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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
1st story) – Show and Raise Hell; (2nd story) – Shlock Therapy; (3rd story) – Dogpool vs Void Mutt; (4th story) – Garden State Slaughter
(1st story)In a park one day, while ordinary citizens go about their lives, half a dozen pre-teen kids are enthusiastically exclaiming over Kidpool’s martial arts moves. “That’s gotta be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” says one. “Oh, yeah? Well, check this out!” replies Kidpool, “The Iron Tree Frog Stance… I used this one once while I was surrounded by these Super-Skrulls!” By his side sits Dogpool, scratching himself fiercely. Kidpool strikes another pose and continues, “And this one’s called the … err… the Stalking Mantis! Had to break this move out on Galactus this one time. Done properly, there is no de…”
“What’s wrong with your dog? He sure is scratching a lot!” one of the kids interrupts. “Oh, he’s fine… we just tussled with some mutant space fleas, and his healing factor hasn’t taken care of all the bites yet.” Kidpool attempts to continue “Now, let me show you exactly how I put the smackdown on Sabretooth when he started causing static…“ “Guys! Guy! Check this out!” Another kid comes running up with a huge box full of toy robots. “Look at all these awesome robots!. “Cooooool!” The kids quickly gather around the newcomer. “My uncle’s working in Japan right now, and he sent these to me for my birthday!” “Is that a Mecha-devil X? That’s totally limited edition!” one kid exclaims. “Robots are so much cooler than martial arts moves!”
Their attention now completely on the toys, all the kids rush off leaving Kidpool and Dogpool behind. “You know what else is limited edition? Awesome moves like this! The Unwavering Orangutan!” Kidpool tries – and fails – to regain their attention. Kidpool sits and sulks, “I’d like to show him what he can do with those toys! Robots are for babies, anyway… Unless…” Dogpool scratches so hard he falls over. Kidpool has a brainstorm, “C’mon Dogpool! We’ve got work to do!” “Grrrf?” is the only response.
And so…Kidpool and Dogpool break into an undisclosed Prohibited Area, beating up the guards and sneaking around as they search for something. “All right, stay frosty! I had to dish out a lot of punishment to get our informant to sing on this one… it better be worth the trouble!” Kidpool says as he gets to work picking a door lock. Dogpool’s only response is to growl and urinate on a bound guard. Getting the door open and peering inside Kidpool can only say with awe, “Oh… it was so worth it!”
The next morning…Kidpool is in the cockpit of whatever he found. “Let’s see… stabilisers… stealth cloaking… weapon systems… seems pretty standard to me. And everybody says video games are good for nothing!” he says as he fiddles with the buttons and pulls on the joystick. “If this doesn’t get me some hits on YouTube, nothing will!” Dogpool sits behind him eyeing up his own tail “Growf!” CHOMP!
Meanwhile the other kids are back in the park, playing with the toy robots and shouting back and forth. “This one’s got spring-loaded missiles!” “That’s nothing! This one can separate into five different vehicles!” One kid glances up into the sky. “Uh…guys?”
A shadow falls over them all as they stare intently upwards.“YOU GUYS LIKE APPLES” Booms a voice from above as they all go slack jawed. “WELL, HOW D’YOU LIKE THESE APPLES! LEMME INTRODUCE YOU MUGS TO JET FALCHION! THAT’S “JET” AS IN FAST AND SLEEK AND “FALCHION,” WHICH IS… I DUNNO…  FRENCH OR SOMETHING!” Kidpool shouts through the mechanical speakers.
Before them stands a very large Gundam-esque, humanoid robot with the Deadpool symbol painted sloppily on its chest. Kidpool has positioned the robot with the head right in front of the sun for maximum effect.  Inside the cockpit, Kidpool is feeling very pleased with himself. “Either way… you guys like cool robots… and I’m in control of the coolest of them all!”
GRRRMM! The robot starts striking poses as Kidpool says “LEMME SHOW YOU WHAT THIS BAD-BOY CAN DO!” GGRRM! Another pose. “AND ONE OF YOU GUYS GET A VIDEO OF THIS, OKAY?” The robot leaps into the air to rapturous praise… “Sweet!” “Woo-hoo!” “Giant robots are so much cooler than toy robots!” … before landing on the collection of toy robots abandoned on the grass, crushing them completely.
Suddenly, two fighter planes fly past the Jet Falchion, very closely.
“ATTENTION!” a voice shouts out. Kidpool sits in the cockpit looking, “Who said that? I thought we were leaving the inner voices out of this story!”
Outside, an angry mustachioed man shouts into a radio. “To the terrorists who have hijacked United States super-robot designated Jet Falchion! This is General Conrad Davenport of the United States Army! I’m hereby ordering you to cease and desist your current plan of action and surrender the robot to me immediately!” The army have arrived, and they are heavily armed and they are angry. “I am authorized to use catastrophic force if you do not comply!” Jets, tanks and infantry surround the robot which puts its hands up. “Billions of tax-payers dollars be damned! I’ll blast that robot into scrap and drag whatever’s left of your charred, mutilated carcass out of the wreckage to stand trial for treason!” General Davenport continues.
Inside the robot, Kidpool is panicking, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Waita-minute! I’m no terrorist! I’m just a kid! I’m just going on a little joy ride!” The noise starts to distress Dogpool “Grrfff! Rrf! Rrf! Grrf!” as he runs around. Kidpool frantically scans the controls, “Just let me find the “Off” switch and we can just go our separate ways…” “Grrraaff!” Dogpool runs into the back of Kidpool’s command chair, sending him sprawling all over the controls with an Oof!
Jet Falchion fires its right fist smashing through concrete. “Sweet mother…” Davenport is stunned, but only for a second, before screaming his troops into action, “We have a rampage event! I repeat, we have a rampage event! I’m not going to have another one of these death machines going berserk on my watch! All units! Attack! Bring that behemoth down!” The jets start firing missiles on the robot. It evades some but takes one square on the right shoulder.
Inside the cockpit, Kidpool scans his controls furiously, “Aw, man! C’mon! How do I shut this thing –“ He is interrupted by the onboard computer “ATTACK DETECTED. SURVIVAL SEQUENCE INITIATED.” At this, Kidpool despairs. “Survival sequence? I bet that’s not good. But... but…” The robot starts returning fire, its missiles also painted with a Deadpool and crossbones. “This isn’t my fault!”
Kidpool and General Davenport come to the same conclusion at the same time, “It’s out of control!” Civilians flee as the Jet Falchion fires its laser eyebeams towards the ground, while military jets and helicopters return fire and are felled themselves. “ENGAGE RAGING FALCHION!” the mech states as it pulls out a glowing sword. “Raging Falchion!? If this robot starts slicing and dicing with some sort of flaming French Ginsu, I just know someone’s gonna try to find a way to pin this on me! Only one thing to do!” Kidpool says as he reaches for a large red button marked “Danger.” “CONTROL MODULE DISENGAGED.” Kidpool has triggered the escape procedures and he and Dogpool are safely blasted clear of the melee in the control module. “See ya, suckers!”
Sometime later…The army has found the crashed and abandoned control module on a nearby beach. “Jet Falchion stopped its attack as soon as the control module jettisoned, but I want the person responsible found and brought to justice. We’re dealing with a dangerous mind here! We don’t want someone like this free and wandering the streets!”
Kidpool is free and wandering the streets, “That’s it, Dogpool! I’m done with mischief and mayhem! I mean, if other kids don’t like me for who I am, that’s their problem!” Dogpool voices his agreement “Rraff!”
Kidpool hears something and motions Dogpool to sidle up to the wall so they can listen, “Hey… hold on a second…” A voice carries from around the corner “This is awesome!” Kidpool peers around; it’s the neighborhood kids from before standing around a new arrival. “A pet iguana! That’s the best!” “Lizards are so much cooler than robots!” While the tail of a helicopter sticks out of a smoking hole in a nearby building, Kidpool spins around and exclaims, “Lizards, huh? C’mon Dogpool! Next stop… the Savage Land!”
(2nd story)The West Village, New York. Lady Deadpool is slouched onto a table, drinking whiskey and cough syrup, while trying to convince Headpool to kill himself. “The way I see it, it’s the Sword of Damocles, what we do, man, but you, you’re dead weight. You’re an upturned vase with ears. You can’t fight.” Headpool bounces over to her, challenging her to try to kill him with his usual charm. Lady Deadpool picks up her knife and begins describing how she would ensure he stays dead, before coming to the realization that Headpool can’t kill himself, as he has no thumbs. Headpool responds to this by claiming to be the love of her life.
“Ahem,” a third party interrupts, drawing their attention. It is a professionally dressed woman in her thirties and Lady Deadpool and Headpool are not in some dive bar but are instead in an office - her office. She asks the two of them why they think they are there. While Headpool claims to have no idea, Lady Deadpool ignores her and instead engages in a conversation with the voices in her head, claiming to herself to be far more attractive than the woman is.
(flashback, the previous week)Outside a large office block, lit with floodlights, where a “super-sensitive, high-risk mission” is taking place. Lady Deadpool is berating Headpool for claiming that, as the only woman in Deadpool Corps, she is therefore the lowest in the group pecking order. She points out that, as he is only a head, he has no identifiable gender anyway. Over the radio a voice calls for aid from Wanda, before it is cut off as the entire building explodes.
(present)The woman reads from her notes, stating that Deadpool is deeply concerned and ,that unless the two of them resolve their issues, they will be kicked out of Deadpool Corps. Asking them how this makes them feel, the therapist looks up to see Headpool coaching Lady Deadpool on blowing a bubble with some gum and simultaneously filling it with the whiskey. The therapist then lay out her theory for the hostility between the two. “Have you considered that the friction between you is simply sexual tension?” The bubble bursts. Lady Deadpool reacts, grabbing her knife again and holding it to Headpool’s temple and shouting, “Did you put her up to this?” Headpool denies this, telling her to face up to the fact that she is infatuated with him.
