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Alpha: Omega, part 2
Can you believe your own eyes?
Here, before Dr. Horatio Huxley, is Canada’s hero, the leader of Alpha Flight, Guardian locked in combat with…Guardian!? All that separates these identical men are the twin electromagnetic fields that crackle around their Canadian engineered flight suits…and a decade or two. But then Dr. Huxley already knows this, doesn’t he? But what he cannot understand is how this particular piece of the past…has come back to haunt him. Luckily, Huxley is not alone in his confusion.
‘Who are you?’ asks the young Guardian, current leader of Canada’s premiere super hero team, Alpha Flight - at least, the government affiliated team that is. ‘Who do I look like? The question is who are you?’ asks the older James MacDonald Hudson, leader of the Alpha Flight team consisting of the original members. The young Guardian, who is easy to tell apart from the older one by the red stripe on his head covering declares ‘I’m Guardian! Leader of Alpha Flight!’
‘Funny, I was about to say the same thing!’ the older Guardian exclaims. ‘Though with far greater authority’ jokes Walter “Sasquatch” Langkowski of the original grouping. Michael Twoyoungmen a.k.a. Shaman of the original Alphans tells his teammates to subdue the other Alpha Flight quickly, as Weapon X is their key objective. Caught between the two groupings of heroes, the new Weapon X declares ‘Tsk tsk, luv. We don’t plan to come easy. We don’t plant to come at all!’
This confusion means something to all the members of the official Alpha Flight line up - Guardian thinks that this other Guardian cannot be him. Can he? Heather Hudson a.k.a. Vindicator stands sullen in the pouring rain - for could anyone withstand a fifth resurrection of their dead husband? As for Eugene “Puck” Judd, it is bad enough he had one Mac standing between him and his feelings for Heather - what will he do now with two of them? Adrian Corbo a.k.a. Flex has just been starting to feel confident with his place in the team - but that isn’t rain water rushing from his armpits, it’s the perspiration of unbridled fear. As for Adrian’s older brother, Jared a.k.a. Radius, he must be feeling something as he stares into the eyes of Sasquatch - the teammate whose death he caused. Only Manbot remains emotionally unaffected by the return of the original Alphans - though that is his own curse.
Judd tells Manbot to give him a reading on Sasquatch, pointing out that he is supposed to be dead. Judd asks if Sasquatch is real or just a Synthoid Department H has sent out. Manbot states that life signs are normal, to which confuses Flex. Judd leaps towards his former teammate and informs Walter that they saw him dead. Judd tells his old friend that he is glad he isn’t dead, before pointing out that he has got a lot of explaining to do. Sasquatch swipes at Judd, telling him that he has nothing to say to the pawns of Department H’s evil machinations - even if Judd is an unwitting one.
Heather flies towards Northstar and asks him why he has come here, not to mention why he is attacking them, before reminding him that they were friends for years. Jean-Paul Beaubier replies that the past is history and that he could never align himself with those who would do such brutal damage to his sister. ‘Aurora? She’s been -’ Heather, begins, only for the young woman in question, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier a.k.a. Aurora to fly past Heather, and giving her former friend a filthy look, Aurora calls her brother to her side, and they clasp hands. ‘Let our touch blind this gnat and send her falling!’ Aurora declares cruelly, which sends Heather plummeting down where she lands on Manbot.
‘Oh my gosh! What do I do?’ exclaims Flex, to which Judd tells him to keep his head glued on, as they have to defend their own without losing Weapon X. Shaman reaches into his medicine pouch and addresses Flex. Flex asks Shaman what he wants, to which Shaman remarks that he is called “Shaman” as much for his wisdom as for the powers at his disposal within his medicine pouch. Tossing some totems at Flex, Shaman advises him to take his teammates and leave this area immediately. Adrian is about to reply when the totems become very large, and make their way towards the young Alphan. Adrian could still get away before they reach him, but he knows his teammates are counting on him, so using his mutant powers to transform his limbs into razor sharp metal, Flex begins hacking away at the totems.
Nearby, Jared might be proud of his mother if he could see him right now - but all Jared can see is his ten-foot-tall guilty conscience looking him dead in the eye. ‘I killed you’ Radius exclaims. Walter points out that “killed” is past tense, referring to things that have already happened, while future tense is reserved for actions yet to happen. ‘As in “I’m going to hurt you if you don’t step aside”!’ Jared remarks that Sasquatch can talk this time, before declaring ‘Cool. Then say your prayers - because you’re about to eat some serious force field, you ugly big, wookie!’ The handsome Alphan extends his force field and knocks Sasquatch to the ground, declaring that if everyone is going to blame him for Sasquatch’s death for the rest his life when he didn’t even mean for it to happen - then he may as well make it happen now.
The older Guardian tells his younger counterpart that he doesn’t know what kind of trick Department H is playing on him, to which the young Mac declares that it isn’t a trick, he is James MacDonald Hudson, born in London, Ontario. The older Guardian remarks that anyone can memorize some trivia, before asking his younger counterpart when he was living in London, what it was he did with the Horrocks’ pet dog after he accidentally hit him with his bike when he was seven. ‘The Horrocks? Who are the Horrocks?’ Mac replies. ‘Just as I thought!’ exclaims the older Guardian as he unleashes a mighty blast of electromagnetic energy which knocks the young Mac to the ground.
Manbot announces that his power cell is damaged, and that systems failure is imminent. He initiates “sleep” mode for power conservation and overrides the tracking target, before launching several missiles into the air in an attempt to capture Northstar and Aurora. Northstar boasts that one can never stop siblings who can fly at the speed of light with mere explosives, when suddenly, the missiles unleash nets, and Aurora screams as she is captured in a net. Jean-Paul calls to his sister while Manbot informs him that he has calculated their speed of velocity and it is not the speed of light, adding that the projectiles are not explosives. Aurora falls to the ground and Manbot stands over here, announcing that he has contained his target, while Aurora screams to be set free.
The young Guardian calls to Puck, ‘You know them best! How do we win this?’ he asks. ‘Duck!’ exclaims Puck. ‘Duck? What good will that do?’ Mac asks, when suddenly Radius comes careening past them, tossed across the site by Sasquatch, he lands smack in the Alpha Jet. Sasquatch declares that he has kicked Radius’ butt and asks if anyone else is interested in becoming past tense. Judd leaps on Sasquatch and exclaims that the Walt he knows is logical, while now he is acting like a monster! ‘Name-calling, Eugene? That’s the best you can do?’ Sasquatch asks.
The young Mac flies towards his senior and shouts ‘I hid him in the woods~’ ‘Who?’ The older Guardian asks. ‘The Horrocks’ dog, Pepper. Now I’m gonna do the same to you!’ shouts the younger Guardian, when suddenly, Heather, ever the voice of reason, screams ‘ALL OF YOU STOP IT THIS INSTANT!’ Indeed, everyone does, and Heather takes to the air so she is flying above the two teams of Alpha Flight, including many people whom she lead for years, and who were her friends.
Heather tells everyone that in case they hadn’t noticed, Weapon X has escaped, meaning all of this chaos if not only stupid, but completely pointless. She asks how many times one super hero team has to fight another before they all learn once and for all that all it does is let the bad guys escape? Looking at the younger of the Guardian, before turning to the other, she declares that they all want answers here, some more than others. Dropping back to the ground, Heather faces Sasquatch and Shaman and reminds them that they have a mutual, extremely dangerous quarry and they are all Alphans in one way or another, so they must cooperate until they have reached their goal and saved their country.
Heather remarks that Shaman looks to be the spokesperson for her former teammates and asks him what he has to say. Restrained in Manbot’s netting still, a delirious Aurora exclaims that they will never cooperate with them, that they must unite with their - she screams, and passes out. Heather turns to Aurora and asks what is wrong with her, but Northstar doesn’t answer, so she turns back to Shaman and asks him to tell her what is wrong with Jeanne-Marie. Heather begins to offer help, when Shaman agrees that perhaps it is not necessary for them to fight each other, before revealing that the man Heather seeks is the cause of and answer to Aurora’s problems.
Shaman explains to Heather that those problems were caused by the men who she works for, so they are not at liberty to trust or cooperate with them. Shaman warns Heather not to continue this chase, and exclaims that they will do whatever it takes to save Jeanne-Marie. With that, the five original Alphans begin to disappear in a small storm of dust that Shaman let out of his medicine pouch. ‘Former allegiances not-withstanding’ he adds. Then, as suddenly as they appeared, they are gone.
‘For a physician, Dr. Twoyoungmen could sure use some work on his bedside manner’ exclaims the young Guardian, before suggesting that they should follow. ‘Follow him, or Weapon X?’ asks Heather, to which Flex asks whichever one they pick, what will they follow with? For Radius wrecked the jet. Stuck in Alpha Flight’s jet, Jared mutters ‘Did not you little snitch!’ ‘Where’s Madison Jeffries when you need him?’ mumbles Guardian, as they could have used his transmutative power to repair the damaged Alpha Jet.
Suddenly, Manbot, who is suffering from some serious damage, announces that he has detected a life form in a tree 4 meters East. ‘Tree? What kind of an idiot would hide in a tree?’ Heather asks. Everyone looks up to the tree, where Dr. Horatio Huxley has been watching Alpha Flight versus Alpha Flight and exclaims ‘No! Don’t come near me!’ Suddenly, his jet pack launches him high into the air, and Flex asks if it is Weapon X. ‘Not unless he gained two or three hundred pounds’ Guardian exclaims, before using his electromagnetic abilities to short-circuit Huxley’s jet pack.
As Huxley thinks he is safe, he boasts to himself that they will never know who it was that spied upon them from that stately Maple tree, when suddenly Mac powers interact with the jet pack, and Huxley screams for help as he plummets towards the ground. Manbot catches Huxley in a device which he extends from his body, ‘Subject apprehended’ he announces, while Judd remarks that it is Department H’s own mad scientist.
‘Turn me loose, you pusillanimous pile of programmed puss!’ Huxley shouts at Manbot, to which Heather tells Huxley that just because he didn’t create Manbot is no reason to insult him, before remarking that she wishes she could say she is surprised to see him, but points out that Huxley is always lurking behind anything unsavory. Heather exclaims that they were set up here, and points out that since Huxley was peeping from the bushes, she thinks he is guilty unless he can prove otherwise.
