[Assistant]
1st story: Grimm and Bear It   -   2nd story: Once There was a Swordsman
1st story:'I'm one dead archer! She's gonna kill me!' Clint Barton a.k.a. Hawkeye thinks to himself as he soars through the night air on his sky-cycle, the moon glowing down on him. Hawkeye lands his sky-cycle on a rooftop, and is grateful for it – without it, he wouldn't have made it here at all. Even this late at night, he would rather face the Hulk with a toothache than fight the LA traffic! He sets the sky-cycle to remote, and it rises into the air, where it will wait for his return. Hawkeye then opens the door on the rooftop, and heads towards what he thinks will be one of the ugliest confrontations of his life. 'Here goes nothing' Hawkeye thinks to himself as he stands in front of the door to a marital counselor's office. 'Hi, Mock! I'm sorry I'm -' Clint begins as he enters the waiting area, where Bobbi Morse-Barton a.k.a. Mockingbird is sitting on a sofa, reading a magazine.
'You're late!' Bobbi snaps. 'Give me a break' Hawkeye asks. 'So what if I'm a couple of minutes late? If you hadn't chosen a shrink as far away from the West Coast Compound as possible -' Clint begins, to which Bobbi reminds him that she doesn't live at the Compound anymore, and that it was he who wanted to do this in costume, not her. Bobbi declares that this was the most convenient for her, and points out that she doesn't have a sky-cycle to get herself around. Bobbi then asks why they couldn't for a change try and solve their problems as Clint Barton and Bobbi Morse, two normal people with normal problems. 'It's not Clint and Bobbi that are having problems. It's Hawkeye and Mockingbird who are incompatible!' Clint snaps. 'Ever since you decided it was all right for an Avenger to go off on a blood-thirsty rampage whenever the mood struck them -' Clint begins. 'You narrow-minded son of a -' Bobbi begins, when suddenly, Dr Myron Steinmetz enters the waiting area and suggests they continue this discussion in a more structured fashion in his office. He tells them to take their sears and make themselves comfortable, before asking Hawkeye to let him help him with his quiver, suggesting he put it in a closet.
But, as Hawkeye takes a seat in front of Dr Steinmetz's desk, Hawkeye places his quiver under the seat, remarking that he feels a lot more comfortable with it right here next to him. 'Just like a male' Bobbi mutters. Dr Steinmetz's assures Clint that there is no reason for him to feel insecure here, that he is perfectly safe. Suddenly, something is thrown through the window and crashes at Hawkeye's feet. 'An egg?' Clint asks. 'Oh, my!' Dr Steinmetz's utters. Hawkeye wonders why anyone would throw and egg through window. He glances outside and sees two figures in a blue and red costumes standing nearby – 'Get down! Behind the chairs!' Hawkeye shouts, pushing Mockingbird and Dr Steinmetz to the ground. 'Hawk! What do you think you're doing?' Bobbi asks, while Dr Steinmetz tells Hawkeye that he is overreacting, as it is just an egg – but an instant later the egg explodes, releasing a blinding light, and Percy and Barton Grimes a.k.a. the Brothers Grimm suddenly leap into the office.
Hawkeye pushes Dr Steinmetz into a closet and tells him that he and Mockingbird can handle this better without him in the way. Hawkeye turns to Mockingbird and suggests they put aside their differences and cream these guys, reminding her that they were able to do it when they checked out the Great Lakes Avengers. 'You don't have to ask me twice. Let's do it!' Mockingbird replies as she moves towards one of the Brothers Grimm, battle stave in hand. 'It'll be a piece of cake!' Mockingbird calls out. 'Did someone say cake? I don't have a cake but maybe a pie will do!' one of the Brothers Grimm remarks as he shoves a pie into Mockingbird's face. From the pie several blackbirds appear, who swarm around Mockingbird, she tries to swat the away, waving her battle staves about.
One of the Brothers Grimm moves towards Hawkeye on a cloud, while the other appears on some sort of trapeze swing. 'While the lovely Mockingbird is knocking out birds, we'll see to her lesser half!' one of the Brothers exclaims. Hawkeye grabs his quiver filled with arrows and tells the villain that I've got my bow and quiver – you'll be “grimming” out the other side of your mouth -' Hawkeye shouts, preparing to fire an arrow, his arm pulls back – and knocks against a window. Clint decides that it is a big cramped in here for his fighting style, and decides that the Brothers Grimm only seem to have pies for him, so he thinks they should see about a little fresh air. Hawkeye fires an arrow up  to a flagpole that protrudes from the side of the building, and swings out the window, hoisting himself up to the rooftop where he has some breathing room. He somersaults across the rooftop, telling himself to be ready for the Brothers Grimm, but as he turns around, he doesn't see them anywhere. 'What's taking them so long?' Hawkeye wonders, arrow poised to fire.
Hawkeye hears someone climbing up the side of the building, an decides to use a net-arrow to wrap this up. 'Okay, guys, let's call it a night!' Hawkeye calls out, but it's not the Brothers Grimm who appear on the rooftop – it's Mockingbird. 'Whoa! Hold it right there, lover!' Bobbi calls out and tells Clint to put the arrow down, joking that they don't want to take this divorce thing too far. 'Divorce? I thought we'd finished with the idea of divorce?' Hawkeye replies, telling Bobbi that he thought they were going to try to work out their problems with this marriage counselor. Bobbi tells Clint that she was just kidding, and asks him where the Brothers Dim are now. Clint tells her that he doesn't know, that he thought they were with her. 'No. We is us!' the brother on the cloud exclaims as he rises up the side of the building, while the other levitates up on the trapeze swing. 'Let's just finish up with these clowns, Hawky – these shrinks charge by the fifty minute hour!' Bobbi jokes.
'Here's something free of charge, Mockingbird – fairy dust!' one of the Brothers Grimm exclaims as he releases the strange dust at Bobbi, which freezes her where she stands. 'While the lady is frozen like a statue, we can continue without the benefit of her non-stop chatter' the brother on the cloud points out. 'That's no lady, bozos – that's my ex-wife!' Hawkeye exclaims, while Bobbi discovers that she can't move a muscle, and supposes she has been taken out by nerve gas. Hawkeye quickly fires two arrows, knocking both of the Brothers Grimm backwards, he tells him that he doesn't appreciate anyone shutting up Mockingbird, but asks if they can tell him where he can get some of that dust.
The Brothers Grimm land on the rooftop, and turn to Hawkeye as he asks them where the rest of their Night Shift buddies are. 'Don't you usually travel together do you don't get lost in the dark?' he jokes. One of the brothers declares that they have no need for the rest of the Night Shift. 'That's correct, brother. We will kill him ourselves and collect the -' the second brother begins, before the first interrupts him, telling him that they have said too much already. 'Collect? Collect what?' Hawkeye wonders, curious also as to what their boss in the Night Shift, the Shroud, knows about this. Hawkeye announces that it is time to tie up these two loose ends with a bola-arrow. 'Allow me, Percy – an acid-filled egg should take care of his little trick arrow!' Barton tells his brother, tossing the egg at Hawkeye's bola arrow, the egg cracks open and destroys the arrow with the acid. Percy thanks his brother and conjures up a magical whoopee cushion, which he then sits on, blasting some forceful air towards Hawkeye, and boasting that it will take the wind out of his sails.
Hawkeye is knocked back by the wind – and smell – which carry him to the edge of the rooftop and gags him, too. Thankfully, Hawkeye is able to  grab onto the edge of the rooftop, and saves himself from falling over. 'Quickly, now! Finish him off!' one of the Brothers Grimm declares, readying a pie, while the other holds an egg and fires something at Hawkeye. 'Yes, let's!' he exclaims, while Hawkeye mutters that there is no end to the dangerous junk that these guys can conjure up – but points out that he still has a few tricks up his sleeves. 'Er, make that sleeve' Hawkeye adds as he fires a smoke arrow, that engulfs the Brothers Grimm in a dark smoke. 'He thinks he can stop the Brothers Grimm with smoke?' one of them asks, unimpressed. 'He is a fool – isn't he?' the other remarks, but as the smoke clears, they find that Hawkeye has vanished. 'How could he have disappeared so quickly? Where could he have gone?' the other asks. They look over the edge of the rooftop, pie and egg ready, but one of them points out that he doesn't see Hawkeye. 'Did you say something?' the other asks, before an arrow swoops towards them.
Seconds later, 'Caught you by surprise, didn't I, boys?' Hawkeye asks as he dangles the Brothers Grimm from the rooftop, both brothers wrapped in a coil, they look up at Hawkeye, who suggests to them that while they wait for the police, they might like to tell him what this is all about. Suddenly though, Hawkeye hears a growl, and wonders who is behind him – he turns, too late, as Mad-Dog lunges at him. 'You can call me your killer!' Mad-Dog snarls, forcing Hawkeye to the edge of the rooftop. 'Uh, no thanks' Hawkeye replies, while Mad-Dog boasts that he will be the one to finish Hawkeye off, not those two buffoons. Hawkeye wonders what Mad-Dog's beef is, as he has never met him before. Hawkeye remembers Mad-Dog from the Avengers' files, and recalls that Mad-Dog has poison fangs – which Mad-Dog suddenly bites down into Hawkeye's arm. Hawkeye screams, and thrashes about, which forces himself and Mad-Dog to fall off the rooftop, down past the captive Brothers Grimm, and straight onto the roof of a yellow convertible car parked below.
The cover of the convertible cushions their fall, but Hawkeye can feel Mad-Dog's venom weakening him already. They fall to the sidewalk, where Mad-Dog tells Hawkeye to give up, and suggests that if Hawkeye lets him sink his fangs into his throat without a struggle, he will die quickly, not painfully. Suddenly, something, or someone, knocks Mad-Dog off of Hawkeye, who looks over to see Bobcat, poised nearby. 'His head belongs to Bobcat, Dog-Breath!' Bobcat calls out to Mad-Dog, warning him to get out of his way, or else he will kill him, too. Mad-Dog growls, and Hawkeye jokes 'Where's the ASPCA when you need it?'
2nd story:The West Coast Avengers' Palos Verdes Compound, where Hawkeye, the Scarlet Witch, the Vision and Wonder Man are gathered in the communications room. Hawkeye holds up a video tape and tells his team that they have a special treat today – that they are going to learn some Avengers history that none of them ever knew about before. The Scarlet Witch assumes that the video tape has something to do with it, and the Vision agrees. Hawkeye tells them that it has everything to do with it – that this tape holds the secret of the most mysterious Avenger of all – the Swordsman! Wonder Man remarks that the Swordsman was the first Avenger to die in action. 'That's him' Hawkeye replies, before reminding his teammates that before he was an Avenger, the Swordsman had been a super villain, and that Uncle Sam doesn't let them hand out Avengers ID cards to former bad guys without asking some questions first.
