[Assistant]
Why Is It, To Save Me, I Must Kill You?
The Swiss Alps, Dr. Killebrew’s home…
Killebrew informs Deadpool that he can come of the trench now, as he’s got everything he needs. Wade jokes that at last the transformation is complete. Siryn remarks that only Wade would joke in a time like this. Deadpool tells her to relax, and is certain that the whole “Deadpool, you’re dying” thing was just Killebrew’s way of putting him in the scanners box and see him naked. Killebrew asks Wilson to shut up, and mentions that he’s finally got all the results.
Killebrew adds that, like he said, it’s not just Wade’s healing factor that’s wrong, it’s everything. Wade thinks he’s losing his awesome power to tell the Olson twins apart. Ignoring that, Killebrew explains that Deadpool’s body chemistry is completely breaking down. First, Wade’s healing factor will break apart. Wade recalls that his healing factor is the only thing that keeps him from having…- Killebrew cuts in, knowing that the factor keeps Wade from having a cancer relapse. He is sorry.
Wade says that this can’t be happening… he still has a ten-year subscription to the “Really Big Guns Quarterly” magazine. Killebrew takes a closer look at his computer screen, and asks Deadpool to wait. Killebrew suspects that there might be a way to stop the degeneration process. Wade asks Killebrew if he isn’t just saying that so Wade wouldn’t go on with his first plan to kill the doctor. Killebrew remembers Wade that he still has a modicum of integrity left in his old body.
Killebrew opens a chart on his screen, and starts explaining what he means. The majority of Wade’s cells are breaking down, but there are some that are uncharacteristically stable. Killebrew asks Deadpool if he has been exposed to anything unusual lately. Wade thinks: there was that “impossible cheeseburger pie” that Al whipped up last week. Siryn stops Wade, wanting to know who Al is. Wade tells her to mind her “p’s” and “q’s.” There also was Wade’s next-door neighbor blasting Yanni at 3 A.M., who eats through a tube now by the way, and there was also that little gamma radiation blast he was exposed to back in Antarctica.
Siryn is surprised to hear that Wade was in Antarctica. Killebrew wants to know about the gamma radiation. Wade explains that he sort of blew up a Canadian research facility that absorbed ambient radiation from the atmosphere. Siryn doesn’t think she should ask a proper explanation, thinking it is a “guy thing.” Wade jokes that she obviously can’t grasp the subtleties of his work. While they talk, Killebrew adds gamma radiation into the simulation on his screen, and after assuming intracellular induction, he has a plan!
Somehow, the gamma radiation slowed down Wade’s cellular degeneration. Wade jokes that it was also that gamma radiation that delivered unto him a serious tail whipping, and you can still see the radiation footprints on his boots. Killebrew mentions that he isn’t supposing another exposure. He thinks that if, perhaps they bathe Wade’s insides with gamma-irradiated fluid, providing even distribution of energy throughout his body, theoretically, they could heal all of Wade’s cells.
The catch is, the radiation needs to be attached to an organic base in order to “piggy-back” its way into Wade’s system without killing him outright. Wade thinks that’s cool, and tells them to boil him up half a gallon of two percent. Killebrew claims that even if he had his resources, to synthesize the medium would take years. Wade gently pulls out his sword again, silently threatening Killebrew that he doesn’t like the sound of that. Killebrew continues to say that an acceptable form of the material in question may already exist. Wade wants to know where.
Last Killebrew heard, said person appropriated an island in the Florida Keys and, like almost everyone else, has been keeping a close eye on this person ever since the Onslaught disaster. Personally, he thinks that the military is handling the situation poorly. Wade thinks he should stay out of Florida and the sun, seeing his condition. Killebrew mentions that the person hasn’t harmed anyone yet, at least at this moment, though the material destruction has been phenomenal. Wade tells Killebrew he thinks he doesn’t like this train of thought. He wants to know whom they are talking about. After the words “gamma radiation, bloodstream and massive property damage,” shouldn’t it be obvious?
Meanwhile, on his island, a ship gets destroyed and is on fire. A lot of people gather around, and cheer for none other than… the Hulk!
One short (and very reluctant) plane ride later…
Deadpool shakes his head, and doesn’t want to do it. Siryn tells Wade to put a sock in it already, as he has been whining ever since they left the Alps. She didn’t think that Wade can actually get scared. Of course he can get scared, Deadpool mocks, they are only dealing with the Hulk! He wonders when the last time was they faced such a colossal monster. Siryn asks if the Juggernaut counts. Wade doesn’t think that Juggernaut comes anywhere close to the Hulk range.
Killebrew tries to calm Wade down by saying that this is really quite elementary. The Hulk’s blood has all the requisite qualities for Wade’s treatment: if Wade wants to live, he needs a sample of the Hulk’s blood. To be honest, with a sadistic look on his face, Killebrew expects the whole procedure to be quite… stimulating. For the both of them, like old times. Wade doesn’t remember any “old times” and, since he doesn’t know how to say this gently, he shouts at Killebrew to back off and punches him away.
Siryn asks Wade if he has gone crazy. Wade shouts that he won’t let Killebrew treat him like an experiment anymore. Hearing Siryn’s voice, Wade tries to calm himself down by remembering that he isn’t in the Workshop anymore. Siryn demands to know from Killebrew what he’s doing to Wade. Killebrew defends that he wasn’t doing anything, and was just going to apply some sensors. Siryn suggests that she’ll do it, and thinks that Killebrew will be better of being on the other side of the plane. Hesitant, Killebrew does as told.
She walks over to Deadpool, and asks if he’s back from la-la land yet. She asks what happened back there. Wade explains that he remembered the tone in Killebrew’s voice, and it reminded him of the time he first met Killebrew, when from when he was back in the Weapon X’ Workshop. Theresa patches Wade up, and promises that they’ll deal with this as quickly as possible, and then head back to America and forget all about the name of Killebrew.
Wade fears that it won’t be that easy. Siryn doesn’t understand why not. Deadpool explains that he knows that, when she looks at Killebrew, she sees Wilford Brimley, but when he looks at Killebrew, he sees his nightmares come to life. When Wade looks in Killebrew’s eyes, he remembers what it was like… not to feel human, to exist purely as meat. There is only one way for Wade to purge the ghost of Killebrew from his mind: permanently, and with extreme malice. He doesn’t forgive and forget, even if Siryn wants him to.
Siryn knows that it hasn’t got anything to do with her. Wade shouldn’t do that because it isn’t right. She knows that Killebrew threw it all on the line to help Wade, and she thinks that has to count for something. She knows that Wade can never forget what happened, but he can’t let it define his life. Theresa mentions that, if they don’t let the demons inside them go, they will consume them. Wade hears her, a merc’s honor and all that, but he thinks it’s just nice words. He promises that, after all this is over and he has been cured, he warns Siryn to get clear of him and Killebrew, unless she wants to get bloody. Siryn remarks that, just when she thinks she might be getting inside Wade’s head, he royally screws things up. Killebrew cuts in, informing his two companions that they’ve found the Hulk.
Siryn mentions that everything in the plane is ready, and that the commlinks are open, so Wade can begin. But, he’s still afraid. Wade jokes that he was just putting the finishing touch to his will. But, he realizes that it’s time to make the donuts! (or were you expecting Deadpool to say “spoons?”) He jumps out of the plane, with his sword ready and aims for the Hulk. Hulk looks up, and asks Wade to go away. Wade kicks Hulk’s back, informing the green brute that one sample of blood can save five lives, though in this case it’ll only be one. Wade jokingly promises the Hulk that if he’s a nice monstrosity, they’ll fix him up with a nice drink after the operation.
Hulk mocks Wade to go away, or else he’ll die. It’s his choice. Wade finds it sarcastic that the Hulk mentions the dying part, and informs him that he’s a man in need. He apologizes for the earlier kicking, but in truth he just used the Hulk as a safe landing pad to get his attention. And they don’t want Hulk shouting, “Hulk smash!” Hulk jumps towards Deadpool, and jokes that remark comes too late: he pounds Wade into the ground, and jokingly says, “Hulk smash!”
Siryn panics a bit. She swears that Wade is going to be the death of her some day. Hulk lifts up his fist, and notices that Wade managed to roll into safety, and that he merely punched a hole in the ground. He congratulates Wade for being so fast. Now, Hulk jokes, Wade has a story to tell to his idiot friends back home. He warns Wade again to leave now that he can.
Wade goes to stand behind the Hulk. He informs Hulk that he can’t leave, because he needs Hulk’s heart juice so that his own can continue running. Besides, Wade is also trying to impress a chick, and he can do that by kicking Hulk’s butt. Wade asks the Hulk to sit back, and to think of him as his very own “Barber of Seville.” Oh, Wade actually means “Sweeny Todd.” Wade always messes up his musical metaphors. He takes out his sword, and slices through the Hulk’s body!
Hulk angrily turns around, asking Deadpool if he thought that was a good shot. Wade jokes that he made better ones but, he has to admit, the cut went pretty deep. Hulk maybe agrees, but the trick isn’t cutting him: it’s getting Hulk to stay cut! Wade thinks that’s just plain nasty and thinks he’s going to puke. Hulk angrily picks up a nearby truck. He shouts at Deadpool that he had the chance to leave but didn’t take it. He has broken the law of Hulk’s island! Wade has been found guilty, and there’s only one punishment for the guilty here!
Deadpool jokes around, asking if its community work? Or service in the girl’s locker room? As a concerned citizen, Wade feels compelled to tell Hulk that triple-A is not going to be happy when the Hulk throws that truck on him. Suddenly, Hulk gets shot at! Now what?
