce herself, but Kurt takes her hand and kisses it, ‘Angelica Jones, Firestar. Yes, I’ve heard. My Bamfs tell me you nearly burned Hell itself to the ground’. Kurt congratulates Angelica, and welcomes her to the X-Men.
Kurt tells Bobby and Angelica that they must hurry, as he left Henry and Ororo in charge of the ship, and he fears they don’t know their port from their poop deck. ‘Ororo is safe? Oh thanks goodness’ Angelica remarks, while Bobby tells Kurt that he needs to know what is going on here. ‘You can start with all these Bamfs. What the hell are they?’ Bobby asks. Kurt strokes the head of the Bamf on his shoulder, and replies ‘Isn’t it obvious? Don’t you see the resemblance? They’re my flesh and blood. They’re all my little brothers’ he announces. ‘Little brothers? All of them? Your old man, Azazel…has been really busy’ Bobby remarks. ‘Indeed. Though the Bamfs didn’t begin life as my kin. They were born in the depths of Hell’ Kurt reveals, frowning as he crouches down beside the little Bamfs.
Flashback images, narrated by Nightcrawler:
Kurt reveals that the Bamfs’s mother was a giant maggot, and their father a changeling in the form of a face-eating lamprey. ‘It was love at first sight, I’m sure’ he jokes, revealing that the babies were forgotten as soon as they were born - left to die on the Brimstone Plains. But, the babies lived, they survived in the very shadow of pandemonium, as scavengers, as gremlins, as things lower than the lowest beast of the pit. And it was there that Kurt’s father found them, on one of his raids - he found them starving, living off the scabs of the damned, and the Devil’s sewage - and so, Azazel fed them. He fed them all the blood they could swallow. His blood, which changed them, remade them in his image, and bound them to his evil will. And thus, Azazel’s army grew, and the raids continued - which is where Kurt came in - he found one of Azazel’s little red soldiers left behind in Heaven - and made him a deal of his own.
Present:
‘A deal my father could never match. Now, please, we really must hurry’ Kurt tells Bobby and Angelica, who asks ‘So wait…you turned the red Bamfs into blue Bamfs, but…how?’ Angelica reminds Kurt that his father had them drink his blood to turn them red. ‘But you don’t have any blood, do you? Since you’re… you know… dead?’ Kurt hangs his head, and tells her that she is right - and announces that it wasn’t blood that he promised them. Suddenly, one of the little blue Bamfs teleports in. ‘Bamf. Bamf Bamf’ he exclaims. ‘I understand. But they’re out there somewhere. Keep looking’ he instructs the Bamf, adding that they have to find his friends soon, or he fears they never will. ‘Kurt…’ Bobby begins, but Kurt interrupts: ‘I’m sorry, but no more questions. We have to go. Now’ he urges, adding that war is coming, and they won’t be ready until all of them are out of the wilderness.
‘You’re not going to make it’ Northstar calls out to Wolverine as he hovers behind him, the snow continuing to fall down on them. Wolverine is knee-high in the snow, as Northstar hugs himself and admits that he isn’t sure he is going to make it himself. ‘If I fall…keep going’ Wolverine calls out. ‘That’s an order from your headmaster’ he adds. ‘Then don’t fall’ Northstar replies, before announcing that he is going to take another look around. He turns and flies away, while warning Logan that whatever he does, he can’t fall. Wolverine continues through the snow, but only makes it several feet, before he lands in the snow with a FUMP and it continues to build up around him as his mind wanders back…
Flashback:
‘I know how I’m gonna die’ Logan tells Kurt as they sit at a bar late one night. ‘Belly full of whiskey. Face full of arrows. Surrounded by piles of ninjas’ he explains. ‘Me alone… on a blood-drenched floor. That’s how I die’ Wolverine adds. ‘Surrounded by dead ninjas?’ Kurt asks. ‘Not by friends? By a loving wife perhaps, by children?’ Wolverine holds another shot of alcohol towards his mouth, ‘Me with kids? I don’t think that’d be such a good idea, Elf. Trust me, it’s better if I die alone’ Wolverine assures him. ‘And trust me, mein freund, when the moment comes…no one wants to die alone’ Kurt retorts.