Hawkeye continues, revealing that running into the Swordsman's spirit a few weeks ago reminded him how little they knew of the guy, so he called the Feds, cited the Freedom of Information Act, and requested this video tape from them. Hawkeye explains that it is the Swordsman's debriefing tape to the FBI – the only record anywhere of his true origin. The Scarlet Witch reminds her friend that he knew the Swordsman when he was young, but asks if he still knew nothing of the Swordsman's past. 'Nope!' Hawkeye replies, as the video begins to play, and the Swordsman appears on the monitor.
In video recordingA voice from off-camera asks the Swordsman to tell in his own words who he is, and how he became the Swordsman. The masked Swordsman replies that his own words come most reluctantly, for he has never told this story before – but that there is never a day when he does not remember it. He reveals that it was many times ago, in a small nation of Southeast Asia, a French protectorate that could barely be found on a map, but in his early years, it was his home – the land of Sin-Cong. He remarks that the guns of one war had stopped some years ago, but the guns of another war were being readied, and they lived in comparative luxury, his father was a government official, Armand Duquesne. 'And my name was...'
In flashback'... Jacques – you are 18 years old today. You are a man. Today I shall tell you of another man, whose blood is said to run proudly in our veins' Armand Duquesne remarks. The well-dressed older man holds a sword up to a painting of a man in a red costume. Jacques, hands in pockets, asks his father if he is going to cough up the truth about that musketeer. Armand informs his son that that ”musketeer” actually lived, and that he was one of France's proudest heroes during the First World War – the Crimson Cavalier! Armand looks up at the painting and declares that he had many brave deeds against the Huns – deeds which ended with the war itself. He adds that no one is sure who he was, or if he still exists, but there are rumors, which he believes are true, that make him a Duquesne. Armand tells Jacques that as proof, he bears one of the Crimson Cavalier's swords, one given to him by his father, which he now gifts to Jacques today.
Armand holds up the sword and offers a demonstration – with one stroke, he slices several candlesticks – and with the next stroke, their metal holders. He announces that the sword can cut all but the hardest metals with ease. 'Perhaps I'll wear it to my next party' Jacques mutters as he watches. Suddenly, a man enters the room, 'I beg pardon, Master! The birthday meal is prepared...' he announces. Armand spins around: 'What? You insufferable dog! I warned you never to disturb me in my study!' he snaps. 'Father -!' Jacques calls out, but Armand shouts 'Silence' and that if one cannot rule his own household, then he is certainly not fit to rule a nation of filthy dogs. 'And I am fit to rule them! Am I not, dog?' Armand asks, slapping the other man across his face. 'Yes, Master – yes! Yes! We are most fortunate!' the frightened man utters. Armand tells him to go and to tell his wife and children that his behavior has lost him a week's wages. 'That should help you remember how we are to be treated!' Armand declares. Covering his face, the other man leaves the room, 'Yes, Master! Ngyuen will remember!' he stammers.
Jacques frowns and announces that his father will have to celebrate his birthday without him. 'I'm sure you understand – all this excitement has simply spoiled my appetite' he declares. But Armand tells his son that they can't be weak with these people, and that they don't want them to be. 'Their necks are made for a very heavy yoke' Armand adds, telling Jacques that if they were left to themselves, they would never know how to run a country. He suggests his son be proud of what they have done for these people. Jacques leaves his father's study, and calls out to Ngyuen. 'For what little it's worth, let me apologize for my father – and I'll make up double of your wages from my own pocket. Will that help?' Jacques asks. 'Not enough, young Sir!' Ngyuen responds. Jacques asks if Ngyeun wishes a release, and offers to arrange it. 'You've been so patient' Jacques points out. Ngyuen replies that he would wish a release, and asks if Jacques would follow him and let him show how.
So, Jacques follows Ngyuen through circuitous paths, several check points, too, until they come to a small shack, where a man standing in the door asks Ngyeun 'Why have you brought him here? He is one of them'. Ngyuen tells the other man that their struggle knows no color, and Jacques is allowed into the stack, where, for the first time, he sits with a captive people and they take no notice of him. For an hour, they listened to an orator, the likes of whom Jacques has never heard. The orator stands before the people and states that for over a century, the land that is rightfully theirs has been dominated by a foreign devil, one who has proclaimed his superiority without basis, one who claims to fight against another tyranny that he may entrench his own. 'My brothers of Sin-Cong, such things are not the natural order!' the orator calls out. He tells them that the banner of self-rule has already been raised in China, and in other of their neighboring lands, and that they will help in this struggle. 'But without your help, nothing will change. Without your help, you will remain slaves... and, from this moment on, you will know your own hand has forged your chains'. The orator asks the gathered group if they will give their aid, wield the sword that will strike off their chains. Jacques smiles and declares that he, of all me – he can wield that sword!
Not long after that, Jacques enters his ancestral home for the last time. His father is off attending some function, which Jacques thinks is just as well, as they would have had little to say to each other as ever – perhaps even less that night. Jacques stitches together a purple costume for himself, and declares that now is the hour, that he can understand why men sch as the Cavalier or Captain America took such a role – to become a living symbol of hope, freedom – and justice long-deferred! Changing into his new costume, Jacques holds up the sword given to him and looks at the painting of the Crimson Cavalier, he salutes the Crimson Cavalier, and remarks that though they are generations apart, surely he knows they serve the same cause. Jacques remarks that if Hitler had no right to occupy their native land in the Great War, then surely they, in turn, have no right to enslave the natives of this country – and if he must fight their people in such a cause, then so be it. He declares that from this moment on, the name of Jacques Duquesne is a memory, and that in his place stands the weapon of the liberators of Sin-Cong – a weapon men shall call the Swordsman!
Several days later, that “weapon” first draws blood, fighting alongside the free men of Sin-Cong, they make their way through a jungle, and one of the free men tells the Swordsman 'you know your role, Frenchman! If you turn on us -' to which the Swordsman tells the man that his blade may have two edges, but both are turned against the enemy, as he will see in a moment. They move towards a power station which the Swordsman knows supplies current to most of the city. He has toured it several times, and discovered that security is nonexistent here. 'Then strike – and let darkness fall!' his comrade exclaims. A moment later, the Swordsman enters the power station, 'Good evening, gentlemen! Show your intelligence – get out of the way, or share the fate of your generators!' the Swordsman tells the French officials inside. 'What in the -' one of them utters. 'Mon dieu! A gang of reds, and a masked white man with a sword!' another man exclaims. 'He means shut up and move to the side!' the Swordsman's comrade exclaims, aiming his weapon at the officials. The Swordsman and the other free men show mercy, and the officials show sense, as Swordsman and his allies get down to business – and darkness soon falls over the city as the power station is destroyed.
'Victory! Victory!' one of the free men shouts. 'Well, it will do for tonight' the gruff comrade exclaims. 'For tonight? No – not for more than a second! Not until the oppressors of your people are gone, and Sin-Cong is once again a free land!' Hawkeye exclaims. He holds his sword high and declares that the Swordsman's blade will be the cutting edge of this revolution, and swears to them that they will see victory before he ceases swinging it. 'I must wage a war with failed poets. Ah, well, so long as he can fight' the gruff comrade mutters.
The Swordsman had waged war, had been triumphant, and knew that is cause was right – at least, for a time. The months fly by, they suffer defeats, but never give in, and after a time, they begin dealing out defeats with more men flocking to their cause every day – and fewer French faces in front of them. But, more than a year after their conflict began, the Swordsman reminds his gruff comrade, Wong-Chu, of their bargain – that if the news they await is favorable, his father and he are to be allowed free passage out of Sin-Cong. Wong-Chu tells the Swordsman that he and his father will be reunited soon enough, good news or bad, but now, he should relax for once. Suddenly, an announcement can be heard over a loud speaker, stating that the general accord has been signed, and that the French forces shall withdraw – the People's Government has been established. 'We have triumphed! Oh, day of glory, out land is ours!' Wong-Chu shouts, raising his gun above his head.
'Well, Wong-Chu?' the Swordsman asks. Wong-Chu looks at the Swordsman and tells him that one revolutionary's value he lacks is patience, before asking him to come with him. The Swordsman stares at Wong-Chu, who asks him why he displays such a grim stare towards his long-time ally. The Swordsman tells Wong-Chu that the time for talk is past. 'If you don't come through on our deal -'  he begins, to which Wong-Chu reminds the Swordsman that he promised him his father, and his father he shall have. Wong-Chu instructs the Swordsman to enter the hut up ahead and tells him that all his doubts will be set aside, to which the Swordsman reminds Wong-Chu that his blade has two edges – one for enemies and one for traitors.
Once inside the hut, the Swordsman comments on the number of guards. 'I had no idea my father was such a dangerous man' the Swordsman remarks. 'We regard him highly! We would not want him to damage himself!' Wong-Chu replies. 'Enough! Where is he?' the Swordsman demands. Wong-Chu suddenly tells the guards to take their places and declares that this farce is over. He assures the Swordsman that he is no traitor, but a man of his word. He walks over to a blanket on the floor and pulls it back – revealing the lifeless body of Armand Duquesne beneath it. 'You are reunited, no? I merely neglected to say that he was killed in the first year of the revolution by your butler' Wong-Chu grins. 'Good God!' the Swordsman gasps, while Wong-Chu grins wickedly and points out that the Swordsman never asked. 'Did you really think we owed anything to a French dog...even one who was stupid enough to fight on our side?' Wong-Chu exclaims.
The Swordsman falls silent and closes his eyes. 'This conversation lags, comrades! I'm sure he would rather compare notes with his father! Let us reunite them fully – fire!' Wong-Chu calls out, but the Swordsman reaches across and grabs Wong-Chu, 'Yes, Wong-Chu! Let them fire all they want to – and see where they end up!' he exclaims, using Wong-Chu as a human shield. 'Hold your fire, you imbeciles!' Wong-Chu calls out. One of the guards announces that he must try, and hopes to get a lucky shot, but another guard tells him that if he does, he will put five shots in his lucky cranium. The Swordsman knows that the revolutionaries have made the gravest mistake of all – thinking that one man with a sword was no match for six men with guns. One of the guards grabs Swordsman from behind, and puts him in a choke hold. 'I'll hold him – you hit him! Hurry! He's like a greased lion!' the guard calls out to his comrades. 'Protect me, you swine!' Wong-Chu utters, while another guard prepares to bring the handle of his gun down on the Swordsman, 'One more second, you fools... and watch his sword man!' he calls out.