‘What? How dare you accuse me of skulduggery?’ Huxley shouts, still stuck in Manbot’s “arm”, before claiming that he tried to keep them out of this for their own sake. Huxley declares that this is a power struggle between himself and Department H that he knew would only cause them all great outrage. Judd tells Huxley that before he flaps his lips any further, he should know that he has some inside info about this, and tells him to share his tale, but to know that he is taking a tooth for every word that he thinks is false. ‘Very well…my tale begins in the horrific halls of Department H, months ago’…
(Shown with flashback images, takes place sometime shortly after Alpha Flight (2nd series) #1):
Huxley’s version of events:
‘My hunt for a snack machine led me to a secret lab in the bowels of the building - a lab littered with corpses ravaged by a deadly bacteria’. Huxley claims that he was aghast and immediately took himself and his enormous rage to then-director General Clarke, and apparently told Clarke that this ludicrous folly must be cancelled immediately.
Judd and the rest of Alpha Flight listen to Huxley, but Judd doesn’t believe him, for his details are incongruous with those he has read in “Curiosity”, the file which was mysteriously emailed to him. The file claimed that Huxley was the projects biggest proponent.
Huxley claims that when it became clear that Clarke would not halt the project, he felt a moral obligation to run it, with the secret agenda of curing the test subjects and ridding them of the deadly bacteria coursing through them. ‘I am here to help you’ he told the poor subjects.
Puck’s version of events according to “Curiosity”:
Apparently, Huxley ran through subjects faster than they could be delivered. ‘Success, General Clarke, will require more time, more money and more bodies’ he apparently said to the now deceased Clarke.
Huxley’s version of events:
Huxley reveals that in the middle of his travails there was a startling development when he was brought the former Alphan Lillian Crawley-Jeffries a.k.a. Diamond Lil, who had already been infected with the bacteria somehow, and further tests were ordered.
Puck’s version of events according to “Curiosity”:
In reality, Huxley ordered Epsilon guards to ambush Diamond Lil when she came in search of her husband, Madison Jeffries. ‘Do it!’ Huxley exclaims gleefully.
Huxley’s version of events:
According to Huxley, despite his “undying respect” for the heroes of Canada, there was little he could do for Diamond Lil but place her in stasis. ‘I’m so sorry, my dear, sweet child…’ he said to her.
Puck’s version of events according to “Curiosity”:
The file claimed that it wasn’t Huxley who saved Lillian’s life, ‘Stop resisting me!’ he would shout at her, but Lillian’s own super-hardened molecular structure which held the bacteria outside her skin, where it now resides like a parasite.
Huxley’s version of events:
Huxley claims that he was next ordered, at gunpoint, to infect a New Zealand terrorist apprehended in Thunder Bay. ‘How dare you force me to perform these transgressions?!’ he supposedly said, ‘No matter what this man has done he doesn’t deserve this!’
Puck’s version of events according to “Curiosity”:
The New Zealander was a tourist, not a terrorist, and Huxley eyed him up like a vampire would eye a bloody steak. ‘Scuse me, luvvies, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere on the tour!’ the tourist exclaimed as he approached Huxley and a group of Epsilons. ‘Indeed, the exit is right this way’ Huxley told the New Zealander, beckoning him to follow.
(Present)
Huxley exclaims that under great duress he did what he was ordered, and reveals that the bacteria did not kill the last subject, but consume him. He explains that somehow the bacteria mutated and replaced the New Zealand “terrorists” organs with its own collective consciousness, the two becoming a hybrid of man and infection. Heather asks Puck if that jibes with what he read, to which Judd replies ‘Let’s say it does’ before asking Huxley if he knows Weapon X so well, where is it that he thinks he went and why.
The “good” Doctor Huxley replies that Weapon X is an unpredictable and unstable wild card and explains that all that is evident is that he has been heading West since his escape. Huxley remarks that if Weapon X’s humanity is in control, then he would postulate that he is seeking more power to keep his environmental suit cooled, and thus preventing the bacteria from reproducing. However, if the bacteria is in control, then he fears that it is seeking a means to rupture the suit and spread itself to millions more human hosts.
Well, which is it, Weapon X? Which side rules his troubled soul as he escapes through the Calgary sewers at an inhuman velocity? Is it a desire to remain in control of the bacteria that has laid siege to his body? Or is it something much more primal driving his actions? The powerful super being stops in the water for a moment, when suddenly he sees a worker being lowered into the sewer. Weapon X is hungry. As the man is lowered down into the sewer, he calls up to his co-worker and tells him that from the noises they are making, they rats down here must have gotten huge.
‘That’s right, luv. We’re human sized - if not quite human!’ Weapon X exclaims as he leaps up at the worker. But before Weapon X attacks him, he stops. ‘Raise the winch!’ the worker shouts to his colleague. What is it that keeps Weapon X from ripping open his suit and allowing himself to swarm over this fresh meat, then dine on it? That’s what his instincts are commanding him to do, isn’t it? ‘No! I won’t!’, ‘Yes, we will!’, ‘No!’ he shouts to himself as he leaps off the man and back into the water. As the man is raised up, he calls down to Weapon X and asks him if he needs some help. ‘Leave me alone! Leave us alone!’ Weapon X shouts back. ‘Us, us, us!’ Weapon X skulks off down the sewer. As long as he is at war with his instincts, then he will be a threat to the very humanity that he claims as his heritage.
At Department H, Gentry exclaims ‘I don’t think I believe what I am hearing!’ Lilli a.k.a. Ghost Girl asks Arlette “Murmur” Truffaut if Gentry is angry, to which Arlette replies that Gentry is just being official. ‘You battled Alpha Flight?’ he asks into his phone. ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but you are Alpha Flight!’ he exclaims, before asking about Weapon X.
Heather replies into his microphone that it was the original Alpha Flight, complete with their own original - ‘Guardian here, sir!’ Mac exclaims, grabbing Heather’s microphone and explaining that his is damaged. Mac informs Gentry that Weapon X escaped and that he will take full responsibility for the failure, before revealing that he has devised a follow-up plan, before adding that their jet was, well, destroyed.
Gentry replies by telling Guardian that he respects his professionalism, but that this is no normal situation and tells him not to consider this a reprimand, before informing him that they will rendezvous with his team at their location. Lilli smiles and asks Arlette if she heard that. ‘We’re meeting up with Flex! Oh?…And uh, Alpha!’ Sullenly, Arlette mutters that the two of them will probably be left in the ship due to their lack of training.
Back at the power station, Heather asks Mac if he is okay, to which Mac replies ‘Sure’ before turning away from her and walking off on his own. ‘As okay as a guy who just saw his older, exact double can be. Two Guardians? One of us has to be an impostor…is it me?’
The young James Hudson is not alone in his thoughts, for at the stadium where the original team are holding up, the older Guardian thinks to himself ‘Two Guardians? One of us has to be an impostor…is it me?’ While Northstar tends to his sister, Guardian turns to Shaman who is meditating and asks him if he could tell him - Sasquatch interrupts and points out that Michael is in a trance trying to find Weapon X, so he shouldn’t disturb him until he is done. ‘You know how cranky he can get’.
Walt and Mac begin to take a walk away from the others, and Walt can sense that Mac is troubled by something, so asks if he can help with anything. Mac replies that he is having trouble remembering his life. Walt tells him that it is not unexpected, considering what the Department did to him. Mac points out that he knows Walt told him already, but that he cannot keep it in his head.
(Shown with Flashback images)
Walt tells Guardian that he isn’t surprised, for what he pieced together is almost too much to believe. He reminds Mac that when things fell apart and everyone left the Department, only Mac maintained faith, believing that things would right themselves as they always had. Walt reminds Mac that it looked as though his instincts were correct, as Parliament reapportioned funding and Department H was back in business.
Sasquatch explains to Guardian that it was a very different Department H that they were interested in creating, one of which Guardian swore he would have no part of. However, it was then in which Guardians entire cerebral cortex was somehow wiped clean by the Department - as if all his thoughts had been downloaded, leaving his brain as nothing more than a blank hard drive. Sasquatch reveals that Mac’s battle suit was then programmed to carry him into space and hold him there until he died.
But something inside of Mac refused that fate, and somehow he managed a command to reverse his flight and bring him home, albeit in a haphazard manner, and by a coincidence of astronomical proportions, Mac was delivered near the Antarctic base where Sasquatch was working at the time. ‘And the rest, as they say, is recent history’.
(Present)
Suddenly, Aurora screams, ‘Release us! Release us!’ she shouts. Mac asks Sasquatch if that is also what happened to Jeanne-Maire, if that is why she is screaming. However, Aurora’s former lover explains to Mac that Aurora went to the Department after he had been sent away, as she was looking for help with her returning multiple personality disorder, however she was given a near-fatal injection of the Weapon X bacteria instead. Sasquatch explains that the bacteria is “eating” through Aurora’s personalities, and if it reaches her core persona, then she is doomed.
Sasquatch explains that Weapon X is somehow living with the bacteria, which is why they have to get to him at all costs. Northstar remains at his sisters side, and tells her to rest, before Shaman announces that he cannot see Weapon X himself, but that he has had a vision of his destination, so they must part immediately.
Meanwhile, near Vancouver, British Columbia, a small Department H hovercraft flits towards its destination, and inside, Flex exclaims ‘Are we there yet? I have to, you know…GO!’ Gentry tells Flex to hold his bladder as they are moving as fast as they can on very little information, and reminds everyone that this is a transport craft, not the Alpha Jet, and that he had to send the faster of his ships back to the Department with the injured Epsilons. Judd mutters that he wishes they could have gotten an upgrade, for it is a little cramped in here, even for a short guy like him.
‘I’ll tell you why it’s cramped!’ exclaims Radius as he elbows Huxley. ‘If that was meant as an insult to me, Jared Corbo, save your boisterous breath!’ Huxley replies. ‘How can I? You’re squeezing it out of me!’ Radius replies. Flex seems to have gotten over his need to go to the bathroom, as he smiles at Ghost Girl and tells her that he likes her costume. ‘Really? Thanks!’ Lilli exclaims happily.
Suddenly, Manbot comes back on-line and announces that he is replaying visual file number 36465-Delta. ‘I think the Manbot, he is about to explode!’ Murmur exclaims with her accent thick. A hazy image of Dr. Huxley is displayed from Manbot as he replays this event in which Huxley asked Manbot what the center of the triangulation was. Manbot replied that it was Devil’s Bay, in British Columbia, and Huxley seemed to know where Weapon X is heading for. ‘Gee. Guess whose been withholding information!’ Radius exclaims. A shocked Huxley mutters that he ordered Manbot to delete that file, and indeed, a recording of Manbot being told to delete the visual file is shown for everyone to see, including Manbot announcing that he deleted it.