Above in the plane, Killebrew doesn’t want to be the backseat pilot, but he has to tell Siryn if she really thinks they need to get so close to the Hulk in order to help their little friend. Siryn asks Killebrew to zip it. She shouts that, if she didn’t have to baby-sit Killebrew, Deadpool wouldn’t need air support. She asks Killebrew to shut up, or else she’ll give him a lesson in gravity.
Hulk notices the plane, and isn’t surprised that Deadpool brought some friends, as no one goes against the Hulk alone. Hulk shouts at the people in the plane that trespassing on his island isn’t allowed, and throws the truck in the plane’s direction! Deadpool panics for Siryn’s safety. Killebrew freaks out as well, but Siryn tells him to relax. Siryn pilots the plane into safety, and the truck only hits a small part of the wing, and no real damage is done.
Deadpool gets angry at Hulk for nearly hurting Siryn, and starts attacking him. Hulk jokes that Wade must have him confused with someone who cares. Wade jokes back that he had actually confused the Hulk with that other version of him, but he knows that Hulk’s lack of manicured goatee and Hulkamania headband was a dead giveaway. Hulk shouts that he doesn’t care about anyone but himself! Doesn’t Deadpool understand that? Hulk thinks he maybe needs to pound it into the merc. So he does, and punches Wade through a clothing shop window!
Luckily, Wade is unharmed, though a little out of breath and a little disoriented. He kids around with a model doll, and asks the doll what she’s doing after this bloodbath. Wade jokes that he’s going to tend for a few compound fractures and wait for the transplant, as usual. Not getting a response, Wade jokes that’s what he likes in a mannequin. Hulk runs back towards Wade, angrier than before. He likes the thought that Wade said he was dying, which means there’s more breathing air for the rest of them!
Hulk thinks that, if Wade were worth his salt, he would have the common decency to go somewhere quiet and die with dignity. And, apparently, the Hulk adds, Deadpool is going to die the way he lived: a loser! Wade starts to panic. He can’t take another love tap like that. He has to get out of there, fast. But the Hulk has no intention of going softly into that dark night, and Wade can’t get a blade in edgewise. What he needs is a Zany, that’s just crazy enough to work. He thinks.
The Hulk has almost reached Deadpool, and shouts that’s how it always works: people go out the way they lived: suffering. Angry at the great joke. And most importantly… alone. Hulk opens his eyes wider, ready for the kill. But, he finds a triumphant Deadpool, standing in his way, standing near a street sign! Wade jokingly calls out to the brute. He gives him a tip from the super-schmoe’s handbook: don’t jump so high in the middle of a fight, since it gives one’s opponent the chance to set traps. And, now if the Hulk wants to excuse Wade, he’s going to move so that the Hulk can have splatty-time.
Wade rolls away, and the Hulk lands in the middle of the pipe. Not thinking it can harm him, the pipe rips open… the Hulk’s pants! Green blood floats off the pieces, and Wade picks up a sample and puts it in a lab tube. Wade smells the fresh blood, and the thought of it takes him back to nursery school. On behalf of his nervous system, Wade’s lymph nodes all his gallbladder, and thanks the Hulk. Wade realizes something, and asks the Hulk to wait a minute.
The Hulk just got impaled on a street sign… government issue, no less… but that isn’t supposed to happen to the Hulk! At least not to Wade’s funk ‘n’ wagnals. He isn’t complaining, because he sort of won there, but he asks the Hulk… why? The Hulk, while recovering and catching his breath, doesn’t know for sure either. Perhaps it’s Deadpool’s lucky day. Or perhaps Wade isn’t the only one with problems. Wade asks the Hulk if it’s anything serious. Hulk asks Wade if he cares.
Not particularly. But, if the Hulk is sick, Wade adds, maybe he has to get off this island and go see a doctor. It’s real easy when you’ve got a teleporter unit like Wade has. Hulk concludes that normally he doesn’t have to go that far, but the doctor isn’t in the house anymore. Deadpool activates his teleporter, and fades away, back up into the plane.
There, Wade tosses the blood sample to Killebrew. Startled, Killebrew asks Wilson to be careful with that. Deadpool just wants to get out of here as fast as they can before the Hulk remembers he can splash them like flies. Siryn takes a look at the Hulk… just standing there. She wonders if there’s something wrong with him. Deadpool doesn’t think that there’s anything right with the Hulk in the first place, but he really does suspect something is up. Siryn wonders who’s going to want to help the Hulk. Deadpool doesn’t know. With a personality like the Hulk has, who would want to? Siryn doesn’t know, but at least she’s helping Wade. Deadpool defends that he’s dying and witty… and a snappy dresser. The Hulk’s just a big monster. While the plane leaves, Hulk stares at it.
One trans-oceanic jaunt later, back in the Alps…
Killebrew takes out a large needle, and Deadpool shouts at the doctor to wait. There’s no way Killebrew is sticking it in Wade’s body. He wants to go back to Hulk-Island; perhaps the cure will work if it just sweats on him. Killebrew tells Wilson to relax. After all, the merc has had more stab wounds than Killebrew has hair on his head! He can’t be afraid of a little needle like this one.
Wade notices that Killebrew is just screaming it off from the rooftops. Next thing you know, Killebrew will tell everyone that Wade doesn’t like to change in public locker rooms. Wade pulls up one of his sleeves anyway, and Killebrew asks the merc to just relax. Siryn jokes that Wade just needs to be a big boy, and then he’ll get a lollypop. Wade likes the idea of having a sucker. Siryn tells him to get his mind out of the gutter. Killebrew sticks the needle inside Wade’s arm. He wants to know what happened to the count of three.
Killebrew explains that it’s an old pediatrics’ trick: it keeps the muscles relaxed. Wade sarcastically mentions that he killed his pediatrician with a tongue depressor. Once the blood is inside Wade, he jokes that it really didn’t hurt. Killebrew knows it didn’t, and smiles that Wade was very brave. Wade knows, and asks where his lolly is. He takes a look at his hand, but the finger isn’t back yet.
The doctor tells Wade that he knows he promised a miracle, but even he can’t speed up time. He suggests that they’ll monitor Wade throughout the evening and make sure that his system has accepted the injection. He is confident that the procedure will be a success, but if Wade or Siryn are partial to religion, now would be a good time to pray. Siryn mentions that she already made a call to the man upstairs, but Wade has her complete faith, as does Killebrew.
Wade appreciates that. He promises he won’t let her down. He starts to whisper, saying that he actually means except for that part where he slits the fat boy open from end to end. He hopes Siryn understands. While Wade continues to watch the monitors with Siryn and Killebrew, he holds a scalpel behind his back, ready for the use.


[Assistant]
The Doctor Is Skinned! (or: The End Of Our First Story Arc)
The Swiss Alps, Dr. Killebrew’s home…
Killebrew, while still watching the monitors, informs Deadpool that what he’s seeing is good. Actually, it’s better than good: the results of his most recent scan are spectacular! He concludes that the transfusion of gamma irradiated blood into Wade’s system appears to have been a success. Wade thinks so, too. Killebrew adds that the readings indicate that the degeneration of Wade’s cell structure has been arrested. However, the damage he suffered before the procedure was significant. Even though Wade’s body will recover, his healing factor will never be the same.
Wade doesn’t seem to care much, and at the back of the room, he starts playing with a flamethrower. Killebrew continues to explain that Wade will be able to withstand the excessive burns, bruises and battering which are common in Wade’s line of work, but the next time an appendage cut off, it stays off. He’ll no longer be indestructible. Killebrew stops talking when he notices Deadpool not paying attention.
Wade ignores the doctor, having heard that he won’t die but that his healing factor dropped a few notches. He won’t get to juggle with Ginsu knives anymore, and has to stay away from fatty foods and keep his arms inside the bus, but it doesn’t matter. Killebrew asks Wade what he’s up. Now that Killebrew has cured him like the doctor promised to, they’ve got some private discussion to do. It’ll be fun, with a nice cup of Café Vienna, Deadpool in his comfortable chair, Killebrew gurgling his last breath… Wade is just glad he paid attention back when he was at the Workshop.
Deadpool angrily turns around, and pulls out his scalpel. He grabs Killebrew by his face, and shouts at the old man that this is the end of his life!
Meanwhile, at the Hellhouse…
While playing snooker, C.F. complaints and tells a story to Weasel. He tells him that the color scheme was totally eighties. It was like he stepped into a Sergio Valento catalog or something. But anyway, C.F. wasn’t there to critique the guy’s nonexistent taste in interior design; he was there to do his job. Even the guy’s toilet was green, but so is the color of money. Since his ears are closing up, Weasel asks C.F. if his story is going somewhere.
C.F. pulls up his shirt, and proudly shows Weasel a red tattoo mark on his belly! One minute, C.F. was checking out a navel print when… BAM! Those IRA guys cracked out a bazooka. And he’s still got the mark to prove it. A girl nearby is making eyes at C.F. An older merc notices it, and whispers to C.F. that he’s on his way to first base, since the girl is giving him the signals.
Weasel isn’t impressed. He can’t believe that C.F. calls that blemish of his a scar. Even Deadpool has had worse paper cuts! Weasel remembers this one time they mixed it up with the Hand in Tunisia. Wade looked like a walking Sushi bar after that.
Suddenly, the door gets kicked loud open. All of the mercs stop talking, and hate to see the guy coming in. Weasel continues talking to C.F. He mentions that of course, Wade was also the only one still in possession of all of his limbs. Fenway, another merc, whispers to Weasel that there’s a delay of game. Not understanding what’s going on, Weasel refuses to stop, and continue winning while he can. He asks the guys if they’ve noticed how different this place looks without Deadpool’s constant ruckus. C.F. thinks that they better go sit down. Weasel doesn’t understand why everyone keeps saying that he has to stop playing. He turns around, and immediately panics when he recognizes… T-Ray!