Flashback to a jungle, Lady Deadpool is in green camo gear and aiming a rocket launcher right at Headpool as he argues with her. “I dare you! Do it! You’re Cuhraaaazy if you think they’d be as scrumptious 365 days a year. The Girl Scouts have to withhold, it’s Keynesian economics! Why are you so dumb?!”
Another flashback, another argument, this time Lady Deadpool is scaling the side of a building with a rope, wearing ninja gear while Headpool sits in a pouch on her utility belt. This time she is lecturing him “Screw the last tour… Mr. Armstrong is the most best specimen of virile fortitude and holistic amazingness known to nad cancer…” She then sticks her club into his mouth to stop him replying and states it is time for him to get out i.e. she’s going to drop him.
Back in the therapist’s office, Lady Deadpool claims to have no idea what she’s talking about, but after Headpool calls her a liar she admits there was this one time…
Deadpool Corps are at a very fancy bar, the men are in tuxedos and the women (including Lady Deadpool) are in ballgowns. Deadpool and Kidpool are passed out drunk on the floor, while Headpool sits in a top hat on the bar counter, talking with Lady Deadpool sitting listening attentively. “Look, I know I’m not puuuuuuurfeck. My left ear hangs lower than my right, right? But I’m a great judge of character… I just want a complicate woman with a smokin’ bod… I’m damaged. I know I’m crazy, everyone is. And that’s okay. At least it is by me.” His words resonate with Lady Deadpool, who, realizing this, quickly makes for the bathroom.
In the bathroom, Lady Deadpool dunks her head into a sink full of water, while the other women look on with disgust. Lady Deadpool looks at herself in the mirror, pulls out her knife and begins trying to threaten herself from thinking the thought that had popped into her head. Her inner voices, however, are keen to discuss this notion, one desiring to keep Headpool calling him special, and the other repulsed by the very idea. Lady Deadpool begins voicing a pro/con list, while her inner voices mock her. As a response, she sticks herself in the leg with her knife and then hassles the toilet attendant.
The following morning, Lady Deadpool wakes up in bed, dressed in a unicorn costume and surrounded by a birthday cake, tacos, a whip and a saddle. Feeling warmth next her, Lady Deadpool begins to panic as to who it might be. Peering under the covers reveals “a completely random petri dish of crackhead” she’s never met and leads to a triumphant solo dance party. Her sensible inner voice recommends that she goes to the sexual health clinic to get checked out instead.
Back in the therapist’s office, Lady Deadpool has been cutting herself while recounting this anecdote, drawing a rocket ship in her forearm and ends by saying “The fancy was fleeting. I know Headpool and I have a complicated relationship…” Headpool interrupts “Don’t deny it, lover. We’re besotted all up in each other. I just want a respectable but fair dowry… And the understanding that, of course, I will be engaging in extramarital loin wrangling with the option of taking on an additional younger bride should the mood strike and many mistresses.”
Following his train of thought Headpool turns to the therapist and bounces over “I’m looking to diversify immediately, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” The therapist is not keen on this idea, pushing him away from her. Lady Deadpool, however, is warming to it. “Not a bad idea. It could work if it was a polygamous situation. Variety spice… I could use the female companionship. We could talk. Undermine each other. Exfoliate and foliate. Ooooh, we could go to yoga and watch romcoms… Just love a romcom.”
The therapist tries to change the conversation, claiming the session is coming to an end. Headpool persists, only to be rebuffed more vehemently by the therapist, who has had enough of the pair of them. Neither Headpool nor Lady Deadpool take kindly to this rejection. Lady Deadpool draws her sword from behind her back, while the therapist tries to calm them both down, but also drawing a gun out from under her desk. The therapist snaps, screaming “Sit down now! I’ve been listening to you bitch and moan while you bleed all over my things… you’re so crazy… so revolting! You’ll never learn. There are never any real consequences to your selfish actions for you and your kind.”
Headpool decides this outburst is due to hormones and dismisses the therapists rant as she continues to insult them, until she insults Deadpool and all his parallel universe versions. Headpool defends his “family,” causing Lady Deadpool to call him cute. Picking him up, the two engage in a gross deep kiss. With tongue. Lady Deadpool and the therapist immediately vomit and Headpool gets tossed into the air. Lady Deadpool turns to the therapist and blames her for the kiss, for allowing it to happen and for the resulting hours of intense therapy she’ll require as a result. Lady Deadpool pulls out her sword and advances on the now crying therapist.
Lady Deadpool emerges from the building, carrying and arguing with Headpool once again. Her sword is covered with blood, and a scrap of the therapist’s shirt is stuck to the end of it. Deadpool, Dogpool and Kidpool are lounging on top of a car and ask how it went. “Great” they both reply. “We’re fixed. Can we go get smoothies?” asks Lady Deadpool, as she uses the scrap of shirt to wipe away the blood from her sword. “Sure, we were just waiting on you two,” comes the reply. As the fivesome walk away, Lady Deadpool asks Wade if they all think she’s the lowest on the totem pole because she’s a girl. “Totally. Oh, and you’re paying, sucka!
(3rd story)In Avengers Tower, Deadpool is being questioned by Captain America and Hawkeye about a recent mishap he had with an employee of the U.N., whom he confused with a cab driver.
Over in the corner of the room, Dogpool relieves himself on a decorative plant pot, unknowingly urinating on Ant-Man. An irate Scott Lang jumps out to confront Dogpool, stating that he was only hiding in the plant pot to avoid any responsibility, before discovering that his suit controls have been shorted out. Dogpool, however, grabs a knife and fork, as he sees his next meal. Ant-Man flees into the kitchen, shouting that Dogpool can’t eat him as he is an Avenger! Sort of. Further adding that he wants to die in bed with Vanessa Hudgens.
Cornered, he calls out for aid and is saved by a white blur that slams Dogpool into the kitchen cabinets. Sitting in front of Dogpool is a large, white purebred dog wearing a yellow cape. It’s Sunny, the Sentry Dog! Thanking Bendis, Ant-Man expositions his origin as the Sentry’s noble and heroic childhood pet who gained the powers of “1,000 exploding dog stars.”
Dogpool pops himself back into shape and hurls a drawer of knives at Sunny that effortlessly bounce off him, before hitting him in the face with a frying pan hard enough to dent the pan, although the only damage is to Dogpool’s teeth. Sunny punches Dogpool, launching him out of Avengers Tower and out to sea before giving chase. Soaring over Switzerland, Dogpool has an idea, conjures an anchor and crashes down into the CERN research facility in Geneva, swiftly followed by Sunny. As they lie dazed in the Hadron Collider, two researches exclaim in amazement over the dogs wearing costumes that just crashed through the roof. While one wishes to quickly remove them from the machine, the other wants to watch to see what happens and rebuts that other’s claim that it is dangerous and irresponsible by stating that “Zat is science!”
As they are debating, Dogpool slinks away and locks Sunny into the Hadron Collider before changing the settings dial from “Big Bang” to “???” and a picture of an explosion. Starting up the machine, an explosion indeed occurs and, in the aftermath, Sunny has been reduced to a puppy. Leering over him, Dogpool is suddenly tapped on the shoulder. Turning around, he is confronted by a huge, black mongrel of a dog. Introducing himself as Void Mutt, he thanks Dogpool for freeing him from inside Sunny and, as a thank you, promises him a slightly less excruciating death. Dogpool gulps as the picture shrinks into a circle behind a shutter. “That’s All Folks!”
(4th story)Times SquareDeadpool is wandering in the rain, reflecting on the recent changes to New York. Now that the mayor has run out all the lowlifes and strip clubs, he no longer feels comfortable here; the city has lost its edge. Perhaps he should dress in a mouse suit and dance around on Broadway with the costumed street performers – nah, a shotgun blast to the face would be preferable.
The last few days haven’t been easy. His apartment blew up along with everything he owns. All he has left are a few trusty weapons and $200 or so. And his life. There are those he could ask for help, but panhandling has never been his style. Deadpool walks into a hardware store and buys a shovel and a pair of construction gloves. He’s still wearing his mask, but in New York no one cares. Hailing a cab, he directs it to Fort Lee, New Jersey over the George Washington Bridge. With the rain and the traffic, the journey will take a while and Deadpool’s thoughts drift back three years. Back to Sandee.
Flashback to three years ago in Wildwood at the Jersey Shore. It was Summer time and three thieves had made off with 4 million dollars from one of “The Donald’s” casinos. A big reward had been placed on their heads and Deadpool meant to claim it. It didn’t take long for him to get a tip on some guy throwing around a lot of crisp hundred dollar bills at a cheap strip joint called “The Crab Shack.” He later found out this amateur’s name was Jack Krush, a small-time thief in way over his head, but that doesn’t really matter. Their fight tumbled out of the bar and onto the boardwalk, and poor old Jack found himself flat on his back on the rollercoaster tracks, before finding himself in thirds. While onlookers screamed and vomited, Deadpool checked the trouser pockets on the bottom third. Finding only a bunch of $100s, he moved on to check the midsection and found in his shirt pocket a motel room key.
Scoping out the hotel, he found the remaining two baddies holed up in a room on the second floor with a young girl, maybe 15, who didn’t look like she wanted to be there. This is Sandee. Deadpool wanted to charge in guns blazing, but he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea so he had to get creative. Thirty minutes later, he was standing at their door with a pizza, his visage now disguised to that of a pizza delivery boy, who was happy to make a few extra bucks to scram. The crooks didn’t order a pizza but crime makes you hungry, this Deadpool knew, and they opened the door to take it. Deadpool clipped the shooting arm of the first goon but the second reacted fast and grabs Sandee to use as a shield.