‘How dare you defy my order, you walking garbage bin!’ Huxley shouts as he waddles over to Manbot and stares him straight in the face. Manbot whirs and clicks before exclaiming ‘File was deleted. File was restored’. Piloting the craft still, Judd remarks that it seems like their Mr. Huxley knows more than he is letting on. ‘That’s DOCTOR Huxley!’ the fat doctor shouts. Suddenly, Murmur goes over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder, she exclaims ‘Whatever. I believe, monsieur Huxley, it is time for you to…confess!’ With that, Huxley mutters ‘No! I will resist you infernal power of suggesting until the end of…Weapon X is traversing the continent to the…to the…Hell Pounder as it is nicknamed…the atomic incinerator at Devil’s Bay!’
As the aircraft hovers towards a strange looking structure located in a gully, Heather exclaims ‘Good Lord! What on Earth is it?’ Gentry announces that it is their destination and tells Puck to take them down. Once landed, everyone piles out of the craft and someone motions to all the staff, every last one of them is unconscious. Someone else asks if Weapon X hurt them, to which Heather points out that his touch would have killed them. Guardian remarks that it looks more like they are petrified, to which Judd exclaims that Weapon X might have powers Huxley hasn’t told them about.
There is no response, so everyone turns to where Huxley was last seen, until Ghost Girl announces that he is gone. Heather declares that Huxley tricked them into brining him here, but Judd tells her not to be too sure that this is Huxley’s doing, for whatever else Huxley may be, stealthy he isn’t. Guardian asks Manbot if he can get a reading on Huxley, to which Manbot only replies ‘Systems failure in 17 minutes’.
Suddenly, a commanding voice declares ‘Cease all actions!’ everyone turns to the direction of the voice and stares in shock. ‘Holy moley!’ exclaims Flex. ‘What? We must be seeing things!’ Heather remarks in disbelief…for standing before everyone is SNOWBIRD! Judd remarks that this would be a dandy reunion if she wasn’t six feet under. Alpha Flight’s former goddess stands her ground and simply tells her former teammates to turn away, as they are not welcome here!


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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

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Alpha: Omega, part 3
Do you know what the end of all things looks like?
In some mythologies, it takes the form of a giant bear. ‘You were warned to cease your pursuit of Weapon X, Alpha Flight! Turn away, or suffer the wrath of SNOWBIRD!’ exclaims the former Alphan Narya as she uses her shape changing abilities to morph into a giant polar bear at Devil’s Bay. Alpha Flight leap out of the way of their powerful - and supposedly dead - teammate. Ghost Girl a.k.a. Lilli, Alpha Flight’s newest associate calls to her not-official boyfriend Adrian “Flex” Corbo and points out that Snowbird is coming their way, and fast! Adrian tells Lilli not to worry, as he will protect her, if he can.
Eugene “Puck” Judd, James “Guardian” MacDonald Hudson, Jared “Radius” Corbo and Heather McNeil Hudson a.k.a. Vindicator all grab onto Snowbird in her polar bear form, and Judd mutters to Mac that he has experience in coming back from the other side of the grave, so how are they supposed to fight a deceased arctic goddess’ polar spirit guide? ‘Your guess is as good as mine’ Mac replies, before Radius points out that she is going for Gentry. Snowbird growls in front of Gentry, by Department H’s administrator doesn’t move - he simply stands his ground, despite Guardian telling him that he has to move quickly.
Judd agrees, and points out that Snowbird might take off again at any time. Heather orders Jared to throw a force field up between Snowbird and Gentry, but Radius replies that his power doesn’t work that way, he has to be there for his field to be there. Gentry tells everyone that there is no need, as this isn’t a bear. ‘Oh? And just what would you call it, then?’ asks Heather, when suddenly “Snowbird” begins dissipating. Heather takes to the air, while the men all fall to the ground. Judd tells Radius to roll left, as he needs something thick to land on.
Alpha Flight are joined by Manbot and Arlette “Murmur” Truffaut and Gentry replies to Heather’s question by telling her that he would call it a warning - just as Snowbird’s supposed “ghost” was - a warning concocted by Shaman to keep them away from the Hell Pounder.
For those who are more prone to believe in science than myths, the end of all things might indeed look like this - a nuclear warhead poised above the Devil’s Bay atomic incinerator chute. Gentry looks up at the massive structure and informs Canada’s premiere super heroes that as far as any of them in the Ministry of Defense knew, the Hell Pounder was never actually constructed. ‘So much for what we “knew”!’ Guardian asks Gentry what it does, so Gentry explains to everyone that, in theory, dangerous materials could be dropped into an extremely deep earth-drilled core tube and disposed of by a chasing nuclear detonator.
Though he is loathe to admit it, Gentry points out that it looks like Huxley might have been telling the truth. ‘You mean in thinking Weapon X was headed here for an ultimate blast of power to rupture his suit?’ Mac asks. Flex asks if that happens, then won’t they all become infected with his “yucky bacteria”?. The badly damaged Manbot whirs and clicks before calculating the rate of infection, and announces that Vancouver will be converted in 38 minutes, before announcing that he has a system failure in twelve minutes.
Heather suggests that she, Radius and Murmur should go find Huxley, after all, he seems to know the most about Weapon X at the moment. ‘Hey, yeah! Where is fatty?’ Jared asks. Murmur reminds her attractive teammate that Huxley vanished right after they landed. Mac takes to the air and tells everyone to stay together and watch the bomb while he makes a fast visual loop. He calls back that if he sees any trace of the other Alpha Flight, Weapon X or Huxley, then he will signal.
For Dr. Horatio Huxley, the end of all things may be nothing more than…an overhead labyrinth of pipes for an underground pressure system seen from his back. ‘Turn me loose this instant! I command you!’ he exclaims as he is dragged along the ground by his creation, the new Weapon X. ‘Do you think me a petty commoner? I will not be treated this way! I am a very big man!’ ‘Truer words were never spoken, luvy!’ Weapon X replies, before telling Huxley not to worry, as “we” are strong and could pull two or three of him if they had to.
‘And as for commands, you don’t make the rules out in the world - we do!’ Weapon X proceeds to tell Huxley that rule number one is that he is going to get this installation which Weapon X read about in his files up and running. Looming over Huxley to intimidate him, Weapon X exclaims that “they” would launch the big bomb themselves, but that there seems to be a sudden plague of super heroes under foot. Huxley asks Weapon X if he thinks he has the upper hand, before revealing to him a device which can control his suit’s internal temperature.
Weapon X lets Huxley get to his feet, and the “good” Doctor explains to Weapon X that if he activates the device, then he can give him the power to regulate his bio-environment without consuming massive amounts of energy. Huxley tells him that he could live as a normal man - the most powerful on the planet! ‘With only me to answer to, of course!’ Weapon X grabs the device and replies ‘We don’t want to live with the suit, pet - we want out of it!’ To Huxley’s horror, Weapon X crushes the device in his fist. Weapon X pushes Huxley back to the ground and drags him along behind him, telling him that they need to get to the control room and get things running. Weapon X warns Huxley not to pull any funny stuff, ‘We know you’re a tricky one, but if you do anything other than what we tell you to - you’ll be the next home for a little Weapon X bacteria…if you catch our meaning!’
Nearby, ‘…You’ll be the next home for a little Weapon X bacteria…if you catch our meaning!’ Jeanne-Marie “Aurora” Beaubier exclaims before screaming. Still wrapped in the netting which Manbot trapped her in, Aurora is surrounded by the living members of the original Alpha Flight - her brother Jean-Paul a.k.a. Northstar, former lover Walter “Sasquatch” Langkowski, Michael “Shaman” Twoyoungmen and an older James MacDonald Hudson, who claims to be the real Guardian.
Walt informs Shaman that Aurora is doing it again - speaking in a voice that is not her own. Twoyoungmen explains that it is Weapon X, his evil reaches out to Aurora, meaning he has arrived. Shaman explains that this is fortunate, for the bacteria is dangerously close to devouring Aurora’s core persona - and if it succeeds, she will surely go insane. ‘It will not succeed!’ shouts Northstar, declaring that he will save his sister at any cost. Shaman informs Walter that his perimeter defense incantation has been deployed, so Walt transforms into Sasquatch and climbs up a tower so he can look out over the surrounding area.
Guardian informs Shaman that he can hear something, and when Michael asks what it is, Mac replies that he doesn’t know, but that it is as if there is someone in - Sasquatch suddenly interrupts, announcing that there are intruders on the tarmac. ‘It’s the new formula Alpha Flight all right…though I prefer classic myself!’ Shaman remarks that Department H’s desire to see Aurora’s transformation fully executed means that they will stop at nothing to prevent them from securing Weapon X, so they must take immediate action!
To Jeanne-Marie, the end of all things sounds like the troubling voices reverberating through her head…voices telling her to break free. Lights flash around the sultry Alphan as she declares ‘Non! We will be bound no longer! We will be free!’ and escaping the netting, she takes to the air, exclaiming ‘We are of the bacterial whole and will not rejoin them!’ Mac tells Aurora not to, but she is so fast, and Shaman hurries Northstar along to get her. Fortunately, Aurora doesn’t get far, and she falls into her brother’s arms.
Sasquatch looks at the woman he once lived with. Walt wonders if it was her madness back then that ended their world together - for it is her madness now that scares her in exactly the same way. Walt suggests that they should place Aurora somewhere during the battle - for her safety as well as theirs. Dropping down to the ground with his unconscious sister, Northstar declares that the pursuit of Jeanne-Marie’s health is all that has saved his own crazed life, and for that he will not see her cast aside again.
Thoughtfully, Guardian informs Twoyoungmen that what he said about the new Alpha Flight’s agenda, he has this strange feeling that they are not here for the reasons they believe. Shaman exclaims that he is surprised that such a notoriously science-minded man would pay any heed to his intuitive senses. Mac replies that he doesn’t know why either, and explains that it is like there is a voice inside his head speaking on behalf of them - telling him that their motives are pure.
Back outside the Hell Pounder, the young Guardian approaches Heather and tells her that what they were saying about the original Alphans, for some reason, he has a feeling that they aren’t here for reasons they think. ‘A feeling? Since when did you go by feelings?’ Heather asks her estranged husband. Mac replies that he doesn’t know, but that it is like there is a voice inside his head speaking on behalf of them - telling him that their motives are pure.
Judd turns to Manbot, and tells him that he knows he is hurting, but wants to know if he can read anything. ‘My system is not capable of experiencing pain’ Manbot replies, before announcing that he detects five life-forms to the Northeast and on in the command center. As Manbot states that he will have a systems failure in 9.5 minutes, he suddenly bursts into flames. Flex grabs everyone else’s attention, and seeing her teammate in peril, Heather orders everyone to step back so she can put Manbot out with a geyser blast. However, Manbot points out that water is ineffective for an electrical fire. ‘Oh my Lord, Manbot! I’m so sorry!’ Heather exclaims.
