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Hostages to Fortune
In 1955, it was Disneyland. Later, Knott’s Berry Farm and Magic Mountain got into the act with a vengeance. And now, there is a new theme park open to the public in Los Angeles / Orange county area. Or at least, in seven days there will be. The sprawling theme park stands majestically, as two teams of super heroes arrive - the Avengers West Coast, and the Fantastic Four. ‘Well, here it is, children…Sword and Sorcery World!’ announces Susan Storm Richards a.k.a. the Invisible Woman. ‘And just for tonight, it’s all yours!’ declares Julia “Spider-Woman” Carpenter, each woman holding the hand of their respective child. ‘This is radical!’ declares Rachel Carpenter. ‘Boyoboy!’ Franklin Richards calls out. ‘I wonder what all the poor civilians are doing tonight’ Clint “Hawkeye” Barton whispers as the heroes and the children enter the theme park.
‘Hey, look! “Barbarian Land”!’ Rachel shouts, before asking Spider-Woman if they can go in there. ‘Sure can, Rachel’ Spider-Woman calls out, so Rachel calls Franklin and they rush towards Barbarian Land. They are soon onboard a ride, with Ben Grimm a.k.a. the Thing, and Franklin exclaims ‘This ride’s really scary, isn’t it, Uncle Ben?’ The Thing replies that it sure is, which is why he had to go with them, so Franklin could hold his hand. ‘Hey, he’s not that much younger than me, Mr Grimm’ Rachel points out. Soon, the heroes are aboard large rip cages, riding down a river. ‘You know, I haven’t been on a really good skeleton boat ride in ages’ one of them remarks.
‘Amazing, isn’t it, Mrs Richards - the world’s first fully automated theme park. Just one little old gnome somewhere, I guess, pushing a new buttons now and then’ Spider-Woman remarks. ‘Reed Richards’ wife soon gets used to the wonders of technology, Spider-Woman. And the name’s Sue’ the Invisible Woman replies. The heroes gather together and move on through the park, as Franklin asks his mother if they can ride on the “terry-dackles” next. ‘I don’t see why not, tiger’ Sue replies. Hawkeye turns to the Thing, John “USAgent” Walker and Miguel Santos a.k.a. the Living Lightning and tells them to admit it, they are getting as big a kick out of this evening as the kids. ‘Actually, Hawkeye, I like a good old all-American mob scene when I party’ the handsome USAgent replies.
‘That’s ‘cause you can slip off yer mask, Agent, and nobody would know you from Adam West. Guys like us get to appreciate a bit of privacy, right, Lightning?’ the Thing calls out. Ice-cream cone in hand, Living Lightning points out that he has not been an Avenger long enough for anyone to recognize him either way. The heroes all look up too where Rachel and Franklin are riding on a pterodactyl ride. ‘Yahoo!’ Rachel calls out. ‘Wheee!’ Franklin exclaims. Reed Richards a.k.a. Mister Fantastic announces that he and Sue don’t get nearly enough time to spend with little Franklin as they would like, and that they will never be able to thank the Avengers West for arranging everything tonight. Tony “Iron Man” Stark tells him not to be silly, and jokes that once they knew the Fantastic Four were coming out to the Coast for a vacation, it would have taken Dr Doom to stop them.
Everyone moves on to the next ride, a sort of Loch Ness Monster, and as the Thing loads the children into the front seats, the Living Lightning exclaims that this is one ride he wants to go on. ‘After you, Johnny’ he tells Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, as he lines up to get onto the ride also. ‘You first, Miguel’ the Human Torch replies, while the Thing tells them that if they get any politer, they will never get this show on the road. ‘Gee! It’s the Loch Ness Monster!’ Rachel exclaims. Hawkeye sits behind the children and as the Thing asks if everyone is strapped it. ‘You can press the “on” button’ Hawkeye tells him. In the next seats back, the Living Lightning remarks that he was lucky, as he started out fighting a Human Torch, only to be sharing a carny ride with the other Human Torch now. ‘We’ll have to do the fire vs. lightning bit ourselves sometime’ Johnny replies.
In the final part of the ride, USAgent is sitting behind Wanda Maximoff a.k.a. the Scarlet Witch, who seems very distant. He taps her on the shoulder, ‘Penny for ‘em?’ Walker asks. ‘You don’t really want to know’ Wanda replies, arms folded. ‘Try me’ Walker tells her. Wanda reveals that she was remembering when she was a mother, even if her children turned out to be only in existence when she was thinking about them. ‘Sometimes the memories bob to the surface - and they hurt’ Wanda adds. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to -’ Walker begins,. Wanda tells him that it is not his fault.
Up in the front cars, Franklin tells Rachel that there is one thing he doesn’t understand - ‘How come this monster locked his nest?’ the boy asks, before then asking Rachel how come her mother isn’t here. ‘She and Dad are divorced. This is the one weekend a month I get to spend with her’ Rachel explains. ‘So where is she?’ Franklin asks. Rachel explains that her mother told her some real super heroes would take her to this park so long as she promised to keep it a secret from her Dad. ‘That’s kinda weird. You like keeping secrets from your Daddy?’ Franklin asks. ‘I hate secrets’ Rachel replies, hanging her head.
When that ride ends, the children rush off to the next one, with Rachel exclaiming ‘C’mon, there’s an Arkon ride over this way’, and Franklin running alongside, boasting that he has seen all of Arkon’s movies. Spider-Woman and the Invisible Woman follow, with the other heroes some feet back. Susan tells Julia that it is a shame she couldn’t have come here tonight as herself. ‘Tell me about it’ Julia replies, adding that as a brand new Avenger, she really wanted to meet the Fantastic Four, but was going to give tonight a miss, until she saw Rachel reading some comic books, which gave her an impulse.
Flashback:Inside Julia Carpenter’s apartment: ‘…and you promise you won’t tell your father?’ Julia asked Rachel, who hesitatingly replied ‘I…promise’.
And later, at the Palos Verdes Compound, Julia Carpenter introduced her daughter to the Avengers West Coast. ‘This is the Scarlet Witch…’ Spider-Woman began, until Rachel exclaimed ‘And Wonder Man, too! He’s in the Arkon pictures!’, before Julia turned to leave. ‘Mom…?’ Rachel called out. The Scarlet Witch reminded Rachel that her mother said she had to leave her here with them for a little while. ‘Oh, right’ Rachel recalled, before telling her mother to hurry back.
And so she did, but a Spider-Woman, dropping down amongst the group an instant later, introducing herself, she told Rachel that her mother asked her to take care of her when they visit the amusement park. ‘Well…I guess it’s okay’ Rachel replied, before the heroes departed for Sword and Sorcery World.
Present:Julia tells Susan that she hated lying to Rachel, and explains that the Avengers only went along with her idea reluctantly. She adds that she doesn’t like hiding things from Rachel’s father, however little love is lost between them these days. Julia explains that she is so torn about whether to burden a seven year old with her secret. ‘It’s a problem I never had, Julia, so I can’t be sure what I’d do in your shoes’ the Invisible Woman explains, adding that honesty really is usually the best policy. ‘If nothing else, it’s simpler’ she points out.
The children quickly approach the roller coaster Arkon vs. the Dragon ride, where Julia and Susan load the kids into the carts. Franklin asks if they can ride this one themselves, but Spider-Woman points out that it might be too frightening. The Invisible Woman suggests that it will be all right, as Reed and Iron Man checked all the rides earlier. ‘You say this “Arkon” is a real guy?’ Living Lightning asks the Human Torch, motioning at a giant statue of Arkon. Johnny replies that he is, and that the Fantastic Four tangled with him one or twice.
The ride takes off, and Susan turns to Spider-Woman, remarking that she is still not clear on why she couldn’t come here as herself. Julia replies that Rachel loves comic book heroes, and just wanted to see the expression on her face when a Spider-Woman swung in to meet her. Julia tells Susan that she lost custody of Rachel because she wasn’t able to account for her whereabouts when in costume. ‘This time, at least, if push came to shove, you people could swear Julia Carpenter was right here with you, every second, and to blazes with my secret identity!’ Julia declares. Hawkeye approaches Julia and Susan, and tells them to stop looking so serious. ‘Just look at those kids up there! They’ve got the right idea!’ Clint points out as the kids are enjoying themselves on the roller coaster, and remarks that the tops on those dragon cars are folding over them, like on other caterpillar-type rides. ‘And they’re taking the whole thing in their stride!’ Clint declares.
Down below, Spider-Woman looks up at the cart, now high above them all, and asks if it is going faster all of a sudden. Susan agrees, and points out that it seems to be accelerating from moment to moment. ‘We’ve got to stop it!’ Julia exclaims, while Susan tells her not to panic, seeing that Hawkeye has already found the emergency shut-off lever. ‘Pull it, Clint!’ Susan calls out. At the lever, Hawkeye replies that he is trying, but that it is stuck. ‘Get Wonder Man or the Thing up there!’ Clint shouts. ‘Maybe one of them can - oh, spit!’ Clint exclaims as the lever snaps. Iron Man takes flight after the speeding cart, announcing that his magnetic beam ought to be slowing the cars down, but it doesn’t work. Iron Man calls out.