T-Ray proudly stands in front of Weasel. T-Ray tells the guy that he said “the name.” Weasel panics. C.F. friendly puts his arm around Weasel, defending that Weasel didn’t knew that T-Ray was around. Weasel doesn’t care either way. He wants to know what difference it would make if he said “Dead…” Eh… the name. T-Ray smiles that he doesn’t like the name. He knows that nobody really likes the name, or the man. He knows they tolerate “that filthy word” only because they are afraid of him. But T-Ray isn’t.
Weasel tells T-Ray that’s good for him. In fact, given the opportunity, T-Ray would bet that most of the other mercs would love to be free of the name… permanently. He smiles that this opportunity is knocking, and that everyone better pays attention. Weasel wonders what will happen if his friend gets wind of this. T-Ray gets a serious, angry look on his face. He fears that if he told Weasel what would happen, the guy would faint before he had a chance to show it. And that would spoil T-Ray’s fun.
T-Ray taps Weasel on his chest, telling him that he shouldn’t relay on Deadpool too much. T-Ray would hate to see a perfectly good weapons geek be wasted by a man like Wilson. Patch wants to know what’s going on here. He steps outside for one moment to get an ice cream sammitch, and comes back finding everything quiet as a mouse. He notices T-Ray, and warns the guy that he warned him what will happen if he causes mischief in his place again. One more incident, and T-Ray is out. T-Ray smiles, and claims that there are no problems. He can ask anyone. He asks Weasel to confirm it. Weasel hesitates, but quietly confirms to Patch that T-Ray really didn’t do anything wrong.
Killebrew’s lab…
Siryn knocks on the door, informing Wade that their plane is all set and they can go home. Not getting a response, Siryn tries to get in, but… the door is locked?!
Inside, Killebrew tries to change Deadpool’s mind about killing him. Deadpool jokes that this isn’t necessarily. They could have a big musical finale and walk off into the clouds. But unfortunately, Wade detests musicals. Well, except for the one called “Carrie: the Musical,” as a bunch of guys get whacked in that one. Killebrew doesn’t understand the reason: the experiment worked, and Wade is cured. So, he asks: why?
Wade doesn’t agree. He tells Killebrew that he has just put his broken monster back together again. Killebrew has prolonged a life he ruined back in Weapon X. Wade wouldn’t call that a “big safe.” Although, once his finger grows back, it will be nice to scratch his nose again. He guesses that has to count for something. Deadpool promises Killebrew that if the treatment works and he turns back into his old tamper resistant self, he’ll bury Killebrew under a nice knee. He orders the old man to get on his knees.
At the same time, Siryn starts to freak out and keeps pounding the door, calling out to Wade, but he still doesn’t answer. Killebrew knows he said it before, but he can’t get Deadpool his life back. Killebrew knows he can’t even begin to make up for what he put Wade through, but he’s trying, and he mentions that there are others he can help as well. Deadpool knows there are others. Deadpool plans on sending these others Polaroids afterwards to cheer them up. After all, laughter is a good medicine.
Killebrew asks Wade what he’s going to do when Siryn finds out. Deadpool hesitates, but claims that this has got nothing to do with her. He orders Killebrew to hold still while he gets this over with. Siryn uses her powers to break the door apart, and flies inside, hitting Wade with a sonic scream. Siryn can’t believe Wade, that even though after all they’ve been through, he still wants to kill the doctor. Wade jokes that he didn’t think Siryn would want to get blood on her nice uniform. He tells her to back off, so he can end this.
Siryn defends thatm no matter what might have happened in the past, it isn’t right to end a life like this. Wade jokes Siryn if she would prefer poison, because that can work as well. Siryn tries to make Wade understand that, by killing Killebrew, it won’t make the nightmares go away, or undo the horrors that have been done to him. Wade knows they can’t know that for certain before they have tried out the old college way, nor have they. He takes out a cord, wanting to snap Killebrew’s neck with it. Siryn orders Wade to put that away, or, she swears on her mother’s soul, she will stop him no matter what it costs.
Wade doesn’t understand that Siryn would put her life on the line for a scumbag like Killebrew. Wade claims that Killebrew isn’t worth it. Even though Killebrew “cured” Wade, he feels the doctor hasn’t paid the bill for the last time yet. Not when Killebrew destroyed Wade’s life, thinking he was merely government property he could play with. How could Siryn stand up for someone whose respect for human life is so severely impaired. Siryn corrects that she stood up for Wade, now hasn’t she? Wade remains silent for a while, thinking about it. Uninterested, he orders Siryn to move away.
Siryn won’t. Killebrew stops her, thanking Siryn for the thought, but he has seen that look on Deadpool’s face before, and thinks it’s best that she just does as he says. He explains that men like Deadpool and himself are governed by a different system of justice. He had thought that perhaps he had done his penance, but perhaps it’s just not meant to be. In a funny way, Killebrew is relieved. Deadpool thinks that’s good, as he would hate to make Killebrew miserable when he kills him.
Deadpool asks Siryn not to make this any more difficult than it already is, and asks Siryn to go away. Siryn isn’t going anywhere. She tells Wade that, if this is what he feels he needs to do, he’ll have to do it in front of her. She wants to see it. Wade again asks Siryn to leave. She refuses. Deadpool is silent for a while. He gets furious, and shouts at Siryn to go away, now!
The Hellhouse…
Weasel continues to say that he isn’t certain about Deadpool. The one moment, he is your friend; the next he’s playing pin the katana on the posterior. But at least, Wade has a soul.
T-Ray sits alone at the bar, drinking. He notices some mercs staring at him. He warns those people that, if they continue staring, he’ll butcher them and they can expect him to do the same whatever remains of their bodies in front of their relatives. Everyone turns their heads, and mind their own business.
Patch has got a new mission, and it pays big money. The contract is hit on a mob family, three milt cold thirty dirty wise guys. Plus, there will be incentive bonuses. They also want the kids of the mob family’s killed, and have it make look messy. Patch thinks that nobody wants this mission, and thinks he can just throw away the paper. T-Ray stands up triumphantly. Everybody gets quiet. He snatches the information paper away out of Patch’s hand, telling him that he can expect his share by six in the evening.
After T-Ray leaves, Patch gets furious. He doesn’t want anyone speaking to him, and informs his clients that he’ll be in the box and wants to be left alone. Weasel thinks that this just isn’t right.
The Swiss Alps…
Deadpool won’t ask Siryn again to leave. She still refuses to go. Wade doesn’t want Siryn to see him like this. Siryn starts to cry, telling Wade that’s tough then. Wade doesn’t understand why Siryn won’t let him do what he has to do. He knows that she can’t handle it, and suggests that she just goes away and forgets about him. Siryn can’t do that, because she knows that seeing is believing. And she cannot believe that the beast Wade claims to have within him, is stronger than the man she knows he is: the man with the gentle touch, the man with the soft voice, and the man who watches over her as she sleeps.
Wade is surprised that Siryn knows about that. Siryn has known it for weeks now. She could feel his eyes over her, even when hers were closed. And she took great comfort in it because, when Wade is around, she knows that no harm will come to her… that she is safe to dream. But, Siryn concludes, if she is wrong and that man isn’t there, if he never existed, she needs to know it for sure.
Deadpool claims that he isn’t a good man, and he hasn’t been one for a very long time. He dwells in very dark places. For some, Killebrew is responsible for, but for others, he isn’t. Wade guarantees Siryn that she never wants to go there. Siryn wants to be the judge of that herself. She asks Wade to spare Killebrew, and to just accept his gift, and leave with her right now. She promises Wade that he has a friend watching over him for life, and he never has to go into those dark places alone again. Wade doesn’t want Siryn to make promises she can’t keep, and not let them become her. Siryn smiles that she never does that, and never will. Wade stares at her for a while.
Wade tells Killebrew that, from the moment he and Siryn walk out of his house, he wants the doctor to run away. Not walk, run. And, he wants Killebrew to mark this date on his calendar: it will be his new birthday. Siryn has given Killebrew a new life. Wade doesn’t know how much life but, frankly, he doesn’t care. He tells Killebrew to just go and life in peace, or whatever, but he wants the doctor to remember this: death stared down at him today. His own creation came back to do him in, and let him life for only one reason: to safe himself.
Wade tells Killebrew to leave and go find the others, and to help them like Killebrew helped him. But, if Wade hears so much as hears a second-hand rumor that Killebrew is playing his old role again, he will run out of mercy words. Killebrew understands, and swears that he will make amends. Deadpool tells Killebrew not to thank him, as he is a monster, thanks to him. But, he might have changed a little today, thanks to Siryn, who believes in him. Wade puts his arm around Siryn, and they walk away together.
Elsewhere…
There is a place where nothing grows. Where the air hangs thick… and sick. Silent, as if even the whisper of wind is afraid to trespass. No sun has ever shined here. Someone snaps his fingers, and candles, put on skulls of death people, light up.
T-Ray sits silent on his throne, staring in front of him. Today was a good day for him. The assignment went smoothly. He kept evidence. Sometimes, they ask for it. It makes them feel like God. But even when they don’t, T-Ray shows it to them. It’s something that they need to see. They need to be a part of what T-Ray does. He stands up, and undresses. He steps forward, still silent, without even whispering a word.
T-Ray thinks he isn’t a TV satellite, something that can be turn down by a press on a simple button. He is an extension of their rage, greed, pain, lust and soul. And they need to know that. He brings them evidence, so that they can see that T-Ray is indispensable. He thinks it’s better advertising than word of mouth. He goes to sit inside a circle, which he made out of leaflets.