But, as he tries to bring his gun down on the Swordsman's hand, the Swordsman twists his body, and the gun slams into the guard holding him. For the Swordsman, it now became a mathematics lesson. He performed subtraction and it was a lesson that none would ever forget, long after the instructor was gone. 'We've got to shoot! It's the only way!' one of the guards exclaims. 'And hit Wong-Chu? Are you insane?' another calls out. 'Better insane than dead! Let him have it!' a third declares as they open fire, striking the wall of the hut behind the Swordsman. The Swordsman throws Wong-Chu towards the other guards, leaving himself open for attack. 'Death to the people's enemy!' one of the guards shouts, as he opens fire – but is struck down when the Swordsman throws a dagger into his stomach. The Swordsman has to show that he agreed with that sentiment. He takes another out, thinking that six armed men less six armed men equaled none – but a sudden pain in his arm showed him that his subtraction was wrong – Wong-Chu was still alive and had shot the Swordsman in the arm.
The Swordsman kicks Wong-Chu in the face, knocking him back, he then holds his sword to Wong-Chu's neck. 'So this is it, then? The stupid Frenchman and the wise communist alone? You know what I gave up to help you, Wpong-Chu? You know I gave up everything!' the Swordsman exclaims. He tells Wong-Chu that he thought he was liberating his people, he thought he was a crusader – but really, he was just the tool of another tyranny. 'I had a cause... blast you... blast your soul, I had a cause!' the Swordsman shouts as he slams his fist into Wong-Chu's face. Jacques cannot bring himself to kill Wong-Chu, so he makes his way out of the hut, and none of the soldiers dare to stop him – they parted ranks like an honor guard – after all, who is more dangerous than a fallen idealist?
In video recordingThe Swordsman tells the feds that the rest they know – he became a mercenary, a thief and even an Avenger. He recalls nearly destroying the Avengers for the Mandarin – but couldn't, as they were too much what he wanted to be. An image appears of the Swordsman, Captain America and Mantis, as the Swordsman states that his contact with Mantis finally steadied his path – that and his encounters with Captain America, who forced him to realize what he spurned might still exist. The recording ends with the Swordsman stating that that is his story, and he requests that it not leave this office, as he has living relatives to whom it would cause great pain – almost as much as it has caused him.
RealityHawkeye ejects the video tape from the console and stares at the blank screen, while the Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man and Vision turn and leave the room. 'Uh, guys... maybe we can use the tape to record a Laker's game?' Hawkeye calls out after them.


[User]
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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
1st story: Tooth & Nail and Hammer and Bullet and Chainsaw!! 2nd story: Once there was a Swordsman
1st story:
'Hawkeye is mine!' Bobcat exclaims. 'Mine!' Mad-Dog growls as the two criminals stare each other down, with Clint “Hawkeye” Barton trapped between the two of them. 'No need to fight over me like cats and dog – never mind' Hawkeye mutters. 'Look, dog-breath, you had your chance and you blew it. Get out of my way and let me take what's mine!' Bobcat tells Mad-Dog, who snarls that he had Hawkeye exactly where he wanted him before Bobcat interfered. 'Now I'll have to rip out your stinking cat guts!' Mad-Dog exclaims as he lunges at Bobcat, forcing him to the ground, the men begin to scrap. 'Quit drooling on me, flea-bag! Or my claws will make history of your eyes – I need the practice removing body parts!' Bobcat exclaims, before he kicks Mad-Dog backwards. Hawkeye, meanwhile, has moved away from the criminals, and thinks that this is just what he needs – two refugees from an animal shelter killing each other to decide who kills him. He remembers the Brothers Grimm attacking him and Mockingbird at the marriage counselor, before Mad-Dog came out of nowhere and bit him on the forearm. Clint knows that he is going to have to go to a doctor, as he thinks Mad-Dog injected some venom into him. He doesn't feel too bad though – until he suddenly collapses.
Clint gets back to his feet, and starts to make his way down the street. Bobcat and Mad-Dog notice this, 'Moron! He's getting away!' Bobcat exclaims. Clint knows that he won't be able to outrun them in this condition, while Mad-Dog warns Bobcat that he will finish him after he tears out Hawkeye's throat. 'You can have his throat, Fido! That's not where the money's at!' Bobcat declares as he rushes down the street, with Mad-Dog following him. Suddenly, Hawkeye spins around and fires an arrow towards his foes, which releases some sort of gas. 'Sorry about the tear-gas arrow, guys! Please don't turn me into the ASPCA!' Hawkeye jokes, while Bobcat and Mad-Dog are stopped in their tracks. Hawkeye uses this moment to sneak down a nearby alley. He tells himself that this just isn't his night, and uses his transceiver to signal for his sky-cycle so he can get back to the West Coast Avengers Compound. But looking up to the sky, his transport doesn't appear. Hawkeye wonders what is going on, and decides that he can't wait all night, as “Marmaduke” and “Garfield” are liable to catch up with him. He stumbles along the alley, planning to get out of this part of the city, but he knows without his sky-cycle that is not going to be easy.
Meanwhile, in his office, marriage counselor Myron Steinmetz looks out his broken window as he speaks to someone on the phone, reporting that everything is going as planned – that Hawkeye has been separated  from Mockingbird, the signal to his sky-cycle has been jammed and he has been drugged by Mad-Dog, and is now alone on foot. Steinmetz looks down at the alleyway where he can see Hawkeye, and informs the person on the other end of the phone that Hawkeye is alone and on foot, that they will be able to keep him under surveillance, and that he should be easy pickings. 'Excellent!' the voice on the other end of the phone responds.
Making his way out onto another street, Hawkeye thinks that this just doesn't make sense. He knows he isn't the most popular guy, so why all of a sudden does every Tom, Dick and Mad-Dog want a piece of him. 'Well, at least I lost the Kennel Club' he jokes to himself, gazing around, he sees that the cost is clear. 'Make that was clear! Who the -' Hawkeye begins as several energy blasts are fired at him, striking the ground around his feet. 'Come on, Bow-Nose, you remember me – the Bullet Biker!' Dillon Zarro exclaims from his high-tech motorcycle. 'I wish I didn't, but I do' Hawkeye mutters, leaping across the street as more blasts are fired at him. 'I don't need this' Clint thinks to himself as he ducks under a car and hides. 'Hiding under an old Plymouth with poison coursing through my veins while a reject from a bad Hell's Angel movie takes pot shots at me – is not my idea of a fun night!' Clint tells himself, watching as the Bullet Biker speeds towards the car and comes to a stop.
'I'd be doing this even if the boss wasn't offering all kinds of money, Mr Goody Two-Bows!' Bullet Biker calls out, boasting that he was his employer's top extortionist before Hawkeye came along, playing Mr Super Hero, and that his boss let him sweat it out in that stinking jail for a month before he broke him out for this job – so Hawkeye is his ticket back to the top. Hawkeye tries reach into his quiver for an arrow, but it's too cramped under the car to take a shot, so he crawls out the other side of the car. 'I've had it! I don't care how much I'm hurting – I'm not hiding from Bullet Biker, Mad-Dog, Bobcat or any other two-bit villain tonight or any night!' Hawkeye thinks to himself, even with his head fuzzy, he hopes he can get one good shot off – but discovers that his bow is stuck on the muffler, and Bullet Biker is already at the car. Clint has no time to retrieve his arrow, so leaps out from under the car and dives behind some trash cans that in front of an alleyway, as Bullet Biker exclaims 'You're trashed, man!' and slams his motorcycle into the trash cans, which knock into Hawkeye and send him careening down the alleyway
Hawkeye is not injured though, but his head is spinning more than before. 'I really don't need this garbage' he jokes to himself as he looks at an open trash can in front of him. He needs to focus and get a fix on where Bullet Bikers is. He peers past the garbage and sees the Bullet Biker at the end of the alleyway. 'Face it, tough guy. You're unarmed and beaten. But don't feel too bad... you really never stood a chance. After all, I'm the best money can buy!' Bullet Biker boasts that once he has a piece of Hawkeye, he will have plenty of moolah. 'I've taken enough of your garbage, Boast Rider – so put a lid on it!' Hawkeye exclaims as he hurls a trash can lid like a Frisbee, it slams into the Bullet Biker's helmet and knocks him backwards off his bike. 'Captain America'd be proud of that little move' Clint tells himself as he rushes down the street – unaware that he is being monitored.
Back in his office, Steinmetz reports in as he keeps watch of Hawkeye via some video monitors. Steinmetz informs the person he is speaking to on the phone that Hawkeye has dispatched the Bullet Biker, though he seems the worse for it – and the next group should finish him off. Leaning against a lamppost, Clint has trouble shaking the cobwebs out o his skull. He realizes that it seems like every criminal he has had a run-in with his after him tonight. He wonders what they all want, when suddenly, a voice calls out 'Yo, archer! The fun is just starting!' Hawkeye looks over and sees someone in a red and purple costume juggling some knives and daggers. 'Knicknack!' Hawkeye exclaims, realizing that he had forgotten about his New York-based enemies. 'I assume you want to kill me, too?' Hawkeye asks, but Knicknack smiles and tells Hawkeye that they don't want to kill him – they just wanna play. He hurls a dagger towards Hawkeye, which lands in the lamppost near Hawkeye's head. “We?” Hawkeye quotes, before a razor-sharp wing is thrown at him, cutting his shoulder. 'Courtesy of the Ringleader! Head of the Death Throws!' the juggling Ringleader calls out as he juggles several of the razor-sharp discs.
If Hawkeye remembers correctly, then there are five of these jokers. 'Oww! My leg' Hawkeye calls out as Tenpin throws a pin at Hawkeye, striking him in the leg. 'Long time no see, Bow-Brain!' Tenpin calls out, before Oddball asks Tenpin to save some for him. 'But of course!' Tenpin replies, motioning to Oddball, he remarks that he has to make sure his big brother and his main squeeze get their shots in, as the two of them clashed with Hawkeye before the rest of them did. 'Watch your mouth, pin-head! I'm packing a lot of fire-power in some of these babies!' Bombshell boasts as she juggles several grenades and bombs. She suggests to Oddball that he tenderize Hawkeye before she gets her piece. Hawkeye cries out in pain as Oddball throws one of his juggling balls at him, cracking one or two of his ribs. 'If I don't get out of here, I'm dead!' Hawkeye realizes. The Death Throws begin to surround him, each of them juggling their respective deadly weapons as they close in on Hawkeye, who knows that no matter which direction he goes, he is going to run into one of them – almost – as he suddenly begins to climb the railings on the lamppost, hoping that his rib and leg will hold out.