Suddenly, Radius exclaims that he has an idea, and explaining that fire needs air, he pulls Manbot into his force field so he can seal him off for a second, hopefully before Radius himself burns to death. Inside the force field, Jared tells Manbot to stop blowing up and go out - and he does. Flex examines Manbot and tells his brother that he saved him. ‘Great…an eye for an eye’ mumbles Radius as he gets his breath back.
Guardian orders Judd to take Flex and Ghost Girl to the command center, as that is where he is betting Huxley has gone, before telling Mr. Gentry that he thinks he should go back to the craft, before informing everyone else that they will go and handle the other Alpha Flight. Suddenly, Heather exclaims that it doesn’t look like they are going to have to wait long to handle them - as the five original Alphans appear before the new team.
‘You were warned to stay out of this!’ Shaman declares. Sasquatch remarks that since Heather and company do not seem to take advice from friends as easily as orders from evil dictators, then they should make the point in a more concrete manner. Heather quickly tells Walter that she always thought his bravado sounded tough against their opponents, but truth to tell, it is rather puerile. With that, Heather unleashes a powerful stream of lava from the ground and knocks Shaman out of the air with it. ‘How quickly the turn’ Walter mumbles.
The younger Guardian flies over to the older and exclaims ‘It’s you, isn’t it?’ ‘What?’ the older Guardian asks. The young Mac exclaims that the voice in his head - ‘It’s yours!’ He remarks that he thinks their thoughts are identical and he is hearing him, knowing that he is having the same doubts he is having, thinking that they all want the same thing here. ‘Indeed we do want the same thing - but you aren’t going to get him. We are!’ exclaims Sasquatch as he picks up the young Mac and tosses him aside, despite the protests of the older Mac. Young Mac tells Radius to look out, but it is too late, as he is thrown right into him.
Manbot announces that he is about to have another systems failure, to which Murmur exclaims that she doesn’t care, and taking hold of one of his arms, she exclaims she will aim his weapon, all he needs to do is fire them. Manbot begins firing at the original Alpha Flight. Flex begins to congratulate his teammate, when suddenly Aurora swoops down and picks up Arlette. ‘See if you can be so helpful up in the air, little moppet!’ Jeanne-Marie exclaims. Murmur informs Aurora that she can, because the holes in Aurora’s gloves touch Murmur’s skin, allowing her to use her powers to command Aurora to be calm.
‘And we command you to fly!’ shrieks Aurora as she laughs and lets go of Arlette, ‘Be calm! Be calm!’ Aurora sings as she flits about in the air, while Arlette plummets to her doom. Fortunately for Murmur, help arrives in the form of Heather, someone she has never really got on with. Heather catches Arlette, who explains to Heather that she was trying to stop Aurora. ‘We shouldn’t be battling them at all’ Heather states. ‘We should be banding together to prevent a greater catastrophe’. Suddenly, much to Gentry’s dismay, the Hell Pounder comes to life, and a recording announces that the launch sequence has been initiated, and deployment is in T-minus five.
Inside, Adrian and Lilli follow Judd when the Hell Pounder comes to life. ‘Puck! Do you hear that?’ exclaims Flex. ‘What is it? It sounds like…like…’ begins Lilli. ‘Like the end of the world?’ offers Judd. ‘Might be if we can’t get in this control room, find Huxley and shut it down!’ Adrian suggests that he could cut through the doors, but they look too thick even for him. Suddenly, Lilli exclaims that she can help, and phasing herself into the wall, she tells the Alphans to step through her. ‘Through you?’ asks Adrian. ‘Sure! That’s part of my power!’ the aptly-named Ghost Girl replies, explaining that she can make this into a ghost door for a second. Looking at Lilli, Flex blushes as he walks up to her. ‘Wow…uh…excuse me…oh!’ he mutters. ‘Hee hee! That tickled!’ laughs Lilli as Flex walks through her.
Jeanne-Marie Beaubier has always heard voices inside her head. That is part of what led to her identity as the super hero Aurora. How odd that as her life begins to ebb, the voices are down to two…neither of them her own! Speeding through part of the complex, ‘Calm! Calm!’ ‘Just a little further…’ are the words that come from Aurora, though not her own. Suddenly, ‘Just a little further, luv!’ exclaims Weapon X as he grabs Aurora by her ankle when she flies past him. ‘No!’ exclaims Aurora.
‘Yes!’ Weapon X replies as he jumps on her, informing her that “they” have been looking for her, for “they” sensed her back at the power plant in Calgary and have been chatting her up ever since. ‘Leave…me…alone!’ Aurora exclaims. ‘”Me?”’ asks Weapon X, before telling her that with the bacteria, there is no “me”, only “we”. He adds that if “they” are going for the big blast, then they want to have all of them there that they can. Staring at Jeanne-Marie right in the eyes, Weapon X tells her to say so long to “them”, for it is time to give up what wasn’t rightly hers to begin with. ‘Sacre Coeur!’ exclaims Aurora.
Nearby, the young Mac asks Radius if he is all right. Jared replies that he is, and that they haven’t invented a punch that can touch him yet. He is about to get back into the battle, when Mac tells him to hold off, as Heather has been right about this - they have to find a way to stop this infighting with the other Alphans and pull everyone together. ‘You’re the team leader, dude. Just lead them!’ Radius exclaims, before telling Mac that he has been doing an okay job of it on this mission with them so far. Boosted by Jared’s compliment, the young Mac calls to the older Mac, and takes to the air to talk to him.
Young Mac tells the other Mac that they cannot end this with both teams fighting each other. ‘You and I are the guardians of our country!’ He adds that they must bring their teams together, or else they could lose everything. The older Mac reveals he was thinking the same thing, can calling to the originals, he tells them to stop fighting the other Alpha Flight, as Weapon X is their top priority. Sasquatch then informs everyone that Weapon X is back, and rushing for the drop zone. ‘You’ll let us pass or we’ll make you wish you had!’
Back inside, Judd motions to a large “Department H” stamped on the wall and remarks that it is funny how a facility Gentry didn’t know existed has his company seal all over it. Flex asks Judd if he thinks Mr. Gentry is evil, to which Judd replies ‘Nah, he’s on the…up and up’, but the same cannot be for the sad sack of skin he can see up on the platform. Puck calls out to Huxley and asks him what he thinks he is doing. ‘I? I am doing what I must to save my own life!’ Huxley shouts back, before revealing that under Weapon X’s very threat to his existence, he is about to trigger the final launch codes that will launch…the Hell Pounder!
Huxley mutters that he will at least say that at his official inquest should matters here not turn out as he has planned. ‘”Why”? you might be asking yourselves?’ Huxley asks, before explaining that upon plunging deep into the Earth’s darkest dungeon, the Pounder’s atomic bomb chaser will release energy sufficient to trip the electrical binding locks of Weapon X’s suit, and release his mutated bacteria, freeing it to conquer the Earth! Judd points out to Huxley that it will kill him also, and asks what kind of numbskull he is. ‘I? I am the smartest of all me!’ Huxley boasts.
Huxley explains that the bacteria are driven as a collective entity, and Weapon X has shown that a human mind can control over that bacteria consciousness, but whereas Weapon X’s mind is small and will falter under the sweeping influx if new minds, ‘Mine is enormous and could easily feast on the totality of an infected humanity!’ Pushing a red button, the pompous Doctor declares ‘And then…I, Dr. Horatio Huxley…will rule the world!’
Back outside, Heather informs everyone that she has just got word from Puck that Huxley triggered the final launch code - meaning they have got a live nuclear warhead and about four minutes to kill it! As both teams of Alpha Flight race into action, Manbot announces that he will have systems failure in 3.48 minutes, while the young Guardian exclaims that he needs everything they have got - Alpha Flight old and new, all their abilities combined with one focus - to keep Weapon X away from the core area! ‘You don’t know what you need, luves!’ exclaims Weapon X as he rushes away from Canada’s premiere super heroes.
Shaman remarks that Weapon X is avoiding his enchanted powers as if there were little more than common dust. Heather tells her old friend not to feel bad, as she has been training using the volcanic blasts for months and she is nowhere near connecting with Weapon X. The older Mac tells the younger to try and use his electromagnetic blasts to - ‘Corral him away from the site? I’m way ahead of you!’ young Mac exclaims. ‘Pity we’re so far ahead of you both then, isn’t it, Wonder Twins?’ Weapon X exclaims.
Sasquatch comes up behind Weapon X and tells him that he has a big mouth. ‘Do you think my big fist will fit in it?’ Weapon X leaps out of the way, ‘Not if it doesn’t touch us, you mucky little koala!’ The older Mac announces that Weapon X is getting away, but the young Mac exclaims ‘Not on my watch he isn’t!’ and asks his senior to back him up, before asking what the energy is that is crackling around the drop zone.
‘No! The containment shield!’ exclaims Weapon X. However, he shouldn’t be surprised, after all, Weapon X did read the files about the shield in the same files that told him about the Hell Pounder in the first place. He knew that in the minutes before detonation, an energy field designed to cover the drop tube would be generated to keep the radiation in…and to keep innocent bystanders like himself out. It could mean the end of all his plans…. ‘No! I haven’t come this far to fail - We! We haven’t come this far to fail’. And leaping into the gaping hole in the ground, Weapon X declares ‘And we won’t!’ And after all, with what Weapon X has at stake, he really cannot have it end this way.
The older Mac announces that he has Weapon X, but the younger Mac exclaims that he is getting an irregular amperage reading from those energy spheres and tells the other Mac that the field is still increasing and might interfere with his suit’s - too late, as the older Mac is knocked back when the energy web comes up. Sasquatch exclaims that they cannot get to Weapon X in the drop zone with this web up, to which Radius asks if they are just going to kick back, let him nuke Canada and bust out of his prison suit?
Weapon X tells Alpha Flight that they have him all wrong - for “they” didn’t come here to use the bomb - but to join it! Heather realizes that Weapon is trying to kill himself, to which Northstar exclaims ‘Let him! If he is in any way responsible for what happened to my sister he deserves to die!’ Suddenly, a weary Aurora comes up behind her brother and reveals that Weapon X saved her life. Northstar rushes over to his sister before she collapses, and Jeanne-Marie informs everyone that Weapon X doesn’t want to hurt any of them, and that he drew the bacteria from her and she was in touch with his mind for a moment, so she learnt that the part of him that is human wishes now only to destroy the bacteria in the heat of the nuclear explosion. With that, Aurora collapses in her brother’s arms.