He concentrates on the breathing. His wounds start healing, and T-Ray feels his body repairing itself grudgingly… again. Once more, he breathes. But the screams from the massacre have not yet passed through him. He breathes. Human noises linger and fester, only put to rest when honored. He holds, and recounts the job. He recounts every detail, sound and especially the smell. He smells gunpowder and blood. There’s skin in his mouth.
The woman T-Ray killed. He remembers that her hair hit the ground before she did. The man wore a blue vest, turned very black and wet. He holds. T-Ray remembers it all. All forty-seven of their ends. He remembers. He thinks that’s good, and breathes again. He knows that his victims; deaths must be honored, or they will haunt him. T-Ray knows all about that.
The dishonored flock him, like flies to a walking corpse. He lurks over his shoulder, like he always does. On T-Ray’s back, there is a giant “X” mark, and he warns and tells Deadpool that he can relax, as he isn’t planning to tap him on the back… yet. T-Ray looks closer down his back, and takes a look at the names that are marked on it, and are all scratched through. Deadpool’s name is there as well, but it is untouched.
Westchester, the Xavier Institute…
Deadpool and Siryn are sitting on the roof of the school. It’s snowing. Wade recognizes that there they are again, after a fine mess he got Siryn in yet again. She jokes that’s indeed the truth. Wade wonders what will happen now. She gets confused. Deadpool asks Siryn if she remembers when he told her that he doesn’t have to face his personal issues alone.
Siryn does. Wade was sort of replaying that part in his head and was wondering how not alone he is when Siryn is around. Is it not alone like there’s a person next to him on line at the Quick-E-Mart buying corn nuts, or is it not alone like in a crowded mosh pit. Or is it, not alone, like… they are together? Siryn and Deadpool take a look at each other.
It’s like Siryn said. If Wade needs her, like a friend, for anything, she will be there before he hangs up the phone. But if Wade is talking about something more together than that, that is a difficult time for that sort of thing, for the both of them. She moves closer to Wade, laying her head against his chest. Wade hopes that she doesn’t hear his heart bouncing, and thinks there’s more coming.
Siryn smiles that she has to focus her energies if she is to lead X-Force, and that kind of focus doesn’t leave much room for that kind of together… with anyone. Wade understands. He claims he was just curious. It’s not like he cares or anything. Siryn adds that there’s a “but” to her sentence. Wade asks her to go on. Siryn mentions that’s not to say, if Wade stays on the path Siryn thinks he is on now, and if she can get her own head straight, that together would be totally out of the program.
Wade is surprised to hear that it’s not totally out. Siryn confirms. Wade thinks that’s cool, and can live with it, for as long as he isn’t stringing Siryn or anything. She smiles that he isn’t. Wade moves closer to Siry, asking that until then, they will remain buds. “Always, Siryn concludes… always.


[Assistant]
Cat Trap: part 1 (or: Wakanda, Merc Are You?)
The story thus far:
Although King T’Challa of Wakanda is finally out of his coma, he is still too weak to move about on his own and is attached to a hovercraft wheelchair. Dr. Tambak confined him to a zero-G transport, which T’Challa immediately took down into his techno-jungle. A Stanley Kubrick-James Cameron Nightmare, the Techno-Jungle was an eerie shadow world, meaning a city beneath the city of central Wakanda. It’s an impossible maze jammed with tangles of fiber optic cabling and high-tech devices. Very few people are authorized to be down there, and least of all State Department Agent Everett Ross. Any poor slob that’s dumb enough to find his way down there could wander lost for weeks, before dying of dehydration.
There is no light there. No sky to navigate there. No “you are here” arrow signs posted. There is even a jigsaw of interlocking tunnels that had no rhyme or reason to most anyone but the king himself, which fairly mirrors his personality. Until the recent collapse of the Wakandan economy, T’Challa was one of the world’s richest and most technologically proficient men. It’s like Bill Gates meeting Shaka Zulu. T’Challa was king of one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world.
Agent Ross has known T’Challa for a while now, but the man is still a mystery to him. T’Challa was, ultimately, a bit unknowable. He has compassionate eyes that told you absolutely nothing about what he is thinking. He does most everything for reasons of his own. Like the jungle cats his religion defied, he is a cunning man, always three steps ahead of his enemies.
T’Challa sits alone in his techno-jungle, looking at some monitors, and thinks. He contacts his most loyal servant, Taku, who is observing Iron Man on his monitors. T’Challa asks Taku if he has found her yet. He unfortunately has to deny that. There’s no sign of the woman. He explains to his king that this whole thing might be a hoax, like a misdirection on Killmonger’s part. T’Challa doubts that. He reminds Taku that Brother Voodoo was almost fatally wounded, and his throat cut by an unseen assailant. But she did tell him her name: “Malice.”
T’Challa is aware of the fact that Malice is Killmonger’s protégé, and even has a picture of her which he displays on Katu’s monitors. Malice is a deadly, genetically-enhanced woman with vast strength and unerring accuracy. It stands to reason: if Killmonger has returned from the grave, she must have done the very same thing. Katu explains that none of Avengers Mansion’s internal sensors, which he is hacking on, have picked up anyone matching Malice’s description. He reminds his king that Voodoo didn’t saw her, but only heard the woman whisper her name before she vanished.
T’Challa adds that Killmonger returned from the grave radically changed. He believes it’s possible that Malice is among them, and they don’t have a clue who or even what they are looking for. Taku reminds T’Challa that, also, N’Jadaka is at Avengers Mansion. And Iron Man continues to call him, but Taku hasn’t a clue what to say to the armored hero. T’Challa doesn’t want Taku to tell Iron Man anything. After all, the man Stark is calling for no longer exists…
The Deadlounge…
Deadpool threatens to kill Achebe’s hand puppet should anyone move. It’s the end of the line for that rat-boy. Achebe slaps Wade’s gun out of his hands, claiming that they are going to do great things together. But first, he wants to do a little house-cleaning. Achebe jokes that he hopes Deadpool is enjoying himself, smiling that Daki can be most entertaining. However, he does want Wade to realize that Daki is merely a hand puppet. Wade was threatening his own hand! But that’s just a common mistake. Achebe admits that he even uses post-its to remind himself of that.
Constrictor holds his gun ready to fire upon Achebe, should he try anything. Wade wants to know what the guy wants. While drinking, Achebe smiles that he wants peace, a long life and happiness. He also wants justice for Dialo and Tyra Banks’ phone number. Just the usual things. Titania remembers reading something about Achebe. He tried to take over the Black Panther’s kingdom. Frank wants to know if that means they can’t kill him. But he reminds Achebe that this house belongs to them three happy mercs (at least two and a half happy mercs) so, so far, they can’t let any Tom, Dick and Achebe waltz in like this anymore. He wants to hear one good reason why not to kill Achebe.
Achebe can give Frank 15 good reasons not to kill him! He claims to know the 11-digit account number to Deadpool’s secret slush fund where he deposited over 1.4 million dollars in just over the last few weeks. He can even kill Frank before he knows it, and also reminds everyone that Titania has a little secret, which he is aware of! He shows the trio a statue of his beloved pet, Ukatana. She’s a rare, spotted leopard and was stolen from his modest home some weeks ago and brought to America for sale. Achebe is willing to pay any price to have her back. Frank wants to know what secret concerning Titania Achebe is talking about, but Wade intervenes and accepts the deal. But he promises that if he finds out Achebe is double-crossing them somehow, he’ll have him killed. Oh, and one more thing: he asks Achebe if he can keep his hand puppet.
Some time later at the garden of Avengers Mansion…
Triathlon and the Black Panther are playing Frisbee with Ukatana. Triathlon is happy, thinking he could get used to this. He asks the Panther if “Preyy” is completely domesticated. The Panther confirms she is, after a certain fashion. But he doesn’t think she’s so domesticated as socialized. He just wants to say Preyy and him have an understanding. He wishes he had an understanding with the Avengers as well. Triathlon doesn’t want to put a too fine point towards it, but tells the Panther – he tells Triathlon he can call him Erik – that he is technically a villain.
Eric thinks that’s stupid. He defends that he has never harmed anyone outside of a legitimate tribal conflict. Triathlon adds that’s the reason why Eric isn’t in restraints right now. Triathlon also wants to know if Eric is simply the Black Panther’s villain, or everyone’s villain.
Iron Man’s office…
Tony, while having a video-call with Goliath and the Wasp, believes that’s the question. He means, membership concerning Eric should certainly be out of the question, but he isn’t sure if they should lock him up or not. He explains that the State Department confirms T’Challa lost a tribal challenge to Eric. Hank understands Tony’s point, but Eric Killmonger has been implicated in one or two other crimes. Tony is aware of that, but he has fought against Eric before, and there is no concrete evidence. The man has been dead so often. Tony believes it’s impossible to make a case against him. Janet thinks that’s not a good reason to let the guy play Frisbee.
Tony doesn’t understand why not, since now they at least know where he is. She wants to know if there has been any word from T’Challa. Tony denies that, explaining that nothing got through since he dissolved Wakanda. If it were anyone else, Tony would guess this was a major communications failure, but he sure wants to know who on Earth knows what T’Challa is up to these days. The only thing Tony is certain about is that, to protect the Avengers’ security interests, he has acquired all of the outstanding shares of the Wakanda Design Group, which is the firm that provides the Avengers’ Quinjets and some other tools. Tony plans to sell them all back to T’Challa, at least if he can get a hold of the guy.