Unfortunate but not unexpected. However, what happened next, he never would have expected in a million years. Sandee called out “Mom” and a gun is jabbed into his back! Now he’s the bad guy, imagine that! The mother shot him and he went down hard, and things kept getting worse. The standing robber panicked and started shooting, killing not only Sandee’s mother but his colleague as well as he struggled back to his feet. At this, the guy froze, giving Sandee the opportunity to rake his face with her nails and he panicked, charging forward towards the front door. He tripped over Deadpool, thug #1 and the mother in the process and his momentum carried him over the balcony to land face-first on the car below.
With Sandee’s help, Deadpool was able to grab the remaining money and get downstairs to her car. She drove him down to Cape May, and another motel and had him bandaged up before he regained consciousness. In so doing, she turned off his image inducer and, to his surprise, hadn’t freaked out. Tough girl. They spoke, or rather Deadpool spoke and she listened as he told her his life story, how he became a mercenary, the cancer, Dr. Killbrew’s experiments, his healing factor, all of it. He hoped it would help her, that if he could make it through all that she could make it through this. She didn’t say a word, but she smiled and his heart melted.
That’s when they heard it, right outside the room. The final robber was back, the fall hadn’t killed him and Deadpool hadn’t checked. He smashed in through the window and grabbed Deadpool, gun against his head before he started screaming at Sandee! “See what you did to your father?! Now your boyfriend’s gonna die!!” Her father! No wonder she was so screwed up. Sandee pleaded that it was a mistake, that she loved him and was just scared and asked her chance to prove it. Her father was won over, and passed her his gun. Sandee pointed it at Deadpool and winked. One shot, and this time daddy stays down. She collapsed in a heap and Deadpool resolved to help her.
Deadpool checked the bag and counted; he was around a million short. Putting two and two together he realized it was an inside job, an insurance scam by the casino to claim more was taken than actually was and be reimbursed accordingly. The robbers were never meant to be caught. Deadpool tipped off the insurance agency handling the case and they arrested the perpetrator at the casino. As a reward, Deadpool decided to keep the cash himself. For expenses.
Deadpool drove north to a psychiatric center. Highly regarded, he considered checking himself in for a year or seven but instead he left Sandee with the nuns in charge, paid for her care and left his phone number as her emergency contact. Sandee was so shell-shocked she didn’t even realize where she was. Deadpool hoped the change would set her on a new course, a new name, new home and new outlook on life. Instead, a week later, he gets a phone call. Sandee took her own life. Deadpool was her only next of kin. He took care of the details, made sure she had a proper place to rest. He left the rest of the money with her. It had too much blood and bad vibes connected to it now.
In the present day, Deadpool has arrived at his destination, a cemetery. He’s in a tough spot and has to do it. Sandee wouldn’t miss it, she would understand. He won’t let her down, they were family. Deadpool approaches a grave. “Sandee Wade 1983 – 2000.”


[User]
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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
Turning Japanese (or: Little Demon Inside)
It happened a few years ago. This was not your usual piece of business. A cholesterol-challenged crime lord called the Kingpin had hired Deadpool to kill a competitor of his. Wade followed the guy to the Empire State Building but he jumped off the observation deck, which is a 100-plus floors up. Wade followed his victim, then there was a flash light. That’s when he realized his victim wasn’t an average guy. But of course, Wade isn’t an average killer.
They land in a disco in Japan. The Beyonder is happy as everything is going as he planned it. Deadpool falls through the teleportation portal. He sarcastically congratulates the Beyonder on his nice disco pants, joking that raiding Liberace’s wardrobe won’t scare him away. Beyonder warns Wade to get away, as his presence might interfere his plans and he’d better not upset a god like him. Wade doesn’t think Beyonder is a god, making him angry. He fires at Wade, making him fly across the dance hall! However, nobody notices, as they are too busy watching a show of Elvis Presley.
Wade wants to know what year they are in because the King died years ago. He recognized the big El, and now the Beyonder looks like him. Beyonder explains that he knows who the King was, and it was his plan to look like the guy and take in his place and be the next Messiah in the year 1998. Wade doesn’t think the Beyonder is going to be a Messiah, as he’s going to turn him into shish-kebab the moment he finds his nerves back. And after that he’s going to take him back to the Kingpin so Fisk can eat him or something.
The Beyonder doesn’t think so and isn’t harmed by Wade’s bullets. He thinks that thanks to Deadpool their presence there has altered things too much already and wants to make him pay. He grabs Wade and teleports away, mentioning he’ll make the merc meet his doom at the end of time.
Wade wakes up nine months later in a black market clinic in Kobe, Japan. A Japanese boss mentions to his servant, Shigeru, that today is an auspicious day, as a sizeable chuck of his money shall hopefully bear fruit today. If not, the servant shall pay for it, which he understands. The boss explained that Shigeru’s father messed up bad for their organization, as he lost money, control and lives. Including his own. But the boss mentions that the guy was like a brother to him, as they fought starvation after the war and build their organization up from scratch. He mentions to Shigeru that he had send him to Hawaii for his own protection, as the men who killed his father would have killed him as well if it weren’t for the boss. He purposely kept Shigeru into menial position to temper the criminals’ jealousy of the boss’ interest for the boy.
They enter a lab and a scientist mentions that their experiment is ready. They go deeper into the room and notice a big, blue ball in the middle. The scientist explains that the blood sample was sufficient for complete gene sequencing. Though he has to warn that with cloned organic projects they tend to produce some unexpected output. He warns the other scientist to activate Project OJ and that nobody can touch anything made of metal without protection. After a countdown, energy floats around the blue ball and Shigeru asks if it’s alive. The scientist can happily confirm that, and they notice a hand, cloaked in shadows, move.
The scientist takes that as a good sign, claiming that violent tendencies from the donor. He thinks that with electroshock training, that violence will be transferred to a subject of the boss’ choice and that victim will make a nice, obedient beast. Suddenly, the victim to whom the arm belongs to begins to scream real loud. Shigeru found that unexpected. The scientist agrees but that’s irrelevant in his opinion. He thinks they have actually improved on the source material. The victim has now quicker reflexes, greater proportional strength and unequaled stamina. Put short, he’s a perfect killer, way better than the original Deadpool. And he has no ties except for the boss’ organization.
The boss thinks they better trains him to be the best, even if it will take years. And only when the right time comes, they shall send their victim over to do the hard killings the boss always wanted to be done with. He tells Shigeru to pack his back claiming that his life in Hawaii is over. Shigeru isn’t sure what to make of that, but the boss hugs him. He explains that as of today, he shall become his new lieutenant, his right-hand man and his son. The boss only entrusts his life with Shigeru and mentions to him he lived up to the image of his father, and that he is now in control. Shigeru is startled.
Years of training pass, until one Thursday one problem is faced. The victim keeps saying, with an evil look on his face and, in Japanese, words “Control.”
Last Thursday…Shigeru enters a temple and mentions to his companion that he has been coming there every night of the week. He knows the victim was told that this temple was supposed to be the meeting point and, since the victim didn’t show up, he wants to know where he was instead. The victim tells Shigeru he can tell his boss he has a short attention span. Shigeru tells the victim that the assignment is no more and that he can’t kill the Oyakata.
The victim gets angry hearing that. Shigeru mentions they don’t want him dead anymore because of the politics involved and the victim is recalled. Suddenly, a loud scream is heard and the monks of the temple rush towards it. They open the door, and find the victim promising he doesn’t stop until a job is done. He tells the monks to stop staring at him or else they’ll pay as well.
Last Friday, the Hellhouse…CF is looking for Wade, as he won their bet. He saw it on the news about George Michael and Wade was right, and now CF will pay lunch so he picked up some sushi. Deadpool appears behind CF and holds a gun towards his mouth. He doesn’t like Japanese food and wants some tacos instead, or else he’ll kill CF. CF tries to stop Wade, but he is so angry and doesn’t release the poor guy. Patch shows up telling the guys to break it up as he thinks some crazy fools are trying to attack the Hellhouse and he wants everyone ready to help out.
All of the mercs hang out the window with their bazooka’s ready and see a helicopter landing. A man steps out telling the mercs to calm down, as he isn’t here to fight. He heard about the Hellhouse and that this was the place where he could hire some assistance. He requests for Deadpool’s aid, as a situation has gotten out of control and this is only out of necessity. Wade thinks it’s about unfinished business. The man claims to have no time for proper introductions, as they’ve got a long trip to make back, and they have to hurry. No questions asked.
Deadpool points his gun at the man, claiming he isn’t just some random guy who jumps through hoops simply because he’s asked. The man shows Wade some gold stashed in the helicopter and wants no questions asked, they have to leave right now. Wade agrees but wants to pick up his toothbrush first, as he hates that hot-fresh feeling after a long flight.
One day later, Kyoto, Japan…Wade has used his image inducer to look like an actual police officer. His employers give him a badge which indicates him as Takehiko Adachi. That and the image inducer should be enough to fool everyone else. Wade’s boss and his guard mentions they won’t have any problem with the police as they’ve got earlier made arrangements with them. They enter the Sanju Sangendo temple.
Wade remarks what holiday it is and why his boss’ goon isn’t wearing one of those loud silk shirts Japanese people dig. The boss is startled to hear Wilson speak Japanese so flawlessly. He wonders if they met before and wants to see Wade without wearing that mask of his. Hesitant, Wade claims he just figured any country that invented karaoke and vending machines that sell girl’s bloomers is bound to be filled with fashion victims. He wonders if any of those kind of machines are around here.
The goon dislikes Deadpool and asks his boss if they really need him and if he can’t dispose of him. The boss ignores that question and asks Wade to follow him, mentioning he’s getting tired of his ongoing rambling. Wade does as told and enters a room with a lot of blood in it. He thinks this was the work of one sick puppy. He should know, as he’s the Mack-daddy of all sick puppies. He notices a body and asks his boss if they are going to bury the man or leaving him there looking like a jigsaw puzzle. He wants to know who the body belonged to and if the blood really belongs to just one person.
