ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
231,201	Did you hear about the autistic guy that sat on his food at Fuddrucker's? Turns out he just had Aspergers.
231,202	Tried changing my password to "14days" but it was two week
231,203	How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb? Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.
231,204	ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?
231,205	I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.
231,206	Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start.
231,207	Me: Congrats! I heard you got married again Her: Sorry I didn't invite you. It was a small ceremony Me: Its ok. I'll go to your next one
231,208	Poor onions I cried when my Dad sliced Onions. I missed Onions. He was a good dog.
231,209	Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same? Because he loves to abuse A Minor.
231,210	How do you make a space party? You planet.
231,211	Serial killer or nerd If a guy has a knife collection he's a serial killer if he has a sword collection he's just a nerd.
231,212	"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog
231,213	How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours? I'll post the answer tomorrow.
231,214	Where did L Ron Hubbard store his dishes? In the L Ron cupboard.
231,215	A wise chinese guy once said to me "if the dog barks, it's undercooked" - Some wise chinese guy
231,216	How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
231,217	Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.
231,218	Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?
231,219	What did one atom say to the other? Thank you for your help in this matter!
231,220	If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay.
231,221	What do you call a prostitude asking for a ride? A Hictchooker
231,222	Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.
231,223	Why is it called Big Bang? Baby universe was born.
231,224	[first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone
231,225	Blind man walks into a bar... ...bartender asks if he likes his beer light or dark.
231,226	I'm so glad I married a big strong program like WinRAR He can open all of my .jars!
231,227	What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger.
231,228	Sex Is Like A Restaurant Sometimes You Get Good Service, Sometimes Bad Service, Sometimes No Service, And Sometimes You Have To Be Happy With Self-Service
231,229	So son, you want to win the science fair, eh? We can solve this with good ol' American know-how drone strikes other projects We win
231,230	What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da.
231,231	Breaking up with Asians is so hard. You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
231,232	How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!
231,233	Sometimes I squirt mayonnaise across my breasts so I don't forget what it's like to have a boyfriend.
231,234	A republican posts in /r/politics...
231,235	Why did the antelope go to her sisters house? She wanted to see her nephewlope
231,236	[looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary falls to knees why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me
231,237	As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"
231,238	angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla
231,239	I don't know why people call Donald Trump inexperienced He used to remove black families from their homes all the time.
231,240	I'm hoping someone puts razor blades in my daughter's Halloween candy this year because those things are ridiculously expensive.
231,241	Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.
231,242	What do you call 1000 Jews on a train? Whatever you like - They're not coming back.
231,243	A lady came up to me in the middle of the street asking for help So I gave her my AIDS
231,244	"What you just said reminds me of something completely different I want to talk about." - Everyone
231,245	Why did hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill. It was over nein thousand.
231,246	I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.
231,247	A little Muslim girl tells her husband: "I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Husband says: "You can do one or the other, you can't do both."
231,248	Ear sex is dangerous... ...it fucks with your head
231,249	Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes it's already caught my eye.
231,250	Handjobs and blowjobs Handjobs from girls that speak sign language count as blowjobs.
231,251	How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear? Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"
231,252	What do you call too many chickens on a farm? A cluster cluck.
231,253	what do you call a chav in a box? innit.
231,254	How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
231,255	I believe that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
231,256	Why do cannibals never go hungry? Because they can make themselves dinner.
231,257	I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.
231,258	What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grraaaiinns
231,259	In Texas we pronounce it "nu-que-lur" I'm often harassed about how I pronounce nuclear but I think fair is fair. If Yankees can have silent letters I don't see how come we can't have invisible ones!
231,260	Google+ is not a "ghost town", because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun.
231,261	Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.
231,262	What do you call a gay caveman with a Viagra prescription? Homo erectus.
231,263	There are two kinds of people in this world... People who can extrapolate on incomplete information....
231,264	I'm not a big fan of loud music I guess its just not my forte
231,265	After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
231,266	All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.
231,267	There's 3 types of people in this world People who can count and people who can't count
231,268	How many..... How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side
231,269	It's Palm Sunday and we didn't drink the wine out of a coconut? I don't know why this church even has a suggestion box.
231,270	My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) "Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober." - Winston Churchill
231,271	I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday. It said "concentrate."
231,272	What do you call a gay herbal doctor? A homeosexual.
231,273	I buy my own f*cking lemons because you know what? life doesn't hand anyone anything for free.
231,274	Why can't the main character of Fallout 4 get a girlfriend? Because they're too young for him
231,275	Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing
231,276	My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
231,277	How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb? Atleast not three since my basement is still dark.
231,278	Life is like a box of chocolates. My wife won't let me have any.
231,279	Where do volcanoes go to relieve themselves? The lavatory, of course!
231,280	"I forgot my phone, so what do u want to talk about?" ... knocks on stall wall "Hello? Can u hear me?" ... "I like your shoes...Hello?" ..
231,281	A farmer wins $30 million in a lottery A reporter asks him if he's going to retire and he says "No, I'm just going to keep farming until it's all gone."
231,282	What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!
231,283	A chihuahua is just a barking cat.
231,284	I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.
231,285	Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today
231,286	Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'.
231,287	HR: What are some of your strengths? Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good!
231,288	What does a 500 pound parakeet say? "TWEET!!!" * [Source1](http://i.imgur.com/9HEfWT1.jpg) * [Source2](http://i.imgur.com/JR1VTA0.jpg)
231,289	Hedgehogs ... Why can't they learn to just share the hedge.
231,290	Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher.
231,291	My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!" She has a weird way of apologising.
231,292	Panties LUST : Tearing her panties off. Love : Sliding them down gently Marriage : Folding them regularly
231,293	What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start.
231,294	So Billy is watching a sexy car video where two cars are making out while loving it and eachother. His Mom says, "Are you WILLY to learn how to drive?"
231,295	What is a caterpillar scared of? A dogapillar
231,296	You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone.
231,297	Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea Arnold Palmer: Mmm... its good... I just invented it.
231,298	Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?
231,299	Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it.
231,300	I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".