Hank thinks that Tony is saying that they are on their own with Killmonger. Tony supposes that they could turn him over to the I.N.S., but he doesn’t know if Tribal Chieftain counts as a state of head. Janet believes that the real question could be why they are trying so hard. She wonders if it is really that important for the Avengers to make an enemy out of Killmonger. She realizes that the worst thing Killmonger has done is to let his leopard make a mess on their lawn. And she can live with that. She suggests they let Killmonger play his hand, and sooner or later, they will know what he is all about.
On that moment, Deadpool arrives in front of the Mansion, using his image inducer to look like an animal inspector. He gets welcomed by the She-Hulk but she doesn’t understand what this is all about. Wade explains that his division got a report about a wild leopard. Jennifer asks Wade if he isn’t Thom Cruz. Wade jokes he is, at least sometimes. She-Hulk lets Wade in and looks at Eric’s leopard, which looks harmless. Wade claims that they all do before they start biting in people’s body parts. He mentions that the Avengers can’t keep this animal here unauthorized. He calls the leopard to him, wanting to give the animal a Scooby snack.
Eric angrily demands to know what this is all about. Jennifer tries to calm him down, confidant that this is all just a routine. Wade tells Eric to shut up. Eric defends that his leopard is part of his diplomatic pouch. Jennifer tries to explain that for as long as the animal is disease-free, she’s sure everything will be just fine. Suddenly, the leopard starts to growl and angrily looks at Triathlon! He doesn’t know what he did. Eric tells Preyy to come towards him, but instead the leopard jumps at Triathlon and they both get teleported away!
Wade cheerfully claps into his hands, but soon realizes that by doing this he blew his cover. All of the Avengers angrily gather around him. Wade tries to fake that he’s stunned by the teleportation and wanting to know what’s going on there.
Nearby, sitting in their truck…
Constrictor believes that Achebe was right and that Titania does have a secret. He remembers the way she hid from her husband the other day, and wonders why Creel thought she was at their home lying in bed. He demands to know what Titania is up to. He mentions that if she and Creel are trying to gaslight Deadpool, he warns them that they are way too late for that. Frank realizes that Wade is nuts, as, after all, he drank from the milk carton. Frank wonders if Titania’s secret is… that she is actually a man!
Titania defends that Achebe was merely bluffing and that she doesn’t have a secret. Achebe tells them to be quiet, not wanting to hear them discuss about the secret non-stop the way they do. Frank jokes that it’s villains, and that’s what they do. Achebe reminds them that they are on a mission there, and needs absolute quiet so he can concentrate himself to complete his plan. Titania doesn’t know why they should care about Achebe’s plan, whatever it is. Achebe reminds them about the bank codes he mentioned, and adds that taking Deadpool’s money has to be at least as much fun for her as killing him. Titania gets the point. Frank doesn’t, as he still wants Wilson dead. He again asks Titania if she is a man. Achebe orders them to be quiet or else the deal is off. He starts searching for his digital imager.
Stark asks his employee, Lewis, if there has been any word from Wakanda yet. Lewis explains that, even though the channel is open, they haven’t heard anything yet. Tony thinks that’s fine and suggests they call it a day. Suddenly, T’Challa finally answers the call, apologizing towards his old friend, claiming he has been busy with manners of state since they have been reconstructing in Wakanda. Tony realizes that T’Challa is busy, but wants to say a few things. He explains that they’ve got Killmonger here at the mansion, who is trying to claim T’Challa’s inactive Avengers slot.
T’Challa smiles that he thinks that’s a capital idea. He knows that Killmonger has truly and literally been born again. He votes “yes” to let him join the Avengers. Not sure what to say to that, Tony adds that the Avengers aren’t ready to put this to a vote yet. T’Challa understands and wants to hear what else Tony has to say. Tony mentions the shares in WDG, and wanted to reassure T’Challa that he merely assumed them as a custodial manner. Achebe, faking T’Challa’s identity during the conversation with Tony, tells him he can keep the shares. Tony doesn’t understand that. Achebe claims that by U.S. law, those shares are supposed to be in American hands. Tony understands that, but still isn’t sure. Achebe lies that he is a king and doesn’t see why he should be bothered with this. He abruptly closes the communication claiming he has king stuff to do. Tony gets contacted by Jarvis who reminds him about the battle outside.
Deadpool is busy fighting the Avengers. Eric demands to know what happened to his leopard and Triathlon, wanting them both back. Wade claims that the cat has been brought back to his rightful owner. Eric doesn’t understand that Wade could possibly believe that. Wade explains that since he’s a merc, the “truth” is relative in his business. He transforms back to his “normal” self and gets back into his costume. Wade jokes that normally, him fighting the Avengers all by himself would normally give him pause, but he has convinced himself that none of this is really happening. He does wonder where all the original members of the Avengers are, like Captain America and Thor.
In their truck, Constrictor refuses to let go of Titania’s secret, confident that she is actually a man since he has never seen her naked, and doesn’t think that’s fair. Titania still claims she has nothing to hide.
She-Hulk slams Deadpool down and is ready to take him out. Suddenly, Wade gets teleported away! The other villains drive through the wall of the mansion with their truck, and another battle immediately begins. Titania faces Hank, at first believing he is Clint Barton back into his old costume. Hank explains who he really is, joking that he is actually facing Thundra and not Titania. Contrictor helps the angry woman out. Wade merges back on the Avengers lawn and thinks it’s about time somebody’s butt gets kicked.
Eric agrees with that statement and angrily punches Wade. Eric demands his cat back, as they are friends from each other. Wade doesn’t buy that and starts fighting Killmonger again. He claims he has read all about Deadpool and is aware of the fact that Wade is inane. Wade jokes that everyone is insane, at least a little bit, but that only some of them are really good at it. Wade explains that he too had friends once, but that didn’t work out. Now, he lives with two people who would kill him for a bag of Gummy Bear candies. And in an odd way, their relationship is actually… working. It’s a wrapped up perversion of friendship, and that’s apparently the only kind Wade is capable of keeping. He asks Eric if maybe he wants to move in with them.
Titania thinks it’s about time for them to leave. Constrictor, while holding the She-Hulk in his holding grip, doesn’t think so as they are winning. Skeeter doesn’t think so, realizing they just aren’t losing yet. She knows there’s a big difference between winning and losing. She reminds Frank that their job was to distract the Avengers so that Deadpool could escape. She doesn’t care if Wade wants to get all caught up fighting the Black Panther – that’s his problem.
Wade takes out his blade, but Eric kicks it out of his hands. Wade is impressed by that move. Eric explains he picked up the move when he was in Malayisa. Wade likes it, and he and Eric actually start sharing battle techniques with each other! Suddenly, a blast fires, and it takes Eric out. Titania calls out to Wade, telling it it’s time for them to beat it, before they get beaten. The villains go back to their truck, but Achebe is already gone. Wade explains he teleported the leopard to the Deadlounge. Frank doesn’t think so, as his remote sensors don’t give any presence at their home.  On that moment, both Wasp and Giant-Man catch up with the villains and start fighting again.
At Avengers Mansion, Iron Man lands in front of Jarvis and asks him what’s going on. Jarvis explains that Triathlon is still missing, but that the mansion’s sensor array has been able to discern a possible transport location: Wakanda!
At Wakanda, Taku mentions to his lord that a transport signature warning has come up on his security grid. And they are receiving another priority alert from the Avengers. T’Challa tells his servant to ignore them both. He suggests that Taku also gets some rest, as before the next dawn, a battle will come to their country.


[User]
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[Assistant]
Deadpool : Agent of Weapon X - Part 1 : Facelift
The Director thinks about how the Weapon X program flourishes quite nicely even though they failed to recruit Wolverine into their ranks. Much of the project’s succes is because of Sabretooth, who has successfully recruited other targets :
- Garrison Kane was an obvious choice, as he was already part of the previous Weapon X project, despite him only being a baseline human. Since joining the program Kane recieved many more bionic implants, like the artificial arms he already had, and now seems to be as much machine as man.
- Mesmero’s hypnotic powers were amplified. He is currently dealing with the war in Bosnia, by mass controlling the armies and ordering them to commit suicide.
- Sauron’s powers have been amplified to the point that he can now also drain energy from machines and not only living organisms. He is seen draining two military jets over Iraq and then uses the energy to blast the rest of their squad out of the sky.
- Wild Child, now bald and no longer in his anmalistic state, sniffs out a spy amony some possible suspects and kills him by biting his neck.
Deadpool is on a job. He watches a restaurant on the other side of the street through the targeting device of his rifle. Wade has been hired to protect a low level dirt bag by the name of Mario “Shorty“ Locasio from the crimeboss Don Vincenzo Pardo. They are currently meeting inside the restaurant and Pardo expects Locasio to pay his huge debts. Suddenly a clawed hand grabs Deadpool’s shoulder - it’s Sabretooth. Deadpool thinks he is being attacked, but Creed is not there to fight him. Yet it takes some time of smart mouthing and image inducing, before Deadpool is willing to listen and Sabretooth almost loses his temper. Finally Creed asks Wade to rejoin the Weapon X program. Deadpool, remembering the pain that he was caused by them in the past, turns the offer down, but Sabretooth replies that no is not a possible answer. Now a fight starts, but Deadpool’s bullets do Creed no harm, yet when he in turn is cut by the adamntium claws , Deadpool realizes that he is outmatched. He volunteers to come along. Before they leave, Deadpool wants to finish his job, but Sabretooth asks why, as Wade was already paid.
In the restaurant “Shorty“ feeling secure with Deadpool as his back-up assaults Don Vincenzo. He throws some food in his face and also admits to have slept with his daughter. As Padro’s bodyguards are moving in, Shorty realizes that something’s wrong; by now Deadpool should have fired the rifle, but Padro is still among the living. Uh-oh.