The boss explains that the body belonged to his right-hand man, his lieutenant. And now it’s up to tell him to tell Shigeru’s wife, Chantal, what happened. Wade asks if it’s hard to replace lieutenants. The boss shows Wade his hand which has only three fingers. He explains that, in his profession, you lose one joint over a finger for every mistake you make. Shigeru was missing no fingers because he learned from his father not to make any. Until now. Shigeru is irreplaceable just like the boss’ fingers.
He shows Wade a picture of a man named Oyakata. He’s a coach of Rikishi, what Americans call Sumo wrestlers. Oyakata is the killer’s next target and he has to be stopped. The boss wants to do it for his own reasons and those of Shigeru. Wade wants to know who the killer is, but the boss said no questions. Wade destroys the photo claiming he’ll remember what Oyakata looks like when he finds the guy.
Later that night, the Shinjuku District in Tokyo…In a nightclub, fish is served. One of the waiters takes off his mask and has a message for Oyakata, who’s dining there. Oyakata is prepared to listen to the message, but then the waiter takes out his butcher knife! The killer is… Widdle Wade, who looks just like a miniature Deadpool!
On that very moment, the real Deadpool teleports inside and immediately starts firing upon Widdle Wade. He congratulates the little guy on his mask, but Widdle Wade dodges all of the bullets and kicks Wade in his stomach, then throwing him over his shoulder! Widdle Wade pushes himself and Deadpool out of a window, with Wade thinking they’re in big trouble. They land on some cars below and are both still alive. Widdle Wade takes out his sword, which Wade notices is bigger than his. But he thinks he has a way out. He rolls out of the way and the truck hits Widdle Wade, dragging him along the way as they drive. But Widdle Wade is still alive and laughs.
Wade can’t believe that, after the beating the little guy took, he’s still laughing. He knows he’ll be back for more and hopes he’ll be ready then. Oyakata and his guards come outside and thank Deadpool for the assist. Wade bows in honor, claiming it was nothing and Oyakata hugs Wade. He claims he has no idea what’s going on, as he doesn’t want Oyakata to remember him, but Oyakata knows better. He wants Wade to stop speaking English or else he’ll tell his guards about the time those two women Wade discovered a time ago weren’t exactly women.
Wade agrees and starts talking in Japanese. He apologizes for it but he had a lot on his mind lately. Oyakata doesn’t mind that and notices Wade has been working out since the last time they met. He asks Wade to take of that silly mask of his, as they’re all friends here. Oyakata’s guards try to take it off but Wade quickly withdraws refusing to get his face exposed.
Suddenly, Oyakata’s daughter, Sazae comes running to her had hading heard about the battle. She notices they’re not alone and asks her dad who the pervert in the black-red leather suit is. Oyakata introduces Deadpool as Chiyo, thinking it’s a good thing he finally returned after all those years. Wade walks over to Sazae and notices she isn’t fat anymore. Sazae gets angry and slams Deadpoo, knocking him out and shouting at him to never get near her father again. Wade falls down unconscious on the ground, remembering the time he and Oyakata first met.
It happened a time long ago, even before Vanessa and Weapon X. Wade had been in Asia for so long he had forgotten about Tangiers and Francie. A guy only named “Boss” offered him a lot of money. All he had to do was infiltrate the Oyakata’s stable and wait for further instructions. The Boss was paying Wade so much to sit around and get fat, so he thought “why not?” The Oyakata’s stable of fighters. There was no way for Wade to know that he’d end up spending three of the toughest years of his life there. It was in those days that he met Oyakata.
At a training gym, Oyakata hazed Wade that he was a loser, because he was so skinny back in those days and wasn’t of any use to him. Oyakata wanted Wade to keep fighting him. He wasn’t allowed to waste his or the Rikishi’s time until Wade knew how to beat them. The Oyakata had been a big competitor in the Boss’ time. They were the tops, the greatest. He held the highest rank in the sport, which was called Yokozuna. It was known for a certain battle move, namely a Trip. It put a sledgehammer’s amount of pressure on the opponent’s back. They would have to fall or else their necks would be snapped. The press even used to say the move could be lethal, if it wasn’t done by the expert hands of Oyakata.
In his time, Oyakata was unbeatable. So, he was to be Wade’s hurdle. Every day, Wade would crawl into the ring, and every day he would be slapped down. He remembers how very painful it was. Wade still couldn’t win and Oyakata kept laughing at him. But Wade slowly got faster, stronger and even fatter! One morning, the proudest of Wade’s life, he found his technique: the Mesuniu Tsuppari! He slapped Oyakata down with it. From that moment on, Wade was unbeatable.
He quickly became the star Rikishi in the stable and it came time for Wade to choose a Shikona, which was a traditional name to be used in competition. Sazae, Oyakata’s youngest daughter, gave Wade the name of “Chiyonosake,” meaning “the White Wolf of the Rice Wine.” Wade loved that name. Not because he got drunk that night, but because, well… when ladies give him a name, it’s usually not that kindly so he was thrilled. It was a good life. Wade even got waited on hand and foot. He was a clear opponent in a world of rules and order.
Sazae used to do the cooking in the Heya, since Oyakata’s wife had earlier died in some kind of accident. The girl took a liking to this up-and-coming Rikishi, who seemed to treat her world like it was all some kind of fun ride. She used to sneak Wade curry udon to get on his good side. And the whole time Oyakata’s turning a blind eye to it all, like some matchmaking grandmother. It was eventually arranged that, when Sazae was on age, she would marry Wade, her Chiyo. Wade would inherit the Heya, charge up future pupils and everything else of value to Oyakata.
Most importantly, Wade would be entrusted with Sazae’s welfare, as no one else would Oyakata trust with his dearest treasure. Wade can tell people now that it was about as close a guy like him could come to the white picket fence routine, all cozy like. Until one day, everything changed.
Wade’s little mistake was that he could he thought he could leave behind all the unhappiness and ugliness in his life. One sunny morning, there was a message found in Wade’s crème-filled Dwinkee. It was time for Wade to do what he was paid for. And what was that? Surprise! He had to kill Oyakata! For once in his life, Wade said “enough!” For the first time ever, he was walking away from a job, leaving before he could hurt anybody but himself. Sazae wouldn’t make it easy though, as women never do. Wade told her that he couldn’t explain why he was running away. That she wouldn’t want to know.
And he couldn’t have that. He knocked Sazae unconscious before she knew what hit her. Wade had to do it. Afterwards, Wade did what he does so well all the time: disappear. And it was a long, long time until there was a morning he didn’t wonder what Sazae did when she woke up from that punch of his. If she was sad, or angry, or simply disappointed.
Wade wakes back up, and Oyakata carries him inside his home. Wade wonders why it is he always wakes up Sunday mornings being carried by a fat man. Oyakata asks “Chiyo” if he’s feeling alright. Wade jokes he’s breathing which is enough, telling Oyakata he’s lucky he still is. He mentions that fight back in the club wasn’t something random. He was hired to kill him. Oyakata isn’t impressed. Wade thinks the old man must have misheard him, thinking it might be everyday business for him or something. Wade shouts he was hired by someone duped as “the Boss” by his probably mentally-challenged mother.
Oyakata immediately becomes angry, wanting to know how Deadpool knows the Boss hired that little assassin. Wade doesn’t think the midget knows who his boss is. Oyakata calms down, telling Wade that breakfast is at 11 am and, if Wade wants to practice, he’s welcome to join them before 5 am in the next morning. Wade can’t believe Oyakata can stay so calm after suddenly seeing him, wearing a crazy outfit like his. Oyakata believes that a man can’t be shocked by anything that happens outside of his gym. Only in the Heya do people follow the rules.
On that very moment, a furious Sazae rushes in, holding knives and asking her dad if he’s alright. Wade panics and jumps back in Oyakata’s big arms. Wade mentions that someone is trying to kill this family, but it isn’t him. Oyakata still trusts Wade, telling Sazae that she doesn’t know him like he does. Sazae explains she knows Chiyo all to well, and that’s the problem. Wade pushes them outside not wanting to get into this family feud. He wants to go to sleep and doesn’t want to reveal to his mortal enemies where the fly is on this joy-suit.
Wade is confident that little midget killer won’t attack until tomorrow night. Both Sazea and Oyakata want to know how Deadpool can be so certain of that, but Wade claims it’s a trade secret. Wade thinks to himself he really is sure. At first he thought that thing might have just been stalking him, dressing up in his outfit, but the tiny even has Deadpool’s moves! And with the guy living through that truck settled it, Wade’s opponent also has his healing factor. The tiny creature really is Deadpool, though only with half the calories. Wade thinks it’s really weird situation to be in.
The next day, Wade figures to do a little research, killing some time before the big gig started up again. In his fake officer identity, Wade heads downtown to the local police station. He forgot how disturbing Tokyo is in the early morning. With the lights directed on you, one can see how clean and well behaved everyone is. Wade doesn’t like it. It shows deep-seated mental problems and thinks the people are all sick in their heads here. But in his time in Japan, Wade learned it’s the quiet types of people you have to be careful about. There’s always something bubbling under the skin of normalness.
Wade remembers he once knew a shy boy. He used to pull the wings off of parakeets when his aunt wasn’t looking. That boy’s name was Webster. It was a cute, chubby-cheeked kid. Webster taught Wade not to trust the innocent-looking ones. The badge the boss gave Wade is his ticket in to the other actual police officers. After digging through some Yakuza assassinations in the station’s archives, Wade finds what he was looking fore: unsolved cases.
He reads a file and it’s like he thought. There’s a cancer in every cherished memory of his just waiting to erupt. 17 victims, snapped spines, one suspect but no evidence. It all leads to the tiny creature Wade fought earlier. It’s a strangely quiet night for the neighborhood. You couldn’t even hear the truck horns from the freeway. It’s kind of scary not to hear any noises this deep in the city. Just waiting for death to creep up.