‘Way ahead of you, amigo!’ Miguel calls as he uses his power to drain all the electricity from the ride’s motor - but it doesn’t work. ‘You’ve got to do something!’ Julia pleads. Miguel tells Julia not to worry, as he is going to, and points out that he can absorb a lot more voltage, really bleed this thing dry of power by turning off the pods that keep him in human form, and does so, transforming himself into the pure electrical form of the Living Lightning. ‘Is it working?’ Julia calls out as Miguel drops to his knees, assuring her that he is giving it all he has, before suddenly, Miguel collapses, and reverts to human form. ‘The ride’s still going faster - faster!’ Julia calls out. The Invisible Woman doesn’t want to risk using a force field, and the Scarlet Witch announces that she doesn’t want to use hr hex power, as she is afraid it might do more harm than good.
Reed points to the cars and announces that it is streaking past them a second time. ‘And there might not be a third - so I’m hoping aboard this cannonball express!’ Reed declares as he stretches his arms, and grabs on to the cart. ‘Reed!’ Sue calls out with concern, while the Thing tells her to take it easy, that she knows her hubby will save the kids, if anybody can. Clinging to the speeding cars, Reed tells himself that there are more “G’s” out here than he would feel if he hopped a space shuttle at Cape Canaveral. He hopes that the ride’s top is somehow protecting Franklin and Rachel from the speed, and from the wild winds. ‘Nobody could possible get to them - without exposing them to lethal forces - because nobody else in our crowd can thin himself so much that he can pass through the most minuscule join in the cars - and let himself in!’ Reed thinks to himself as he flattens his body and slides through a crack in the cover of the cart. He finds it pitch black inside.
Back down below, USAgent asks Living Lightning, who has gathered himself, if he is okay. ‘Never mind me’ Miguel replies, asking after the children. Wanda explains that they don’t know anything else, as Reed snaked his way inside, and there is nothing since then. ‘They’ll be okay. They gotta be!’ the Thing exclaims, while Hawkeye shouts ‘Wait!’ and alerts everyone to the fact that the dragon ride is slowing down. ‘You’re right. In fact, it’s coming to a stop!’ the Human Torch points out, while asking why, as it wasn’t anything any of them did. ‘Who cares? All that matters is they’re safe!’ Spider-Woman shouts. ‘Are they? We won’t really be able to tell that until -’ Susan begins, before Spider-Woman announces that the tops of the cars are opening again.
The cars arrive back down on the ground, and Reed emerges from them. ‘But - Richards! Where’s -?’ Spider Woman calls out. ‘Spider-Woman. Sue, darling - they’re gone!’ Reed announces. ‘What?’ Julia gasps, staring into the empty cars. Freed explains that when he crawled into the car, he couldn’t see, but felt around, and it was already empty. ‘Oh, Reed, it’s as if they were transported to another world’ Sue declares. ‘Now what?’ Julia asks, concerned. Suddenly, the lights all across the park go off, and the heroes are plunged into darkness. Iron Man begins to shine his uni-beam, but the Human Torch tells him to save it, and “flames on”, creating a bright flaming light so that the heroes can see around them. Johnny asks Reed if he thinks one o their old enemies might have snatched the kids, to which Reed replies that he wishes there was some other likelihood.
‘Whoever it is, he’s gonna be one sorry joker when I catch up with him!’ the Thing boasts. Reed points out that they cannot be certain it is the way to catch up, he thinks they should take the same route Franklin and Rachel did. He turns to Living Lightning and tells Miguel that he suspects this blackout is intended to keep them from getting the ride working again, and asks if he can get them up to speed. Miguel replies that he doesn’t know how much electrical power he can generate, but that he will sure try. The heroes all load into the cars of the dragon ride, while Iron Man tells USAgent to remain here, in case the kids pop up again. ‘Huh? Why me? Why not somebody more dispensable - like Hawkeye?’ Walker calls back.
‘Because we need someone with super strength back here - someone powerful enough to handle any contingency’ Iron Man explains. ‘I guess I do fill the bill, at that’ Walker replies, before suggesting to Iron Man that next time, he asks, not tells him. ‘Everybody ready?’ Living Lightning calls out as the others are all loaded into the cart. ‘Ready!’ Wanda tells him. Releasing electrical surges, Living Lightning declares that he doesn’t have a fancy war cry like the Torch, but that he thinks he can get the job done. The charges of energy feed sparks right into the tracks, and the dragon ride begins to move forward.
Someone points out that they are not going quite as fast as it was when the kids vanished, while Miguel replies that this is all the power he can provide. Iron Man tells him he is doing well, and to keep going, while using his own repulsor rays to provide the thrust they need to reach the proper speed. The Human Torch adds some flame-blots into the mix, hoping to help, and an instant later, the dragon ride carts speed along. ‘We’re really traveling!’ someone calls out. ‘Just one thing left to kick in’ someone remarks, when suddenly, as if on cue, the roof begins to cover over the heroes. ‘Whatever might happen to us, we sure ain’t gonna be able to see it!’ someone remarks as the heroes are plunged into darkness.
Back down below, USAgent looks up at the speeding ride and wonders what is keeping it on the tracks. Walker goes over to the ride when it slows down, and when the top flips open he sees that everyone has vanished. ‘Should’ve known. Now the whole bunch of them are gone!’ the hero declares, supposing that someone must have snatched them into another dimension or something. ‘So Reed Richards was right - I just hope he doesn’t wind up dead right!’ Walker adds.,
Elsewhere, ‘Rachel, where are you honey? It’s so dark - I can’t see you!’ Julia calls out, when suddenly, a light shines down on her, Hawkeye, Mr Fantastic, Living Lightning and the Thing. ‘You must’ve said the magic word’ Miguel tells his friend, while Spider-Woman wonders where they are, not to mention where the others have done. ‘Wherever we are, I’m betting it’s not Sword and Sorcery Land’ Hawkeye points out, while Reed alerts the Thing to someone up ahead. ‘Holy crow, it’s Thundra!’ the Thing exclaims as the over-sized warrior woman races towards them. ‘Sisterhood! Deactivate the trans-dimensional grid. Our guests have arrived!’ Thundra tells her women. ‘Gird deactivated, Empress’ one of them announces.
Julia asks Ben and Reed if they know this woman, before asking what she has done with Rachel. The Thing tells Spider-Woman to take it easy, pointing out that they don’t know what she’s done with Rachel, and Franklin, yet. Reed approaches the warrior woman and asks her what the story is here. ‘Did you teleport our children here before, by the same means you did us?’ Reed asks. ‘Enough!’ Thundra shouts, declaring that it is she who asks the questions here, not prisoners. “Prisoners?” Reed quotes, warning Thundra that if she thinks that is what they are, she better have even more muscle to back her up than he thinks she does. ‘I will ignore that remark, Richards’ Thundra replies, revealing that it was her machines which brought them to the Space / Time Continuum of the Sisterhood.
Thundra reveals that she took cross-dimensional control of that amusement park ride to bring both children here, for reasons she shall shortly explain. Thundra points out that, unfortunately, the only one who materialized here was the boy. ‘Franklin!’ the Thing gasps as he sees the boy inside a crystal dome. Thundra points out that is not the real Franklin Richards, but an image of him, explaining that the boy is near at hand, and unharmed. ‘That’s great for him, whoever you are - but what about my little girl?’ Spider-Woman asks as she attacks Thundra with some psi-webs, demanding to know what happened to Rachel. ‘What?’ Thundra gasps as she is bound by the webs, but only for an instant, as she then tears her way free from them. ‘Everybody grab her before she can -’ the Thing calls out, but too late.
Spider-Woman declares that she will have to take the more direct approach, telling Thundra that she doesn’t care how strong she thinks she is. ‘If you don’t hand Rachel over to me right now, I’m going to take you apart like a defective toy!’ Julia boasts, but as she runs towards Thundra, her henchwomen step in front of her. ‘Do not bestir yourself, Empress’ one of them calls out. ‘We can deal with this impatient one’ another declares, as she puts a foot out in front of Julia, tripping her up. Julia falls to the floor and asks ‘What is this place, anyway? The Planet of the Amazons?’ Julia asks. ‘Pretty close, Red’ the Thing tells her, while Reed explains that they are on an alternative Earth whose most powerful nation is this “United Sisterhood Republic”.
Mister Fantastic remarks that they have had a few run ins with Thundra back home, but that she has never needed to hide behind children before. ‘I hide behind no one!’ Thundra declares, reminding the heroes that she said Franklin Richards is being held not far away, as a precaution. ‘He is our guest’ Thundra announces. ‘We’ve heard that one before - and recently, too’ the Thing remarks, asking Thundra why she brought his favourite Godson here, and then the teams, or at least half of them, anyway. ‘WHY?’ Thundra shouts. ‘I should have thought it would be perfectly obvious to you, Ben Grimm. You and the boy were both teleported here from your own sphere - to become my husband and emperor-consort!’ Thundra smiles.