Present:
Wolverine’s claws poke up through the snow, and Logan utters ‘You were right, Elf. Damn your blue hide. You were right’. Finding the strength to go on, Wolverine starts to crawl through the snow. ‘Can’t…die yet. Not ‘til I find Kurt…’ he utters. ‘Not ‘til I…save him’ Wolverine decides, gritting his teeth, one hand in front of the other, pulling himself forward. ‘Bamf?’ one of the blue Bamfs asks, cutely as it appears before Wolverine. ‘I hope you weren’t planning on dying out here, mein freund. Not when we’ve whiskey to be drunk and pirates to be stabbed’ a voice calls out. Logan looks up, and embraces Kurt, who smiles, and helps his dear friend to stand. ‘Is there really…  whiskey?’ Logan asks. ‘No. Sorry. Just wanted to make sure you had a reason to live. But there are pirates. Lots and lots of evil pirates’ Kurt assures Logan, as Angelica appears with Jean-Paul, projecting a ball of heat around them both.
‘You’re real’ Logan declares. ‘You’re really here. You’re not dead anymore’ he adds. ‘Well…let’s just focus on the fact that you’re not dead’ Kurt suggests. ‘Pirates, huh? How we gonna fight that?’ Logan enquires. ‘Oh, just you want and see’ Kurt smiles, before teleporting everyone away.
Later, Wolverine, Iceman, Storm, the Beast, Northstar and Firestar appear to be in better spirits. Some of them have even added pirate attributes to their appearance. Several ships float in the distance. ‘It’s the entire fleet. With my father himself in command. This is it, the final battle. We lose…a madman will pillage the Afterlife for eternity’ Kurt announces, before asking his crew if they are ready for this fight. ‘You tell us, Captain’ Wolverine grins. Kurt peers through a telescope, ‘I dare say… I was born for this. Raise the flag, X-Men’ he instructs. ‘And let’s go be amazing!’


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The Quest for Nightcrawler, conclusion
The Jean Grey School, where an epic battle for the fate of all humanity is about to be waged. ‘Bamfs! Kill kill kill!’ a red Bamf cries out in a hidden space between the walls, where several red Bamfs are about to face off against several blue Bamfs, one of whom replies ‘Bamfs… not think so!’, and with that the two factions of Bamfs attack each other. Three X-Men are in the space, too, Warren Worthington III a.k.a. Angel, Rachel Grey and the alien Warbird, who asks ‘Which shade of beast am I meant to be stabbing?’ Rachel tells her to fight the red ones. Warbird points out that they are trying to destroy the portal, Angel frowns and wonders what has happened to their friends, as they just vanished. ‘Where could that portal have sent them?’ he asks. Rachel concentrates, then reports that their minds are outside of her range of telepathy, so their only chance of finding them is keeping the portal open. A blue Bamf stares up at Warbird, infatuated, while Warbird remarks that if the portal is open, they have no idea what else could come through. ‘So then we cross our fingers and hope that whatever it is, it comes with a friendly face’ Rachel declares.
Meanwhile, beyond the realm of the flesh, the deceased Kurt “Nightcrawler” Wagner and several blue Bamfs have found the assistance of some of Kurt’s old teammates and friends from the X-Men - Ororo “Storm” Munroe, Wolverine a.k.a. Logan, Bobby “Iceman” Drake Henry McCoy a.k.a. the Beast, Jean-Paul “Northstar” Beaubier and Angelica Jones a.k.a. Firestar. They are aboard a pirate ship, and Kurt frowns: ‘Here they come! All hands on deck! Crew of the Warship Xavier. Prepare to repel boarders. Let’s push them back into the sea’. Wolverine pops his claws, while Iceman replies ‘Aye aye, captain’. And so they come. The demon pirate hordes of Nightcrawler’s father, Azazel. They are the motley dregs of the Afterlife, screaming curses in a thousand heathen tongues - they have come to burn Heaven and pillage Hell. They have come to grind the heroes into grease and gristle. ‘You just got repelled. Bub’ Wolverine snarls as he shoves his claws through one demon pirate. Wolverine returns to Nightcrawler’s side, the two friends together again. But the pirates have come to kill them all - even those who are already dead.
Northstar darts about over the pirates, while Storm punches one of them in the face. The Beast grabs one with his feet and leaps into the air, while Firestar blasts a beam of microwave energy and Iceman shoots frozen cannonballs. Nightcrawler thinks to himself that this battle was as much his making as his father’s, as it was he who brought the X-Men here, put his friends in danger, put their souls in peril. He teleports about in quick succession, knowing that he has to save them - he has to be willing to give his all - to die again, if need be. Or worse. Suddenly, ‘Captain ‘Crawler. I believe it’s time we sent you back to Heaven, boy. Slice into pretty little ribbons’ Azazel exclaims as he teleports in front of his son. They battle, sword clashing against sword as they teleport in a quick series of BAMFS, while Kurt shouts ‘I! Am! Not! Your! BOY!’ He knocks Azazel’s sword out of his hand, while the X-Men continue to battle the demon pirates.