Sazae enters Wade’s room, thinking he’s probably acting like a coward and ran off again. She searches through his room and finds the police files he stole, about the Yakuza assassinations. Suddenly, Wade enters and freaks out, taking the pictures away from her. Sazae angrily demands to know if this is the kind of work he now does. Wade doesn’t think she really wants that answer. He doesn’t think Sazae cares what he does or where he went to after he left.
Sazae confesses that she never cared why Wade left, but what she cared about was knowing why he never returned. Wade freaks out about that and rips off his mask, revealing his horrible scared face to her! Sazae calms down and… hugs Wade! She wonders why he never came back if he was hurting so badly. She mentions they’ll always have a place for him there. She remembers her dad being somewhat curious about Wade’s costume but was too embarrassed to ask. She tells Wade to clean with him and simply come back. Sazae thought that they thought Wade left because wouldn’t have to marry her. She’s confident her dad wouldn’t care if Wade killed someone. She knows they are good people and tells Wade they will forgive him.
Wade doesn’t think so. He angrily shouts at Sazae that, before she goes over to “adopt him” and “forgives him,” wants her to take a look at who’s got the mud on their panties. He wants her to look closely at those pictures, and wants to know if she recognizes a familiar face on them, who might have hung out with her dad he took care of behind her back. Sazae defends that her dad’s a good man and wouldn’t do a thing like that. She shouts at Wade to take his filth with him and leave and to never come back!
Elsewhere at the temple, Oyakata is praying in front of a painting of his deceased wife. Sazae enters. He notices she has been crying. He calms his daughter down, telling her she knows he’ll do anything he can to protect her. He fights all the world to protect her. Sazae remembers Wade’s angry words about her dad and runs away from him. Deadpool runs after her, claiming her he was just lying back there and didn’t mean what he said. Sazae reminds Wade that he used to be the only one who didn’t lie to her and wants him to be that man again. She gently starts taking off his mask again, ready to kiss Wade.
On that very moment, Widdle Wade drops in! However, he loses balance and falls on the ground. Wade laughs at first, but then realizes they have been set up. Widdle Wade just left them... a time bomb! Wade pushes Sazae into safety. The bomb goes off and the entire place starts catching fire. She rushes to the Rikishi begging them for help, but Widdle Wade kills them all with his sword!
Widdle Wade mentions he’s ready to finish this. But so is Sazae and holds her Gensu blade ready. She takes out another of her blades and starts twirling it around, introducing her Iron Chef attack! Widdle Wade laughs and sends out his robotic dog, named Daruma. Widdle Wade orders the dog to keep Sazae occupied while he’ll go take care of her dad, but will come back later to finish her off as well. Once Widdle Wade is gone, Daruma’s original cute face transforms into a mouth filled with large teeth, ready for a bite!
Deadpool has survived the blast and starts slicing Daruma up. The dog panics and calms down, even licking Wade’s face! Meanwhile, Widdle Wade has reached Oyakata and is ready to kill him. But then he hears Wade playing with Daruma and freaks out over it. Wade understands what’s going on and runs outside with the dog, pretending to be playing with it. Widdle Wade chases them outside, until they make it at the Kokugikan, the home of the Sumo wrestlers. Wade thinks the little guy might have the genetic enhancement on him, and the guy’s reflexes might even make him a better weapon than he is. But here at the Donyo, Wade is still the unbeatable one!
Wade challenges Widdle Wade for a battle. He takes out his sword, and explains that the Boss hired him to kill Oyakata, and tells Wade that he’s a mere fringe benefit. Wade is surprised to learn the Boss really hired Widdle Wade. He adds that the Boss didn’t only hire him; he also made him! He used Deadpool’s genes to make a better version of him. Widdle Wade thinks that he’s really better than Deadpool. He throws some throwing stars at Wade, knocking him out.
Wade remembers the early lessons of Oyakata while they were training: Wade had to let out his little inner demons inside and not act like a puppy. Wade proudly shouts that he’s a fighter and kicks Widdle Wade quickly down and sticks his sword through his stomach! Wade shouts in English that he’s the better man, since he’s original and not a clone. Widdle Wade, attempting to recover, tells Wade to talk in Japanese and that he forgives him. Wade doesn’t understand that.
Widdle Wade claims that they never bother to teach him English, afraid he would seek Wade out. These thoughts he’s having now, they hurt and killing doesn’t help it any. He wonders if it ever helped Deadpool. Widdle Wade thinks that, if he would live a day longer, if he killed the amount of people Wade killed, he wonders if it would feel better in his skin. Widdle Wade tells Deadpool that it’s okay, as he forgives his brother. Widdle Wade mentions that he never found peace. He refuses to die under a mask and takes it out.
Deadpool is startled to discover that Widdle Wade’s face isn’t scarred, like his. Widdle Wade explains that he was manufactured, asking Wade if he thinks his genes meant for him to look this way. He knows nature isn’t messed up like this. Having said those last words, Widdle Wade… dies Wade buries the little guy in a local playground where he once saw a little guy burry his cat at midnight. Wade thinks it’s a better grave than he’ll probably get when his time comes.
Wade later returns back to Oyakata. He explains that Sazae has her hands full running the Chanko-Nabe restaurant, claiming that’s how they keep the money coming in during the losing seasons. He mentions that it’s been a long time since they cut his hair, too long to go back into the ring. Half of his men are now in the hospital. The other half in the morgue. Oyakata think it will take him a few years to train up a new batch of Rikishi and wants Wade to come back to Sumo.
Wade doesn’t want to talk about that now. He wants to know if they are going after the Boss, since he hired someone to kill him. Oyakata knows that the Boss hired Wade to rescue him. He thinks that makes it okay. He mentions that how they work. Business is different outside these walls of his home. Oyakata thinks Wade is disappointed in him. Because he killed to keep this place open. Oyakata wants to know now if Wade’s going to come back. He wants his answer right now, or else Wade never has to bother to come back. Wade doesn’t respond.
Deadpool leaves and finds Zoe at the park. He thought he’d find her here. He remembers the time they came here after the Cherry Blossom Festival. But maybe it’s better today they don’t remember that time. He notices Sazae still holding the photos from the police stations and wants them back, still claiming he lied about them and that he committed the murders. He doesn’t want Sazae to think her father’s a killer. Sazae is surprised to learn that. Wade says it’s nothing and kisses Sazae on her head, but in return she slaps him in the face!
Back home, Daruma returns to the Boss! He thought they had lost the dog when the lab blew up a year ago. But then, Deadpool enters the office and smiles. Wade doesn’t like the fact that people are messing with his genes and hates to leave things unfinished. Now, it’s payback time and it’s up to Daruma to complete that job!


[User]
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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
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A casino, tuxedoed men, beautiful ladies, high stakes.Hit! the hero announces and throws down a card onto the blackjack table. He is the crazy man, a beautiful blonde states. No, he just likes to win, he replies, referring to his Galactus trading card he threw upon the pile. His opponent, an elderly man in a white suit, petting what might either be a cat or a ferret, admits that he plays very well, Mr…? Deadpool, the hero, wearing a tux over his suit, shouts as he draws a huge gun. Barry Deadpool. That’s not his real name, his inner voice points out, only to be told to shut up and stop crowding cool action panel.
Having hopped upon the game table, Deadpool brandishing a very big gun informs his opponent that he never understood about these old Bond movies. He’s licensed to kill, right? So how come he always hangs out with the villains at the start? Gets the guided tour, goes game shooting, plays Connect 4. Why not just shout don’t &%$& with the Queen, pull a sawn-off out of his bag and kablooey the guy? He proceeds to do exactly that while announcing he hates that passive-aggressive shtick. You wanna kill someone, be honest about it at least! The English and their manners, eh?
Connery was Scottish, Dalton was Welsh, Lazenby was Australian, Brosnan was Irish, his inner voice rattles off, only to be told to stop looking things up on IMDB.
Mission accomplished he crows, drawing out the sh sound. Has he had a stroke? the blonde asks. It’s a Connery impression, she is told. This is a Bond pastiche after all. Really, she hadn’t picked that up, she replies. Too subtle. Regardless, would he make love to her?
Reality:
Of course, at that point the dream ends as a small Asian man with doubtful dental hygiene shoves his face into Deadpool’s personal space and shouts at him to wake up. He get out of Tan’s airplane or Tan throw his poo at him, Yes?
Gathering his stuff, Deadpool protests he was having the most beautiful thematically relevant dream. With cleavage. Tan not care, he is told. Tan hate him. He pay Tan to fly him to England superfast. Tan has done so, despite big annoy-stench. Here is parachute. Parachute of hate. He jump now! Deadpool jumps and Tan shouts after him that parachute may not work. Tan hate him! Crap! seems the correct reply at that.
Great Britain, the HQ of MI-13. He knows this bloke, right? Pete Wisdom asks Captain Britain and points at the computer image of the deceased villain Slaymaster. Colossal and recurring pain in his flag-draped arse back in the day? Tried to kill Cap’s sister. Smashed in a perfectly good comic shop. Eventually pissed Cap off to the point that he caved his head in with a boulder? Ring any bells?
Slaymaster, Brian Braddock replies curtly. He doesn’t want to be impolite, but get to the bloody point! Don’t have a hernia, Wisdom advises him. He’s alright. Slaymaster hasn’t done the standard back from the dead bit. But… well, before he got a bit crap and Cap was slapping him about for fun, he was a tad tasty.