‘What? You’re still playing that old tune?’ Ben asks angrily. ‘I thought you have up on that idea, after I turned you down the last time!’ Ben shouts, before telling Thundra to cut the crud and hand Franklin over. ‘Oh yeah, and tell us what happened to little Rachel and the others’ Ben adds. Thundra explains that she cannot be certain, but believes they were all diverted to another dimension. ‘Okay, I’ll bite. Which one’ the Thing asks. Thundra grits her teeth and replies ‘To the abominable almost unspeakably depraved world of - Arkon the Magnificent!’
At that moment, ‘They are beginning to appear, my Lord Imperion!’ a voice calls out. ‘I think we have - yes! We have materialization!’ the voice shouts as the Scarlet Witch, Simon “Wonder Man” Williams, Iron Man, the Invisible Woman, and Human Torch appear. ‘Excellent’ Arkon calls out as he approaches the teleport pad where the heroes have materialized. ‘And has their collective will power been wiped clean in the crossing, Vizier, so that they will stand-still as mindless statues?’ Arkon enquires. ‘Precisely as you have commanded, Sire’ the Vizier replies, while Rachel Carpenter is being held in the arms of one of Arkon’s men, and she calls out ‘Where’s my Mommy, Mr Arkon? I want my -’, but the old man tells Rachel to be silent.
Arkon wishes that he could have captured all ten of those within the ride so ignominiously named after him. ‘Still, these five will have to do’ he decides, adding that if all ten had been drawn instead to that she-devil Thundra’s world, as she intended, their cause might have been hopeless. The Vizier tells Arkon that now they have canceled out any advantage Thundra might have hoped to achieve. Rachel calls the man holding her Mr Shigaru and asks him why those bad men are doing this, to which Shigaru tells her to hush, as the Imperion will be angry if she interrupts his conversation with the Vizier. ‘I don’t care! I want to know where my Mommy is - where Franklin is! I want to go home!’ Rachel shouts.
Arkon goes over to the Scarlet Witch and touches her on the face, while assuring Rachel that he means her no harm. ‘I would no more hurt you than I would the lovely Scarlet Witch, whom I once felt I loved’. Arkon adds that he has need of the Scarlet Witch and her friends, and as well for Rachel, for the moment at least. ‘And I said I don’t care. I’m going home!’ the girl shouts as she leaps from Shigaru’s arms and starts running down a corridor. ‘Stop her!’ Arkon booms. ‘I have her, Imperion!’ Shigaru assures him as he rushes after Rachel and picks her up. Arkon warns Shigaru that if the child eludes him again, he will be sent to the atomic mines of Polemachus. ‘Yes, Imperion!’ Shigaru declares. ‘You let me go!’ Rachel shouts as she struggles to break free.
‘Now that we are done playing with children, we can revive our new warriors and being our total subjugation of the world ruled by the Sisterhood!’ Arkon booms, motioning to the Avengers West Coast and Fantastic Four members. Arkon declares that the very word “sisterhood” is an abomination unto his ears, and recalls that it was until recently that he was unaware of its very existence. ‘We would still be, if Thundra herself had not headed a delegation from her own future world to our present one’ Vizier points out, to which Arkon tells him not to speak Thundra’s name to him. ‘A world ruled by women is a loathsome enough thing. One ruled by that woman is intolerable’ he adds. ‘It is true she was not properly deferential to you, Imperion’ the Vizier points out.
“Deferential?” Arkon quotes, reminding the Vizier that Thundra had come to demand tribute. ‘By the Atom-Gods, I’ll not rest till she is my personal slave!’ Arkon declares, while announcing that thanks to Polemachan science, when Thundra waylaid ten Earth heroes for the war they have declared upon each other, five of them were drawn here instead. ‘And we shall make ample use of them!’ Arkon declares. The heroes march single-file past Rachel, who calls out to Wonder Man and Iron Man, asking them what is wrong. ‘Don’t let this big baboon order you around! You gotta fight back!’ she urges them, but realizes that it is no use, as they cannot hear her. Rachel then begins to cry, while Arkon orders Shigaru to keep the child out of harm’s way, and out of his way also. ‘By the way, what is a “baboon”?’ Arkkon asks.
‘I have no idea, Sire’ Shigaru replies, to which Arkon exclaims ‘No matter!’ and announces that the de-memorization process undergone by the Earth warriors will not last long, so their surprise assault on “that woman’s world” must be launched at once. Arkon turns to the Scarlet Witch and touches her face, ‘Dear Wanda…my lovely mutant, still garbed in the crimson that so becomes you. If I believed you still had some slight feelings for me, I would spare you - and make you Imperiess of Polemachus’ Arkon tells her, but he knows she would merely despise him for sending her comrades into battle, to kill or be killed by other comrades. Arkon decides that it is best to proceed with his original plan, and orders his warriors to give the salute. Wanda, Wonder Man, Iron Man, the Invisible Woman and Human Torch all raise their hand and shouts ‘Hail, Imperion’, saluting Arkon.
‘Good! If that could be implanted wordlessly in your brains, so could loyalty to me’ Arkon decides, before ordering Vizier to open the doors, as he wishes to address his legions. The Vizier opens the doors, and Arkon stands on a balcony overlooking a large arena where his men have gathered. The warriors are clad in all sorts of armor and hold various weapons, and Arkon tells them that they are about to begin a sacred crusade against a sphere which threatens their homeworld with female domination. ‘Our battle of battles with the United Sisterhood Empire of North America begins - NOW!’ and with that, there is a flash of energy, and everyone vanishes.
‘Lord Arkon is a murderous male fool - if he truly imagines he will catch us unawares! We shall meet his myriads with multitudes!’ Thundra declares, flanked by her captive heroes, and her army of warrior women on the sprawling land outside her palace. Thundra tells the Thing that if he survives the day, she will offer him a second chance between marriage and imprisonment. ‘If you think we’re gonna fight for you, Thundra, yer tiara’s on too tight!’ the4 Thing replies, but Spider-Woman exclaims that she will fight for Thunfra, that she will do anything to get Rachel back. The Thing tells Spider-Woman not to worry, assuring her that she will get her kid back, if it takes this whole blamed sisterhood army to do so.
‘At least you haven’t started bluffing us with threats to hurt Reed’s boy’ Hawkeye tells Thundra, but Mr Fantastic tells Hawkeye that is because he knows Thundra too well, and quotes Francis Bacon, who said “He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune”. Reed adds that Thundra may hold Franklin hostage, but that he doesn’t think she would really hurt him, not matter what they do. ‘You may - or may not - be right about that, Richards’ Thundra replies, when suddenly, there is a burst of energy from the sky, landing on the battlefield across from Thundra, her army, and the heroes. ‘However, Lord Arkon and his marauding forces have just arrived - and are you equally certain about them?’ Thundra enquires.
Riding a large green beast, Arkon moves his army forward, telling them that this is the hour that tries their souls. ‘We have traversed both space and centuries to face a determined enemy upon its own soil’ he calls out, telling his men not to be swayed or weakened by the fact that their foes are female. ‘And when they recoil in defeat, give them no quarter - for if you fail or falter, you shall surely receive none. Arkon holds up a scarlet thunderbolt and states that it is the signal for the beginning combat, and he hurls it towards the Sisterhood, where it lands with a THROOM. ‘Attack, men of Polemachus!’ Arkon booms. ‘Attack, soldiers of the Sisterhood!’ Thundra cries out, as both armies rush towards each other.
‘Hey, what kind of deal is this?’ Hawkeye asks as his brainwashed teammates attack him. ‘What gives? The rest of the rescue crew is fighting for the other side’ the Thing declares. Reed out that you can see it in their eyes, that they have been brainwashed somehow by Arkon. ‘If we don’t fight back, they’re liable to kill us!’ Reed adds.
Within Thundra’s castle, Franklin rushes about, telling himself that he has to get out of here and help his mommy and daddy. ‘Good thing that bad lady’s cage had the bars so far apart’ Franklin thinks, but points out that everybody is too busy to be watching him anyway. He comes to where several warrior women are gathered, ‘We are in position, sister!’ one of them calls out to another, who is controlling a very large weapon. ‘The turn of a wheel will teleport you all to the enemy’s rear in an instant’ she tells them as she prepares to aim the weapon. Franklin recalls that one of the guards said his daddy and Uncle Ben are here, and supposes that they are outside. He rushes towards the beam as it begins to fire. ‘What? Stop him! He’s interrupting the flow!’ one of the sisters exclaims.