Deadpool is taken to the Weapon X facility and introduced to the scientists, Brent Jackson and the Director. Wade is shocked to see an even more disfigured face than his own, but soon snaps out of it and is making jokes again. The Director explains that the new project refrains from using the sadistic methods of their predecessors; in fact they want to help their mutant recruit in solving their problems. Deadpool points out that he is no mutant, but the Director already knew that. Yet his disfigurement would brandmark him an outcast from society as well, and the project has a solution. All of a sudden Sabretooth grabs Deadpool and holds him in place to receive a syringe. The Director promises that it is only a demonstration of what they can accomplish, and then chops off Wade’s right arm with an axe. Instantly it grows back, and much to ‘Pool’s surprise, without scars. Wade pulls off his mask and his face too is smooth again. The Director explains that they repaired his degenerated healing factor, yet the effects are only temporary for about an hour. Should he want permanent treatment, Deadpool has to join the Weapon X program.
In Iowa, a mother is talking to her kid to not get excited. Yet the kid is unable to calm down and suddenly their house explodes.
Deadpool has been allowed some personal time to think through his options. He is in a park, blending in with the crowd without having to use an image inducer. While thinking, Wade spits on people walking below the bridge that he is standing on and enjoys looking normal. After the hour has passed, his face is scarred again, and people point at him. Deadpool returns to the project and accepts the offer to join. He is taken to a lab, and undergoes some kind of treatment.


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[Assistant]
Deadpool : Agent of Weapon X - Part 2 : Makeover
Agent Jackson knocks at Deadpool’s quarters, and Wade makes some fun of him, requesting a non existing password to let him in. When Jackson finally is granted entrance, he doesn’t quite believe his eyes. Inside is a big party with over a dozen prostitutes, Deadpool has been paying for them with Weapon X money, and that is actually the reason for Jackson being there – Wade’s astronomical expense bills. While Brent is still annoyed by the party and it’s guests, a giant ice sculpture of Wade is delivered, it costs : 39.000 $.
Later, Deadpool is assigned his first mission. A mutant of immense power has been detected in Iowa, and it’s up to him, Garrison Kane and a team of soldiers to deal with him. They are teleported to Iowa, and while they approach the town, Deadpool makes fun of Kane, comparing him with the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz and C-3Po from Star Wars. Garrison Kane is not amused and threatens Wade with his in-built weapons, but then proceeds with the task. Deadpool sure knows how to touch a nerve, as he then brings up Vanessa, aka Copycat. Both men had relationships with her, yet she always returned to Wade when she was done with Kane. Kane almost causes a fight, but then calms down again, mentinoning that Deadpool doesn’t know the full truth yet.
They reach the city, which looks like it has survived a war, and already some of the soldiers that scouted ahead are dead. One of them tries to run away, and therefore is shot in the back by Kane. They head into the town and Kane registers only electromagnetic interference on his scanners. They pass the remains of the soldiers that accompanied them, and then suddenly find the mutant. A giant glowing figure looms over them. Kane fires some bullets, then transforms his hand into a giant blade and lashes out against the figure, however he is blasted by some energy and falls top the ground. The figure says that it can’t control the power and Deadpool understand that there is only one way to deal with him – talk.
Deadpool manages to calm the mutant by telling joke after joke and the figure then powers down to reveal a kid, about twelve years old. He feels sorry for having accidentally killed his mom and so many other people and Wade tries to lighten him up. Suddenly the kid is shot in the back by Kane, who woke up. He says that the boy was too dangerous and had to be dealt with. Angrily Deadpool punches Kane in the face, and the cyborg in turn, uses his blade to cut off both of Wade’s legs.  Kane teleports back to the Weapon X project, reporting that the assignment is finished, and after his legs have groen back, Deadpool to returns to the base.
He demands to speak with the Director about Kane’s behaviour, but he doesn’t think that kane acted wrong. Wade gets annoyed and points his weapon at the Director, but has to discover that all of the Weapon X agents have a mental inhibitor that prevents them from turning against the staff of the Weapon X team. Deadpool actually wishes to leave, but the Director says that his next mission will have a personal nature. Intrigued Deadpool listens : Sabretooth wasn’t the first agent to recruit him, there was a female agent before him. The woman was a shapeshifter and her powers have grown unstable. Although the Project was able to stabilize her powers, she got confused by being able to shift into anybody she wants and now has gone to far over the edge to be of any use. The Weapon X program wants her killed. The Director doesn’t need to give away her name – Deadpool already knows that he is talking about Vanessa – aka Copycat.


[Assistant]
Deadpool : Agent of Weapon X - Part 3 : Intensive Care
Agent Jackson knocks at the door of Creed’s appartment. Sabretooth is busy and asks him through the door what he wants and Jackson fills him in that Deadpool has been assigned to kill Copycat, but they want Creed as back-up as Deadpool might betray them. Sabretooth let’s Jackson inside, and he is shocked to see a dead pizza man on the floor. Jackson asks what Creed thinks he is doing and Sabretooth replies “paying“. Jackson then asks what the horrible smell is that seems to be coming from the bedroom. Creed says that Jackson doesn’t want to know and tries to to stop him from entering the room, but thanks to the mental inhibitor he can’t. Jackson opens the door and is shocked once more.
Deadpool is on the way to Vanessa’s appartment, thinking about the recent events. Granted the Weapon X project has improoved his healing factor and restored his looks, but had he known that working for them involved killing children and former girlfriends, he would not have signed up. Despite him taking the assignment, he has no intention of killing Copycat, but wants to help her. He knocks, and Vanessa asks him to come in. It becomes clear how screwed her powers are, one half of her face is losing coherance, and she can’t maintain any shape for long. While they are talking, Deadpool spots Kane in the building on the other side of the street and pushes Vanessa out of the way as he starts to open fire on them.
Meanwhile Jackson is sick. In Creed’s bedroom are about a dozen people, all murdered and slowly decaying. Creed tells him if he can stand the sight, then he should definately not look in the closet.
Deadpool and Copycat have survived the explosion of her appartment intact, and run down to the street. The enter a cab and Deadpool pushes the driver out, taking control of the car himself. Still it’s futile, as Kane can keep up with them, apparently his bionics give him enhanced speed. Kane then jumps on the cab’s roof, but Deadpool pulls a gun and shoots a him various times from below. Kane falls off, and Deadpool starts feeling good, however while talking with Vanessa he forgets to watch where they are driving and the car hits the wall of the Bronx Zoo.
Jackson asks Sabretooth what he is keeping in the closet, and he answers “dessert“. Kackson opens it and finds a frightened young girl, still alive. Jackson takes her and gets really angry at Creed. He says that he has to stop the unnecessary killings or else the Program will have him on the operating table again, and remove what little brain he has left. Surprisingly Creed says it’s ok, as long as he is only restricted to not kill humans, but can continue to kill as many mutants as he wants, and Jackson leaves.
At the Zoo, Vanessa complains that she can’t maintain her shape for much longer, and Deadpool realizes that a costumed man and a blue-skinned girl can really draw a crowd. He shoots a few times in the air, and when all have run away, he breaks open the gorilla cage. Remembering that Copycat always found it easier to change into animals, he tells her to hide among the apes as one of them, while he will deal with Kane.
Outside Creed’s appartment, Jackson contacts his superior about the horrible things he saw there, but the Director does not care. They knew that Creed was no boy scout, but so far his benefits outway any complications, perhaps it might be better if the Director himself would deal with Sabretooth from now on, as Jackson is apparently not able to handle him.
In the Zoo, Kane is scanning the area for both Copycat and Deadpool, as Wade jumps on him from behind. They both end up in the lion’s area. Kane shoots at Deadpool various times, and the blood draws the lions towards him, so Wade is forced to kill them. He then shoots off Garrison’s bionic hand, but he regrows it with an set of Wolverine-style claws. They fight continues, but in the end, Deadpool manages to tie up Kane with a cable and run him over with the zoo train filled with explosives.
Deadpool then returns to the gorilla cage to pick up Vanessa, but he finds her in a pool of blood. Written in her blood is a message on the wall : “Sabretooth was here“. Vanessa manages to say a last “I’ll always love you“ before she dies in Wade’s arms.


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Deadpool : Agent of Weapon X - Part 4 : Flatline
Deadpool has made it to one of his safehouses in Brooklyn. He is quite angry at the Weapon X project, who had Sabretooth murder Copycat. Deadpool takes a last look in the mirror and says goodbye to his restored good looks and his improoved healing factor, as he knows that the Project won’t let him keep them. Then he uses a knife to cut out his skull implant, that kept him from attacking the Weapon X staff. Deadpool then puts on his costume and assembles as many weapons as he can carry to prepare for the fight.
Quite some time later, Deadpool is running from the Weapon X forces. His costume torn, most of his guns and weapons dropped. Besides the field soldiers led by Agent Jackson, he is also hunted by Sauron and Wild Child. Deadpool uses an energy blaster, but it does no harm as Sauron simply absorbs it‘s energy. Wild Child leaps on Wade’s back and bites into his neck, but Deadpool knocks him away and runs around a corner into an alley.
The Weapon X troops follow, but Deadpool has vanished. Wild Chiild tracks the alley for his scent and finally finds him in a container, or thought he found him, as there is only Deadpool’s underwear. Wade himself is watching from the roofs above and makes fun of the Weapon X people. Sauron is commanded to get Deadpool down, but before he can follow orders, Deadpool blows up the entire alley with explosices he must have rigged earlier. LaterJackson reports to the Director. Sauron absorbed most of the explosion, but will be useless for the next time. The Director is annoyed, that‘s now two agents, Kane and Sauron, that Deadpool has put out of commission.