O, MI13’s techhead, enters, explaining that back in the late 60s and 70s Slaymaster was one of the top assassins operating in international circles. Suave. Deadly. And he had a simply fabulous array of hi-tech weaponry and gadgets. Extraordinary work, really. Don’t get him started. Legendary. Very ahead of its time. Now the awful thing is they never could quite find Slaymaster’s secret base. Filled with that magnificent arsenal. But it seems someone finally has. Hidden beneath a…
Volcano, Cap surmises. A small hill and copse in Greenwich Park, actually, O corrects him. Some treasure hunter sort dug it out, Pete continues. Probably figured he’d make millions selling Slaymaster’s gear on the Black-ops market. Sadly for him, the base has its own nasty-arsed security system and it fried him while he was still doing his celebratory jig. And word’s out in the bad lad community. London calling to the faraway towns… The Slaymaster’s tech’s available. Muchos valuables. Whitehall stuck troops out front, of course but…
By that time, Cap has already disappeared before Wisdom can even tell him he’d best get down there. Just in case, like.
When Deadpool arrives at said cope, the troops are already dead and someone has entered the lair. Cor Lumee Guv’norrr, They’z all gorn and been killed, ain’t they? he asks. Worst Dick van Dyke accent evah! one of his inner voices says while the other worries he’s going to be doing that the entire story.
Deaddpool enters the dark. Strike a lite, Mary Poppins. Lerk at the size of this Tony Blair (cockney rhyming slang for “Super-villain’s lair”). He sounds like a decongested South African, his inner voice criticizes. Reason enough to lose the accent. He wonders who did this to the troops. Inviting empty tunnel with no apparent defensive security systems. Despite there being a bounty inside worth gazillions. Doesn’t buy it. If only there was some poor pathetic sap he could throw down there to reveal the evil boobytraps…
What a fine idea, the killer, a Slaymaster lookalike, reveals himself as he kicks Deadpool ahead. Jasper Bateman, mercenary, killed the soldiers, pleased to make his acquaintance. Ah, so that’s what the Slaymaster’s security system does! he can observe a moment later thanks to Deadpool’s unwitting help as it slices and dices him apart. How impressive, Bateman observes, and admirably thorough. It would be simply impossible to pass unmolested. Unless, that is, you spent three years of your life tracking down the octogenarian gent who designed this security system back in the 70ies. Tortured him and then hung him off an Eastbourne hotel balcony until he revealed the secret entry code.
Bateman presses a button and a computer voice addresses him as Slaymaster and welcomes him home. The system is off. Hmm, Bateman muses as he walks ahead, he rather likes the way that sounds.
A little later, Deadpool, having pulled himself together more or less, moans. First the whole parachute of hate not opening and now this, he complains. American Airlines complaints departments are going to hear from him. He figured he’d need the healing factor to survive British food but this is going too far! Just needs a moment to get himself together and he’ll be as good as new.
A fist hits his chin. Deadpool swears. Give a healing factor a break, huh?! he complains. He thought the English were supposed to be reserved! They are, Captain Britain states. He could hit him harder than that. He will hit him harder than this. He will not allow him to take up his weapons and his mantle! Who’s mental? Deadpool asks. What? Cap shoots back. He said “And he’s mental.” Well, if he were South African, that’s what it would have sounded like. A decongested South African one of his inner voices offers.
What? No! Cap replies angrily. He said “And his mantle”. And who’s mental? Deadpool insists. No one’s mental! Cap replies. He wouldn’t be so sure about that, comes Deadpool’s reply. What the hell is he babbling about? Cap asks and continues. He’s saying he will not allow him to become the next Slaymaster. Deadpool aims both his guns at him, musing that he likes the sound of Deadpool: Slaymaster. Has a nice ring. It smells another monthly title, his inner voice suggests.
Deadpool fires. Sorry, Captain Springbok, but that’s not why he‘s here. Got hired to steal the Slaymaster swag and take it back to the States for a collector. God, it’s really difficult to make exposition funny, his voice complains, only to be told to be silent.
Thanks for warning him though, Deadpool calls back at the dazed Cap. If the well-mannered British types didn’t go through polite niceties, he’d never get the chance to shoot him in the face. Capt should be thankful he’s Canadian. Imagine what an American would do to him. Or worse, a New Yorker! Now, where’s this killer assassin tech?
He finds something. Cap shouts “no,” as standing before them is Jasper Bateman now wearing Slaymaster’s battlesuit and armed with his weapons. Captain Britain! he exclaims. But of course! How utterly proper! He fires his ray guns at Cap. Does he believe in fate? Bateman asks. That on the rarest of occasion the universe reveals itself to them and shows a hidden purpose? That it speaks, revealing order, where there had been previously flailing chaos? Cap falls. Does he know how long he studied Slaymaster? What began as curiosity turned into obsession, a life work, an existence’s focus. And if he had harbored any doubts Captain Britain’s arrival at the exact moment he donned Slaymaster’s helmet and weaponry dispelled them.  This is a moment of grandeur, of gravitas. The moment he took up his sword, his mantle…
Look, just tell him who’s &%$$ mental, already! Deadpool shouts, firing his guns at Bateman. A little self-awareness, here? his inner voice suggests. Oh yeah, Deadpool’s mental, you bad teeth &%$&! And massively outgunned, he realizes a moment later and runs toward where Captain Britain is just getting up. Both of them look for cover behind a device.
An armory of high-tech guns! Deadpool complains. It’s like a Charlton Heston garage sale! Got to be something juicy here they can use; sarcasm and acerbic wit ain’t gonna cut it! Cap has taken up some wreckage to shield himself with. Dude, Deadpool remarks, that whole Captain / shield thing, it’s kinda been done! He’s annoying, Cap replies. What say they both grab some weaponry and return the fire? he suggests. He likes the cut of his jib, Deadpool replies. Cap believes he is ostensibly speaking English but he has no idea what he just said.
They both try to draw two levers which look like weapons, but are actually part of a Culture swap device. They are both hit by energy. The computer announces that targets are English and American. Canadian, Deadpool corrects it and is, as usual, ignored. Swap completed, the computer announces. They now have total knowledge and use of each other’s culture, mindset, language, various dialects and colloquialisms. Good luck on their undercover international mission.
Captain Britain and Deadpool stare at each other. Dude, Cap begins. I say, Deadpool rejoins. Awesome, Cap continues. Bloody hell, says Deadpool. He could so eat a nacho now, Cap sighs. Why does he suddenly want to drink warm beer? Deadpool asks confused.
Bateman has found them by now and trains his guns at them. With a Yeeah! Captain Britain flies upward and grabs him. God, the zealous enthusiasm! Deadpool moans. He’s really sorry about that. And that, he adds as Cap crashes through the ceiling. Sorry, he’s just been through a cultural mindswap, and well… he’s just really sorry!
Aaargh! he shouts, Why does he keep apologizing for everything? It’s one of their English flaws, one of his voices explains. Their many flaws. They are very sorry about that, too. Calm down, his other voice adds, they really shouldn’t make such a fuss about this. It’s not like they are a major A-list character or anything.
Self-deprecating comments too, Deadpool moans. Noo! God, this is crippling, he remarks. How do they get anything done? Dunkirk spirit, his voice replies. Didn’t they get their asses kicked at Dunkirk? the other voice asks. Sorry, their arses.
Deadpool, in the meantime, realizes that the two combatants are gone, the security system is dead and the tech is just here for stealing. Big payday. He grabs a weapon but it’s no good. He can feel that an American is having a major battle. For some bizarre reason, he feels utterly compelled to get involved.
Outside and above Captain Britain is still beating up Bateman, shouting that being an American is great! He feels all empowered and young! Confident, free, optimistic and… arrogant, Bateman concludes as he gives him an electric shock. Lacking insight of his gung ho actions. He thanks him for getting close enough to let him use the weapon Slaymaster had prepared in case Cap ever took off his ridiculous helmet.
They plummet downward as Bateman continues that Slaymaster always envied Cap’s ability to fly. He envied many things about him that drove him. Drove him to create so many wonderful gadgets… these antigravity boots, for example, which he uses to stay aloft while Cap lands hard.
Of course his Ahab-like fascination with Captain Britain was what killed him eventually. Fortunately he seems to be ticking off that particular box somewhat early. He grabs the dazed Cap by the head. Who knows what Slaymaster could be without Captain Britain to continually claw him back to the ordinary and laughable? He can return the name to glory once more! Captain Britain is just one obstacle. One final test to overcome before he takes up his…
Look, Deadpool interrupts. He liked that “he’s mental” joke as much as the next chap. But does he really have to do this again? Seeing him, Bateman exclaims, is that his idea of being English? He refers to the fact that Deadpool sits on a machine horse, brandishing a lance and sword like a knight.
What… too much? Deadpool asks. It told him just to go with the monocle, his voice berates him. Anyway, he’s wrong, Deadpool continues. He was English. But his healing factor’s been working on the negativity, the inhibitions, the really bad food. That’s all gone. He is now Super English!! “Cor lumee, guv’nor”, he shouts! “Not half!! Innit? Cry God for Harry and— “Even his voices have given up on understanding him.
Falling from the horse, Deadpool realizes that sword’s really heavy. However he can use the lance to drop Bateman. Super English, he repeats. Imagine it! None of the negatives. Just the positives. The nobility, the heroism, the grit and pluck, the honesty, the strange paralyzing inability to finish off a completely helpless foe. Because it just wouldn’t be “proper.” Damn.
His fist begins to glow as Bateman announces he is glad Deadpool inherited his Englishness from Captain Britain, Not all of them share his sense of mercy when it comes to killing… as Deadpool is about to discover!
However, Bateman is hit from behind thanks to the really big gun Captain Britain has gotten in the meantime. And he has inherited his American nature from Deadpool, Cap announces. Bitch.
“Bitch?” Deadpool asks. Felt right, Cap replies. Ok, they go find that culture swap machine now, Deadpool orders. “I dunno,” Cap replies, carrying the unconscious Bateman. He kinda likes being American. Canadian, Deadpool stresses. Whatever.