An instant later, Franklin materializes outside. ‘Whoa! That felt funny!’ he tells himself, before wondering where his daddy and everybody else is. Franklin soon realizes that he is on the other side of a bunch of people fighting each other, when suddenly, he sees Rachel who is still being held by Shigaru, behind some rocks on the battlefield. ‘That big man’s holding her’ Franklin tells himself, as he sees Rachel waving at him. Rachel suddenly kicks Shigaru, and breaks free of his grasp. ‘I’m outta here!’ Rachel exclaims. The youngsters rush towards each other, and Rachel exclaims ‘Franklin, they got the grown up’s hypnotized!’, to which Franklin asks ‘Who does, Thundra?’, but Rachel tells him that it is Arkon.
‘Stop them!’ both Arkon and Thundra cry out in unison, while nearby, Spider-Woman finds herself up against the mind-controlled Invisible Woman. ‘Huh? For a second there, I almost thought I saw - what am I thinking of? Of course that couldn’t have been Rachel and Franklin - not here on the battlefield’ Julia decides, urging herself to get her mind back on the so-called Invisible Woman, whose force field repels Spider-Woman’s psi-web like a duck shakes off water. Julia decides that it is eerie fighting the Invisible Woman, even if she is being controled by someone else. ‘Outta my way, Wonder Man!’ the Thing exclaims as he punches Simon, despite not liking doing so. Iron Man fires a repulser ray at the Thing, before Hawkeye fires an electro-arrow at him to even up the odds by screwing up Iron Man’s mechanical innards for a minute. ‘You knocked down Iron Man - with an arrow?’ Thing mutters as Iron Man falls from the sky.
The Scarlet Witch fires a hex bolt at Mister Fantastic, causing him to recoil the arm he wad extending towards her, while Hawkeye explains to the Thing that Iron Man could have repelled it magnetically, but that hr was counting on his reactions being slowed by his condition. ‘Looks like you figured right’ the Thing tells him as he grabs Iron Man, deciding that it is a good thing they took him out, as Reed is not having much luck against the Scarlet Witch. The Thing adds that if he lets go of Iron Man then they could be in bad shape themselves, so he won’t let go. ‘In fact, I’m gonna use the John Wayne school of psychology on him’ Ben adds, before shouting ‘Wake up Tin Man - and shape up - or I’m gonna turn you inta so much scrap!’.
Julia suddenly glances across the battlefield once more, and is certain she saw Rachel, or at least her head, bobbing up behind a nearby rock. Despite it leaving her wide open to an attack by the Invisible Woman, Julia decides to go after her daughter, and turns from Susan, and races towards the rock, while Susan fires several invisible bolts at her, but none of them strike.
Behind the rock, Rachel puts an arm around Franklin and tells him not to be scared. ‘They’ll come for us - I know they will’ she assures him. ‘Who’s s-s-scared? I just got something in my eye’ Franklin claims, but wishing their parents would get here soon. Tanks wage war against warriors nearby, when suddenly, Shigaru appears behind the children, and tells them to stay where they are, as there are tanks everywhere. ‘It’s that guy who was holding you!’ Franklin exclaims, while Rachel tells Shigaru to get away from them, and suggests to Franklin that they make tracks. Shigaru tells them not to, and states that he doesn’t want to harm them. ‘Lord Arkon ordered me to protect you and I will -’ he promises, when suddenly, a missile is fired at him as he steps in front of the children.
‘Shigaru!’ Rachel calls out as the man falls to the ground, just as Spider-Woman reaches them. ‘Thank God you two are safe!’ Julia exclaims, as she ushers them onwards. ‘But Shigaru -’ Rachel exclaims. ‘Go…children…’ Shigaru calls out, weakened. ‘I saved you…just like I was supposed to’ he utters, before warning them: ‘Look out…’ is all he manages to say, before passing away. ‘He’s dead. But what was he trying to say?’ someone asks, when suddenly, another missile is fired at them. ‘Good Lord!’ Julia gasps as she manages to put up a small psychic web, there wasn’t enough time to create a fully formed web. She hopes what she created will take the brunt of the force, and tells the kids to get under here. As the missile explodes, Julia crouches down over the kids.
Julia falls over, and Rachel stay with her mother, while Franklin sees his own mother and rushes towards her, ‘That bomb hurt the Spider-Lady!’ he tells her, but when he gets no response, he begins shaking the Invisible Woman, asking her what is wrong. ‘You act like you’re asleep - only you’re walking around’ Franklin declares, while Julia explains to him that someone has hypnotized her. This causes Franklin to start crying, ‘No, please, you’ve got to wake up. I need you to wake up!’ Franklin exclaims. ‘Can’t you hear me, Mommy? I need you to wake up. I need you…’ Franklin calls out, while Spider-Woman sees another missile headed right for them, and tells Franklin to get down.
‘No! I won’t let it! I won’t let it strike my child I tell you!’ the Invisible woman cries, throwing her head backwards, she has freed herself from Arkon’s influence. ‘I won’t!’ Susan shouts again as she throws a force field around herself, Julia and their children. ‘Mommy’s back!’ Franklin declares, while Rachel points out that the missile will still hit them. Susan stands, arms folded across her chest, as the missile explodes against the force field, which holds in place. ‘I…guess I threw everything I had into that one’ Susan remarks, before realizing that the field’s vibrations, are combining with those of the explosion, as if the two are multiplying on each other. Indeed, a ripple effect spreads outwards, and Susan points out that could have a devastating effect on everything outside the force field.
‘I just hope our guys are okay out there. Somebody else will have to worry about Thundra, Arkon and company’ Julia remarks, as the shockwaves of the force field and missile impact, radiating around the armies. ‘Wow, I haven’t felt that big a wind since -’ Hawkeye begins, before telling the Thing that it looks like their sleepwalkers are starting to come out of it, as Wanda, Simon and Iron Man regain their senses. ‘Where…?’ Wonder Man utters, to which the Thing tells him that if he is going to ask the hard ones right off, they are liable to be here all day. ‘You okay, Tin-Tod?’ the Thing asks Iron Man, who replies that if this is still the Arkon ride, he is fine. ‘Oh, it’s an “Arkon Ride”, all right - only not the one at Sword and Sorcery World’ the Thing replies, while the Living Lightning points out that some of their teammates are taking longer to recover than others. ‘Do you wake up at the same speed as everybody else, Lightning?’ the Thing asks him.
Clint goes over Wanda and starts shaking her, deciding that he doesn’t know whether he should do this, but that they could be swamped by two whole armies any second. ‘Snap out of it, Wanda!’ Clint tells his dear friend. ‘We need all the super heroes we can get!’ he adds. ‘Hawkeye? Where are we?’ Wanda utters as she wakes, while the Thing mutters that, as a kid named Dorothy might have said on a bad day, “Kansas it ain’t”. Wanda, Iron Man, Wonder Man and the Human Torch gather together, and none of them are impressed. ‘It’s all coming back to me now!’ Wanda exclaims. ‘To all of us, Wanda’ Iron Man tells his friend. ‘We’ve been had’ Wonder Man exclaims, while the Human Torch announces that somebody is going to be real sorry about it.
Looking across the battlefield, the young hero sees that Franklin and Rachel are safe with their respective mothers for the moment, until Arkon and Thundra manage to rally their troops, of course. On his beast, Arkon calls out to his army: ‘Be men, my warriors! Regroup your ranks and smash the female furies that oppose us!’ he orders them. Thundra swings her chain about and tells her Sisterhood to regroup and drive the hated male invaders back to their own world, or else destroy them. ‘Base cowards!’ Arkon shouts as he hurls a thunderbolt at some of his own men. ‘If Arkon must slay a few of you to restore manhood to the rest, then ‘ he begins, only to be knocked from green beast. ‘By the Atom-Gods!’ he shouts. ‘Who dares?’ he asks, landing on the ground, he looks up: ‘You!’ Arkon gasps.
‘Who better to unseat the Imperion of Polemachus than the Empress of the United Sisterhood?’ Thundra smiles. Arkon gets to his feet and Thundra suggests they no more depend upon armies, but upon themselves, for the outcome of this battle. ‘Done!’ Arkon exclaims. ‘No thunderbolts, no weapons’ Thundra tells him, and Arkon agrees: ‘Just Arkon against Thundra - to the death!’ Arkon declares.
The heroes have regrouped, and the Human Torch reports that they have pretty much knocked the fight out of both sides. ‘It was a lost less us, Torch, than your sister’ Living Lightning points out, while Wonder Man punches one of Arkon’s soldiers, and asks where are the two glory-hounds who started this. ‘Over there - and they seem to be keeping it going all by themselves’ Reed points out as he motions to where Arkon and Thundra are facing off head-to-head. ‘Good grief!’ Wanda exclaims. ‘They’re going at it like a couple of hockey players! We’d better -’ Hawkeye begins, but Reed tells him to wait, and supposes that Arkon and Thundra have got the right idea. ‘This was their war - no one else’s - so why not let the two of them finish it?’