Azazel comes to a standstill on a beam above the deck, as Nightcrawler exclaims ‘Never was. Never will be’ and offers him something to help him remember that - but as Kurt moves in for a punch, Azazel teleports out of his reach. On another mast now, Azazel shouts ‘To hell with the ship! Torch it all! Make the X-Men burn!’ Several of the pirates follow command, tossing flaming sticks towards the mutants, as Firestar declares ‘Two can play that game, pal’ and releases a blast of microwave energy at one of the pirates. Nightcrawler teleports onto the mast where Azazel is standing,
‘Don’t look now, but your boat appears to be on fire, captain’ Azazel remarks. ‘And your pirates appear to be dropping like flies’ Nightcrawler replies. Azazel asks him if he really think that matters, as there are plenty more where they came from. ‘Believe me. Tell me though… can you say the same about your friends?’ Azazel grins. ‘No… don’t you dare -’ Nightcrawler begins, and teleports immediately after his father.
Iceman informs Wolverine that the pirates are starting fires faster than he can put them out, so their ship won’t last. ‘Remind me… other than dress up like pirates and fight everybody, what was our plan again…?’ Bobby asks. Wolverine tells Firestar, he wants every ship in flames. ‘This ends here!’ Wolverine shouts. Suddenly, Azazel teleports behind Wolverine and shoves his sword through Logan’s chest. ‘I couldn’t agree more’ Azazel grins, while Wolverine cries out in pain. Nightcrawler teleports to Logan’s side, and calls out to his friend, helping him as he falls to the deck. ‘Always hated… damn teleporters’ Wolverine mutters, blood starting to pool around his body. ‘Oh, God. You sure picked a hell of a time not to have a healing factor’ Kurt remarks to Logan. Logan just tells Kurt to forget about him, and not to stop fighting.
Kurt suddenly hears a voice in his head, as someone tells him ‘Kurt… don’t do this. Don’t do what’s in your mind’. Kurt looks around, confused, ‘What? Who is this? Who’s in my head?’ he wonders. The voice informs him that archangels are on their way now. ‘Let them handle this. Send the X-Men home’ the voice instructs him. Kurt looks out over the water and sees a figure standing over it, a glow around him. ‘Come back with me. Back where you belong’ the figure pleads. ‘Professor Xavier?’ Kurt asks. Indeed, it is Professor Charles Xavier, who tells Kurt to come back to Heaven, as he has earned his rest. ‘What you’re thinking of doing… cannot be undone. Think about what that means. Please… this isn’t your fight anymore’ Charles tells Kurt. But Kurt closes his eyes, and tells himself that Xavier’s army may fall, but Azazel will never be chained. ‘What jail could hold the world’s most powerful teleporter? Only one’ Kurt thinks. ‘Kurt, no!’ Charles calls out. Kurt tells the Professor that he is sorry, but points out Azazel is his father, which makes him his responsibility. Kurt turns to one of the Bamfs nearby: ‘You. You remember the deal we made’ he asks. ‘Bamf’ the creature responds. ‘Then tell your brothers it’s time’ Kurt instructs it. ‘Tell them I’m ready to pay what I owe’.
Back at the Jean Grey School, the portal starts to glow. ‘What’s happening to the blue ones? They’ve stopped fighting. What are they doing?’ Warbird calls out as the blue Bamfs gather around the glowing portal. ‘It’s time. In their minds they just keep saying…”it’s time”’ Rachel explains. The blue Bamfs all link hands, and suddenly, their form changes and they mutate into one large bizarre creature. ‘And just when you thought things couldn’t get any weirder…’ Warbird remarks, while one of the red Bamfs bites into her armor.
On the pirate ship, Nightcrawler turns back to Wolverine, telling his friend to hold on, as it won’t be long now. ‘You got something to do. Go to it, Elf. Just…prop me up against some railing so I can stab somebody in the shins’ Wolverine asks. Kurt teleports up to the beam where Azazel I standing. Azazel asks Nightcrawler if his little friend is dead yet. ‘If so, come with me, and we’ll seek his damned soul in the depths of Hell’ Azazel offers. Their swords clash once more, ‘Still no? Ah well, then I suppose this is where we part. My little Bamfs tell me there are archangels on the way. That is a fight I’m afraid must avoid’ Azazel remarks. He declares that they are setting sail for the blood red rapids of the River Styx, where they shall live to pirate again. ‘Alas, the same cannot be said for your ship and crew’ Azazel tells his son. His razor-sharp tail slices Kurt’s face, and he adds ‘What a poor pirate you turned out to be, Kurt. What a poor excuse for a son’.