Radius asks if this is all some sort of suicide run, to which Weapon X exclaims ‘True to a “T”, luv. But I couldn’t tell a big herd of heroes that! You’d never let me get away with it, now would you?’ An exhausted Aurora tells Weapon X that he mustn’t, that he cannot kill himself, for there is always another way. ‘Let us help you as you helped me!’ Weapon X tells Aurora that “they” cannot kill themselves, but this bomb can, and they will be happy to let it just do that. ‘Better than living life as a weapon everyone’s fighting to use!’ he exclaims before jumping into the gaping hole.
Sasquatch confirms that Weapon X is gone, and reminds everyone that with the energy web in place, there is nothing they can do to stop him. Judd, followed by Flex and Ghost Girl arrive back on the scene, and Judd remarks that it might be for the better. Guardian asks where Huxley is, to which Judd replies that he is locked in the control center, and since the three of them could barely get in, they figure he probably could get out either.
Judd informs everyone that Huxley has flipped his lid top over bottom, for Huxley thinks that once the Weapon X bacteria is freed from the suit by the blast, he can use it to take over all of humanity. Heather remarks that it is nice to know that Huxley’s megalomania is alive and well, before asking if he doesn’t realize that Weapon X isn’t trying to escape. ‘In the interest of time, I reiterate: This is the End!’ exclaims Sasquatch.
Is this what the end looks like, James MacDonald Hudson, the younger? Failure at a mission he was fighting so valiantly to triumph in. ‘No!’ Mac exclaims, before beginning to bark out orders. He tells Judd to signal Huxley and order him to shut down the energy web or else. Mac orders Flex to take what is left of Manbot and have him try to freeze the bomb deployment manually. ‘Systems failure in 2.02 minutes’ Manbot replies. ‘Then do it in 2.01!’ exclaims Mac.
Turning to Heather, Mac asks her to, once the shield has dropped, go with Shaman and work together in brining Weapon X out of the pit. ‘I don’t care if it is on a column of steam or with an Inuit spirit guide, but I want him back!’ Judd quickly informs Mac that Huxley is shutting down the power dome, for he told the doofus it will make it easier for the bacteria to find him, and he actually believed him. Mac exclaims that is good, and tells Puck, Sasquatch, Northstar and Aurora - if she is able to - to be at 12.00, 3.00, 6.00 and 9.00 around the perimeter, so if X comes out, then it is going to be up to whichever two of them he tries to rush through to stop him.
‘And the rest of us?’ asks the older Mac. Young Guardian informs him that the two of them will generate a temporary electromagnetic shield to contain the blast should it come, while Radius is to push his field to the limit to reinforce them - and open a rift for Weapon X if they retrieve him. ‘Deal!’ exclaims Jared, before a sullen Murmur exclaims ‘And Ghost Girl and I are to wait in the “car” again?’ Mac replies that Ghost Girl will have to, as her specific powers do not fit into his plan, so she can go and keep Gentry safe, before telling Arlette that he wants her beside him, and that if it looks like he is losing his nerve, she is to tell him otherwise.
As Shaman hovers above the opening, he announces that he is calling on the spirits of his ancestors to guide and protect, while Judd calls out to Heather as she dives into the pit. Heather knows what Judd is going to say to her, and informs him that she will be fine, and assures him that Mac’s plan is fine, so they will all follow it. On top of Manbot, Flex informs everyone that Manbot found a switch and can delay the bomb by holding it in, but he cannot override it. Manbot announces that his systems failure is in .57 minutes, to which Guardian the younger urges Flex to keep that button pushed in, before calling out to Guardian senior and asking him if he sees anything.
The older Mac replies that something is moving, when suddenly, Weapon X, with Heather right behind him, leaps out of the pit. ‘Weapon X! I got him, Mac…I mean, Macs!’ ‘Good work, Heather!’ both the Mac’s exclaim. Sasquatch grabs Weapon X, who asks him to release him and let him die - so he can take this weapon of a body with him straight to the fiery Hell that it deserves. Sasquatch tells Weapon X that this isn’t the answer, that his death, when it comes, should mean something, that it should be for some greater good, not just to quell an evil.
The younger Mac asks Weapon X to let Alpha Flight give him the chance to put his life on the line for something that matters, and the older Mac remarks that they have done it before for others with the name Weapon X who also thought themselves threats to the world around them. Flex encourages Manbot to hold on, but Manbot announces that a systems failure is imminent and tells Flex to remove the down-load disc and disembark from the main structure before - suddenly, there is an explosion, and Manbot burst into flames again. Sometimes, the end doesn’t come when you’d like it to…it comes when it will. And as Manbot and Flex fall back to the ground, the recording announces that deployment has resumed.
The end comes with little regard for your plans. ’Launch’ announces the recording, and suddenly there is a loud rumbling. Heather exclaims that without Manbot manually overriding the detonation pin, the Hell Pounder is going to detonate above ground! Shaman hovers over the opening, when Sasquatch tells him to pull Weapon X out of here so he can hold the delay button in until the bomb drops, but Twoyoungmen tells Walter that it is another suicide mission and he cannot allow him to take it in his place.
Weapon X leaps past Shaman, knocking him off balance and exclaiming that it sounds like they need a sacrificial lamb - ‘A position we’ve been aspiring to of late!’ he reminds everyone, when suddenly he leaps back into the pit, declaring that it looks like his chance to save the world might come sooner than they thought. ‘Thanks for helping me make my end mean something special!’
The end rumbles down the hall of thundering feet and casts your wishes aside. Young Mac exclaims that it is working, but that he doesn’t know if he and the other Mac can hold their electromagnetic shield in place to contain the blast when it comes. Arlette places a hand on the man she has had a not-so-secret crush on and exclaims ‘You may not, monsieur Hudson, but I know you can. And you will too if only you believe’. And with that, there is a mighty explosion…
Do you know what the end of all things looks like? That is a question you could only answer 24 hours later at the headquarters of Alpha Flight - Department H - where a new day brings new questions. Outside, the younger members of Alpha Flight are bundled up in the cold, and Flex asks Ghost Girl if she is ready to go to Mr. Gentry’s meeting. Lilli replies that she supposes so, but that she is a little nervous, as there is so many “Alpha Flight people” now, she is so sure she will get fired before she even has a chance to really prove herself. Flex replies that he was thinking the same thing, before informing Lilli that Gentry told him to go and get the others, and asks if she wants to come with him. ‘Sure!’ exclaims Lilli.
While some questions one can easily answer…others are more difficult. Jared stands before the tombstone of the mysterious Sasquatch that was a short lived member of Alpha Flight and tells him that if there is any way he can hear him, then what he is trying to get at is, ‘You know, I’m sorry I didn’t follow orders - even if you weren’t the real Sasquatch, I’m sorry you died because of me, okay?’ Adrian, Lilli and Arlette approach Jared and Flex announces that they are on their way to the big meeting, and asks him if he wants to come with them.
Radius replies that he is done here, and that it is as good a day for bad news as any. Joining his friends, he exclaims that this sucks, for you start to do something good, get your feet under, then someone pulls out the rug just because the old team came back. Arlette remarks that it might not be bad news, to which Jared jokes ‘Sure, and maybe I’m Marilyn Manson’ before Murmur remarks that they should go and join Mac, for he is in the Beta Flight lab.
Some questions defy answers all together, like the one Gentry asks: ‘How did we wind up with two identical James Hudsons?’ With Hames at his side taking notes, Gentry announces that though he is not proud of it, it seems the Department grew enhanced semi-organic synthoid replicas of Mac to varying ages, and that it appears one of them is one of them, while the other is the read deal. The older Guardian asks which of them it is, to which Gentry replies that it is a good question, for the stories both men tell of death and rebirth or age regeneration are equally outlandish.
Gentry reveals that it was Huxley who was responsible for this project, so he is the one who should be explaining himself here. ‘I wonder how escaped the base and where he went?’ Gentry adds, when suddenly, the “good” Doctor enters the lab. ‘Ship jumper?! Hardly! Horatio Huxley is a business man!’ Horatio boasts, exclaiming that he must ply his craft wherever he feels he can best exploit his immense talent. Huxley mumbles on about how only one day ago he was in the employ of Gentry’s direct competitors and speaking ill of him should have no bearing whatsoever on his application here. ‘There are…are…are you going to finish that muffin?’
Gentry turns back to the Guardians and tells them that while one of them is indeed a synthoid of the other, the fact that they have both been outstanding leaders and have both proven themselves in the rigors of battle, he feels that each has earned the right to continue doing so, therefore he has decided not to reveal which of them is the original James Hudson. He tells the men that for all intents and purposes, they both are the real Guardian, and Department H would be well-off to have them both in the service of Canada. ‘Thank you, sir’ the men reply in unison.
Eventually, long lingering questions begin to fall away, as Heather and Judd approach the Mac’s, Judd exclaims that he wants a word with them, as he wanted them to hear it from him instead of through the grapevine, and informs them that he and Heather are going out on a date tonight. ‘WHAT?’ exclaim the Mac’s. Heather remarks that she checked her horoscope and it said “Endings bring new beginnings. Though matters of the heart remain complicated, love it right beneath your nose”. ‘Who am I to snub fate?’ she asks, before Gentry informs them that on that note, it is time for their meeting.
Do you know what the end of all things looks like? Heather, the Mac’s, Judd and Gentry are joined by Northstar, Aurora, Sasquatch and Shaman before they join up with the younger members. Guardian apologizes to Flex for the hold up, as they had some big news to hear. ‘And more on the way, I imagine’ Walter remarks, while Judd asks why they are having the meeting in the hangar bay. Standing with Flex, Lilli and Murmur, Jared exclaims that it is because now there is too many of them, ‘And this way they can ship out us rejects the minute we’re booted’.
Gentry tells Radius that he is sorry to disappoint them, but they chose the hangar bay, because it is the only place big enough for the kind of celebration that they deserve. Entering the hangar bay, Alpha Flight old and new are greeted by hundreds of Department H personnel, ready for the celebration. ‘We aren’t getting fired because there are too many of us?’ asks Flex. ‘Of course not!’ replies Gentry. ‘Having too many Alphans might be a problem if someone were trying to write stories about you, but the Department would never allow that to happen!’
Alpha Flight group together for a photo-opportunity team shot and Gentry exclaims that when it comes to heroes willing to risk everything for their country, you can never have enough, and so, they are here to extend a congratulation and official welcome to all of them who want to stay. ‘Three cheers for ALPHA FLIGHT!!!’


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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - part 1: Ready or Not ... It’s the All New - All Different Alpha Flight!
Call them the legends of tomorrow, call them the heroes of today, call them Alpha Flight! Every story needs to start somewhere….