With her chain wrapped around her fist as she punches Arkon hard in the face, she calls him a pig, and explains that she only stole the children as a way to influence Ben Grimm. ‘And you had to interfere!’ Thundra shouts as she smacks Arkon back with her chain. ‘Do you think I am a fool, woman?’ Arkon asks, before grabbing her by the throat and pulling her down towards him, ‘I know you wanted the monstrous Thing as a consort mostly for the raw power he would add to your forces - for you knew that once we had met - a clash between us was inevitable!’ he booms as he punches Thundra hard in the face.
Arkon punches Thundra in the stomach, and the warrior woman curls upwards, and he tells her that never before, in all his days, has he found a female so powerful that he must fight her physically, but that where she is concerned, he must make an exception. Thundra holds her ground, and Arkon calls her insolent. ‘And you are unbelievably arrogant!’ Thundra shrieks back. ‘Your ambition knows no bounds!’ Arkon tells the warrior woman. ‘You would reduce my empire to a Polemachan protectorate!’ Thundra exclaims, while Arkon reminds her that it was she who first materialized in his dimension. ‘How else could I learn what Arkon the Magnificent was truly like?’ Thundra enquires.
The Avengers West Coast and Fantastic Four continue to watch the warriors in battle, while Hawkeye suggests that they should break this up. ‘Right! C’mon, people, it’s clobbering -’ the Thing begins, but Reed tells him not to, as the fight is nearly over. ‘How can you tell?’ the Thing asks his friend. ‘Trust me on this’ Reed replies.
‘What? You came to Polemachus - out of curiosity about me?’ a very surprised Arkon enquires. ‘And am I really the first woman you have found worthy of physical battle?’ Thundra replies.
‘That’s it, I can’t take no more!’ the Thing exclaims as he rushes forward. ‘You and me both’ Hawkeye agrees, despite Reed telling them to wait. ‘Wait for what?’ the Thing asks. ‘Til they hijack Vegas for a place to spend their honeymoon?’ he asks, declaring that he is wading in and busting heads. ‘Lord Arkon, I must -’ Thundra begins, but ‘Allwo me, Empress!’ Arkon tells Thundra as he wraps a hand around her waist and fires a thunderbolt at the ground, stating that it is time they were gone to more congenial spheres.
‘They’re gone!’ the Human Torch gasps as the smoke clears from the thunderbolt. ‘Just as well. A few more seconds and we’d probably had to coover the kids’ eyes, right, Grimm?’ Hawkeye asks his friend. ‘Yeah, right’ the Thing mutters.
‘Our Empress has left us behind with that - man! And now we begin to fade - to reappear at the Citadel of the Sisterhood!’ one of Thundra’s warriors exclaims, as she and others begin to fade. Arkon’s men begin to fade as well, with one explaining that they are being drawn across the void of time and space by Arkon’s Vizier.
‘Yes, best come back home, warriors - before our Imperion turns you into footmen to serve his newfound lady!’ Vizier calls out, seemingly pleased that it may be nice to know peace on Polemachus at least for a little while.
On the battle-ravaged field, the heroes gather together, with the Invisible Woman stating that leaves nobody here but them, the Earth people. ‘Thank Heaven!’ Spider-Woman exclaims. ‘But where did Arkon and that tall lady -’ Rachel begins, before Franklin announces ‘Thundra’, ‘Yeah, Thundra - what happened to them?’ Rachel concludes. The Thing replies that he doesn’t know where they went, but can sure as heck guess what they are doing right about now. ‘Ben Grimm!’ Julia exclaims, frowning. ‘Huh? Oh, yeah. They’re off plotting against us, that’s what they’re doing’ the Thing mutters, before Spider-Woman asks how they get back to Earth.
Ben claims that he has been thinking about that, and explains that when Thundra last snatched him, whatever it was keeping him here didn’t last long, and as everyone begins to fade, he points out that it doesn’t look like Thundra has improved that much. One of the kids exclaims that they are disappearing, but they are told that it is all right, explaining that they are just going home.
Back at Sword and Sorcery World, USAgent is standing outside the Arkon ride, and sees the train cars speed to the platform. ‘Looks like it’s time to roll out the welcome mat’ John decides, and standing on the platform, is greeted by his teammates and the Fantastic Four. ‘Everybody okay? How about the youngsters?’ John asks. Julia tells her teammate that everyone is fine. ‘All but maybe Ben’s ego, huh, Reed?’ the Human Torch whispers. Reed just tells him not to be smug, while Julia and Susan walk away from the rest of the group.
‘Maybe you’re used to this kind of thing with your child, Sue, but - well, it’s the fist time it’s ever happened to me. This showed me you were right, before. I’m going to tell Rachel that her mother is Spider-Woman’ Julia announces. Susan tells her that you never get used to seeing your child in danger, but that she thinks she is making the right decision. ‘Good luck’ Susan tells her.
Julia turns back to her daughter and crouches down beside her, ‘Rachel, honey…you’re really okay, aren’t you?’ Spider-Woman asks her. ‘Sure, it was scary - but it was fun, too’ Rachel replies. ‘That’s good. But now I - I’ve got something to tell you about Spider-Woman. She - I mean - I - I’m really your mother’ Julia announces as she pulls up her mask. ‘I know’ Rachel smiles back. ‘You knew? But how long? Did I say something that -?’ Julia asks, but Rachel explains that she always knew, just as soon as she swung in wearing her spider-suit. ‘But you didn’t say anything’ Julia points out. Rachel replies that she didn’t want to spoil her secret, if her mother wanted to keep it. ‘I’m real glad you decided to tell me, though’ Rachel says.
‘You know something, Rache? So am I’ Julia tells her daughter as they embrace. ‘Something in your eye, Ben?’ the Reed asks his teammate when he sees him rubbing his eye. ‘Huh? What’s wrong with you, Stretch? Don’tcha know a tear when ya see one?’ the Thing retorts. Reed turns to Iron Man and tells him that the Fantastic Four better go, but assures him that they will see the Avengers West again one of these days. ‘Probably when Arkon and Thundra gang up on us, right?’ Iron Man replies. The Human Torch smiles and tells Living Lightning that if he gets back East, he will give him a tour of what is left of Coney Island. ‘Sounds good’ Miguel replies.
The Scarlet Witch goes over to the Thing and puts her arms around one of his, telling him that she couldn’t help noticing he looks pretty glum, considering their side won. Ben replies that it isn’t that, and explains that it’s not that he wanted to hook up with Thundra, but it still hurts to realize she was mostly after him for his muscle to help her against Arkon. ‘Well, like they say, there’s plenty more fish in the bowl’ Ben mutters, to which Wanda tells him that is advice they can all use from time to time, adding that it sounds as if Ben is well on the way to feeling good about himself again.
‘You really wanna know what’d make me feel good, right about now?’ Ben asks. ‘Yes. What?’ Wanda replies. ‘Just - this!’ the Thing declares as he picks up a concrete trash can and hurls it towards the large Arkon construct which looms down over the amusement park ride. ‘Nice shot…but you’re going to have to pay for that, you know’ Wanda points out as the trash can shatters the Arkon image’s face. ‘We all pay for our sins, Witch-Lady’ the Thing replies, now carrying Franklin on his shoulders. ‘Which lady, unca Ben?’ the boy enquires. Wanda smiles, while the Thing tells Franklin to come on, and he will buy him a slurped, as the heroes head home.


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Infamous Monsters of Hollywood, part 2: Hurray for Hollyweird
‘I WANT OUT!’ shouts the villain called the Digger as he pushes past prison guards, knocking them aside with ease as he makes his way to the prison walls. ‘Hold it, Digger! You’re not going anywhere!’ one of the guards calls out, reaching into his holster for his gun. Digger sees a shovel resting against the high prison wall and tells the guard that he supposes he should appreciate his preferring that he remains here - where he can go on mesmerizing him with his justly famed bedtime stories. Digger raises the shovel and slams it against the guard, adding that he really must be going. More guards rush out into the courtyard, while Digger states that this prison has enjoyed exclusive rights to his tantalizing tale-spinning for some months now, and he honestly believes it is time he shared his peerless yarns with the waiting world beyond the prison walls. ‘Stop or well shoot!’ a guard calls out, but Digger raises the shovel overhead he uses it to catapult him over the wall, narrowly missing the barrage of bullets that are fired his way.
Up above, ‘He did it. Digger’s taken the bait!’ Tony Stark inside his Iron Man armor remarks as he watches the Digger escape. Miguel Santos a.k.a. the Living Lightning, one of the newer members of the Avengers West Coast flies alongside Iron Man, who tells his young teammates that he still thinks Digger is the best bet to find the rest of the Night Shift gang, after all, he is one of them, even if he has been out of circulation ever since Mockingbird stumbled across him burying three otherwise health men on Hollywood Boulevard. ‘Mockingbird? She’s Hawkeye’s wife, right?’ Living Lightning asks. ‘Soon to be ex-wife’ Iron Man explains, adding that he suspects neither of them is particularly happy about the fact, before pointing out that the low-lying cloud they whipped up has done its job, as Digger hasn’t seen them.