231,201

Did you hear about the autistic guy that sat on his food at Fuddrucker's? Turns out he just had Aspergers.

231,202

Tried changing my password to "14days" but it was two week

231,203

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb? Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

231,204

ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?

231,205

I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.

231,206

Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start.

231,207

Me: Congrats! I heard you got married again Her: Sorry I didn't invite you. It was a small ceremony Me: Its ok. I'll go to your next one

231,208

Poor onions I cried when my Dad sliced Onions. I missed Onions. He was a good dog.

231,209

Why does all of Jared Fogle's music sound the same? Because he loves to abuse A Minor.

231,210

How do you make a space party? You planet.

231,211

Serial killer or nerd If a guy has a knife collection he's a serial killer if he has a sword collection he's just a nerd.

231,212

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

231,213

How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours? I'll post the answer tomorrow.

231,214

Where did L Ron Hubbard store his dishes? In the L Ron cupboard.

231,215

A wise chinese guy once said to me "if the dog barks, it's undercooked" - Some wise chinese guy

231,216

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

231,217

Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.

231,218

Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?

231,219

What did one atom say to the other? Thank you for your help in this matter!

231,220

If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay.

231,221

What do you call a prostitude asking for a ride? A Hictchooker

231,222

Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.

231,223

Why is it called Big Bang? Baby universe was born.

231,224

[first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone

231,225

Blind man walks into a bar... ...bartender asks if he likes his beer light or dark.

231,226

I'm so glad I married a big strong program like WinRAR He can open all of my .jars!

231,227

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger.

231,228

Sex Is Like A Restaurant Sometimes You Get Good Service, Sometimes Bad Service, Sometimes No Service, And Sometimes You Have To Be Happy With Self-Service

231,229

So son, you want to win the science fair, eh? We can solve this with good ol' American know-how *drone strikes other projects* We win

231,230

What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da.

231,231

Breaking up with Asians is so hard. You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

231,232

How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!

231,233

Sometimes I squirt mayonnaise across my breasts so I don't forget what it's like to have a boyfriend.

231,234

A republican posts in /r/politics...