Six unique individuals stand gathered together, all prepared for battle, before some menacing threat. The ebony and scarlet clad woman known as Nemesis turns to the furry orange monster Sasquatch – or when he is in his human form, known as Doctor Walter Langkowski – and tells him that she has been to Hell – twice – and that even that did not look as bad as the situation they are in. The young Asian-Canadian woman towards the back of the group supposes that it is too late to turn back now, and the loincloth wearing man in front of her admits that he was pondering the same question. The strikingly handsome blond man at the front of the group tries to rally the spirits of the others and gives them a quote his father once said; “When you feel most like a sap – that’s the time to make syrup”. The elderly black man near the back of the group declares that all things considered he would rather be back in the day room watching “The View”.
Okay. Well. Maybe this isn't the best place to start this particular story….
(Flashback, sometime earlier)
The Wilds of Western Canada, a country where ninety percent of the population lives on only ten percent of the land. A deer jumps through some bushes followed by a gunshot and a loud ‘Yaaeeehaaa!’ from someone nearby. Two men, one old, one young, emerge from the bushes as the older man holds his gun towards the deer and jokes “Who’s your Bambi?”. The younger man laughs at this ‘Lol! You’re such a maroon’ he says to the older man, who makes a remark about the younger using “Lol” in a sentence.
The two men stand over the wounded deer and suddenly freeze when they hear a “snap” nearby. They look upwards where they see a handsome Native American man wearing nothing but a loincloth, some boots and wristcuffs and who is holding a large spear-shaped bone. The older hunter asks the mysterious man who he is, and calling the men “mortals” the reply is that it is unlikely they could pronounce his name even if they were sober. The handsome man suggests that the hunters leave this place unless they want their entrails to adorn the leaves tomorrow. Unable to understand the Shakespearean-like way of the stranger’s speech, the young hunter asks the elder what he means, and the older suggests they run – which they do.
The “jungle man” sighs before proclaiming ‘What fools these mortals be’ and tending to the deer. He apologizes to his antlered brother and informs it that it will go to a better place. Suddenly, someone declares that there is another way. ‘By the twin gods of sun and moon’ cries the handsome man before turning around and asking the lab-coat wearing man who approaches him what manner of mortal he is that he could “sneak up” on him. The lab-coat wearing man is none other than Dr. Walter Langkowski, founding and senior member of Canada’s Premiere Super Hero team – Alpha Flight!
The scientist addresses the “jungle man” as Yukotujakzurjimozoata and introduces himself while Yukotujakzurjimozoata stands shocked that Walter could pronounce his name and that he did it almost perfectly. Yukotujakzurjimozoata asks Walter what he would know of his world, and Walter replies that he cannot tell him a lot, but what he can tell him is that there is a whole world beyond the woods that needs his help, even though they will fear and hate him for being a being they cannot even begin to understand. Yukotujakzurjimozoata folds his arms across his chest and asks Walter why he would want to forsake his kingdom and people who adore him to help a world who would fear and hate him. Walter glances sideways stuck for words, he cannot offer a reason, and as Yukotujakzurjimozoata leaves, the deer looks up at Walter bewildered.
Sometime later, Montreal, in the shadow of McGill University, is a tavern which serves both the college campus and the locals. Often, tensions arise between the two peoples. A young college student points to an older man and declares that he is in his seat. An older man sticks up for his friend, and the college student is backed up be a friend of his own, calling the older man a plebeian. The older man announces that he is going to look up “plebeian” tomorrow, but that right now he intends to ‘kick your –’ before the first kick can be made a baseball bat comes between the two sparring groups by a young woman who says ‘Not in my bar, eh?’. Her name is Zuzha Yu and aside from being a college dropout turned barkeeper, she is one tough cookie.
Zuzha takes the men one at a time, displaying an amazing acrobatic skill, she reveals that when she was kicked out of school she had to fend for herself and that she did not start a bar so that it could be wrecked. ‘Eh?’ Zuzha also happens to have a knack for espousing expository dialogue in the midst of battle. Zuzha looks to the right when she hears clapping and someone telling her she is very impressive. Dr. Walter Langkowski – still wearing his lab coat – sits at a dimly lit table and informs Zuzha that her government needs her and her special talents, adding that he must warn her there are time she will be asked to defend a world that hates and fears her.
‘What? And give all this up?’ asks Zuzha before dragging two of the brawlers away and telling Walt ‘Thanks, but no’. Walter watches Zuzha leave before looking down to his notepad and below the names “Yukon Jack” and “Puck” are his prompts for getting these people to join his cause. “Save world”, “World that hates and fears you” and “Full benefits package. Medical, dental, reincarnation”. Walt crosses out the “World that hates and fears you line”.
Somewhere at an undisclosed location… well if we tell you…who would buy issue two? The deadly woman known as Nemesis, a name she has earned as an anarchist, wakes up. She looks up from the cold table she lays on and sees Walter – still wearing that lab coat – who reveals that he used the last of his official government favors to have her brought to this old Department H lab. He did so, so that he could inject her with the nano-technology he needs to control her and her dark sword and make her part of a new Alpha Flight. ‘I am certain you believe that is true’ says Nemesis defiantly before grabbing her molecule-width sword and jumping up from the table.
Walt grits his teeth and tells Nemesis – otherwise known only as Jane – that he realizes she is a nihilist politically, but that she cannot rebel against a world if it ceases to exist. Walt knows Nemesis is about to lunge at him an informs her that if she intends on attacking him or any other member of Alpha Flight she should remove her hood first or she will end up hurling all over the inside of her mask. Nemesis leans against a table for support and reeling after what just happens she asks Walt if by “team members” he means their secret identities too, or just in their super-hero form. Walt transforms into Sasquatch and grabbing Nemesis by the next he swings her around, telling her she has a good point, he knocks her against a wall and as she falls to the ground he informs her he will get back to her on that one.
Later still, at an elementary school in Vancouver, where Sergeant Commander Lou Sadler, better known as Major Mapleleaf sits upon his horse and talks to the school children, asking them what every safe citizen knows about crossing the street. The school children simultaneously reply “Cross at the Green! Not in between!” Major Mapleleaf asks the kids who would like to ride his horse, Thunder, and they all exclaim that they do.
Watching from the sidelines, Walt – who is still dressed in his lab coat – thinks to himself that he cannot do it, no matter how much he needs the help, he cannot get around the fact that this guy proudly calls himself “Major Mapleleaf ”.
Umm, this from a guy who calls himself Sasquatch? A case of the kettle calling the pot orange, if there ever was one.
Two police officers walk up to Walt and ask if they can help him. Walt replies that he is just ‘observing’ and they ask what he is observing.
Several hours later, that same day, Walt – still wearing the same lab coat – is at the Eden Rock nursing home and grumbles ‘Body cavity search was so unnecessary …was a time an Alpha Flight priority card meant something in this country’ while standing over a man who is in a coma. Two nurses stand and gawk at Walt, one declaring that he is a hottie, while the other announces that she prefers her men to look more rugged and outdoorsy, however gives Walter points for dedication.
Walter looks over a clipboard containing details on Rutherford Princeton, who at ninety-six years old, Walt thinks, must have lots of stories to tell. As insight comes with age, the wisdom that comes with life experience. Walt declares that it is such a “civilized” world they live in where they are so quick to retire their most valued natural resources instead of … ‘Boola! Boola!’ cries Walt transforming into Sasquatch and trying to scare life back into the aged comatose man – and it certainly works for Rutherford biffs Sasquatch through the roof of his room and sends him flying into a water tower, cracking the top of it and sending water flowing downwards on top of the founding Alphan.
Rutherford Princeton flies out of his room and asks Walter what that was all about. Sasquatch apologizes and informs the old man that time is of the essence. Walt reveals that he had become aware of Rutherford’s unique bio-rhythmic dissident years ago while he was doing some government research on Veterans of the Canadian military. Walt is about to reveal who requested this research when Rutherford cuts him off, declaring that when one gets to his age, they do not care much for the details. Sasquatch transforms back into Walt and agrees, before saying that he surmised that with the proper shock he could trigger Rutherford’s long dormant super powers. Rutherford tells Walt that he lucked out, for after almost ten decades it takes a lot to shock him. Rutherford smiles and tells Walt that he will tell him all about it over a beer or two.
Later, at Pant Pant Pant, a strip club, Walt frowns as show girls pawn over the patrons and Rutherford looks up at one of the girls very impressed. Walt asks if he is making any sense, and Rutherford declares that he has does, saying that he has been in a coma for fifteen years almost and that in that time there have been things called “super heroes”, “mutants” and “artificial intelligence” to name but some of these ‘fancy things’ some good, some not so. Rutherford repeats what Walt must have told him – that now, things are in their darkest for Mother Canada and Walt is in such desperate need he actually triggered Rutherford’s own super powers with the hopes that he would help him out.
Slumped over, Walt says ‘MmmYes’ before Rutherford asks of there is no way Walt can tell how long the whole “super powers” thing is going to last. ‘MmmNo’ replies Walt as Rutherford exclaims that he could be dead tomorrow from the shock to his system alone, let alone making a misstep as a super hero. ‘MmmYes’ mumbles Walt before Rutherford puts his hand out and Walt informs him that he is out of “singles”. Rutherford gets up from his seat and tells the doctor that it is not a problem as he is just leaving. Walt looks over at the old man, who is walking out of the bar with his two nurses from the rest home. Rutherford smiles at Walt and jokes that laying his life on the line for God and Country is a noble goal, but that the truth is that he is “on the clock” and admits to Walter that he is grateful for the new lease on life. ‘Us too’ says one of the nurses while the other laughs. Walt frowns before slumping down onto the table face-forward he bangs his head.
Major Mapleleaf walks over to Walter and wakes him, declaring that it is an honor to meet him. The handsome young man reveals that “Major Mapleleaf ” is just his public persona out of respect for his father, and saluting Walter, Lou tells him that when the two officers explained what he was doing skulking around the schoolyard – Walt interrupts and snaps that he was not skulking – that he tracked him down as soon as he heard he may have need of his super-powered services. Walt looks at Lou and asks if he would consider a ‘much needed name change’ and puzzled, Lou replies that he doesn’t understand.
‘Best not to look a gift horse in its mouth, physician’ comes the remark from Yukotujakzurjimozoata as he enters the club and informs Walt that he has considered the request. Major Mapleleaf introduces himself and telling the jungle man that he is pleased to meet him. Yukotujakzurjimozoata ignores Lou and boasts that Walt could benefit from a leader with his natural abilities. ‘Uh, excuse me, sir. Talking here’ says Lou.
Walt rubs his chin and says that as loathe to admit it as he would be to turn the role of leadership to an inexperienced novice with ‘a massive royal chip on his shoulder’ because there are only two other members, himself and ‘the big red boy scout’. Walt doesn’t think he has many choices but to - Walt is cut off by Zuzha Yu and Nemesis, who dressed rather revealingly – though Nemesis still has her mask on – lay on the stage and Zuzha asks since when did they become chopped liver. Nemesis tells Walt to just try and start an All-New All-Different Alpha Flight without them ‘if you dare’.