Iron Man flies through the cloud, remarking that they will have to move out of the cloud if they are to keep an eye on Digger. Living Lightning switches to his human form so that Digger doesn’t see his electric sparks in the sky, and he holds onto Iron Man’s back, before pointing out that Digger is heading for Los Angeles and asks ‘You really think he’ll lead us to his - what did you call it?’, to which Iron Man replies ‘His “Tower of Shadows”, Night Shift’s hideout, if it still exists’. Iron Man was amazed to find it had simply disappeared from the spot where Mockingbird, Tigra and Moon Knight found it last time, before telling Living Lightning that he didn’t have to come along tonight. ‘You mean because my sister was killed in a drive-by shooting while I was with Dr Demonicus?’ Miguel asks. ‘Yes. You didn’t even tell me - until we were over the prison’ Iron Man points out, before adding ‘Look, if there’s anything I can do…’, but Living Lightning declares that it is his problem and that he will handle it.
‘Your call, fella’ Iron Man tells his young teammate, adding that he is glad Digger didn’t get suspicious when he found that shovel, his weapon of choice, lying conveniently at hand. ‘Those guards did a bang-up job of faking worse injuries than they got’ Iron Man remarks, while Living Lightning comments on how quickly Digger can travel, pointing out that he has already reached the suburbs. Iron Man tells Living Lightning to look up ahead and he will see what else has come to Thousand Oaks - ‘The ever-elusive Tower of Shadows, unless I miss my guess!’ Iron Man announces, as the old mansion appears as does the hill it sits on. Iron Man flies closer to it and supposes that the house and the hill must have been teleported here somehow, and adds that it looks like a set out of “Edward Scissorhands”.
‘Uh-oh! He’s looking back! If he glances up!’ Living Lightning exclaims, Digger doesn’t, and he enters the Tower of Shadows. Iron Man and Living Lightning land, and enter the Tower of Shadows as well. ‘It’s the House of Dracula, that’s for sure!’ Living Lightning remarks as he examines the interiors. Iron Man cautions Living Lightning not to let Digger out of his sight. They follows him up a flight of stairs, while Iron Man states that in a place this size, it might be years before they found him again. ‘Wherever he was going, Avenger - I think he’s there already!’ Living Lightning calls out, as they see Digger standing in the doorway of a brightly lit room. Iron Man comments on the heat and the blinding light coming from the room, and suggests they find out what is going on.
‘Holy Hannah!’ Iron Man gasps as they enter the room, and see their teammates USAgent, Hawkeye and Spider-Woman strapped to a circle in the center of the room, while the Night Shift have surrounded them, and from a blur of energy, a large green being with a mouth in the center of his stomach looms over them all. ‘You? You followed me, curse you!’ Digger exclaims as he turns around sees Iron Man and Living Lightning behind him. ‘Never mind that! what’s that thing with two mouths?’ Living Lightning asks. ‘You think I know? I just got here!’ Digger retorts. ‘Well, whatever it is - it’s all through menacing any Avengers West, if the Living Lightning ‘s got anything to say about it!’ the young hero boasts as he sends charges of lightning towards the green being.
‘I hope you do, lad’ Iron Man tells his teammate, while firing some repulser rays, he points out that Spider-Woman had an idea some old girlfriend of Jason Roland’s would lead them to the Night Shift, and it looks like she was right, only it would appear the Avengers West got more than they bargained for. ‘you keep Beelzebub occupied for a second’ Iron Man tells Living Lightning, but the green behemoth hears this, and as Living Lightning’s blasts strike him, he calls out ‘Beelzebub?’, while Iron Man announces that he will try to even the odds a little, and his repulser rays strike the circle where his teammates are trapped, shattering their bonds. ‘Watch yourself, Iron Man!’ Julia Carpenter a.k.a. Spider-Woman calls out, while Clint “Hawkeye” Barton reports that the Night Shift are stronger than they used to be. ‘This is your fault, Hangman!’ the large green being calls out.
‘Mere human gnats dare oppose me - even call me “Beelzebub” as if I were some third-level demon - instead of Satannish - the Supreme Master of Souls!’ the demon booms. He looms over Hangman and reminds him that he was to make this mansion secure from intruders, for his foothold upon this world is not secure at this time. ‘Look, I’m only human! I did the best I could!’ Hangman calls out, telling Satannish not to worry, for with the powers he has given them, the Night Shift can take care of five Avengers as easily as three. ‘See that you do!’ Satannish warns Hangman. Miguel shifts back into his lightning form and tells Iron Man that they have jackled around with this Godzilla-size dude long enough. ‘Let’s go get him!’ Living Lightning calls out as he and Iron Man combine their attacks against Satannish.
Iron Man tells Living Lightning to watch out, as they don’t know much about what Satannish can do. He admits that Avengers files tend to be skimpy on bad guys who have tangled mostly with Dr Strange. ‘Strange? Phaugh! That overrated wizardly weakling!’ Satannish declares, while his lower mouth adds ‘He has never defeated us - save by base trickery’. ‘You’re really a two-faced sort, aren’t you, fella?’ Iron Man asks Satannish, wondering if he can blind both of his faces with a uni-beam. Iron Man releases the powerful burst of energy, but Satannish grabs Living Lightning and boasts that he will crush him - however Satannish finds that his hand has really closed upon nothingness. Iron Man tells Living Lightning that changing from flesh to plasma appears to have confused Satannish.
Living Lightning escapes Satannish’s grasp, while Iron Man warns him that next time Satannish might figure out how to demolish him in either form. ‘Then there won’t be a next time!’ Living Lightning replies as he flies down towards the Brothers Grimm. Iron Man fires more repulser rays at Satannish, who warns Hangman that if he values his powers, as his soul already belongs to him, then he will use those powers to destroy the human fools before calling him forth again. ‘Not yet, demon! You’ve just optioned it, that’s all!’ Hangman replies, referring to his soul. ‘Huh? We’re not really talking the old “sell-your-soul-to-the-Devil” bit here, are we?’ Iron Man enquires. Satannish tells Iron Man that if for he to know, and Iron Man to learn - never. Satannish then vanishes, taking the portal with him.
‘All right, Night Shift - attack!’ Hangman orders. ‘We’ll slug -’ one of the Brothers Grimm declares. ‘ - spark plug!’ the other exclaims as they move closer to Living Lightning. Misfit, Needle, Dansen Macabre and Tatterdemalion turn their attention to Iron Man. Needle lashes out, striking Iron Man with his large needle, and it cuts through his armor. ‘Sharper and stronger than any I used against that other Spider-Woman!’ Needle thinks to himself. Hawkeye has fired and arrow which releases a rope and wraps around Tatterdemalion, while John Walker a.k.a. USAgent slams his shield against Needle. ‘C’mon, guys! We can’t let Iron Man and Lightning do all the work!’ Hawkeye tells his teammates. ‘We have lift-off!’ USAgent jokes, while Spider-Woman leaps onto Misfit and covers his eyes, while warning USAgent to watch out, as he might actually start developing a sense of humor. ‘No danger’ USAgent assures her.
Iron Man thanks his teammates, while the Brothers Grimm release two yo-yos at Living Lightning: ‘With these two gizmos, the way that we work it -’ one of them begins, ‘- we’ll give Reddy Kilowatt a real short-circuit!’ the other concludes, and Living Lightning screams in pain as the large yo-yos strike him. A member of the Night Shift covered in a large purple cloak approaches the battle, while USAgent declares ‘These creeps are sure less wimpy than when they fought Hawkeye and co a few months back, but we can still -’ however he is interrupted, and his body starts to move slowly, as does Hawkeye’s, Iron Man’s and Living Lightning’s, who has fallen to the floor. ‘I’ll get hiiimmm…’ Hawkeye calls out as he raises his bow and arrow. ‘Why are you all talking so sslloooww…?’ Iron Man asks.
Spider-Woman appears behind the cloaked Night Shift member and tells her teammates that he is Tick-Tock, and that somehow he slowed down time in his path, or something. She smacks him in the back of the head, remarking that it is lucky he doesn’t do a thing for anybody behind him. Hangman calls out to Dansen Macabre, who moves forward and dances in front of the male Avengers. Iron Man tells the others that her dancing has a hypnotic effect, so they avert their eyes. ‘We won’t look at her squarely’ USAgent calls out, while Dansen declares that it is far more than her former mesmeric powers she is exercising. ‘Tonight, I dance the spaces -and the spaces between those spaces - and even the spaces between those!’. An instant later, the Tower of Shadows, the hill it sits upon and everyone inside - except for the Avengers West - vanishes.