'Hey! He's getting away!' Oddball exclaims. 'To where?' Ringleader asks. Hawkeye reaches the top of the lamppost and tells himself that this is his only chance, while the Death Throws hurl their weapons  towards him. 'Keep throwing! We wanna bring him down before anyone else shows up!' Oddball exclaims. Hawkeye hopes that Bombshell wasn't bragging about the power of her bombs, as he tosses an arrow towards one of them, which explodes, and creates some cloud cover above the Death Throws, who all leap to the ground, enabling Hawkeye to throw an arrow with a cable across to a nearby rooftop. He knows that it will take Oddball and his cronies a little while ti pick up the pieces after that, Hawkeye swings across on the cable arrow, landing on the rooftop nearby. He thought that he would never be able to get along without his bow, though would rather not have to do it for too much longer.
Hawkeye lands on the rooftop, and clutches his broken ribs. Along with his leg and his head, he feels like they are fighting to see which will give out first. He knows he has to rest, but suddenly, 'Hey, kiddo – long time no see!' a voice exclaims. Hawkeye looks up to see someone in a similar costume to his aiming their bow and arrow at him – it's Trickshot!

2nd story:
Los Angeles, California, where the ghostly android Avenger hovers over the city, of which every inch of its varied face is known to him, programmed into his infallible computer brain. Yet none of it is truly familiar, none of it is living memory. He looks down at the snail's pace crawl of the endless ribbon of traffic and wonders in his cold, robotic way, why this morning's police bulletins concerned themselves with the theft of a municipal bus. Who, the Vision asks himself, though the thought does not take place in any human language, who would be mad enough to want so cumbersome a vehicle in this press of steel and glass. Were the Vision to direct his glowing sensors to an armored truck nearby, he would get his answer.
'Hey! Look out!' the driver of the armored truck exclaims as a large bus slams into the side of the truck. 'Of all the stupid, lame-brained...it's like he swerved in front of us on purpose!' the driver exclaims, while his colleague points out that the bus is pulling out ahead. The driver suddenly notices something coming out of the bus vents, and his colleague tells him that it looks like smog. 'It is smog!' the driver gasps as the smog begins to choke them, filling the armored truck. They cough and cover their mouths, but the smog clogs up the truck and prevents them from seeing out the truck window. 'Can't see to steer!' the driver exclaims as the truck screeches into the side of the bus. The driver and his colleague drop out of the truck, choking, they need air. 'Still can't see!' the driver utters, when suddenly, a voice calls out 'That's okay, pops – you don't need to see us cart off all your bread!'
'You'll know it's happened!' the voice adds, as the driver and his colleague look up, 'Who?' the driver gasps in shock as three armored men appear among the smog. One of the men has yellow gauntlets attached to his arm which blasts the smog around them, while the two carry yellow weapons. 'Hey, that's right! We didn't introduce ourselves! That's real impolite! You can call us Smog Alert!' one of them shouts. He then reports that the armored truck guards are out and addresses one of his comrades as Sanchez and instructs him to get the keys and open the back of the truck. 'You got it, boss man!' Sanchez replies. 'Man o man, is this sweet. All those months of work are gonna pay off big time!' Sanchez exclaims as he puts the keys into the back of the truck. 'Don't waste time gassing about it, man. Let's crack this piggy bank an' split!' another declares, pointing out that there are too many super heroes in this town since the Avengers opened up a franchise – and they don't wanna waste time in case one of them – too late, though. 'Oh, split!' Sanchez mutters as they open the back of the truck, and find the Vision waiting for them.
The Vision state that his programming informs him vehicles such as this are for the conveyance of valuables from one point to another – and withdrawals are not made en route. 'That voice! Who -' one of the Smog Alert operative declares as they blast smog into the back of the truck. 'It doesn't matter! Smog 'im!' another responds. But an instant later, the Vision slams his fist into one of the Smog Alert members, Sanchez, knocking him backwards. 'Sanchez!' one of the operatives calls out, while the Vision turns to him and tells him that Sanchez will be unharmed, though no longer conscious, as he did not strike with full strength, as his programming indicates that would have been lethal. 'Yeah? Well, excuse me if I don't show you the same consideration, spooky!' the other Smog Alert member replies as he opens fire at close range. 'Eat this!' he shouts as the blast strikes the Vision's chest. The Vision frowns as he informs the Smog Alert operative that his scan indicates the projectiles are metallic, and non-combustible, so he reduces his density sufficient to allow the blast to pass through him, while slowing their forward momentum, thus avoiding the endangering of any humans behind him.
The Vision then fires a beam of energy from his forehead which prevents further use of the weapon as he destroys the gun, and the Smog Alert operative drops to his knees, 'You melted the gun...burned me...' while clutching his hand. The Vision's scan tells him that there is no damage to the man's surface tissue. 'Oh yeah? Well, “surface tissue” this!' another Smog Alert operative exclaims as he comes up behind the Vision – only to fall through the Vision's intangible body. The Vision explains renders both of the Smog Alert operatives unconscious by penetrating their forms while his density is still at minimum. The Smog Alert members moan as they pass out. He goes over to the first operative that he incapacitated, but the one with the gauntlets who was incapacitated first tells the Vision not to count on it, and appears before him, holding a woman hostage. 'I kinda thought you'd be getting back t'me. That's why I collected a little insurance. He warns the Vision to back off before he wastes this bimbo. 'As you wish' the Vision responds as he phases down into the ground, leaving the woman wide-eyed in shock as she utters 'He – he left me?'
'Yeah... sure... guess he knew when he was beat!' the Smog Alert operative declares, holding a gun at the woman's head. Suddenly, someone taps him on the shoulder, and he turns around to see the Vision standing before him, as he passes out. 'Huh?' the woman asks, turning to the Vision, who asks her if she is all right. 'You are out of danger now -' the Vision begins, before the woman throws herself at him. 'Oh, waow! You saved me!' she exclaims in an affected tone. 'What can I ever do to repay you?' she asks. The Vision doesn't respond to the woman's arms around him and simply remarks that it is possible she has experienced a trauma, and asks if he can convey her to a hospital. The woman looks up at the Vision as she presses her head against his chest and sighs, telling him that won't be necessary, while wondering why she always gets the lives ones.
Suddenly, a voice shouts 'Hold it right there, you two!' and the Vision and the woman turn to find that they are surrounded by police officers. 'Where did they come from?' the woman asks. 'Undoubtedly the nearest station house...' the Vision responds matter-of-factly, before asking the officers how he can assist them. 'Just step away from the girl and keep your hands in plains sight!' one of the officers shouts through a megaphone, before asking the woman if she is all right. 'Hey, don't get so hostile, flat-top!' the woman retorts, she points at the Vision and tells the officers that he has been doing their job, and he saved her. 'Oh, ah. That's all right then' the officer responds, sheepishly, before instructing his colleagues to lower their weapons. The officer apologizes to the Vision for the mistake, and explains that he didn't recognize him as one of the good guys. 'You new in town?' he asks, before offering the Vision a doughnut. 'No to both queries, officer. I do not eat... and I am not “new in town”. I am the Vision' he responds.
'The Vision, huh?' the officer asks, looking suspicious, he asks the Vision what happened to him, as he sure doesn't look like the ID photos they have back at the station. 'No, I expect I do not' the Vision responds, explaining that he was recently dismantled, necessitating considerable effort to reassemble his android body. “Disassembled?” the officer asks. 'You mean like in – they took you apart?' he enquires, before asking if that hurt. The Vision states that he cannot say, for he has no memory of the event. He then excuses himself and takes flight. 'Er, yeah...sure. But if I were you...I'd find some way to let people know you're you...before you scare somebody to death!' the police officer calls out after the Vision.
As he soars through the city, the Vision realizes that the police officer is correct, for hiss new appearance, while not greatly different from his original form, he nonetheless different enough that he might strike fear into those it is his intent to aid. He realizes that it is therefore necessary that he makes his changed form known to as many people as possible in as short a time as possible. He scans his programmed memory for the most efficacious manner in which to achieve this end, as logically, there must be some simple means of addressing the largest number of persons at one time.
On a studio stage, a man is on his knees, singing “Hey! Mister Tambourine Man... play a song for...” but as he looks up, he stops himself, as the Vision drops down onto the stage, standing between the man and the camera crew. 'What in Sam Hill...' the camera operator mutters, as the Vision states 'Please do not be alarmed. I am the Vision, of the Avengers. I wish only to take a moment of your time to...reintroduce myself' he explains. 'The Vision?' someone in the audience asks. 'He’s that robot guy!' another exclaims. 'I thought he was red and green?' someone asks. 'And yellow' another adds. 'Red and green and yellow...' someone declares, while the host of the show, Johnny Carson, smiles, 'Ooookay!' he exclaims, adding that they won't be bringing out Norman Mailer just yet.
The Vision walks over to Johnny Carson and apologizes for intruding on  the taping of his program, explaining that he seemed the most logical way to reach the largest number of people. Johnny Carson stands up and remarks that is as close to a compliment as he ever got from a machine, before offering  the Vision to take a seat. The Vision thanks Johnny, while explaining that he is not a machine, but a synthezoid – an artificial man. The Vision sits down next to Johnny Carson's other guests – Charro and Pee-wee Herman. 'Aiee, caramba! You don't look artificial to me!' Charro exclaims, while Pee-wee Herman laughs and declares that the Vision looks more like Jambi – only he's not real, either! The Vision frowns as he states that he is not familiar with the person that Pee-wee Herman mentions. 'I guess not. You might call him the poor man's Doctor Strange, right, Paul?' Johnny asks, calling Pee-wee “Paul” which is his real name. 'You might say that... only I'm not poor!' Paul replies, bursting into laughter.