‘Oh my’ says Walt, Yukotujakzurjimozoata says ‘Verily’ while Major Mapleleaf gasps and rushes over to Zuzha with his vest in hand he tries to cover her, asking her to have ‘a little decorum’. As Zuzha protests he calls her ‘young lady’ and insists. Zuzha shakes a fist at Lou and after quoting him says ‘Man, we’re the same age’. Yukotujakzurjimozoata tells Walter that he needs an answer and asks again if he is to be leader. Walt proclaims that he must be dreaming and Nemesis leans into him, grabbing his tie as he pulls away and she says ‘You think?’
Walter leans up – he wakes up – looking around the deserted strip club he sees no one but a cleaner. He closes his eyes shaking off the dream and leaves the club. Walking over to his aircraft he finds that he has been given a ticket. He opens the door ands sees the deer that was shot earlier while in the forest. He smiles and sits down by it, letting it lick his hand.


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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - part 2
Call them the legends of tomorrow, call them the heroes of today, call them Alpha Flight! Every story needs to start somewhere….
Six unique individuals stand gathered together, all prepared for battle, before some menacing threat. The ebony and scarlet clad woman known as Nemesis turns to the furry orange monster Sasquatch – or when he is in his human form, known as Doctor Walter Langkowski – and tells him that she has been to Hell – twice – and that even that did not look as bad as the situation they are in. The young Asian-Canadian woman towards the back of the group supposes that it is too late to turn back now, and the loincloth wearing man in front of her admits that he was pondering the same question. The strikingly handsome blond man at the front of the group tries to rally the spirits of the others and gives them a quote his father once said; “When you feel most like a sap – that’s the time to make syrup”. The elderly black man near the back of the group declares that all things considered he would rather be back in the day room watching “The View”.
The only difference this time, is that this All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight are standing before the official Alpha Flight, Canada’s premiere super heroes, who are unconscious and restrained in some mechanical contraption. Roll Call! The beautiful goddess Narya a.k.a. Snowbird. Chuck Moss, a recent recruit codenamed “Earthmover”. Alpha Flight’s creator and founder, James “Mac” MacDonald Hudson, a.k.a. Guardian. Mac’s wife, Heather McNeil Hudson, who after her husbands death donned a battle suit and took the codename Vindicator. The diminutive Eugene Milton Judd a.k.a. Puck and Dr. Michael Twoyoungmen, “Shaman”.
Okay. Well. Maybe this isn't the best place to start this particular story….
(Flashback, sometime earlier)
His name is (Pretty much unpronounceable) Yukotujakzurjimozoata, he lives in an ancient civilization that has long existed in secret in the uncharted Canadian Northwest, and he is the heir apparent to that civilization. The handsome man walks past citizens of this sovereign nation who bow before him as he walks up towards the temple which holds the throne room. The people of this secret society, Kemteron have managed to avoid detection (Some might argue “contamination”) by the outside world for centuries – since the so-called “Dawn of Mankind”.
Entering the citadel Yukotujakzurjimozoata approaches the man on the throne and says ‘How art thou, he whose loins gave me life?’ The old man replies that he is ‘well met’ and that not since the creation of the wheel has he felt such vigor. ‘Well met indeed’ replies Yukotujakzurjimozoata. The old man tells his son to ‘unfurrow’ his brow, adding that he will not live forever, even though he has outlived a legion score of offspring who desired to one day sit upon his throne. However the old man tells his son that he suspects it will be he who shall one day replace him as the sovereign liege of their ancient race. He hands his son a drink and informs him that he thinks it is important that he sees more of the outside world before he become leader.
Yukotujakzurjimozoata scoffs at that idea and declares that the outside world’s contribution to the plant has been little more than a history of genocide and molestation of the Earth’s natural resources. He asks what the outside world could possibly have to offer and teach one such as himself. He is about to ask something else when he feels strange, and watches as his father tells him that he asked good questions, which he will no doubt inform him the answers of, when and if ever he returns from the outside world. With that, Yukotujakzurjimozoata’s muscular body slams to the floor, drugged from something put in his drink.
From out of the shadows of the throne room, the handsome scientist Doctor Walter Langkowski steps and tells Yukotujakzurjimozoata’s father – Makkamakkamaktsptoo – that he will not regret this. Walt declares that, as he is a representative of the outside world he is heartened that Makkamakkamaktsptoo has seen the wisdom of pooling their resources at a time when all life on Earth is threatened. Walt asks if large bills are okay, and Makkamakkamaktsptoo replies that they are fine, accepting the wad of money Walt gives him.
Shortly, Yukotujakzurjimozoata is loaded into Walt’s aircraft and Walt tells Makkamakkamaktsptoo that he will see that his son is returned safely. ‘Whatever. ‘Bout time the kid grew up a little’ the old man replies.
Later, at the pub in the shadow of McGill University in Montreal, Walt has come again to try and recruit Zuzha Yu to his cause. Zuzha asks Walt if he is serious, that he wants to arm wrestle her and if she loses she has to join his Alpha Flight “Super Team” for one year. If Walt loses he has to do what Zuzha wants for one year, which is be her “Love Slave” (Love Slave is a registered trademark). ‘I doubt you’d last the whole year, Dr. Langkowski, but you’re on!’ says Zuzha, adding that Walt is going to look ‘so cute’ in the French maids uniform. ‘Funny’ says Walt who informs her that he spent all last night coming up with a secret identity codename for her. ‘On three, eh?’ says Zuzha, who counts to three…
… only to find herself smashed against the wall by Walt who has transformed into his somewhat better known identity, the furry orange known as Sasquatch. He jokes to himself that this might not be his brightest moment, but that at the end of the day he still needs a super hero team. Although she is knocked out, Walt tells Zuzha that it is amazing how much like her father she looks. ‘Well, if you don’t count the mustache, and you know, the dwarfism’. With that Sasquatch picks Zuzha up and carries her away to his aircraft.
A little while later, back at the undisclosed location… and no, we’re still not going to tell you…the anarchist known as Nemesis is just coming around. ‘Its not fair, all the other girls have bunnies’ she mumbles drowsily before sitting up when she sees Walt and telling him that this is growing tedious. She asks him what manner of body control this is that he is using on her, and Walt informs her that as she is technically “dead”, her body continues to function strictly as a result of her physical connection to her Soul Sword. This sword, as Walt points out, it forged of Prometheum, is in and of itself a “living metal” which needs a non-living entity, such as Nemesis to function as a vessel in order to allow it movement.
Walt reminds Nemesis that the device at her spine, should she seek to harm an innocent or even dislodge it, will automatically flood her body with neo-toxins capable of permanently severing her connection to the sword. Nemesis stands up and tells Walt that she knows he is bluffing. ‘Try me’ says Walt, opening his arms ready for her to attack him. Nemesis pauses before saying ‘Thank you, no. I believe that you believe it. Which is enough for now’. Nemesis walks past Walt, ready to join his crusade and tells him that just so they are clear when the opportunity does arise she has every intention of killing him and everyone else on his team. ‘Now that’s the team player I need!’ says Walt smiling.
Soon, inside Walt’s aircraft, Walt flies it as Nemesis sits in the passenger seat and looks to the back, asking if she and the two unconscious bodies are his new Alpha Flight. ‘Tee hee’. ‘Mighty oaks from little acorns grow’ Walt replies. ‘Right. Can I ask you a question?’ says Nemesis. Walt tells her she can’t, but of course she does anyway. She asks him why this is all so important to him, “creating” a new Alpha Flight, and even the whole super hero debacle in the first place, especially as she knows he is a man of science at heart.
Walt tells her that what she says is true, but as a bio-physicist of some renown and after winning a Nobel prize ‘and stuff’ he got carried away with his theories on Gamma and Cosmic research, which ultimately led him to experiment on himself. Walts body was altered forever, reputation shattered and career ended forever. But there was one man who still believed in him, James MacDonald Hudson, leader of Alpha Flight, then known as Vindicator.
Walt supposes this sounds silly to an anarchist zombie like Nemesis, but it was nice to be part of something important, for when he, Snowbird, Mac, Shaman, Walt’s girlfriend Aurora and her gay brother Northstar first started they genuinely believed they could make a difference.
Nemesis is suddenly overcome by pain, and when Walt asks her what is wrong as he lands the aircraft on the roof of his apartment, Nemesis declares that she senses goodness, pure, unadulterated goodness. Walt helps Nemesis out of the plane and he begins to walk her to the entrance to his apartment and Nemesis tells him there is no other way to describe it. Walt finds this rather strange, as they are only at his loft in the warehouse district of British Columbia where at this time of night there is nothing of “pure goodness” around at all.
‘Hiyo, good citizens!’ cries someone, who as Walt and Nemesis turn around to see is actually Major Mapleleaf! Lou Sadler declares he is at their service, which of course means his faithful horse Thunder is on board to lend a hoof as well, he adds as he gallops on Thunder towards them. ‘I don’t know if I’ll be killing you after all, Doctor’ says Nemesis looking amusingly at Major Mapleleaf’. Walt tells Nemesis to ‘shush it’ before Nemesis enters the rooftop entrance to Walt’s apartment.
Walt says ‘Hmmm…’ as Major Mapleleaf approaches him and declares that he hopes he is not being terribly forward, but that when his fellow peace officers informed him that they question him regarding his presence on the school grounds yesterday, he realized that Walt must have been scouting for new members to join Alpha Flight. Lou realizes that when Walt saw him working with the young students he must have thought “How can he manage to do public service and be a super hero at the same time?’ Lou tells Walt that he thinks he can do it if he is given the chance.
Looking somewhat frustrated with the eager young man, Walt tells Lou that he is in. Surprised, but overly happy, Lou asks ‘just like that? Don’t you want to know what my powers are? Reaching for Yukotujakzurjimozoata and Zuzha Yu in the plane Walt nonchalantly replies ‘Internally generated bio-centric powers including blasts, invulnerability, marginal strength enhancement and gravitational negation…’ is his best guess based on the news footage of his exploits to date. ‘Wow. You are good’ says Lou somewhat stunned. Passing the unconscious Zuzha to Major Mapleleaf, Walt tells him that at first he thought he might have been a little “Wonder Bread” for this operation, but now anyone who can freak Nemesis out so thoroughly has got something going for him. ‘“Nemesis”, sir?’ asks Lou.
Walt returns to the plane and tells Lou to ‘be a buddy’ and bring those two downstairs and to make himself at home, as he has an old friend to visit and will be back shortly. ‘Um…yes, sir’ replies Major Mapleleaf.