At the Weapon X complex, soldiers guard a teleportation platform. Deadpool ports in, and takes them out, also he easily defeats a second squad that checks what happened to their colleagues that no longer responded. Deadpool makes his way through the building but runs into Sabretooth. Creed teases him how much Copycat screamed when he sliced her up and Wilson gets really mad. It’s no use however, Sabretooth presses a button and a certain gas is released. It interacts with the modifications that the programm made to Deadpool’s body, and his entire flesh starts to melt. Barely holding himself together, Deadpool is no match for Sabretooth. Creed laughes at him, as he was not only used by the Weapon X program, but also by Creed himself. He knew that Deadpool would screw up, but that provided Creed with enough distraction to follow some yet secret agenda that the Weapon X staff has no knowledge about. Deadpool thinks that his goopy body also has advantages and he rams his entire arm into Creed’s mouth and throat. It costs him his arm, but Sabretooth is choking and struggeling for air.
Suddenly more soldiers and the Director appear behind Deadpool. They start shooting him down, and while Deadpool’s body starts to dessolve he keeps bickering and smartmouthing, till nothing remains but his right hand.
A few days later, Wolverine receives a package. It contains Deadpool’s hand and a letter, stating that he should consider joining the project once more. Deadpool’s example shows what happens to those that oppose Weapon X.


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Funeral For A Freak - part 1
Deadpool finds himself lying on the ground, apparently unharmed, despite being taken apart by the Weapon X Project last issue. He is quite happy, until somebody taps him on the shoulder. It’s Bruce Willis from the Sixth Sense movie, and Halley Joel Osmet who played the kid. They tell Deadpool that he is dead, and angrily he kicks their asses.
Deadpool takes a look around, it’s a graveyard, in front of his grave is the open coffin. Inside are a picture of him, his costume, and his right hand – his only remains. Quite many friends and mercenaries are attending his funeral : Wolverine, Typhoid Mary, the crew from the Hellhouse, Kid Deadpool, Zoe Culloden and Monty, to name a few. Shortly after the priest has staretd the service, the Lightning Rods arrive. Big Bertha takes a seat, unaware that Deadpool’s ghost is sitting on that chair; he passes through her, but looks disgusted. Right then a card flies by his head. It ricochets off a tree and into the coffin, landing in the open hand. Bullseye has thrown the ace, it’s his way of passing his respect.
Next up are Weasel and Blind Al. Seeing them, Deadpool has a wicked idea. He jumps into Weasel, taking over his body, and leads Blind Al to the grave. The poor woman falls into it, head on. Deadpool leaves Weasel and has a good laugh.
Deadpool is curious who are next to pass their condolescences, and he is stunned to see Syrin and her friend Warpath. Theresa places a rose in the coffin, and kisses the hand with tears in her eyes. Deadpool kisses Terry on the forehead and he sadly looks after her as she leaves.
Suddenly Wolverine recognizes something, and Deadpool checks what he is looking at. On a nearby hill is a limosine with the Weapon X recruits standing besides it. As they get in the car, Sabretooth points towards Logan, as if he is next on the list.
Meanwhile Kid Deadpool has used a marker to “correct“ the photo of Deadpool inside the coffin. He is laughing at his own joke, and Deadpool gets an idea how to make sure that he’ll regret his deeds. He jumps into Kid Deadpool’s body and makes him pinch the Juggernaut’s butt. Then he leaves the boy’s body, and observes as he gets knocked in the face full force. A fight starts and Deadpool has a good laugh, seeing his funeral guests beating up each other.
The scene fades out, and only Deadpool remains in a great nothingness. Then he finds himself with famous dead characters (fictional and real alike). Some of them point the way to a house resembling the Bates Motel in Psycho. Inside Deadpool finds a beautiful woman lying on a bed, her head covered by a veil. Deadpool pulls it up, and underneath is a skull – it’s Death. They prepare to kiss
At night at the graveyard a mysterious figure approaches Deadpool’s grave and uses some magical energies. In the afterlife Deadpool feels something happening, and starts to fade out, as his entire body regrows from the hand in the coffin. Deadpool busts out of the grave and registeres an incredible stench. Then he realizes that it’s himself.


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Funeral For A Freak - part 2 : Reign Of The Deadpools
Deadpool dreams about being in ancient rome, beautiful females serving food and fanning air. However the wine doesn’t taste like wine, for a good reason. Deadpool wakes up in an alley, a dog peeing on his face. Last issue’s mysterious resurrection left Wade amnesiac and naked, he is wearing nothing besides a shabby trenchcoat he must have found in the streets. The dog’s owners are a group of homeless people. They apologize and introduce themselves. Duke is a former soldier, but returning from the war he ended up on the streets; Popeye is a former burlesque dancer and before the third guy can say his name he vomits on Deadpool’s feet. Duke explains that Scuzzy is an alcoholic and his stomach can’t handle the liquor, the poor guy vomits every 8 minutes.
Elsewhere a bank is being robbed by three armed men. One of the customers takes off his glasses and runs into a broom closet. A fast change later, he comes out as Deadpool, the merc-with-morality. He quickly disposes of the three robbers and makes a heroic speech as the police arrives. He then tries to fly, shouting “Up, up and away “, but it doesn’t work, so he wanders off.
Deadpool and the homeless group are searching trash bins for something to eat. Scuzzy finds a delicacy : goop on a stick. As Deadpool is their guest, the others offer it to him, but before he can take a bite, two other guys arrive. They forcefully take the food. Deadpool tries to stand up against them, but his friends tell him that they are Tiny and Slick who run things in the alley.
In a hideout, a few crimebosses are holding a secret meeting. They are talking about their problems with the police and rivaling triads, as suddenly a figure drops through the skylight. He quickly shoots anyone besides the boss, who then says that surely the other crimlords will kill him. However every name he mentions has already been killed by the assailant. He is Deadpool and he wants to take over the underworld.
In the alley Tiny and Slick are about to fight with Deadpool and Scuzzy, who gets sick again and once more vomits on Deadpool, this time in the face. Tiny and Slick laugh at him, but getting angered Deadpool’s fighting skills kick in and he defeats both of them, only to retain the price (the goop on a stick). Tiny pulls a knife from his jacket and rams it into Deadpool’s chest.
In a TV studio, a star has been placed in a tank full of foul smelling waste products, and then the tank gets blown up. Yet the star walks out unharmed. The crowd cheers, and later when in his dressing room, his female assistant congratulates him on the great performance. The star too is called Deadpool and he acts very nasty. He throws a sandwich in his assistant’s face, as she forgot to cut off the crust, and then forces her to wear his stink towel over her head for the rest of the day.
In the alley, Deadpool pulls the knife from his body. His friends ask what he was thinking, but Deadpool collapses. While they wonder what to do, Scuzzy again vomits on Deadpool.
At a fast food restaurant a man is trying to order a hamburger without pickles. Apparently too difficult for the worker, who doesn’t know which buttons he ha to type on his cash register. The man gets angry, but all of a sudden gunfire is heard. Both the man and the worker are shot by one more Deadpool, who keeps shouting “No pickles“, as he grabs some burgers and leaves the restaurant shooting everybody in sight.
In the meantime, Deadpool has recovered and his friends have taken him to one of their favorite spots where they are begging for money. Weasel passes by, and actually puts some money in the box, but Scuzzy has to vomit again, this time on Weasel’s arm. While Weasel is cleaning himself he gets aware of Deadpool and welcomes him, asking how he survived. Deadpool, still amnesiac, has no idea what Weasel is talking about, but Weasel goes on, revealing to Deadpool and his homeless friends who he is.


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Funeral For A Freak - part 3 : Showtime !
Weasel has taken Deadpool and his homeless friends to one of Deadpool’s bases. He has given him his costume, but looking in the mirror Deadpool still doesn’t remember his past. He only thinks that he looks like a Spiderman rip-off. While the homeless are inspecting the place, Weasel opens a box that holds some of Deadpool’s trophy’s : Dr. Doom’s face mask, Amelia Erhart’s pilot licence, Blind Al’s ulcer pills, a Yoda puppet stolen from Mark Hamill and even King Pin’s underwear. But nothing rings a bell. Then Deadpool gets aware of a picture of him and Siryn. Her he remembers !, and then Scuzzy vomits again, this time on the photo. Fully remembering himself again, Deadpool hits Scuzzy on the head and makes a nasty comment about the homeless people smelling. Meanwhile Popeye is watching TV, and suddenly there is a trailer for tonights VTV awards, hosted by none other than Deadpool (the media one). Deadpool gets annoyed that somebody has taken his name and prepares to leave, as the news mentioned yet another “new and improved Deadpool“ who has been attacking fast food chains. Video footage of the maniac Deadpool is shown. Deadpool wonders that if the the news call this one new and improved he really needs to work on his image.
A few guys calling themselves Pistachio Boys are about to break into a warehouse. They want to steal the pistachio nuts stored inside and make a fortune by cornering the market on pistachios. Just as they have opened the door somebody approaches from behind. It’s killer Deadpool, who shoots all of them stating “I hate pistachios“. He leave the dark alley, thinking that Pistachio Boys, or P-Boys, would have been a dumb name anyway and if he hadn’t killed them, somebody else would. Suddenly a limo stops next to him, and the person in the back says that he has been looking for him all night. He offeres him one million bucks. T-Ray is the person in the limo, and the job is to assasinate a person named Deadpool while he is hosting the VTV awards. Hearing that the intended target has the same name as himself, killer Deadpool takes the assignment for free.
The real Deadpool and his friends have prepared themselves to go into battle, wanting to kill anybody who falsely claims to be Deadpool. Yet looking at Duke, Popeye and Scutty who ary carrying a broom, pipes and trashbin lids, Deadpool thinks they are doomed. Weasel cheers him up, they have been through worse, and it’s not as hard as coming back from the dead.