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Time to Die #1
Germantown, Pennsylvania, October 1777 – the height of the so-called American Revolution. The British Army is forced to defend themselves against a band of dirty, undisciplined American rebels. The mongrels fall like so much kindling. It is clear this uprising won't last long. Shots are fired from both sides. Smoke billows out across the field, a large mansion towering over the battle. But, out of the tangle of bleeding and dying men, Wade “Deadpool” Wilson emerges, armed with several swords and a large machine gun he exclaims '...comes a deadly and fearsome-looking mercenary, clad like a rebel – but wearing a mask! And holding a strange-looking musket!' He shouts 'EEEYAAAAHH!' as he charges across the field, to the surprise of the soldiers, who stare in confusion. 'Who would be so foolish as to rush a row of armed soldiers single-handedly?' Deadpool asks, as the soldiers fire upon him. 'The elite guard unleash the full fury of the Crown upon this brazen interloper! Somehow, the strange rebel is able to dodge hundreds of musket balls!' Deadpool excaims as he dodges the balls. 'And cannonballs!' he boasts as he is blasted into the air by an explosion of cannonballs.
'Oh, this rebel must have such big... sorry, I know that's low-hanging fruit even for me' Deadpool exclaims as he kicks a wooden door down, knocking a soldier aside, while another cries out in shock. Narrating his actions as he goes about, Deadpool fires the machine guns, decimating the Elite British Guard. 'As well as many fine heirlooms!' he adds as the room is torn apart. Soldiers are blasted away, while Deadpool remarks that he hates shooting people in red uniforms, that it is so hard to keep track of who he has shot and who he hasn't yet shot. 'Can, like, some of you wounded guys draw “x”s on the eyes of the dead guys?' he asks as more soldiers are battered with bullets.
Deadpool puts his large machine gun over his shoulder, smoke billowing from the barrel and boasts 'And finally, the fearsome mercenary with the ever-so-loquacious mouth -' as he turns to an older imperial officer with a small gun pointed to his own head, backed up against a wall, looking very scared. 'Not so fast, Guv'nah' Deadpool declares, knocking the older man's weapon away from his head. Deadpool shoves one of his guns into the man's mouth and flips though a small notebook, wanting to make sure that he gets this right, because not everybody is supposed to die. 'Uh, what's your name again?' he asks. Obscured by the gun nozzle down his mouth, the man utters his name, to which Deadpool narrows his eyes and remarks 'Oh, cool, I can kill you' He adds that this totally isn't about the term paper that he once had to write. 'Okay, maybe a little', holding the gun ready.
More than two centuries later, Cable a.k.a. Nathan Dayspring Summers is having visions again. In his loft apartment, he sits naked surrounded by candles. He mediates, often, having recently arrived in this strange and tumultuous time period in Earth's history, and sometimes visions follow. But unlike other visions he has experienced this one manifested suddenly, violently. The Timestream is on the verge of collapse and unless he finds the point of divergence, everything he has ever fought for will be at risk. His head recoils backwards, energy flares from his left eye. Cable does not look happy. He can feel the fabric of time tugging at his blood – and immediately, he knows who he must visit.
Cable bodyslides to the secluded laboratory of Dr Francis Talbot, a man who has made billions from the American military-industrial complex. Talbot is paranoid and brilliant and rich enough to indulge both of those character traits. Two armored guards stand in area where Cable materializes, and the mutant warrior quickly takes the first one out, while grabbing the other by his throat, the second guard pleads 'Wait, no no no, I recognize you, you don't have to -' as Cable grabs the man's hand and presses it against an access panel. The computer voice indicates that the print has been confirmed and access is granted. Cable rushes down a corridor. Talbot is obsessed with time travle, and that his labs will be instrumental in creating the time machine Cable will use centuries from now. So Cable keeps a wary eye on Talbot, if anything were to happen to the man – or if any of his experiments were to go awry.... Cable steps into the large room where Talbot sits in a chair behind a desk, his back turned to the door. Cable approaches Talbot who calls out 'I knew you'd show' and tells him that he didnt have to hit those guards, as they would have let him pass. 'What have you done, Talbot?' Cable frowns. 'Something.. .impulsive' Talbot replies, bringing his hand to his face.
Talbot gets up and goes over to a photograph of his grandson which sits in a frame on a table nearby and asks Cable if he ever told him that his grandson volunteered for Desert Storm. 'Brave, handsome, impulsive... just like his grandfather' Talbot remarks, revealing that last month a Republican Guard ripped his grandson's face off.
Immediately, Cable knows what Talbot has done. 'Dammit, we've discussed this, Talbot. If you mess with the Timestream...' he begins, but Talbot interrupts, claiming that he knows, but explains that he had the tools to save his grandson's life. 'How could I not use them? How could I ever look at my daughter, knowing I could have spared her the ultimate grief?' Talbot asks Cable.
'Who did you send back?' Cable enquires, frowning still. An image on the computer depicts Deadpool, on the date 14 May 1987, trudging through a swamp, and Talbot replies 'A man I shouldn't have'. Talbot admits that it was a man he shouldn't have, and Cable stands with his arms folded, as Talbot explains that Deadpool strapped the prototype to his back, knocked him down and proceeded to reprogram the time coordinates. He adds that if the numbers are correct, then “Wade Wilson” - if that is even his real name – travelled back more than two centuries. Cable knows he can slide back to intercept this mercenary, but he also knows that going alone is bad strategy – especially if this “Wilson” is part of a larger plot, and his allies. 'That's it – I'm history!' Deadpool can be heard saying on thje monitor, while Cable turns to Talbot and asks him if he has any more prototypes.
Soon, Cable moves through the Timestream with four mutants who will form the core of his paramilitary team known as X-Force. But today they are merely the toughest, most resourceful mutants Cable can gather at a moment's notice – Warpath a.k.a. James Proudstar, able to snap you in half. Boom-Boom a.k.a. Tabitha Smith, blows stuff up. Domino, makes her own odds. Cannonball a.k.a. Sam Guthrie, flies like a jet. Cable warned them all of the risks of waging war in the past. Not only must they repair the damage of the past... and survive... but their memories of the very battle itself must be purged, lest it disrupt the Timestream itsel. None of the team flinched.
Back in 1777, Deadpool has positioned himself in one of the upstairs rooms in the mansion, the older officer his prisoner, tied to a chair with a sack over his head, Deadpool aims his machine gun out the window and exlcaims 'Ah, quit yer flinching, me old mucker'. He tells the officer that he is not after him, but his British Army buddies and that they should be here soon. He flips through his small booklet again, 'Least I think so. All of thse razzin' frazzin' names and dates to keep straight! Kill this one, don't kill that one... it's like I'm back in sixth grade again' he complains, when suddenly, he hears a loud noise – THWONGGG. Deadpool narrows his eyes 'Finally! My tripwire's a trippin'!' Deadpool declares. He reminds himself not to fire until he sees the whites of their eyes. But as Cable comes into view, he asks 'Wait... who the heck are you? And why is your eye all, like, glowy and stuff? Or is that mascara?'
Cable stares up at the large mansion, and is overcome with deja vu. This mercenary is strangely familiar to him, but Cable pushes those thoughts out of his mind and focuses on the mission at hand. Talbot warned Cable that Wilson was chatty, so Cable plans on distracting him with chatter of his own – while his team moves into strike positions. Boom-Boom frowns as she stands around a corner, time-bombs ready. Domino and Warapth are hidden in the shadows, ready, while Cannonball adjusts his goggles nearby. 'You're Wade Wilson, right? I'm Nathan. Pleased to meet you. Mr Talbot asked me to -' Cable shouts, before he is struck by a blast of energy and knocked backwards. 'Take him out! Now!' Warpath exclaims as he and Domino burst into the mansion. 'Ah'm on him!' Cannonball shouts as he blasts forward. Though their leader is hit, the team knows what to do – take out the shooter and rescue any hostages. Deadpool fires his weapon and shouts 'Hey, that's a future historical site you're destroying! The state of Pennsylvania is going to be P.O.'d!'
'They're especially not going to be happy about the -' Deadpool begins before falling through the floorboards that he shot out from under himself, dodging Cannonball who blasts towards him. Deadpool is far more resourceful than any of them realized, and as he lands on the second floor he opens fire on Domino and Warpath, before Boom-Boom appears and starts throwing the plasma time-bombs towards Deadpool. 'Okay, now here's where I use my uncanny knowledge of the future to kick some major boo-tay. Swing batta batta batta batta – SWING!' Deadpool exclaims as he bats the plasma blasts away with the end of one of his guns – and they are knocked towards Domino and Warpath, where they explode. Deadpool opens fire at Boom-Boom and asks her if they don't have baseball where she comes from. 'That was called relieving the pitcher' he jokes, as Boom-Boom falls to the floor. Deadpool drops down through the floor of this level of the mansion, 'And this is called knocking on the back door while mama's in the kitchen...wait – wrong sport' Deadpool mutters, while his small notebook suddenly falls from his person.
We've got him trapped in the basement' Warpath calls  out to Cable, who rushes towards his team. 'Hit him now with everything you've got! Before he jumps!' Cable orders. He and Domino start firing their weapons down the hole, while Boom-Boom tosss some time-bombs down. However, Deadpool is floating through the Timestream already, 'Anyhoo – despite those heavily armed, heavily pouched people – I got most of the names on the list. On to the next...oh crapballs! I dropped my copybook!' Deadpool realizes. Cable and his team have dropped down into the basement, 'He jumped already, dammit. He could be anywhere now' Cable points out, while Domino picks up the notebook. 'Check out what he left behind' she tells the others. Cable takes the book, while Boom-Boom asks 'what's that? His guide on how to really annoy people?' Cable frowns and instructs Boom-Boom and Cannonball to stay here and contain the damage, while he sends Domino and Warpath the coordinates – he knows where Wilson is going next.
July 1863, Gettysburg, PA, Cable, Domino and Warpath emerge fro mthe Timestream, as Domino asks 'What's he doing? Going on a reenactment kick?' 'We'll ask him after we kill -' Warpath suggests, when suddenly, sitting amongst a group of soldiers, Deadpool makes his presence known, 'Hey, Yankee scum. This one's for Bo and Luke Duke! Fire at will, boys! But, uh, try not to get too much blood on my copybook' Deadpool calls out as the army aim their weapons at the surrounded mutants!