Shortly, at the “Dream Girls” club, Rutherford Princeton sits at the bar and sighs, as for the past twenty years he has been in a coma, and now, not only does he wake up, at ninety six years old with super powers he did not know he had. He reveals that last night he got “cozy” with nearly a dozen different women, yet this morning he feels empty. Walter asks Rutherford if he is ready to make a difference, and leaving the bar with Walt, the old man says ‘I guess’.
A few hours later, Walt sits at a small table as his new recruits gather around him. Zuzha examines her new outfit and declares that in all her life she has never seen such clothing as this…‘well, unless ya count that “special place” I frequent every Friday night…’ she adds quietly before telling Walt that the costume is beautiful and fits perfectly. ‘What costume?’ scoffs Rutherford. Walt informs everyone that the costume is constructed of unstable molecules which adjust themselves where necessary – ‘oh never mind, lets just get down to business shall we, people?’
Walt reveals that three days ago, Alpha Flight was called out to investigate an… “occurrence”… that could very well alter the fate of all humanity as they know it. Walt declares that he was the only one who made it back, and he has no memory of what happened to the rest of his team or why he was the only one to escape. ‘Yeah. And, eh?’ says Zuzha before Rutherford asks Walt what exactly it is that he is asking them here. Mapleleaf smiles and tells Walt that surely he will take the time necessary to ‘forge us into one well-oiled fighting machine, right?’ Walt doesn’t answer him. Yukotujakzurjimozoata asks if all humans are this stupid, to which Nemesis says ‘You don’t even know’ and revealing that it is one of the reasons she became an anarchist in the first place, ‘it felt more honest’.
Walt transforms into Sasquatch to get their attention and tells them to listen, declaring that he could have gone to the Avengers for help, or SHIELD, and ‘I’m pretty sure the X-Men owe us a favor, though it admittedly gets hard to keep track’. However he felt that as this is a Canadian problem it falls to Canadians to come up with the solution. ‘Its up to us’ he says.
Zuzha rolls her eyes and says ‘oh what the hey. Who wants to live forever, eh?’ ‘That’d be me’. Replies Rutherford before declaring that he is in. Major Mapleleaf salutes Sasquatch and smiling he is sure he speaks for everyone present when he says ‘It would be an honor’. ‘Whatever’ says Yukotujakzurjimozoata before Nemesis sarcastically declares she wouldn't miss it for the world. Sasquatch smiles at his accomplishment and tells the All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight that it is time to go kick some booty!


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You Gotta Be Kiddin’ Me - part 3
From his loft in British Columbia, Canada, Doctor Walter Langkowski, the handsome scientist otherwise known as the super hero Sasquatch of Alpha Flight, has begun to tell his All-New, All-Different Alpha Flight – Nemesis, the new Major Mapleleaf, Yukon Jack, the new Puck and Centennial – a story about their enemy … the Plodex!
The name of the planet is long lost to the antiquity of the stars. The very word is illegal on countless planets throughout the known universe. For purposes we will call it the Plodex Homeworld … There never was, and has never been since a more inhospitable den of death and destruction then the Plodex Homeworld, a world where dominance is the single primary emotional function. Even though freedom, dignity and honor are at least “ideals” embedded in the hearts to humans, the Plodex had, since its very moment of creation, dedicated itself only to the art of war. This was not a war against opposing countries, for there were no such designations on this planet. Every Plodex was considered equal, and each united by a single genetic imperative – to dominate and destroy all life!
Two Plodex are all that are left in an arena covered with dead Plodex, where they are watched by a stadium packed with other Plodex.
From the first moment that a primordial sentient clawed its way from the very bowels of the planet, only to be clubbed to death by the primordial sentient that arrived only moments later, war, murder and genocide were the first languages that their “people” learned. This was the way of life for the Plodex and they managed to keep it to themselves … until one day.
The older Plodex draws blood, holding the younger, injured one to the ground he calls to the audience, telling them to arise and stand beside him, for he wants all Plodi to share in his victory. The younger Plodex asks the older if he is serious, and addressing all the Plodex he declares that a victory for himself is a victory for all their kind.
The older Plodex exclaims that for too long they have sought only to destroy themselves, used their strengths to topple mountains, to abuse their brethren and to lay low all that is good and noble within themselves. But to what purpose? he asks, before asking why they should be content in simply slaughtering themselves. The audience listens intently as the old Plodex asks why they should settle for obliterating their planet and why they should rest on the laurels of their ground-bound and short-lived ancestors. When instead we might rally and lay waste to nothing short of an entire universe! he bellows, before declaring that by pooling their resources there is no reason they cannot turn their attention to the stars,and crush entire civilizations beneath the boot heel that is the Plodex. You’re good says the younger Plodex as the tens of thousands of Plodi all raise their weapons in agreement.
One lone voice of reason in a sea of insanity … it was that single moment that changed the course of an entire universe. The Plodex had found their very own George Washington, their Genghis Khan, their Ghandi – with a hatred for all things true and free and good – and he was immediately struck down and killed – by the younger Plodex.
The younger Plodex stands up with a club in his hand and proclaims that he almost hated to do that, but that just because the older Plodex is dead doesn’t mean he didn’t have a great idea…. So, who’s with me? he asks loudly, and the entire Plodex race cries out, proclaiming their agreement.
The cheers that were roared that day would echo from planet to planet, from solar system to solar system and from one galaxy to the next. For the Plodex cut a bloody swath across the cosmos. Sometimes they killed, other times they opted for instead for subjugation. The only common denominator was the domination of any life form they encountered.
Zuzha “Puck” Yu watches Walt intently while the handsome Lou Sadler a.k.a. the new Major Mapleleaf clearly shows his fear of the enemy he will soon be facing. While Rutherford “Centennial” Princeton sleeps, Nemesis, as usual because of her mask, shows no emotion, while Yukotujakzurjimozoata folds his arms and tells Walter that he fails to see what this has to do with any of us, Langkowski. Zuzha agrees, exclaiming that none of this alien stuff was covered in bar-tending things more like bank robbers and the like
Nemesis tells Walter to continue, as she finds his choice of bedtime story oddly … titillating. Walt looks annoyed at his recruits and tells the enigmatic Nemesis that it is not his intent, and that he just wants to give everyone a sense of what they are up against. Up against? Surely you jest! exclaims Yukon Jack Even a dictator or two, possibly… mumbles Lou, as the snoring Centennial suddenly wakes up, he yells at his teammates, dagnabbit! And tells them to let Walter speak, adding that they are worse than a room full of grannies – and believe me, I know what that’s like. He tells everyone that if they do not like what they hear then they can always leave, but until then pipe down! Everyone watches the old man, stunned, until Yukon Jack says Proceed, physician, and he does…
It wasn’t long before the Plodex shifted gears, and turned their formidable resources from the art of war, to that of space travel. It is unknown how many years it took them, a hundred, a thousand, all that mattered was their cause – that nothing living would thrive beneath the crushing boot heel of the Plodex. Even upon their maiden voyage this much was clear.
The first planet the Plodex came to was a peaceful, pre-industrial planet, with happy people,the first people of a universe full that never stood a chance. Those that did not die in the initial slaughter were subsequently killed. Those that were not killed and slaughtered were sent to death camps, where they were killed and slaughtered.
Flush from their victory, it was not long before the Plodex took part in their own Manifest Destiny. Democracies? Dictatorships? Limited Collective Partnerships? All were consumed by the ferocious appetite of the Plodex as they ravaged their way through the universe.
However, it was not enough for the Plodex, or rather it was not happening fast enough for them and the armed military crafts, impressive as they were could only hold so many of the Plodex at any one time. In some ways, the Plodex were victims of their own successes, for the wider their empire expanded, the more ravenous their hunger grew. For that reason, the young scientists of the Plodex worked long into the night, until at long last they unlocked a key that would once prove to be their greatest weapon, while ultimately condemning them to their inevitable downfall. Entropy is like that.
In an effort to expand on their perfection, the Plodex made the mistake that all empires have made before them and after them – they looked to technology to take the place of hard work and commitment. Part of that had to do with the devourer ships, which were constructs, designed to bury their tentacles into the heart and soul of any terrain upon which they landed, easy access from which to stage ambushes, but also to allow for the studying of any target planet’s prevalent life forms. The ship’s goal was to imprint the DNA of the prevalent life forms into the Plodex eggs, thus creating a race of Plodex hybrids capable of more easily adapting to the home court advantage of the natives.
Sasquatch admits that this plan of the Plodi worked fine for a century or two, until their victories turned out to be pyrrhic. In the beginning, the Plodex were only one race, dedicated to a single cause, but as time passed, the Plodex warriors returned to the Homeworld – where they brought the mores and cultures of a multitude of different races with them. Naturally, chaos ensued. So not surprisingly for the Plodex, it ended the same way it began – with a world tearing itself asunder.
Nemesis sits on the back of the couch and says how tragic, to have come so far, only to be brought low by their own hubris. Tragic? asks Rutherford, who tells Nemesis that she is in need of some serious therapy. Phew, eh? says Zuzha before asking Walt why he didn’t just skip ahead to the part where the Plodex are some great big footnote in the Encyclopedia Galactica. Or were you just trying to scare us out of our respective  Mapleleaf looks at Zuzha disapprovingly and tells her that he suspects Dr. Langkowski is not quite finished telling the story, as it pertains to Earth, and second, let me be clear: I don’t wear panties!
Patience, kids, this is the big wrap-up says Walt before he continues his story. The Plodex throneworld had been destroyed nearly a century before, in fact the entire Plodex empire had crumbled beneath the weight of itself. The vastness of space was such that by time the one remaining planet devourer had reached the only recently cooled planet Earth – the ship had fallen into a state of total disrepair.
The remaining Plodex ship did however crash land on Earth’s Northern Polar ice cap, where it embedded itself and began its for, well, us. 98 percent of the eggs however died in the crash. Several centuries later, the last egg was discovered by a fisherman, Tom Smallwood. Thinking back to his former teammate, Marrina, Walt says to his team We, as a species, sure lucked out.
Clapping his hands, Walt leaps out of his seat, telling his team that they have the story. Any questions? No? Good, let's get started. Zuzha yawns and Yukon Jack remains seated as Centennial asks Walt how long they have to train for battle against the alien punks that took his friends. Walt looks surprised and asks who said anything about training? He tells them that if it sounds too difficult he must have picked the wrong people. Major Mapleleaf salutes Walt and smiling, tells him he is sure he speaks on behalf of everyone when he says At your service. What’s the worst that can happen, eh? asks Zuzha.
Next: The Worst Happens!