Pee-wee then asks the Vision if it is true he used to be the Human torch. 'No. Although that was once believed to be the case, it has since been proven otherwise, the original Torch was an android, whereas I am...' the Vision begins, as the wide-eyed Charro interrupts him: 'A seen-thezoid' she smiles, before asking the Vision if that means he is looking for “seen”. 'Coochie coochie!' she adds. The Vision is confused by “Coochie coochie” and states that he is programmed in seven hundred languages, along with the dialects and sub-tongues, but he is unfamiliar with that phrase. He asks as to its meaning, to which Johnny tells the Vision that it means to loosen up. 'Anybody who flies around barefoot should be more laid back!' Johnny tells him, suggesting that while they are all here and the tape is rolling, the Vision should cue them in as to why he dropped in like this.
The Vision thanks Johnny and explains that he came here primarily with the intent of assuring the viewing audience that although he no longer looks like the Vision they might remember from newspapers and television reports, he is, in fact, still that selfsame individual, and that it is his hope that he will continue to be of service to the populace at large as he has been in the past. 'Service?' Charro asks. 'Hey, you want to do a girl a good service...' Charro begins, to which Pee-wee turns to her and tells her not to waste her time, as somehow he doesn't think this guy's her idea of a fun date. The Vision looks at Johnny and thanks him for his time, before asking if this will be presented on tonight's broadcast. 'Oh, count on it, Vizh...if I can have your word you're not going to drop in on Pat and Arsenio,  too?' he asks. The Vision replies that that had been his plan, but he is willing to forego it, if it will facilitate the prompt airing of this program. He then bids everyone good afternoon, as he phases through the floor, vanishing.
Later, at the Palos Verdes Compound home and headquarters of the Avengers West Coast, the Vision's teammates are watching the screening of the Johnny Carson Show. 'Man o man o man! Vision, you are too much!' Tigra laughs. 'Too much? Is that all you have to say, Tigra? I can't believe he did that! I just can't believe it!' the unimpressed USAgent shouts, while the Scarlet Witch covers her face with her hand to hide her smirk. USAgent declares that Dr Pym reprogrammed the Vision after his memory was erased, and asks if this was his doing. 'No...no it isn't! But I wish it was! I really wish it was!' Pym laughs. The Wasp in her insect size form sits on the Vision's head, holding her stomach as she laughs, while Wonder Man leans on the frowning Vision and tells him that he may not look like himself anymore, but he thinks there is hope for him yet!


[User]
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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
1st story: A Show of Hands  -  2nd story: Waste Not, Want Not
(1st story)
'Never were too good at watching your back, kid!' Trickshot exclaims as he aims an arrow at Clint “Hawkeye” Barton, who stands only several feet away from him as the moon glows down on them. 'You're involved in this too, Trickshot? I thought you'd have checked out of this world by now!' Hakweye tells the man he used to perform with at the circus. 'No such luck, my former pupil!' Trickshot responds. 'Listen, tubbo, if you want a piece of me, you're going to have to take a number!' Hawkeye exclaims, clenching his fists, he declares that every slime-ball he has ever run into seems to be taking pot shots at him tonight. Hawkeye reveals that he has Mad-Dog's venom coursing through his veins, at least one broken rib, more bruises than he can count, and he has lost his bow. 'So unless you want to arm wrestle, you're flat out of luck, bub!' Hawkeye calls out. 'I thought you knew me better than that, squirt! I'm strictly a bow and arrow man!' Trickshot responds as he opens fire – the arrow nearly strikes Hawkeye, but it soars past him and knocks a hatchet aside.
'You missed?' Hawkeye remarks, confused, before he sees Knicknack of the Death Throws climbing up onto the rooftop. 'It would've gone right through me if you hadn't -' Hawkeye begins to tell Trickshot, but Knicknack tells him not to worry, as there are plenty more where that come from. Knicknack looks down to the ground and calls out to the Death Throws, informing them that Hawkeye is up here. 'And there's some fat guy with him! Shouldn't be too much of a problem!' Knicknack jokes. 'Fat? I'll give him fat!' Trickshot snaps as he fires several arrows at Knicknack that pin him to a wall, each arrow piercing his costume. 'YEOW!' Knicknack cries out, before watching as Trickshot helps Hawkeye across the rooftop, and asks Hawkeye where he is going. 'If it isn't us, it'll be someone else! Even with the old man's help, you can run but you can't hide!' Knicknack exclaims. 'Run? I can barely walk!' Hawkeye responds, while Trickshot tells him to hold on, that he will get him out of here.
Soon, down an alleyway: 'Ouch!' Clint utters as he sits on a crate while Trickshot wraps some bandages around his waist. Trickshot tells Clint to quit whining, and points out that the real pain will be when a doctor gets hold of him. Trickshot points out that Clint has bought himself a pack of trouble this time. 'No fooling, Sherlock!' Clint replies as he informs Trickshot that, so far, he has been attacked by the Brothers Grimm, Mad-Dog, Bobcat, Bullet Biker and those juggling clowns. He adds that he thinks there is a price on his head. 'Close, but no cigar!' Trickshot smiles as he reveals that the price isn't on Clint's head – it's on his arm! 'MY ARM?' Hawkeye shouts, confused. Trickshot tells him that it looks like someone is willing to pay a hefty price to the first person to bring in one of his arms. He adds that he guesses they figure he won't be able to shoot too well with only one. 'But don't worry, kiddo, the bright side is that they won't be able to collect the money if you get killed' Trickshot jokes.
Trickshot looks around a corner and tells Hawkeye that in order to keep him alive, they have to keep him moving. He adds that the streets are full of guys with all sorts of personal vendettas against him, and most wouldn't mind settling the score and making the big bucks to boot. Trickshot suggests to Hawkeye that he catch his breath while he can. Hawkeye wonders why Trickshot is being “Mr Helpful”, as it wasn't too long ago that Trickshot was the one with the vendetta against him. Trickshot looks back at Hawkeye and reports that the cost seems clear enough, so they should move, but that before they go, he wants to give him the once over, as best he can tell, someone must have planted an electronic bug on him, that is the only way they would be able to track him down – but Trickshot sees that Hawkeye has vanished. 'Bad move kid! Real bad!' Trickshot thinks to himself.
At that moment in the sewer under Trickshot's feet, Clint climbs down a ladder to the murky waters below, thinking that he slipped right out from under Trickshot's nose, and that he should have some breathing space down here – although he uses the term loosely. He supposes this will give him a chance to figure out where all these bad guys are coming from and how they are tracking him down. 'You'd think I had a sign on my back saying “Please take my arm”!' Hawkeye jokes, deciding that Mockingbird was the only one who knew he would be in this part of town tonight, he wonders if his estranged wife is in on this, but tells himself that is ridiculous, and that Mad-Dog's venom must be clouding his brain – he hopes.
At that moment, a figure standing in the cover of darkness listens on a phone as he is informed that Hawkeye is under surveillance, but has gotten away from the overweight archer, and they will confront him shortly. 'This time see to it that he doesn't escape! I will be coming ti witness the final operation personally!' the person in the shadows declares.
A few minutes later, Hawkeye trudges through some muck and admits to himself that he is losing it, that he is banged, bruised, bitten and exhausted. He comes to a stop and sits down, realizing that he has no idea where he is going or what he will do when he gets there. There is a strange SHING sound that starts to echo through the sewer tunnel and Clint thinks that there are some noisy rats down here – and big ones, too. He hears the noise getting closer, and not wanting to risk another fight in this condition, Hawkeye gets to his feet, but as he comes to an intersection in the tunnels, standing at the entrance to another tunnel is a figure with two blades for hands. 'Aww, no! I know that silhouette!' Clint thinks to himself.
'Hey, Archer. You look dog-tired' the figure at the tunnel entrance remarks, before offering to help him out by lightening his load – maybe take an arm or two. 'I heard you were dead!' Hawkeye calls back. 'Razor-Fist doesn't die so easily, bowman!' Razor-Fist exclaims as he lunges at Hawkeye and kicks him in the chest, knocking him backwards. 'But you will!' Razor-Fist warns Hawkeye as he attempts to shove his blades into Hawkeye, who rolls to one side, dodging the deadly blades as he utters 'I thought you couldn't collect if I died!' Razor-Fist responds by kicking Hawkeye in the face and asking him if he heard about the reward. Razor-Fist kicks Hawkeye hard against the sewer wall and tells him that it is true that the price on his arm did attract his attention, and if he wants to collect it, he can't kill him. 'But I figure that if I ace an Avenger – even you – my price as an assassin will increase tenfold!' Razor-Fist explains.
'Wonderful! I've got to run into the one professional assassin with a marketing strategy!' Hawkeye thinks to himself as he reaches into his quiver and grabs an arrow, 'Only one thing I can think of! Hope it works!' Clint tells himself as he holds the arrow, pointed towards Razor-Fist who runs towards him and points out that it looks like he is down the sewer without a bow. 'Face it – you're done for!' Razor-Fist declares. 'You're right, I've had enough' Hawkeye responds, dropping to his knees in the dirty water. 'Do whatever you want!' Hawkeye tells Razor-Fist. The villain raises his blades overhead and tells Hawkeye that he appreciates him making it easy for him, and for that, he will make this as painful as possible – but as Razor-Fist brings his blades down towards Hawkeye, the archer suddenly raises is arrow – and as it connects with Razor-Fist's blades, the arrowhead explodes, releasing a sticky gunk. 'Haha, nice try! What was in that arrow, bubble gum?' Razor-Fist grins, before discovering that he cannot separate his blades. 'What is this stuff?' Razor-Fist asks.
'Face it, Raze – you're just putty in my hands!' Hawkeye jokes as he gets to his feet and shoves his knee into Razor-Fist's stomach. 'Sticky situations those putty arrows!' Hawkeye adds as he slams his elbow down on Razor-Fist's back. Razor-Fist drops to the murky water, and Hawkeye staggers forward, that fight taking the last bit of strength he could muster. He plans to crawl into a nice quiet corner and luck his wounds and get his head together before someone else shows up – unfortunately, as Hawkeye reaches another intersection of tunnels, he found himself confronted at each tunnel by one of his opponents. 'Where you off to, archer? The Brothers Grimm want to party!' one of the Brothers Grimm calls out, ready to throw a pie at Hawkeye, and another spins a yo-yo. 'With that yo-yo, I thought you were the Brothers Smothers!' Hawkeye calls back, telling them that he would love to stay and talk, but he will take another tunnel. 'Whoops, wrong tunnel!' Hawkeye exclaims, finding his exit blocked by Mad-Dog, who growls at him.