Blood trickles down Kurt’s face and he does not look happy. He narrows his yellow eyes: ‘Now. Do it now!’ Kurt shouts. Instantly, several Bamfs teleport in front of Azazel and lunge at him. Kurt knows that the only reason his father ever sired children was to use them as pawns. ‘Get back, you damn traitors!’ Azazel calls out. Kurt recalls that once upon a time, Azazel sought to use the power in the blood of his children to transport him and his armies to Earth. Back then, Kurt fought to stop him. But now, now he finally gets to make his father proud. Kurt grins, and his form starts to fade - before there is a powerful BAMF and an instant later, everyone falls through a portal. Azazel looks up, shocked, while the Bamfs hold him down. Kurt, naked, stands in the darkened room, looking at his hands, while Azazel asks ‘What did you just do?’ ‘Fulfilled my destiny. The one you always wanted for me, father’ Kurt replies. He takes his sword and slices his hand, blood pours from it.
Azazel tells Kurt that he is utterly foolish and asks him if he has any idea what he has just done, or how many will die because of it? ‘I know exactly what I’ve done. You’ve just been shanghaied, father. Who’s the better pirate now?’ Kurt replies as he punches Azazel hard in the face. Pairs of yellow eyes stare out from the darkness - the Bamfs, and Kurt looks up, to see Rachel, Angel and Warbird. ‘Kurt? Oh my God, it’s really you’ Rachel utters at seeing her former teammate. ‘Hello, Rachel’ Kurt grins. He thinks to himself that he used Azazel’s own blood magic to cut him off from his armies and to bind him to the Earth forever. To make this world his prison cell, and Kurt his jailor. He saved billions.
Back on the pirate ship, Iceman helps Wolverine up as Storm calls out to the others, ‘Kurt said to grab a Bamf! Everybody! It’s time to go’. but as the pirate ship around them burns, Wolverine ask ‘Wait… where’s Kurt?’ And, out on the water, the Professor holds up a hand as if he is waving goodbye.
There is another BAMF at the portal, and Kurt thinks to himself ‘I saved my friends’ while Angel looks closely into the portal. ‘Suddenly I…I see…pirate ships burning…angels. I see so many angels’ But Kurt pushes Warren away from the portal. ‘I came back to life. And closed the door behind me. I…I came back to life. Oh, God. What have I done?’ Kurt wonders, turning away from the X-Men as Iceman and Firestar assist Wolverine.
Later, Kurt sits on the roof of the Jean Grey School and gazes up at the stars. Wolverine appears behind him, a few bandages on his body, he informs Kurt that Hank can’t wait to give him the tour anytime he is ready. ‘Shouldn’t you still be in bed?’ Kurt asks, not turning to look at Logan. ‘The wonders of mutant medicine. You won’t believe what you’ve missed’ Logan replies. Kurt explains that there is so much to take in, and he just needs time. Logan sits down beside his close friend, ‘Sure, I get it. We’re all so happy to have you back, but I know… I know this ain’t been easy for you’. Logan adds that he got a glimpse of where Kurt was, of the peace in his head - it is no simple thing to walk away from paradise. ‘The funny part is, while I was there…I spent my time dreaming of here, wishing for one last adventure. And now… I just can’t stop thinking… about how I squandered Heaven. And wondering if I can ever go back’ Kurt admits.
Wolverine understands what has transpired and asks Kurt if he made some kind of a deal with the Bamfs for this body, for all of this. ‘Kurt…what exactly did you promise them in return?’ Logan enquires. ‘Kurt?’ he calls out. Kurt frowns and asks himself ‘What could a dead man possibly have to barter with?’, before he smiles at Wolverine and tells him ‘Nothing, Logan. I gave them nothing at all’. Wolverine starts to leave the roof, while Kurt gazes out over the Jean Grey School. ‘My name is Kurt Wagner. And this has been the story of how I fell from Heaven and fell back into life. Of how I sailed the seas in the Land of the Dead and saved billions of souls. And all it cost me… was my own’.