231,235

Why did the antelope go to her sisters house? She wanted to see her nephewlope

231,236

[looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary *falls to knees* why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me

231,237

As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"

231,238

angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla

231,239

I don't know why people call Donald Trump inexperienced He used to remove black families from their homes all the time.

231,240

I'm hoping someone puts razor blades in my daughter's Halloween candy this year because those things are ridiculously expensive.

231,241

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

231,242

What do you call 1000 Jews on a train? Whatever you like - They're not coming back.

231,243

A lady came up to me in the middle of the street asking for help So I gave her my AIDS

231,244

"What you just said reminds me of something completely different I want to talk about." - Everyone

231,245

Why did hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill. It was over nein thousand.

231,246

I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.

231,247

A little Muslim girl tells her husband: "I want to be a feminist when I grow up." Husband says: "You can do one or the other, you can't do both."

231,248

Ear sex is dangerous... ...it fucks with your head

231,249

Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes it's already caught my eye.

231,250

Handjobs and blowjobs Handjobs from girls that speak sign language count as blowjobs.

231,251

How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear? Color coded: "Yellow in front, brown in the back"

231,252

What do you call too many chickens on a farm? A cluster cluck.

231,253

what do you call a chav in a box? innit.

231,254

How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

231,255

I believe that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.

231,256

Why do cannibals never go hungry? Because they can make themselves dinner.

231,257

I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.

231,258

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grraaaiinns

231,259

In Texas we pronounce it "nu-que-lur" I'm often harassed about how I pronounce nuclear but I think fair is fair. If Yankees can have silent letters I don't see how come we can't have invisible ones!

231,260

Google+ is not a "ghost town", because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun.

231,261

Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

231,262

What do you call a gay caveman with a Viagra prescription? Homo erectus.

231,263

There are two kinds of people in this world... People who can extrapolate on incomplete information....

231,264

I'm not a big fan of loud music I guess its just not my forte

231,265

After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.

231,266

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

231,267

There's 3 types of people in this world People who can count and people who can't count

231,268

How many..... How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side

231,269

It's Palm Sunday and we didn't drink the wine out of a coconut? I don't know why this church even has a suggestion box.

231,270

My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) "Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober." - Winston Churchill

231,271

I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday. It said "concentrate."

231,272

What do you call a gay herbal doctor? A homeosexual.

231,273

I buy my own f*cking lemons because you know what? life doesn't hand anyone anything for free.

231,274

Why can't the main character of Fallout 4 get a girlfriend? Because they're too young for him

231,275

Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing

231,276

My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.

231,277

How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb? Atleast not three since my basement is still dark.

231,278

Life is like a box of chocolates. My wife won't let me have any.

231,279

Where do volcanoes go to relieve themselves? The lavatory, of course!

231,280

"I forgot my phone, so what do u want to talk about?" ... *knocks on stall wall* "Hello? Can u hear me?" ... "I like your shoes...Hello?" ..

231,281

A farmer wins $30 million in a lottery A reporter asks him if he's going to retire and he says "No, I'm just going to keep farming until it's all gone."

231,282

What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!

231,283

A chihuahua is just a barking cat.

231,284

I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.

231,285

Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today

231,286

Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'.

231,287

HR: What are some of your strengths? Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good!

231,288

What does a 500 pound parakeet say? "TWEET!!!" * [Source1](http://i.imgur.com/9HEfWT1.jpg) * [Source2](http://i.imgur.com/JR1VTA0.jpg)

231,289

Hedgehogs ... Why can't they learn to just share the hedge.

231,290

Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently... The steaks have never been higher.

231,291

My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!" She has a weird way of apologising.

231,292

Panties LUST : Tearing her panties off. Love : Sliding them down gently Marriage : Folding them regularly

231,293

What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa? A good start.

231,294

So Billy is watching a sexy car video where two cars are making out while loving it and eachother. His Mom says, "Are you WILLY to learn how to drive?"

231,295

What is a caterpillar scared of? A dogapillar

231,296

You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone.

231,297

Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea Arnold Palmer: Mmm... its good... I just invented it.

231,298

Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?

231,299

Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it.

231,300

I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".