The Avengers West start plummeting towards the ground far below, as the Tower of Shadows was situated well above the town. ‘The whole house - it’s disappeared!’ Living Lightning exclaims as he maintains his electrified form. ‘And naturally, we couldn’t be in the basement when it happened’ Hawkeye mutters, before raising a suction arrow and fires it upwards, as he swings on it and grabs hold of Spider-Woman. ‘That’s marvellous - but what did you arrow fasten onto? There wasn’t anything above us!’ Spider-Woman points out. ‘There is now, Spider-Woman!’ Iron Man replies, as the suction arrow lands against him. Iron Man calls out to USAgent, who is still in free fall, and asks him if he can reach the line. ‘If you think I’m too proud to try, because Hawkeye shot it - forget it!’ USAgent replies as he reaches for the line.
Hawkeye and Spider-Woman drop to the ground. ‘Here we are, beautiful - all safe and sound!’ Hawkeye tells Spider-Woman, who thanks Hawkeye and asks him if he really thinks that horrible Satannish gave Night Shift their new abilities, explaining that they were so much more powerful than when she, Wonder Man and Living Lightning fought them on the movie set, and that was just a few hours ago. USAgent lands safely and remarks ‘Affirmative, lady! Either that - or they scraped up the dough to pay a visit to the Power Broker’, to which Hawkeye replies ‘You’d be the one to know about buying super powers, that’s for sure!’, but Spider-Woman tells them to be at ease, as they are supposed to avenge crimes, not insult each other. ‘When you’re right, you’re right!’ Living Lightning tells Spider-Woman, while USAgent suggests that should check out Wonder Man at the film studio after all. ‘I know I gave him a hard time about it - but if Night Shift goes there next, he and the Scarlet Witch might have bitten off more than they can chew. ‘Now you’re talking like an Avenger, Agent! Let’s go!’ Iron Man declares.
‘GGRRARRRR!’ a monster roars as he wraps his arms around a blonde woman. ‘Cut!’ the director, Mr Waite orders, and the “monster” removes his mask, revealing Simon “Wonder Man” Williams beneath. ‘Simon, that was truly inspired!’ Mr Waite declares. ‘Really?’ Simon asks, enquiring how his growl was this time. Mr Waite tells Simon not to worry about it, as they can loop in a better one next time. ‘In other words - I look okay in this “demon” gear, right?’ Simon mutters, but the director assures him that the previous wearers - Wes Nelson and even Jason Roland - never looked better. The blonde actress then calls out ‘Want to take lunch in my trailer, Wonder Man?’, but Simon starts to walk away from her and the director, ‘Please…make it Simon while I’m playing acting, Felicia’ and thanks her for the offer, but he already has a lunch date. ‘Hmf! And I heard he was a real live wire!’ Felicia mutters.
Simon wonders what is wrong with himself, and recalls that he wanted these few days of work. He supposes that he fooled himself into thinking they wanted him for his acting ability, instead of (a) protection from Night Shift, (b) Avengers-related publicity, and (c) somebody who can do his own stunts. On the edge of the set, Wanda Maximoff a.k.a. the Scarlet Witch is slumped over. ‘Wanda’ Simon calls out. ‘Hmmm? Oh - sorry, Simon. I must’ve dozed off around the sixth take’ Wanda explains. ‘Too bad. The next seven were much better’ Simon tells his dear friend. ‘Hey, that makes thirteen! Think your hex power can cancel out the bad luck?’ Simon asks. Wanda looks up at Simon and thanks him for trying to make her feel useful. ‘This guard duty can get a bit boring’ Wanda admits.
‘Especially with me emoting, right?’ Simon asks. ‘Honestly, I didn’t mean -’ Wanda begins, but Simon tells her that he is just kidding. One of the crew walks over to Simon, ‘Here he is, Mr Waite!’ she calls out, as the director joins them, informing Simon that he just had this flash: ‘In the next scene, where Felicia gets free and you chase her - what if your tail gets stuck in something?’ Mr Waite suggests, before pointing out that as his lunch date didn’t show, they can work it out over some take-out sushi. ‘I…suppose…’ Simon replies, uncertain, before Wanda informs Mr Waite that she is Simon’s lunch date and that she is ravenous. ‘Do you mind?’ she asks. ‘No…no, not at all’ Mr Waite replies and tells Simon that he will see him later.
Shortly, Wanda and Simon, still wearing the monster costume, have their lunch and walk towards a table outside. Simon tells Wanda that movie directors aren’t used to having people nix lunch requests. Wanda apologies and suggests Simon can go catch up with Mr Waite if she wants. ‘Are you crazy? I just didn’t want to presume that you’d want to eat with me, that’s all’ Simon tells Wanda, who reminds him that they are colleagues, before asking if he thinks Night Shift will carry out their threat to close down this picture. ‘Who knows? Maybe that bunch of wimps figured out they’re outgunned’ Simon suggests, when suddenly, ‘Excuse me, Simon…but I saw you and the Scarlet Witch over here, so I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind if I joined you?’ Felicia, wearing only a bathing suit asks as she sits down next to Simon.
‘Uh, of course not. Wanda, this is -’ Simon begins, but Wanda interrupts him, ‘Felicia Fawn. I know’, and she greets Felicia, explaining that she saw her in “Spartacus Has Risen From the Grave”. ‘Really?’ Felicia asks. ‘I’m your biggest fan’ she tells the Scarlet Witch, who replies that she wasn’t aware the Avengers had “fans” exactly. ‘Oh, sure! And they’ll flock to see Simon here in “The Demon that Devoured Hollywood”!’ Felicia adds. Simon explains that he is just finishing up a part that two big stars started. ‘Modest, too? I like that!’ Felicia exclaims, while Wanda pours herself a drink and remarks that Felicia is probably right, as once only actors and musicians had “fans”, but now she reads about fans of authors and even politicians. ‘I wonder if Mother Teresa has a fan club’ Wanda asks.
Felicia leans her arm against Simon’s shoulder, but he tells her that he is having a little trouble eating, so she will need to remove it. But, as he tries to push her arm away, he finds that his shoulder moves, and her arm stays in exactly the same place. ‘Felicia? What’s wrong? Wanda - look at her! She’s stiff as a statue!’ Simon calls out, but gets no response, so he turns to Wanda, and finds that she is frozen in place, even the soda that she was pouring from the bottle into her glass, the drops of drink have stopped mid-air. ‘All right, Night Shift! Wherever you are - come and get me!’ Wonder Man shouts, an an instant later, Dansen Macabre appears, accompanied by Tick-Tock, Tatterdemalion and Misfit.
‘You heard the man, Dansen Macabre!’ Misfit calls out, while Dansen Macabre explains that she can phase them fully into the location, while asking Tick-Tock why he didn’t time freeze all three of them so they could grab their hostage. ‘You asked the same foolish question in three possible realities out of four’ Tick-Tock replies, explaining that he is slowly gaining control over his new power, but that something in Wonder Man’s makeup protected him. Tick-Tock adds that he has heard rumors of Wonder Man being ionically charged. Wonder Man tells the Night Shift that if they want to take Wanda or Felicia then they are going to wish they had gone to Disneyland instead. But, Tick-Tock informs Wonder Man that it is not one of the women that they want, but him. ‘You’re welcome to try!’ Wonder Man declares as he tears his monster costume from his body, as he needs mobility. He knows it is an expensive costume and hopes a replacement is covered by the movie’s insurance.
‘I’ll take care of our quasi-famous friend!’ Tatterdemalion exclaims as he tosses his long scarf towards Wonder Man, who decides that it shouldn’t cause him any trouble, before recalling that Dansen said something about phasing and Tick-Tock clearly has a new time power, so he supposes that perhaps Tatterdemalion might not be quite the pushover he used to be. Simon grabs the scarf and starts pulling on it, suggesting to Tatterdemalion that they have a game of tug-of-war. ‘I have no time for games!’ Tatterdemalion replies, ‘And far from wishing to keep away from you -’ he adds as he leaps towards Simon, slamming his hands against Simon’s chest, Simon realizes that Tatterdemalion’s touch is burning through his costume, just as it always would have, only this time it hurts. ‘And it shouldn’t, blast it!’ he tells himself.
Simon retaliates by smacking Tatterdemalion backwards. ‘Well! Something haven’t changed - or have they? A no-known super-powers nebbish like Tat should’ve been flattened by that punch - but he’s still conscious!’ Simon realizes, while Misfit lunges towards Wonder Man, muttering ‘As usual, when you clowns need a little muscle - it’s Misfit time!’ He slams into Wonder Msn, forcing him into the side of a nearby truck. ‘You couldn’t have knocked me back like this last time we tangled!’ Wonder Man declares, asking Misfit what he did - whether he paid another visit to the Power Broker who transformed him into Misfit. Wonder Man pushes Misfit to the ground and tells him that when he is through with him, the Power Broker will have to make his third consultation a house call.