'Sorry, Mad-Dog. I don't have time to play fetch!' Hawkeye calls out, suggesting to Mad-Dog that he play with the Clown Brothers while he takes tunnel number three. But as Hawkeye moves to the third tunnel, only to find Bobcat waiting for him. 'There's nowhere -' Bobcat begins, '-for you to run!' Bullet Biker points out as Hawkeye moves to a fourth tunnel. Hawkeye drops to his knees, as 'Nowhere' echoes around the tunnels, and the Brothers Grimm, Mad-Dog, Bobcat, Bullet Biker, Knicknack, Tenpin, Oddball, Bombshell and Ringleader move towards him, closing in on him. Another figure emerges alongside them, a man in a red and white costume who tells Hawkeye that it is  time for him to face the music – time to pay the price for humiliating him. Hawkeye looks over and is shocked at who he sees: 'Crossfire!?' he exclaims.
(2nd story)
Sweat drips down Bonita “Firebird” Juarez's face as powerful flames glow around her. “His word was as fire shut up in my bones” Bonita thinks to herself, the verse from Jeremiah 20.9. It was in that regard that she had always considered her superhuman abilities, a gift from God, a boon with which to carry His ways and His words. She tells herself that fire was always His instrument of power, a display of approval or destruction, but after all she has been through, she doesn't know if that is true anymore. 'I am HIS. Firebird! And He is letting me go down in flames...' Bonita thinks to herself.
Suspended in some scientific laboratory, Bonita is observed by an assortment of aliens. 'Fascinating, prime theoretician Chlree' one of them remarks. 'Indeed, Cmar Har' Chlree agrees as they look up at Firebird. 'All sensors indicate the specimen is in an abundance of physical discomfort... yet it refuses to cry out in protest' Chlree states. A short alien suggests that '”it” might be of heartier stock. Wide-eyed, Bonita cries out to her captors, asking them why they are doing this to her. 'It responded coherently?' Chlree asks. 'Affirmative' another alien replies, stating that it used Terran dialect, of an Anglo-Saxon derivation. 'Indeed' Chlree agrees, pointing out that they are learning what “it” is made of, so they should now divine what “it” is made from. Images begin to form before them from a holo-pict database, they begin playback, and see Firebird soaring through Yosemite National Park, using her powers to absorb a wildfire that was spreading. The images then show their own teleportation probes appearing around Firebird, who was then remanded into their laboratory for study and safekeeping.
Chlree tells the alien controlling the holo-pict, a wiry creature called Hji that these images are too recent, and he wants the specimen traced backwards. The holo-pict images transform to show Firebird fighting alongside Hawkeye and the Thing, part of a peacekeeping force known as the West Coast Avengers. 'They skirmish Kree?' one of the aliens inquires. 'Affirmative' comes the response, as another image depicts Firebird, as Espirita, taking a gun from Hank Pym before he was about to shoot himself. The aliens find this image fascinating, before Chlree orders the actualization of the specimen to be traced back further. 'Show me the specimen's first contact with our – how do I say this? Our handiwork!' he exclaims. Another image appears through the holo-pict, a car, 15 kilometers outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and a story begins to unfold:
Flashback
'Your funding must be cut' an elderly man driving the car tells Bonita, who addresses him as Father Mendiquez, and tells him that the church program is needed for the sake of the children, and that if he cuts the social service funding, many will be lost to the church forever. 'Bonita, Bonita, Bonita. I am not refusing you your money. The Archdiocese is' Father Mendiguez claims, asking Bonita if she understands. 'In understand completely, Father. Stop the car' Bonita replies. Father Mendiguez keeps driving, so Bonita raises her voice: 'I said – stop the car!' she exclaims, and the car comes to a screeching halt. Bonita steps out of the car, despite Father Mendiguez asking her to get back into the car, she tells him that she needs to be alone, to think. 'But surely not in the desert, in the dead of night!' Father Mendiguez tells her. 'What better place or time for what I desire, no?' Bonita calls back, arms folded, she tells him that she will be fine, after all, what can happen to her out here?
'Idiota!' Bonita mutters to herself as she treks across the harsh terrain. She walks with her head hanging, and doesn't see a fiery glow soaring across the sky. She wonders what could happen to her out here besides getting totally lost and wandering about aimlessly for hours while bordering on dehydration and exhaustion. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Bonita sees the fiery glow – too late though, as it crashes to the ground in front of her and releases a fiery energy around her. Bonita screams, before crouching beside the meteor, rubbing her head, 'Que? - un meteoro de fuego frio?' Bonita utters.
Present
The aliens continue to watch the holo-pict and Hji informs the others that the specimen was speaking a Latin derivation, and that the specimen was wondering why the meteor was emanating cold fire. 'That was it, wasn't it... base-level pupil Yoof?' Chlree remarks, frowning as he turns to a green-skinned alien with large black eyes. 'Yes Prime Theoretician Chlree' Yoof confirms. Chlree asks Yoof if he  has the awareness of the difficulties his actions have precipitated. He then asks the base-level pupil what he suggests they do with the fruits of his labor. Suddenly though, there is a FWOOSH as the flames around Firebird go white. 'Fall back!' one of the aliens exclaims. 'Get the retardant screens up!' another calls out. 'Is the specimen undamaged?' one of them asks. When the flames clear, Firebird, free of the restraints she was held in, hovers directly over the aliens. 'I demand to know what you are doing with me! I demand to know now!'
'Get that translator activated immediately! Specify both Terran Anglo-Saxon and Latin derivations' Chlree calls out, while one of the other aliens suggests to Chlree that he would be wise to negotiate, and as the translator is turned on, Chlree gets his chance. 'I am waiting!' Firebird shouts, annoyed. Chlree asks her to forgive their impertinence, and explains that it was necessary for them to locate her and properly diagnose her condition to verify that the child's negligence had not caused her or her fellow sentients any difficulties. 'Child's negligence?' Bonita asks, wide-eyed. Chlree offers to explain and informs Bonita that she is the product of a  base pupil's unsupervised experimental curiosity. 'That explains nothing!' Bonita tells the yellow-skinned alien, before asking  them who they are, and where she is.
'You are aboard the SHIELD Orbiter' Chlree announces. 'SHIELD?' Bonita asks as the large alien spaceship soars through space. Chlree tells her that they are the Society of Higher Interstellar Education and Logistical Development and that its members are in good standing of the Intergalactic Institute of Advanced Learning on the planet Rus, and that she is the product of an unwarranted scientific project. 'I'm WHAT?' Firebird asks, shocked. 'You are an accident' Chlree states.
'You are all insane! Stay away from me!' Firebird exclaims as she blasts the ground between the aliens and herself, creating a fiery barrier. 'Sentient Terran. Please compose yourself' one of the aliens calls out. 'Allow us to explain further, please' Chlree offers, before informing Firebird that pupil Yoof was working independently on a project which proved untenable, and so he expunged the experimental by-product into space. He puts a hand on Yoof and adds that the Yardian race is notorious for their haphazard disposal of dangerous wastes. 'And the meteor...my powers...are the result of this child's failure?' Bonita asks. 'Considering the experiment a success could we now not be?' a broccoli-like alien called Cmar Har asks, communicating telepathically. 'Does this mean I pass?' Yoof smiles. 'Quiet, you selfish little creature!' Firebird exclaims, using a force of heat to raise Yoof off the ground.
'Do you have any idea what you have done to my life?' Firebird asks. 'Do you have any idea of the illusions I've lived under?' Firebird exclaims, before asking God to forgive her anger and vanity, and to forgive her vain self-importance. Firebird releases Yoof, who falls to the ground. Chlree looks over at Yoof and as Firebird drops to the ground before him, he remarks that a control of molecular expansion through heat that creates a contained cushion of hot air is fascinating. 'I am so sorry...God...I have been a fool...' Firebird utters. Chlree smirks and asks Firebird why she pleads to her proclaimed creative deity. Firebird clenches a fist and, with tears in her eyes, explains that she thought her powers were a sign from Him, to do His work. 'I was a fool. I am nothing more than a child's mistake. I am nothing' Bonita utters. Chlree tells Firebird that she is far more than nothing, and asks her if she would like to know what.
Weeks later, Firebird soars across the desert, fiery energy surrounding her, and a smile on her face. She now has a true understanding of her abilities. She can manipulate all forms of heat energy, in reality, she controls the microscopic random motion of atoms or molecules which cause combustion to occur.  In this form, she is capable of heat capacity, storage exchanging and recovering. Bonita knows that the explanation would be as nothing compared to the deed, and decides that, truly, she is a wondrous being, capable of so much more than she had ever dreamed of. Bonita admits that she does believe her powers came from Him, albeit through a rather circuitous route. For that, Bonita decides that she is beholden to do His work on this world, and that there is so much work that needs to be done. 'Having risen from the ashes of self-doubt and ignorance... it is time to make my mark on this world... the mark of the FIREBIRD!'


[User]
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Provide a full summary of the comic book.

[Assistant]
1st story: Forewarned is Disarmed!  -  2nd story: Best Seller!
(1st story)
In the sewer system beneath the city, Clint “Hawkeye” Barton is on his knees in the murky water, bandages wrapped around his abdomen, while a dozen of his enemies, all super power criminals, gather around him. Crossfire moves towards Hawkeye and tells him that this is it – it is all over. As Mad-Dog, Bobcat, Razor-Fist, the Brothers Grimm, the Bullet Biker and the members of the Death Throws – Bombshell, Knicknack, Oddball, Ringleader and Tenpin – all stand ready for battle, Hawkeye replies 'Over? Really? You're letting me go? That's awful nice of you, Crossfire – we'll have to do it again sometime! Have you girl call mine!' But Crossfire warns Hawkeye not to mock him and points his gun at Hawkeye's head, declaring that he will not be humiliated again – not by Hawkeye, who he considers to be the weakest of the Avenger. 'Resourceful – but still weak' Crossfire adds as he puts the gun right up against Hawkeye's head, explaining that given Hawkeye's weakness, he cannot accept that he has beaten him on two separate occasions.
Crossfire moves back slightly, but still aims the gun at Hawkeye's head as he  explains that after his last defeat, he began arranging this contract from his prison cell, and all criminals from Hawkeye's past were more than willing to participate in his little game – but he needed to see for himself that Hawkeye pay for the humiliation he has brought onto him. 'And pay you will' Crossfire snarls, while Hawkeye goes wide-eyed with the gun pointed right at him – but Crossfire suddenly pulls the gun back and points out that it would be far too easy to take Hawkeye's life, deciding that he must suffer – he wants to weaken Hawkeye further. 'I WANT YOUR ARM!' Crossfire shouts as he places his gun in the holster on his leg. 'You really did put a price on my arm!?' Hawkeye calls out, telling Crossfire that this is the most lame-brained vengeance gimmick he has ever heard of. Hawkeye tells Crossfire that he hates to break it to him, but that it is very unlikely he will survive this armectomy, that he will bleed to death down here.