Later the VTV awards start. A female reporter stands outside, informing her audience on the celebrities that are just arriving.There are the Backseat Boys, but the reporter warns that they shouldn’t get too close to a radiator, as they are so shiny and clean, they have to be manufactured plastic. Next up is Alostmi Keys, who probably is a one-hit wonder and will be gone next year. Of course there is also the rap act “Scary, Angry Fellaz !“. Then she presents tonight’s host : Deadpool (the media one). The crowd cheers.
From a nearby roof, the real Deadpool and his friends observe the events. Deadpool asks why somebody cool couldn’t have picked up the name Deadpool, he thinks it’s time to regain his honor, dignity, self respect and most importantly ... He can’t finish his sentence as he is being vomited on by Scuzzy once more. They fail to notice that they are too being watched, as the heroic Deadpool is standing on another rooftop behind them.
The VTV award show starts with media Deadpool announcing the performace of the Backseat Boys, the blandest band in America. Above the stage, killer Deadpool is aiming his weapon at the media Deadpool while maniac Deadpool is in the crowd asleep, totally bored by the boyband’s performace. Right then the real Deadpool and his friends bursts in, and while media Deadpool is puzzled, having thought the real Deadpool to be dead, killer Deadpool fires his weapon. The bullet is on its way, but before it hits media Deadpool, heroic Deadpool jumps in between. The bullet bounces of his chest and heads into the audience, where it scratches maniac Deadpool’s head, waking him up. Deadpool is annoyed by the sight of yet another imitator. The Backseat Boys stop performing, nobody is looking at them anymore, how can that be ? They are so cool and original.
Killer Deadpool leaps onto media Deadpool intending to kill him with fists if bullets won’t do, and heroic Deadpool says “ Evildoer, cease this action ! No good will result from this ! “ Maniac Deadpool joins the action, as does the boyband and the audience. Deadpool tells Weasel that he thinks he is responsible for all this, yet he likes it and now wants to kill some Deadpools. Yet all of a sudden the battle is uinterrupted by a voice saying “ Nobody move or she’s dead “.
The lead singer of the Backseat Boys has taken the female reporter hostage. She begs to Deadpool to save her, but also worries about the camera filming all this from the wrong angle. The Backseat Boy tells her that it doesn’t matter, she isn’t looking good in that outfit anyway. The girl bursts into tears finding that he is right. She says that she is looking like a Jersey Girl and deserves to die. Deadpool tries to calm the situation, saying that nobody has to die, but the Backseat Boy is mad, the Deadpools stopped the music ! Meanwhile Scuzzy and Duke have sneaked up from behind, and as his eight minutes are over, Scuzzy vomits on Backseat Boy and his hostage. Distracted, the singer is easy prey and killer Deadpool shoots the gun out of his hand. The girl cries for somebody to shoot her, as she got vomited on while being filmed.The backseat Boy fears about the effects that the drama will have on his career, but media Deadpool tells him not to worry, it was already over a long time ago. Finally the Backseat Boy faints when maniac Deadpool approaches him with his usual “No Pickles“ remark.
The audience cheers at how the five Deadpools handled the situation, standing a little bit apart, Weasel and the homless people recognize that they look like some sort of team, as they all their costumes are based on Deadpool elements. The five Deadpools pick up that thought and decide they should try out banding together, only the real Deadpool thinks this is all going too fast, maybe they should get to know each other first. Heroic Deadpool finds this a stellar idea and says his name is Deadpool. Killer Deadpool introduces himself as Deadpool and media Deadpool tells the others to simply call himself Deadpool. Maniac Deadpool says “No pickles“, and the real Deadpool suggests that they should call themselves Team Deadpool. Right on cue for a superhero team coming together, the wall is cracking behind them and the first villain arrives to fight them. It’s T-Ray, who comments that the last time he saw (the real) Deadpool, he was desecrating his tombstone.


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Funeral For A Freak - part 4 : Deadpoolalooza !
Deadpool sums up the last issues : he was dead and buried, but found himself miraculously resurrected. While amnesiac he befriended Scuzzy, Popeye and Duke, three homeless people, and when they accidentally ran into Weasel, he helped Deadpool restore his memory. In the time he was missing four other Deadpool’s have appeared and they just decided to form a team as T-Ray burst into the meeting.
The heroic Deadpool yearns for the fight, but the real Deadpool first teases T-Ray with some lame jokes.Heroic Deadpool goes in between them, telling them to behave, but T-Ray commands “Get rid of him.“ And he gets shot in the back. All turn around to see the killer Deadpool with the still smoking gun, and while media Deadpool asks why he is doing this, after all they are on the same team, he gets shot too. Next up is the maniac Deadpool, and killer Deadpool answers his usual question with “Nope. No pickles.“ before blasting him also. The real Deadpool gets mad, not that he ever wanted to be on a team, yet these were his teammates and killer Deadpool is a traitor. He fires his gun, but the bullets bounce of killer Deadpool, who in turn blows a huge hole in the real Deadpool’s chest with his blaster. As he collapses, Deadpool asks what kind of weapon that is and where he can get one too. Killer Deadpool wants to know that too and turns to his boss T-Ray, but he dismisses the question. They pick up the four Deadpool bodies and leave.
Weasel and the homeless people have watched the entire scene from a their hiding place. They wonder how to save their friend, and naturally Scuzzy vomits once more. They agree that they have to get some weapons and Weasel knows who will definately have some guns – grammar school kids. Weasel stops a school bus and enter the bus, but immediately the kids pull all kinds of weapons,as the adults are invading their turf.
Meanwhile T-Ray and Killer Deadpool are walking up a hill with the bodies they are carrying. The real Deapool is hanging over T-Ray’s shoulder, having to look at T-Ray’s ass as he is walking. Deadpool complains about the bad view, and makes his usual jokes, and is somewhat annoyed that he can’t see where they are headed. Finally they arrive at their destination, it’s a grave surrounded by stone sculptures kind of looking like Stonehenge. The gravestone reads “Deadpool – Cursed With Life“. As Deadpool is placed on the grave, he laughs about the typo, as he believes it should have to be “Cursed For Life“. T-Ray orders him to be quiet and the tombstone starts to glow.
Deadpool sees images of his life in the tombstone, him and Siryn embracing, him and Death embracing, his teammates of Team Deadpool, himself undergoing changes at the Weapon X Project and him fighting T-Ray. Deadpool demands to know what the show is for if T-Ray is going to kill him anyway, but T-Ray says that it is part of his job. He then shows him a device called Gemini Star, which his boss gave him to resurrect Deadpool. Then he uses it again and an energy blast hits Deadpoool’s chest. A hand reaches out and becomes a full figure, a nerd with glasses. Deadpool asks who that is, and T-Ray explains that he is part of him, like those other Deadpools before too. In fact Deadpool and his boss are in love with the same woman, and his boss has decided to extinguish each aspect of Deadpool’s personality until there is only a boring shell left and the woman will no longer be intrested in him. Deadpool grabs the gemini star and convinced that there is more to him than four guys and a nerd, he uses it again. Out of his chest emerges a beautiful woman, his feminine side, next up is a baby, apparently representing his inner child and finally a guy wearing a tux, saying that he gets no respect. Deadpool says he’d like to trade in the later two for some more chicks.
Right then Weasel and the homeless people arrive, backed up by an army of grammar school kids with knifes and guns. One of the kids points his weapon at T-Ray, demanding the Gameboys that Weasel told them T-Ray was giving away for free. Deadpool thanks his friends for coming to the rescue and totally forgets about the device in his hand. T-Ray takes advantage of the situation and reaches for it, yet as he rips it out of Deadpool’s hand the Gemini Star gets damaged. Too late T-Ray realizes that with the Star broken, it’s effects will be reversed. The essences of all eight personality aspect Deadpools gets sucked through the device into T-Ray’s chest, and he collapses, hitting his head on the tombstone. Deadpool comments that the personalities going into T-Ray proves that he and not T-Ray actually is the real Wade Wilson, he then observes as the Gemini Star melts away. Seems that everything is alright, or is it ? The kids still want their gameboys !
Somewhat later, Deadpool and Weasel are on a bridge devoting time to one of their favourite games – spitting on the people below. Weasel is concerned that somebody powerful enough to create a Gemini Star was after Deadpool, but Deadpool corrects him – he might still be after him, only Deadpool doesn’t care that much. Duke and Scuzzy, meet them, they are clean and wear nice clothes. Duke says that he is now running for mayor, as Scuzzy once more has to vomit over the bridge, hitting somebody below. Weasel and Deadpool agree that this makes him the winner of their game. Then Popeye comes over, in her company T-Ray, or what’s left of him. He looks rather apathic, is wearing nerd Deadpool’s shirt and the tux of the unrespected Deadpool. He only says “No Pickles“, as Popeye pulls him away to spend a romantic week with him in the Cross Box Motor Inn. Weasel and Deadpool agree that this is a worse fate than death. Duke and Scuzzy have to leave too, as they have a meeting, Scuzzy will be Duke’s spokesman and he once more vomits in Deadpool’s face. Deadpool smiles as they leave, sayin he would actually vote for them and he probably will miss the three bums. Weasel though still wonders who T-Ray’s mysterious boss is.
Far away in outer space, Thanos is prying on them He doesn’t like Deadpool, especially since Death, the woman he loves, seems to care for him. Thanos places a black rose at a shrine he built for Death, before stating that he ensured that Deadpool and Death will never meet again. Deadpool will never die, and soon he will find that this is a far worse fate than death, from now on Deadpool is “cursed with life“.