Simon asks himself who he is kidding, as the battle is a tossup. But, he did catch Misfit off guard, because Misfit thought hr would hurt him worse than he did. ‘Maybe I can -’ Simon thinks to himself, when suddenly, Tatterdemalion appears behind him, and wraps his scarf around Wonder Man’s neck. ‘I should’ve smelled that coming - Rag Man!’ Wonder Man calls out. ‘But as soon as I get it off me, I’m gonna -’ he warns Tatterdemalion, before Dansen appears before him, telling Wonder Man that he may have resisted her before, but now he goes under as easily as any hypnotic subject. ‘Now, DM?’ Misfit calls out. ‘Now!’ Dansen replies, as Simon is completely enthralled by her, Misfit grabs Simon by the back of his neck, ‘If Tick-Tock’ll pardon the pun - it’s about time!’ he exclaims as he slams Simon’s face into his knee.
‘Actually, Misfit, I’m just surprised you know what a pun is!’ Tick-Tock remarks, before suggesting that they might as well also take the Scarlet Witch and the actress along, before Tatterdemalion, standing over Wonder Man’s motionless body, tells Tick-Tock that his time-delay is starting to slip, as the soda that the Scarlet Witch has started to flow again. ‘Another few seconds and wel’ll have to reckon with her hex power!’ he adds. Misfit picks up Wonder Man and Dasen points out that since he was all they were after, she may as well dance them back to the Tower. ‘Too bad! I’d love to stick around and find out how the Scarlet Witch perceived the foregoing battle no doubt as a meaningless blur - begun and ended all in an instant. Oh, well…’ Tick-Tock mutters.
Suddenly, ‘S-Simon…?’ Wanda utters, and as she regains her ability to move, she quickly raises her hands and casts a hex bolt towards the portal where Simon is being pulled into at super-speed by Night Shift. However, the Night Shift were too quick, and they vanish, with Wanda’s hex bolt striking the set. ‘Why me, Lord? All I want out of life is a possessive credit on a picture that grosses nine figures and I can retire to Marin County! Is that too much to ask for?’ the director exclaims, looking up to the sky. ‘For pity’s sake - can’t you get outside your own ego for one minute? Wonder Man’s a captive in those devils’ hands!’ Wanda calls out. Mr Waite replies that this is all the more reason to finish this picture, as a final monument to the titanic talent that was Simon Williams.
Wanda looks very unimpressed by that remark, before the director asks her if she remembers James Dean, Dorothy Stratton and Fenton Feinberg. ‘Who?’ Wanda asks. ‘Well - Fenton was a no-talent, but my point still stands!’ Mr Waite remarks. Wanda tells him that perhaps it does, but points out that thanks to her hex missing its target, that is more than she can say about his precious set. An instant later, the set collapses. Waite groans and complains, ‘Why me, Lord?!’
Inside the Tower of Shadows, Wonder Man is held captive as Hangman informs him that he is now working for Night Shift. ‘Or, as they say, you’ll never eat lunch in this town again!’ he jokes. ‘Or anywhere else, right?’ Wonder Man mutters, before asking Hangman why he kidnapped him instead of trying to kill him. ‘Surely it wasn’t just to truss me up in this hardened spill-over from an old lava lamp’ he points out. ‘Tell him, Hangman!’ Dansen Macabre exclaims as she stands nearby with Gypsy Moth, the Brothers Grimm, Misfit and Tick-Tock. Hangman explains that they opted for Wonder Man, instead of the Scarlet Witch, because Night Shift is taking over the filming of “Demon”, and that Wonder Man will help direct it.
Hangman motions to a camera, some lights and other equipment and points out that they have already liberated plenty of equipment. ‘Huh? You want me to turn you into the next Steven Spielberg?’ Simon asks, adding that even if he would, or could, he doesn’t understand what that has to do with Hangman’s vendetta against some old unfinished move. ‘It has everything to do with it - because I am the “True Demon that Devoured Hollywood”!’ Hangman shouts, removing his mask, he asks Simon ‘Now do you recognize me?’, to which Simon tells him that he looks just like Jason Roland, the original star of “Demon”. ‘I am he, you fool!’ Hangman retorts. ‘Years ago, I optioned my soul to a real demon - or rather, to his emissary on Earth - in exchange for movie stardom’.
Flashback images, narrated by Hangman II‘Well, I got my star on Hollywood Boulevard - but I welched on the deal - because I’d never really believed the Emissary was what he said he was’. Hangman explains that the emissary was the real genius behind the monster makeup, and told him that he would regret reneging. The Emissary vanished, leaving Jason stuck in the demon outfit, which had somehow become his real skin. Panicking, he hid out for years, barely getting by, until, he recently became desperate enough to cry out to the demon who had once been so hot for his soul. Jason swore he would keep his part of the bargain this time, so Satannish appeared and gave him a second chance. Restoring Jason to his human form, the very naked Jason never knew the name of the demon he had been dealing with, indirectly. Back then, he wouldn’t have known Satannish from Stanley Kubrick.
Satannish explained to Jason that Dr Strange generally kept him from gobbling up human souls like so any M&Ms, but he had a new scheme to stop Dr Strange. When Jason woke up in his bed, he knew he hadn’t been dreaming, for Satannish had given him special powers - he hadn’t aged a day - and he had things to do. Jason knew the studio was finishing his “Demon” movie without him, and he had to stop that - but that was only the beginning.
Present:Jason explains that to accomplish his mission, he needed more people like him, people willing to give up anything and everything for a shot at stardom. ‘Enter Night Shift, right?’ Wonder Man asks. ‘Right - though even they didn’t know the Hangman was Jason Roland, till now’ Hangman reveals. Wonder Man asks Jason why needs to turn criminal, pointing out that “Demon’s” release will make him a star all over again, and when it is learned that Jason is still alive, he won’t be able to get any more media attention if he were Julia Roberts’ good-looking sister. ‘But without Satannish, I’d never have been human again to take advantage of it!’ Jason points out. Wonder Man realizes he has a point there, before revealing that he has a better idea.
Meantime, back at the Avengers West Compound, ‘…and then they pulled the hole in after them, just before you arrived’ the Scarlet Witch concludes as she addresses USAgent, Hawkeye, Spider-Woman, Iron Man and Living Lightning, who are gathered around the meeting room table. ‘Frankly, Witch, I’d think you were a slice short of a full loaf if not for what happened to the rest of us!’ USAgent tells his teammate. Spider-Woman folds her arms and reminds Agent that they have already told her that, while Hawkeye suggests that Tick-Tock must be getting better at slowing down time in limited locales. Iron Man points out that they wouldn’t know any more about that than Wanda does, if Spider-Woman hadn’t been outside his area of influence.
‘Then you guys really think Night Shift’s getting its powers from - the Devil?’ Living Lightning asks, concerned. Iron Man tells Miguel that Satannish, Mephisto and their ilk are not demons in the strictly religious sense like he means. ‘Yeah, as fat as we can tell, they’re more like ET’s with a mean sense of humor! They -’ Hawkeye begins, until Wanda shouts ‘Enough philosophizing! We’ve got to formulate a plan to find Simon before they murder him!’ USAgent asks Wanda if anyone ever tells her that she is beautiful when she gets mad. ‘One more joke out of you -’ Wanda warns him, but USAgent asks ‘Who’s joking?’
Iron Man tells USAgent that Wanda is right, and is about to announce what he proposes, when Consuela, the Avengers West’s housekeeper interrupts the meeting, informing Iron Man that he needs to turn on the television, “rapido”. ‘She means “quick”’ Living Lightning explains. ‘That much Spanish we do know, Avenger’ Iron Man replies, before switching the television on. ‘If anything’s happened to Simon - because I couldn’t save him -’ Wanda begins, before the Night Shift appear on the television. ‘They’ve taken over the station!’ Iron Man points out, as the Hangman declares that if anyone tries to interfere with them, the announcer of “Show-Biz News” will die. Tatterdemalion has his scarf wrapped around the announcer’s neck, while Hangman announces the commencement of principal photography on a major motion picture: “The Night Shift Takes Hollywood”, directed by him, and starring Night Shift.
‘And none other than Simon Williams a.k.a. Wonder Man of the Avengers West Coast, who will also serve as technical adviser!’ Hangman proclaims, while holding his microphone to Wonder Man, asking him if he would like to tell the audience why he has agreed to co-star in the film. ‘No big secret, Hangman…’ Wonder Man replies, explaining that for years he has gone the usual route - stunt work, bit parts, playing a bad guy who gets chewed up ain trash-masher in the final reel, and now he is through with that, now he is a real live movie star. ‘And anybody who doesn’t like it can kiss my ions!’ he exclaims.
‘He sure sounds like he means it!’ Living Lightning points out. The Scarlet Witch tells Iron Man that Wonder Man must have a plan to betray Night Shift, despite the concerned look on her face. ‘You know - I know it - and I’m betting Night Shift at least suspects it’ Iron Man replies, adding that he hopes Simon knows what he is doing, otherwise he is liable to wind up dead. ‘Yeah - or else the biggest movie star since cameras started cranking!’ USAgent points out, asking his teammates if anyone besides him think that might be motive enough for Wonder Man? But, he gets no response, so mutters ‘Naw, I don’t really believe it either’….