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Time to Die #2
Gettysburg, PA, July 1863:
Wade “Deadpool” Wilson sits amongst a bataillion of soldiers: 'So there I was, Deadpool, doing a little innocent mercenary work in the past, when all of a sudden... these jerks in shoulder pads show up!' Deadpool exclaims as Cable a.k.a. Nathan Summers, Domino and James “Warpath” Proudstar look up at him. 'Good thing this here confederate brigade is about to blast them to smithereens' Deadpool adds.
'General Wilson... were you speaking to us?' one of the soldiers enquires. 'Oooh, that's right, this is 1863. Recap pages haven't been invented yet, anyhoo.. .fire at will, boys!' Deadpool shouts. The soldiers fire their rifles, 'We time-traveled straight into a death trap...' Domino exclaims as she leaps behind a large rock, as Cable tells his team to take cover. 'Where?' Warpath asks. Deadpool just narrows his eyes and glares out through the smoke of the gunfire. 'They're down, General!' one of the soldiers calls out. 'Well that was easy' Deadpool remarks. 'Too easy' he adds, turning to one of the soldiers.
Deadpool instructs the soldiers to go down to the rocks and bring him back whatever is left. 'Heads, pouches, metal arms, whatever'. Deadpool remarks that Talbot warned him something like this would happen. 'Who, General?' one of the soldiers asks. 'Talbot, can't you see his ghosted-in flashback image?' Deadpool asks, recalling Talbot informing him to be careful, as the X-Men may try to interfere with his task. 'But not regular X-Men, he hold me, they'd be some kind of...oh, I don't know...heavily armed, militaristic...' Deadpool's voice trails off. '...General?' one of the soldiers calls out. '... X-FORCE!' Deadpool declares, deciding 'You know, that's not bad! Get me somebody from Marvel marketing on the line!'
Cable charges forward, Warpath lifts a large rock boulder overhead, while Domino leaps into the air. Cable raises his bionic arm to deflect the weapons fire of the soldiers, then knocks two of them aside, energy radiating around him. 'Don't kill anyone unless absolutely necessary!' Cable tells the others, explaining that they can't risk disrupting the Timestream any more than they have.
'Define necessary' Domino asks as she opens fire at the soldiers, who do the same to her. 'Because these boys don't seem to have any qualms about killing me' Domino points out. Warpath runs forward to where two soldiers are aiming a cannon at him. 'Huh?' he wonders, before slamming his fist into the cannon as it explodes, detonating it into the ground. 'If I go deaf I'm going to come back in time to kick your #%$#&$ all over again!' he warns the soldiers. Deadpool starts to move off the large rock formation he has been sitting on and decides that it is time to check off the next item on his do-list, as the boys can keep those weirdos busy. The trio have taken cover behind another large rock, and Cable alerts Domino and Warpath that Wilson has slipped away, so stopping him is their first priority. 'Can we kill him, at least, Cable?' Domino enquires. Cable tells Domino that they can't. 'We need to know exactly what kind of damage Deadpool has done in the...' Cable's voice trails off as a loud rumbling can be heard. 'Are my eardrums ruptured – or am I hearing an ominous earth-shaking sound?' Warpath asks. 'Oh, hell' a wide-eyed Cable mutters as he peers around past the large rock, 'Wade Wilson, what have you done?' Cable asks as he sees huge monstrous tanks, billowing smoke out of their tops, armored officers and large robots armed with weapons trudging across the land.
'His actions in 1777 must have sent a ripple effect through history. The United States has developed weapons that shouldn't exist yet' Cable announces. He informs the others that the original battle of Gettysburg was a bloodbath that could have swung either way. 'This time, however... the Union Army has a definite advantage!' Cable points out as he, Domino and Warpath leap clear of the large rock they are sheltering behind as one of the tanks opens fire, shattering the rock with a strange energy.
Meanwhile, in Germantown, 1777, Sam “Cannonball” Guthrie and Tabitha “Boom-Boom” Smith are inside a large mansion, with Tabby checking on one of the dead soldiers, Sam looks around and asks 'Contain the damage, he says. What is that supposed to mean?' Boom-Boom tells her teammate that the mercenary was back here trying to change the past, and she thinks he succeeded. 'Well, unless you know a way to resurrect the dead, Boom-Boom, I'm not seeing how -' Sam begins, when suddenly, the Timestream opens and Cable emerges from it. 'CABLE!' Boom-Boom exclaims as Cabe drops to his knees, wounded, energy flaring from his body. Cable tells the young mutants that there is no time to explain, but they have to make sure the rebel American Army loses the battle of Germantown – just like it did in the history books. 'Wait...you want us to fight American soldiers? As in our nation's Founding Fathers?' Sam asks, confused. Cable tells them that the rebels need to lose this battle, otherwise the ripple effects through time will be catastrophic. 'This is crazy. We can't -' Boom-Boom begins, but Cable returns to the Timestream, calling back 'You must. Everything depends on the two of -' before he vanishes.
Back in 1863, Cable has re-joined Domino and Warpath as they rush through a forest, pursued by the strange machines. Cable informs Domino and Warpath that he needs them to stop the armies from clashing, for if the Union crushes the Confederates then the ripples through the Timestream would be catastrophic. They take cover behind a rock, and Cable announces that he is going to take care of this “Deadpool” once and for all. 'Wait. You want the two of us to hold off both sides of the Civil War?' Domino asks. 'For as long as you can' Cable replies, looking at her. 'Think of it as clamping down on a severed artery until we can save the patient' he suggests. 'Nice image' Domino mutters as Cable rushes off.
Nearby, Deadpool is atop one of the strange tanks the armored soldiers and large robots around him, he exclaims 'Okay, step two, sabtage the Union Army so the Confederates win this time around... which will mean no more annoying Civil War reenactments. Like, ever'. Holding what looks to be a bomb, Deadpool remarks that he really wishes he hadn't dropped his copybook. 'So hard to keep all of this history junk straight in my -' he begins, when suddenly: 'I've got your book right here, pal' a voice calls out, followed by a bionic fist connecting with Deadpool's face. 'Why are you doing this?' Cable asks as he pins Deadpool down. 'Duh, I'm a mercenary. The pay's great, though I do have to buy my own group medical -' Deadpool begins, smacking Cable off of him, he adds 'Which means I pay more out of pocket'. Cable convulses as Deadpool shoves a knife into his side, remarking that surgery is not always covered, depending on the type. 'And if your primary care physician agrees that it's absolutely necessary...' his voice trails off as Cable pulls the knife out of his side and shoves it into Deadpool's neck. 'O. Of course, I had a better deal with the Canadian system. Too bad there won't be a Canada in the future now...' Deadpool announces.
In 1777, the large mansion is under fire, with Sam and Tabby taking cover behind a wall. 'Are we really going to do this?' Sam asks as the window next to them is shot apart. 'Fight the very people who laid down their lives for our freedom?' Boom-Boom asks, pointing out that they are soldiers under Cable's command, and that being soldiers means you follow orders, no matter how insane they sound. 'No, I can't...' Sam replies, hesitantly. Boom-Boom tells him that they don't have to kill, they just have to tilt the odds in the other direction. 'I need to know – are you with me?' she asks. 'Yeah, I'm with you' Sam replies as he starts to blast, creating the “Bbasting effect” around him as he steps out from behind the wall, followed by Boom-Boom who is ready with some of her plasma time-bombs.
1863 again, and Domino and Warpath stare down at the two approaching armies from a ridge. 'Okay, so you'll take the blue and I'll take the gray?' Warpath asks. 'Don't you even want to flip for it?' Domino replies. 'Yeah, right. We only just met, but I've heard about you and your freakish luck...' Warpath grins. Domino smiles, she has the uncanny ability to tilt the odds in her favor, be it on a gaming table or the battlefield. Warpath, meanwhile, is a one-man battalion, with superiot strength, reflexes and stamina. They leap into the middle of the two approaching armies and as Domino fires her weapons, Warpath uses his massive strength. But even with these skills, they won't be able to hold off the armies for more than a few minutes. Cable knows he has to end this now, and as he pushes Deadpool to the ground, both of them bloodied and battered, Deadpool informs Cable that he just stuck a bomb inside one of his pouches. Cable looks conerned, and starts to look at his many pouches. 'Getting warmer... oooh, you're getting hot now...red hot!' Deadpool shouts, as the bomb explodes and Cable is knocked backwards in the explosion. 'Okay, I'm history' Deadpool exclaims, as he starts to disappear in the Timestream.
'Yeah. You are' Cable agrees as he emerges from the explosion and leaps at Deadpool, grabbing him as the Timestream consumes them both. 'Wait! Don't do tha-' Deadpool begins, but it's too late, and both of them re soon floating through the Timestream. 'Dagnabit! Didn't anyone tell you that you shouldn't mess around with somebody hile they're traveling through time?' Deadpool asks. 'Our fates could be intertwined forever – or at least until they cancel our ongoing team-up title' Deadpool jokes. 'Not likely' Cable declares, aiming his weapon at Deadpool's face. 'You know, my employer warned me some guy with a metal arm might show up' Deadpool remarks, holding out a collar, he adds that he was told to slap it on, andf so he does, sending a surge of energy coursing through Cable's body.
Suddenly, the Timestream opens over the Hebei Province, China in the year 1900. Both men fall out of the air and land in a swampy field. The collar around Cable's neck has hijacked his brain stem and nervous system, meaning whatever Deadpool says, Cable will be compelled to do. 'Ever make a chimichanga? No?' Deadpool asks, standing over Cable. 'Don't worry, big guy, I'll walk you through it step by step' he adds, his sword gleaning in the sunlight.