Crossfire responds by informing Hawkeye that he has taken precautions, and asks if he remembers Dr Steinmetz. The elderly man in a suit joins the group, as Crossfire remarks that Dr Steinmetz was good enough to act as marriage counselor for Hawkeye and his wife, Mockingbird, and that he is multi-talented and is also qualified as an emergency room physician. Crossfire explains that after the offending appendage is removed, Dr Steinmetz will patch him up just enough for him to get to hospital and begin his suffering in earnest. 'I told Mock that a shrink would cost me an arm and a leg! Guess I was half right!' Hawkeye replies. 'Enough talk!' Crossfire shouts, to which one of the Brothers Grimm agrees, and declares that they are anxious to collect the reward. The Bullet Biker boasts that he will make Hawkeye a southpaw before these other clowns even know what happened.
Ringleader tells his teammates to prepare themselves, and Crossfire announces that everyone will have their chance – and reminds them that it is Hawkeye's arm that brings the reward – so if Hawkeye dies, then no one collects. 'BEGIN!' Crossfire shouts, and so the criminals move in closer around Hawkeye, who thinks to himself that there are too many of them, and that he has no chance to beat them all. 'But I will take as many of them with me as I can!' Hakweye decides, pulling an arrow from his quiver, he turns to face Razor-Fist, when suddenly, a strong light shines down on Hawkeye. Hawkeye is confused, before becoming annoyed that not only do the villains have him surrounded, but that they are now attacking from above, too. He tells himself that he can't be distracted by that, and that he must concentrate on the majority of the enemy and wait for whoever is above to come down – and suddenly, a bow falls down in front of him. Hawkeye is even more confused, before Bobbi Morse-Barton a.k.a. Mockingbird drops from where the light is beaming onto Hawkeye and tells her estranged husband that she thought it might come in handy.
'Mockingbird!' Hawkeye utters, when suddenly, on the other side of him lands Trickshot, who tells Hawkeye to pick up the bow – that is, if he still remembers how he taught him to use it. 'Trickshot! I thought you were with them!' Hawkeye remarks to his former mentor. The trio stand their ground as the criminals move in, and Trickshot reminds Hawkeye that it was he who ran out on him before he had a chance to explain the situation to him. Hawkeye asks them how they ever found him, but Bobbi tells him that now isn't the time – as it looks like they are going to be pretty busy. 'Tell me  about it, Mock! I've had just about enough of these clowns!' Hawkeye replies as he fires an arrow into a cream pie that one of the Brothers Grimm was about to throw at him. Mockingbird slams one of her battle staves into Mad-Dog's face, while Trickshot fires an arrow towards the members of the Death Throws, then another, disrupting Bombshell's attack. 'Like I said before, kid, if you'd have stayed with me, you wouldn't be in this jam now!' Trickshot points out, while Bullet Biker is suddenly flung off of his bike when Hawkeye shoves something against the bike's front wheel. 'Okay! Okay! I'm sorry already! But I still want to know how you found me!' Hawkeye replies.
Mockingbird kicks Razor-Fist in his face and tells Hawkeye that it was easy, claiming that she has been one step behind him ever since the Brothers Grimm fairy dust wore off. 'You did leave a pretty obvious trail' Mockingbird adds. Hawkeye fires another arrow as he tells Mockingbird that he lost Trickshot when he came  down here – so there is no way they should have been able to track him down here. As she slams her stave into one of the Brothers Grimm, Mockingbird explains to Hawkeye that his buddy Crossfire helped with that. Trickshot tells Hawkeye that that is what he was trying to explain to him when he took off – that Doctor Steinmetz planted a bug on him when he was in his office. 'So?' Hawkeye asks as he dodges an assortment of rings, balls and other objects that are hurled at him by the Death Throws. 'So – your lovely and talented wife used her SHIELD training to patch into the same frequency they were using to bug the bug! And here we are!' Mockingbird explains as she extends her battle stave and slams it into one of the Death Throws.
'Enough talk! Let's finish off these losers -' Trickshot suggests, before one of the Death Throws hurls a dagger at Trickshot, which strikes his chest and he drops to the murky waters. 'Trickshot's down!' Hawkeye calls out, before telling Mockingbird that they need to finish these guys off. He admits that it is good to have her back at his side again. 'I know what you mean, Hawk' Mockingbird replies, adding that this reminds her a little of when they first met. 'We are good together' she admits as she knocks Bombshell over. Kill them! Finish them!' Crossfire shouts, while Trickshot looks up at Hawkeye and tells him to can the mushy garbage, as he is bleeding to death – and Crossfire is getting away! Hawkeye looks over to where Trickshot is pointing as Crossfire runs down another tunnel. Hawkeye tells Mockingbird that the criminals are all taken care of and asks her if she can take care of Trickshot while he goes after Crossfire. 'Of course I can! Now get going!' Mockingbird replies as she helps Trickshot to sit up.
Hawkeye trudges down the tunnel after Trickshot – after all he has been through he can barely walk, much less run – but he knows he has to bluff his way through. 'Stop right there, Crossfire!' Hawkeye calls out to his enemy, who suddenly spins around and fires a weapon at Hawkeye, although it strikes the wall behind him. 'Don't try and threaten me, archer! I know you're on your last leg!' Trickshot exclaims, adding that he won't be beaten by the weakest hero of them all. 'Me weak? You're the one who couldn't draw my bow – you knocked yourself out with my weapon the first time we fought!' Hawkeye reminds Crossfire, following him to edge of the tunnel which transforms into a waterfall. 'Looks like you've reached the end of the line, Crossfire!' Hawkeye points out. 'Time to  wrap this up -' Hawkeye begins, but as he reaches into his quiver, he discovers that he is out of arrows. 'Well, Hawkeye – it appears that it is you who are at the end of the line. For good!' Crossfire grins, raising his gun – but before he can fire it, Hawkeye hurls his bow at Crossfire, knocking the gun out of his hands.
'I don't need any arrows to beat you, Cross!' Hawkeye exclaims, while Crossfire is also knocked backwards by the impact of the throw, he stumbles over a block, 'I'm falling!' he cries out as he manages to grab onto the block, and calls out to Hawkeye to help him. 'If I save you, Crossfire, will you leave me alone from now on?' Hawkeye asks, standing over Crossfire, who declares that he can't promise that. 'You're right, you can't. It's some sort of convoluted super-villain ethic that makes you keep seeking revenge. All I have to do to be rid of you for good is to do nothing' Hawkeye responds. 'Let you fall?' Hawkeye asks as Crossfire suddenly loses his grip on the block – 'No. That would be the easy way out' Hawkeye remarks as he grabs Crossfire and pulls him back up.
Later, up on the street above the sewer system, abulance officers tend to Hawkeye and Trickshot, while Mockingbird watches as police officers round up Crossfire and the other criminals. Sitting on the back of the ambulance, Hawkeye tells Trickshot that he is the last person he would have expected to help him. 'Hey, kid, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf – don't let it go to yer head' Trickshot responds, before Hawkeye asks him about his illness, reminding him that he was pretty bad last time he saw him. Trickshot reveals that the doctor tells him he is in remission, which is partly the reason for the change of heart. 'I figure you goodies never get sick' Trickshot jokes. 'Must be all that  clean living!'
Trickshot motions towards Mockingbird and tells Hawkeye that if it wasn't for her, Hawkeye would be one dead archer. 'Do yourself a favor and don't ever let her go' Trickshot suggests. 'That's the first good piece of advice you've ever given me!' Hawkeye jokes. Hawkeye then goes over to Mockingbird, 'I've got to tell you something!' he calls out. 'Back down there something happened. I don't want to go into details. But something made me realize what you must have gone through when you faced the Phantom Rider on the cliff-side' Hawkeye explains. Hawkeye adds that he still doesn't know if it was the right thing to do, but that he understands why Mockingbird did it – and he wants her to know that he loves her. With that, they kiss.
(2nd story)
Rick Jones sits at a kitchen table, while reading a newspaper article that discusses how he is going to publish his memoirs. 'And that's just the local paper – the write-up I can get you in Time Magazine will be even better!' a voice exclaims. 'Sign with me, Rick, and you and Betty will be set for life' the voice adds. 'Yeah... right' Rick mutters. 'After all, that is what you want, right?' the voice asks, while Rick wonders why he feels like he is cashing in on the trust of his closest friends. Rick addresses the voice of the red-haired woman sitting next to him, calling her Veronica, he tells her that it is great how she has let him and Betty stay here in her awesome condo while they work this deal out. 'Are you kidding? I should be thanking you, Mr Jones, and I will provided you sign me on as your agent!' Veronica replies. 'I'd love to, Ronnie – it's just after all these years of being number two, this is my first real chance to be number one!' Rick replies.
Veronica affectionately runs a pen along Rick's face, while Rick continues to read the paper, he tells her that he wants to make his decision without letting personal feelings get in the way. 'After last night, do you really think I'd let you down?' Veronica asks. 'Er...no, of course now... but...' Rick replies, turning to Veronica. 'You're cute when you blush!' Veronica  smiles, 'Here's a pen!' she adds. 'And the contract, now...trust me' Veronica smiles as she hands a piece of paper to Rick, who takes the pen and is about to sign the paper, telling Veronica that she is right. 'After all you've done for us...it's the least I could -' he begins, before the door buzzes. Rick gets up and tells Veronica that she had better stay here. Veronica looks unimpressed as Rick crosses the kitchen, he tells Veronica that they wouldn't want to give the milkman a heart attack. Veronica begins tapping her fingers impatiently on the table.
As he reaches the aparment door, Rick finds Betty has already opened it. 'Oh, Betty! Sleep all right?' he asks. 'So-so, Rick' Betty replies, before informing him that this man wants to see him. A man in a trenchcoat and hat extends a hand to Rick, he introduces himself as Kholdsor, and explains that he represents the Skrull Publishing Company, he tells Rick that they want to purchase the intergalactic rights to his book. 'This is a very un-funny joke, fella!' Rick replies. 'On the contrary...I'm quite serious! Here's your contract!' Kholdsor smiles as he holds up a scroll with an alien language scrawled across it. Kholdsor tells Rick that they are preparedto give him the mineral rights and military governorship of four star systems. 'A Skrull with a scroll? Give me a break!' Rick thinks to himself.
'Rick? Who is it?' Veronica asks as she joins the others. 'Just som loon who thinks he's a Skrull' Eick calls back. 'But – but I am a Skrull. I – I -' Kholdsor begins, before he looks shocked when he sees Betty. 'YOU!' he shouts, before suddenly pulling out a weapon and aiming it at Betty. 'What the -' Rick begins, 'I won't let you have it! It's mine, I tell you – MINE!' Kholdsor declares, while Betty gasps in shock. 'Oh, no' Veronica thinks to herself. Suddenly, 'That does it!' Rick calls out as he karate-chops Kholdsor's arm, causing him to drop the weapon. 'If you're a Skrull – why don't you shape-shift into a winged Altarian Ptornithosaur – and fly away!' Rick suggests as he grabs Kholdsor and throws him out the door, slamming it behind him.
'Who did that guy think he was fooling? This discount toy looks nothing like a Skrull blaster!' Rick remarks as he tosses the weapon onto a nearby couch. Veronica puts her hands on her hips and tells Rick to turn off his testosterone, because he and Betty have to pack their bags – they're leaving. 'Aww, c'mon, Ronnie. That was just a nutcase!' Rick smiles, while Veronica waves her hands about and asks Rick how Kholdsor got this address. 'Now move it!' Veronica orders, as Betty walks up stairs, announcing that she has to heed the call of nature. Rick turns to Veronica and suggests she loosen up, supposing that Kholdsor got the address from a reporter. He tells Veronica that she is overanxious and wonders if a breath of fresh air will do her good. He opens a window – and a red-skinned alien with one large eye and two large ears appears. 'Greetings, Earthling. I am a Megan' the alien introduces itself, informing Rick that they wish to possess the secrets in his manuscript. 'In exchange, you can own an entire cache of female slaves, handpicked by -' the Megan begins, before screaming as Rick slams the window down on its hands. 'Forget it!' Rick calls out, before Veronica asks him to get packed.
'I'll get Bett-' Rick begins, before he hears a screaming, annd runs upstairs, calling out to Betty, asking her what is wrong. 'Rick – it – it's the toilet!' Betty gasps as she backs up against the bathroom wall. Rick enters the bathroom, 'The toilet!' he shouts, as he sees a strange blobbish yellow and white alien climbing out of the toilet bowl. The alien tells Rick not to be alarmed, and claims that it comes in peace. 'Who – what are you?' Rick asks. The alien introduces itself as being of the noble telepathic race of Fomal Hauti, before announcing that they wish to obtain the secrets in his manuscript. 'You, too? Listen – get out of my mind, and get out of my plumbing!' Rick exclaims, grabbing a plunger, he holds it up overhead, then slams it down on the lever, which flishes the toilet – and sucks the alien back down into the pipes. Rick and Betty hear a loud crashing noise, and Betty telks Rick that it came from downstairs. 'Do you think it's another one of those creatures?' she asks. 'Nah' Rick replies, not wanting to worry Betty.
Rick then runs down the corridor, telling Betty  that Ronnie is probably just dealing with another would-be agent. 'I'm coming, Ronnie!' he calls out, but when he reaches the stairs, 'Omigosh! What the heck are those things?' Rick wonders when he sees three reptilian-like green aliens who have blasted their way into the apartment. 'The bidding war has begun, earthling!' one of the aliens exclaims. 'But we of the Zn'rx race shall emerge victorious!' another of them boasts as they hold up weapons and look around the apartment. “Snarks?” Rick wonders to himself, before he leaps at one of them, kicking them in the face, 'Hey, gruesome! It ain't polite to point!' Rick calls out. The Snark opens fire, narrowly missing Veronia, who shouts 'Rick – no!' Rick begins to struggle against the Snark, and Veronica realizes that Rick only made the creature angry. She grabs a guitar and runs towards the Snark – to Rick's horror, as he calls out 'Ronnie – stop! Not my Martin Twelve String!' 'But -' Veronica begins to reply, until Rick pleads with her, telling her that the guitar has sentimental value.
Veronica sighs and puts the guitar back down. 'I guess I'll just have to use – this!' she exclaims as she picks up a weapon and fires it towards the Snark's head. Rick gulps, and asks Veronica if that hun is real. 'Sure bet, Sherlock!' Veronica replies, before telling Rick to move his cute little tush, before one of those things blasts it off. A Veronica fires two more blasts at the other Snarks, Rick frees himself, 'Yes, ma'am!' rick jokes, before he punches one of the Snarks in the face and tells Veronica that she is amazing, and that he never thought she would be so cool under fire. Veronica fires another blast and replies 'I...grew up in the service!' The Snarks then run back through the large hole in the apartment wall and flee, 'Excellent – we've got them on the run!' Veronica calls out, adding that next time, the Snarks will think twice about invading her privacy. 'What a fight!' Rick exclaims, before telling Veronica that they make a pretty good team. 'Uh...right' Veronica replies. Rick suggests that they get Betty and then get out of here.
A short time later, Rick, Betty and Veronica have changed and rush out of the apartment, 'Hurry, before something else happens!' Veronica tells them. 'Uh... Ronnie. I think it just did' Rick declares when the trio find themselves surrounded by a strange green light. 'Fantastic!' one of them shouts as they are raised up off the ground by the green energy – towards a huge space ship floating above. Once inside the space ship, Rick, Betty and Veronica are in the middle of a large arena, where thousands of aliens surround them, while their images are projected onto screens so the aliens can see them better. A voice can be heard over a loud speaker, 'Greetings, fellow sentients. I am Beppe III of the R'Malk'I!' Beppe III tells Rick, Betty and Veronica not to be afraid, and informs them that they have been teleported aboard an intergalactic auction cruiser, and that they are here so that the sentient races assembled here can have equal opportunity to bid on the autobiography of Earthman Rick Jones. 'Oh, yeah?' Rick asks.
Rick looks up to a podium, where the asparagus-like alien, Beppe III, sits. 'Well, forget it! I'm through being the prize bull at an auction for bug-eyed monsters! Send us back now!' Rick demands, before threatening to unleash the power he used to dfeated the entire Skrull and Kree armadas. A blue alien with a large head calls out to Beppe, and suggests they reason with the Earthling carefully. Beppe III tells Rick thatb the commiserate with him, adding that the regrettable incidents he refers to were not through fault of his own. Beppe III then explains that this auction was arranged to avoid such anarchy – but that they could not stop certain races from reneging, like the Skrulls, the Megans, the Fomal Hauti, the Zn'rx, and the Kree. Beppe III then points at Veronica and exclaims 'Isn't that not so, Major Vron-Ikka?' This confuses Rick, who turns to Veronica, but she remains silent. Rick turns back to Beppe III: 'Now wait a minute, you overgrown asparagus sprout! You've really gone to seed on that!' Rick asks Veronica to yell him, but Veronica – or rather, Vron-Ikka – clenches a fist and admits that the auctioneer is correct. 'May Ronan fry him...' she mutters.
Beppe III tells Vron-Ikka that she can confer later, and asks for the manuscript so that the auction can begin. Rick holds up his precious guitar and reaches into it, 'All right, you win' he mutters, before pulling his manuscript from the guitar. 'So that's why you didn't want me to use your guitar on the Zn'rx!' Vron-Ikka mutters, hands on hips. Rick tells her that she wouldn't understand, as the Kree never were a musical sort. Beppe III then places the manuscript into a universal translator, so that all present may observe the contents of the salient chapter on the defeat of the Kree and Skrull armadas. On a large screen above them, the manuscript is displayed to all the aliens in an assortment of languages.
Twenty minutes pass, and Beppe III announces that the time is up – the floor is open for bidding. He asks for 40,000 credits, but gets no response, so drops the starting bid to 30,000, and then to 20,000. 'Do I hear an offer? No offer? Is there a some sort of problem?' Beppe III asks. Several aliens utter responses in their natural tongues, and a hairy green alien calls out 'There sure is! Is that it?' while a sluggish alien exclaims 'You gotta be kidding!' and another utters 'No way!' while a fourth wonders if the Earthman is holding back the “juicy parts” for the sequel. 'You mean...my superiors ordered me to debase myself with a – a primate – for this?' Vron-Ikka snaps. Beppe III reports that a quick mind-probe will test the veracity of that accusation, and after conducting the mind-probe of Rick Jones, announces that all is clear – that apparently, Rick Jones put an end to the millennia-long Kree-Skrull War through a fluke – he has no more knowledge than they do on how accomplished it – meaning his memoirs are worthless!
'Worthless? I'll have you know there are plenty of people willing to pay top-dollar for my story back on Earth!' Rick snaps. Beppe III shrugs as he repies 'Of course' before bidding Rick goodbye. Betty turns to Rick and tells him that they need to go home, where he will be appreciated. Rick turns to Veronica and asks her if she is coming with them. 'You poor dear! You still don't understand, do you? You were just a pawn in an intergalactic game of chess' Vron-Ikka declares. She kisses Rick on his head and admits that the experience was more fulfilling in some respects than she ever imagined. 'Yeah? Then why do I feel like a puppy dog?' Rick frowns. 'Farewell, Jones' Vron-Ikka tells him, before Beppe III beams Rick and Betty back down to the apartment. 'Here we go again' Rick mutters, before he and Betty emerge back in the ruined apartment. 'Fantastic! A device like that could make cruising obsolete!' Rick exclaims.
Suddenly, a man in a suit enters the apartment through the gaping hole in the wall and exclaims 'Rick Jones! If you make an appearance like that at your book signings, we'll clean up!' Rick turns to him and identifies the man as his old music agent, Mordecai P Boggs, before asking him what brings him to this neck of the woods. 'Money, m'boy! Money! You didn't sign with that bimbo, did you?' Mordecai exclaims, before reporting that he had Veronica checked out – and she is a fraud. 'But as you know, my contract's good as gold!' Mordecai declares. Rick tells Mordecai to hand him a pen – so long as he isn't a Skrull. 'A what?' Mordecai asks. 'Never mind -' Rick starts to say as he signs the contract, when suddenly, the phone rings. 'Now what?' Rick mutters as he strides over to the phone – but as he picks up the receiver, the phone transforms into a green alien called a Poppupian, who grins and asks 'Am I too late to purchase the movie rights? While Rick just stares at the alien in surprise.